Shirt Wars

How can the laundry cause such disruption in the household. Yesterday I spotted that Sam and Robbie would both need a clean shirt for the morning, Robbie has loads of clean shirts, but being a creature of habit he finds every excuse under the sun to restrict himself to about four shirts. Sam has plenty of shirts too, but several have been ruined by paint, ink and other assorted nasties that were beyond the help of a stain remover. One recent red stain leaves him looking as if he has a gun shot wound to the chest, so we are down to about 5 presentable shirts. I asked Sam to bring his washing down on Thursday morning, he didn't do it so I decided to wait and make him bring it down when he got back from school. The whites load was ready to go on, Sam just needed to put his shirts in and press a button, but being a typical male he 'forgot' to do it. When I got back from work I was really cross that it hadn't been done and after assorted threats I finally got him to bring his laundry down and I put the whites on.

I was so tired that I was struggling to stay awake. I am always tired, it isn't easy coping with a 'toy boy' especially one like Robbie! Anyway Robbie was messing about with his iTunes account again, so he agreed to see to the shirts when they were ready and I went off to bed. It shouldn't have taken too long, but the next I knew Robbie woke me in the middle of the night to moan that I had washed to many shirts! As far as I am concerned a white load is exactly that - a load, but Robbie insisted that I should just have washed one shirt for him and one for Sam. I tried to go to sleep and ignore him, but he went on and on until it ended in a row. The stupid thing is that this morning he went to work in 'Friday clothes' he didn't wear a shirt so all that fuss was pointless!!!

Memories

Apparently we have several new blog readers, I always find it amazing that anyone should want to read the blog, but apparently they do. Anyway I decided to go back and choose a few of my favourite blog posts so to amuse the new readers.

Car Wash
Human Rights
Naked Truth
Family Ties -and Shirts!
The Wellington Boot Phase
Essentials
Feeling Blue

A Slow Learner

Robbie left at 6am as usual and I will not see him again until Sunday evening. He had to choose between me and a train and it was no contest – the train won! He promised me that after this weekend I will have his undivided attention until February, I doubt that somehow but we will have to wait and see. He was funny yesterday evening, he knew he was pushing it a bit by going away for another weekend , so he was trying to be helpful by doing a few jobs without being asked. It was much appreciated but he spoiled it by getting the words wrong. He said, “I have done a few jobs for you so that you don't have to do them at the weekend” he didn't spot the warning look on my face and he went on “I have done a couple of loads of washing for you, I did my shirts and a few other things”. How is that for me???? I don't have a contract making the housework my exclusive responsibility, and if he decides to wash his shirts he is doing it for him not for me! I think he was expecting me to be grateful, but if he thinks I am going to spend my weekend doing housework while he goes out to play he is deluding himself - poor Robbie! Now if he would finish mending the fence I would be more than grateful, I would be overjoyed!

Fighting a Losing Battle

Sometimes I feel that I am fighting a losing battle, every day I do several loads of washing but we appear to have a self filling laundry basket and however much I do there is still more waiting. There is an unwritten rule that any money that turns up in the washing pile goes into my money jar. Usually it is the odd coin from Sam's pocket (why do boys trousers have so many pockets these days?) but on Sunday I found that Robbie had decided to go one step further in the money laundering stakes. He had left a £5 note in his shirt pocket and it emerged from the washing machine damp but intact, I wasn't allowed to keep it for my jar, but at least it didn't stain the shirt.

On the subject of laundry, Robbie hasn't adapted well to doing his own ironing, in fact on several occasions I have come down to be confronted by a vision of Homer Simpson in his pants busy ironing a shirt – it is not the best start to the day! I think a week of doing his own shirts has made him more appreciative. I spoke to him about it at the weekend and he squirmed when I reminded him what he had said the week before. I decided to give him another chance as far as the ironing is concerned, but if he complains again I will starch his smalls!

The Wanderer Returns

On Sunday morning I didn't get an early call from Robbie, in fact I didn't get a call at all. In the end I sent him a text and shortly afterwards he phoned, it was clear that he had only just woken up, he wasn't making a lot of sense and breakfast seemed to be the only thing on his mind, so I left him to it and got on with my day.

I had to take Emily back to university and the first challenge was to cram everything into the car, then after a quick trip to the supermarket so that she could stock up we headed off to Leicester. On arrival the first test was to find a parking space sufficiently close to Emily's accommodation, having achieved that goal we then had to carry all her stuff up to her flat on the third floor. They have a lift, but most of the stuff was really heavy and by the time we had emptied the car I had to be revived with a nice cup of tea before heading home again.

Robbie got back in the afternoon and he talked non stop about his weekend, he'd had a brilliant time and he wanted to share every single detail of it with me. He was very impressed with the catering company and he described everything from the food they provided to the T-shirts they wore, he even sent me the link to the company website - typical of Robbie to be impressed by food! Part of the appeal of the rail tours is the route they take and apparently some people chose a tour just because they haven't travelled on that particular section of a line before. Robbie started to tell me every detail of the outward route and he was very disappointed when I told him that I already knew because I had looked on the website. He showed me pictures of the tour that had already been posted on YouTube and he was appalled when I said that Class 20's were not very pretty. With the air of exaggerated patients he explained in great detail that it was the sound that was so special and he then played several clips from the internet to prove his point! I have a feeling he will still be talking about his weekend for days.

Gravy Train Catering Spitfire Rail Tours

This morning we were slightly later than planned and Robbie was delayed further by another 'Incredible Hulk' episode. He tore the sleeve of a third shirt within a week! Twice may be considered a coincidence, but three times is stretching credibility. I suspect he has been plotting to justify buying new shirts, well, if he can't cope with long sleeves he will just have to put up with short sleeves!

Watching the World Go By

You know when you see cartoon characters with steam coming out of their ears - I know exactly how they feel! Robbie and I were going to the garage to check the tyres and to do all those routine car jobs last night, so I arranged to drop Laura at work and then pick Robbie up from the station. Shortly before I was due to leave the house he rang to say that the line was blocked because a train had failed. He said not to worry because he would only be 35 minutes late. I had to leave as planned in order to get Laura to work on time, so I found myself sitting in the station car park watching the world go by. Whoever it was that coined the phrase 'the sights you see when you haven't got your gun' was probably sitting in the car park at Northampton when that thought struck them. There was enough raw material to keep Trinny and Susannah fully occupied for years! I began to wonder if there is a national shortage of mirrors? Why do men wear brown shoes with black suits? it looks horrible. I saw a so many people with pinstriped suits, striped shirts and patterned ties, have they never heard that 'less is more' or are they just taking revenge on the world? How difficult is it to buy a pair of trousers that actually fits? There seems to be an epidemic of 'ankle bashers' surely people must notice that their trousers are at half mast, it makes them look as if they have escaped from an institution. I know old men have a tendency to pull their trousers up to fasten under their chin, but ankle basher syndrome seems to affect a wide variety of people.

I watched groups of passengers spilling out onto the station, looking hopefully for Robbie among the crowd. He wasn't there. A series of texts detailed his very slow progress, each text ended with the word 'farce' in capital letters. I think it's a man thing, he does something similar when he is loosing an argument, he underlines every statement with the word 'fact'. By the time he finally arrived it was too late to mess around with the car, we had to get home in time to rescue the chicken casserole. Robbie wanted to talk about every detail of his journey and to explain the exact cause of the delay. I wanted to think about anything other than trains, surely I had endured enough for one night, he didn't take the hint and in the end he was faced with a stark choice - shut up about trains or walk home!

Robbie seems to have taken on some 'Hulk' like tendencies. On Monday he tore his shirt on the arm near the elbow, yesterday he tore a second shirt in exactly the same place. I suggested that he should wear that horrible multi coloured striped shirt today, I wouldn't be too bothered if he ripped that one. I suspect this may be a cunning plan to justify more new shirts, but I think he still has more than enough shirts to see him through the next few months!

Robbie went to see the children in Walsall yesterday, just a brief visit to deliver their Easter gifts, then back to work to finish a few things off because he is off to Ireland this morning. He was quite late home so by the time we had eaten I was quite tired and he made it worse by reciting packing lists over and over again. He will be back on Thursday evening so I don't think packing would have proved too taxing, it is just Robbie's way to speak his thoughts and he drives me mad, I had to beg him to shut up.

I correctly predicted that Robbie would want the white shirt that he wore yesterday to take to Ireland, so as soon as he got home I put a load of white washing on. I was too tired to stay up and wait to put it in the dryer so I left Robbie with clear instructions. I often go to bed before Robbie and I am usually asleep within a few minutes, but there is no guarantee of staying asleep. Robbie tends to appear like an apparition at the end of the bed, flapping his arms and sighing a lot - like Marley's ghost without the chains. He launches into conversation regardless of whether I am asleep or awake. Last night I became aware of Robbie's voice saying something about his balls not working anymore, I struggled towards consciousness wondering whatever could be wrong. Further conversation revealed that his shirts had come out of the dryer badly creased and Robbie was blaming the dryer balls (they work brilliantly by the way). I told him to put the shirts on a quick wash and then hang them on coat hangers to dry them over night. The apparition vanished or to be more accurate it stomped off and it was heard rampaging around the house for the next hour or so.

Robbie got to the airport safely this morning and the mystery of the balls was solved - they didn't work because he had stuffed the dryer so that the air could not circulate properly. When Robbie phoned from the airport I told him to take care and stay safe, he replied that he would be fine because he'd had three weetabix this morning - I don't think I will ever understand how that man's mind works!

An Unexpected Visitor 30.10.07

Robbie was out this evening so Sam took responsibility for feeding the cat and dog. Suddenly he shouted from the kitchen that we had a visitor and seconds later he appeared in the lounge with a toad in his hand. Apparently it had come in through the dog flap! After posing for photos Sam took the toad out to a nice 'toad friendly' spot under the shed, hopefully he will find his way home from there.

I spent the evening ironing Robbie's shirts - according to him he only has three decent shirts, but there is something odd going on because I ironed at least eight of his shirts - maybe he has a twin and I just haven't noticed!

When in a Hole ......... 23.10.07

Robbie seems to enjoy living dangerously! He got home slightly earlier yesterday evening and he appeared in the kitchen to help me with the final few minutes of getting our meal ready. First he moaned about the burn mark on the iron (that he caused) because it will not come off. Then he criticised the way I filled the kettle, telling me that I wasn't even capable of filling the kettle properly. Having started to 'dig his hole' he seemed unable to stop and he went on to tell me that I was a liability in the kitchen! I took the hint and left him to it, after all I am a liability! He begged for help serving the food but I refused. Considering my inadequacy in the kitchen we had a very nice roast dinner and everyone cleared their plates, so I must have got something right! I was going to do a beef stew tonight - one of Robbie's favourites, but being a liability in the kitchen perhaps I should play safe and give him cheese on toast instead!! You may have guessed that Robbie didn't enjoy his evening very much - serves him right!

I have told him many times 'when in a hole stop digging' but he seems to do the exact opposite. Just as there was a 'slight thaw' in my attitude he messed it all up again. He had a moan about the quality of the ironing! Realising that he was now out of his depth, he said that he doesn't have enough shirts. I don't know how he could make such a stupid claim, it is like Imelda Markos saying she didn't have enough shoes! He seriously expected me to believe that he only has three, the true figure is nearer to thirty! When challenged he did back track a bit, first it was only three shirts, then it was only three long sleeved shirts and then it became only three white shirts! Oh well, I will do an audit today just to record the true figure, but if he thinks he only has three shirts he will not miss all the others, so I will stuff them into a couple of black sacks and take them to the recycling bank. I could take a few ties too, maybe some railway books as well. He can try being minimalist for a change, we could do with the space! At least I know what he wants for Christmas now.

Family Ties - and Shirts!

On Saturday afternoon when Robbie's headache was less troublesome he said he needed to go to town to buy a belt. I was busy decorating the lounge so he had to go on his own - not always a good idea because he gets carried away when clothes shopping!

I thought no more about the shopping trip until this morning when he rather sheepishly told me that he couldn't find a suitable belt, but he had accidentally bought two shirts and two ties. The concept of accidental shopping is new to me, but one of the shirts certainly looked like an accident. I couldn't help asking if he was aiming for the 'used car salesman look' or if he intended to wear it with green wellies! The other shirt was fine, but the ties were somewhat alarming, one was not too bad but the other was a striking green creation that would not have looked out of place on a leprechaun. When I was a little girl my grandmother used to say "never trust a man in green trousers". I dread to think how she would have reacted to Robbie's tie.

The Burgess tie collection is now quite extensive, there are one or two more sober specimens, but on the whole his ties are best described as memorable. It takes a certain courage to combine colours in the way that Robbie does, but that is part of his own unique style.