I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me - Noel Coward

Robbie and I had planned to go out for the day today, but the snow dictated otherwise. It would have been madness to try to go very far today, but I wanted to get as far as the supermarket because we needed supplies and I didn't fancy trying to carry everything home. Robbie went out and cleared all the snow off the car, it proved to be a long and exhausting job. Then when I got in the car and attempted to start it, there was a tiny splutter and then nothing. That dratted car is definitely male - high maintenance and totally unreliable!

We had to jump start the car with the help of my daughter and her Yaris. Then I thought it would be best to take the car for a drive before going to the supermarket. It wasn't a very fast journey but at least we stayed safe. By the time we got to the supermarket Robbie was in a foul mood, I tried to ignore it and keep things pleasant, but it was hopeless. He was in the sort of mood where nothing was right, every item of food that I selected was wrong in some way and as we progressed around the store our trolley remained ominously empty. When we got to the pet food section he even criticised my choice of cat food - apparently he had appointed himself as spokesman for the cat! Having provided a detailed explanation of the cat's likes and dislikes he chose a selection of food that was more in keeping with the cat's (expensive) tastes! At least the trolley was filling up so we were making progress of sorts.

We got to the meat section and it seemed that nothing pleased him so I asked if he would like some gammon for a change. I suggested that it would be nice with new potatoes and vegetables but he said that he only likes gammon with egg and chips, so I said that we would have that instead. I went over to choose the gammon and he turned his nose up. That was the last straw, I abandoned the trolley and left him to have his strop on his own while I regained my composure in the magazine section. That is his favourite part of the shop so I knew he would turn up eventually. He appeared surprisingly quickly still with a face like thunder so I left him there looking at the railway magazines while I went off unhindered to pick up a few essentials.

The calming effect of railway magazines should not be underestimated. When I returned to collect Robbie he was 'mellowing' and by the time we got home he was keen to find a way back into my good books. It took me a little longer to 'thaw' but before long harmony was restored. The snow on the other hand showed no sign of thawing, in fact it looked as if there was plenty more to come.

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her - Marcelene Cox

I think it is a myth that women love to shop, I detest shopping and I do everything in my power to avoid it. Robbie loves to shop, if shopping was an Olympic sport  he would be a gold medalist! Pain permitting he will happily wander from shop to shop making a mental note of everything in stock. He is interested in absolutely everything, clothes, shoes, books, toiletries, gadgets, kitchen equipment, you name it Robbie knows about it! When he can't shop he reads about shopping, even about the changing dimensions of toilet rolls!


These days unfortunately pain and long working hours limits Robbie's enjoyment of shopping to some extent these days. I find myself I often find myself doing errands for him and woe betide me if I get the wrong item. Yesterday I went shopping for food, just day to day items mainly, but Robbie likes a particular brand of chicken and mushroom pie and I was going to get one of those for him too. They didn't have any in stock so I was brave (or foolish) enough to buy an alternative brand instead. It was a more expensive brand so I thought Robbie may be willing to try it. As soon as I told him about it he had that sulky look that he does so well. It was as if a big black cloud had settled over us. He said he was unhappy because the quality of the gravy was bound to be wrong and he would rather go without than have to put up with an alternative. Failed again! 


I failed last week too, I bought the usual brand of liquid soap, but I chose the green one with aloe vera rather than the usual option. Robbie gets very sore cracked hands and I thought the aloe vera may be good for his skin. He was not impressed, he complained plaintively about the 'smell' I think it is quite pleasant, but it doesn't float Robbie's boat. It looks as if we will have to have his and hers hand wash for a while until I work my way through the three bottles of aloe vera that I bought. Today he mentioned that he needs more hair stuff. I am dreading getting that because when they changed the packaging I bought a stash of the old design, but now he has to adjust to the new pack and I know that he will moan about it. I guess I will just have to throw a deaf ear, I am good at that, I get lots of practice. 

I am quietly confident that he will be pleased with one recent purchase. I have to do some odd things for Robbie at times but 'feeling' Lego men has to be closet to the top of the list. The minifigures come in individual sealed packs, there are 16 to collect but the only reliable way to find the one you want is to feel the pieces through the foil bag. I have become very good at finding them this way, but I have had some very dodgy looks. I must be mad, standing in the shop for ages 'molesting' Lego men, just to put a smile on Robbie's face! He only opens one figure each day and he still has a couple of unopened ones in his stash, but I am confident that they will complete his set of series 7 minifigures.

Stir up Sunday

Last Sunday was Stir-up Sunday the traditional time to make Christmas pudding. I was exhausted after our busy day and eventful evening on Saturday and the idea of making all that mess in the kitchen and boiling a Christmas pudding for hours on end made me pull the covers over my head and forget about getting up for just a little longer. There are times when having Robbie around can be challenging and cooking anything out of the ordinary fits that category. He looms silently radiating disapproval until he finds the courage to speak. At first it will be criticism of the utensils I have chosen to use and he will busy himself by putting away items that I am still using! Then as his confidence grows he will offer advice on how to do it better even if it is something he has never done before! That is when it starts getting dangerous, because I can only tolerate so much before I snap. It ether ends in a full scale row with Robbie stomping off to lick his wounds or I storm off and tell him to get on with it if he knows so much about it! On balance it is a lot safer to buy our Christmas puddings from the supermarket.


The name Stir-up Sunday  has its roots in the Anglican church, the collect of the day (from the Book of Common Prayer) which begins with the words 'stir up'. 


Stir up, we beseech thee, O Lord, the wills of thy faithful people; that they, plenteously bringing forth the fruit of good works, may of thee be plenteously rewarded; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.


Traditionally the pudding was made of 13 ingredients to represent Jesus and his twelve disciples. As the pudding was being mixed each member of the family would take a turn to stir the pudding, moving the spoon from east to west to remember the journey of the three kings. When the pudding was cooked on Christmas Day it was garnished with a sprig of holly, this represented the crown of thorns worn by Jesus on the cross and just before the pudding was cut a little brandy was tipped on it and set alight, a reminder of the fire if the Holy Spirit.

I remember helping my grandma to make the Christmas Puddings when I was little. I doubt she made it on Stir-up Sunday, she was a Methodist and she had a very long list of things that should not be done on Sundays! All the family would have a turn to stir the pudding and make a wish. Oddly I don't remember my grandma ever telling me the story about the Christmas pudding and if she had been aware of it she certainly would have done. She shared a birthday with Jesus and she seemed to think that it gave her a special connection to God. According to her He disapproved of all the things that she disapproved of - especially women wearing trousers! She certainly wouldn't have approved of me buying a Christmas pudding from Tesco, but that is what I plan to do. The only person in our family who really likes Christmas pudding is Robbie and by the time we get to the pudding even Robbie (who never refuses food) struggles to clear his plate.


I don't feel too much regret about this particular tradition having died out in our family, we have our own traditions. My mum's mince pies are the highlight of my Christmas, she makes the best pastry in the world - but I have to watch Robbie otherwise he would empty the whole tin! 

Living in the Past

It is half term, it seems as if they only went back to school a couple of weeks ago, but I have my son's company for the week. He (the one who likes to remain nameless) graciously agreed to come to the supermarket with me in return for a lift into town afterwards. According to him we had no food in the house and he was starving, but in reality the fridge, freezer and cupboards were well stocked; he just had a yearning for junk food and cereal. Typical!


As we drove out of the supermarket I wondered aloud if the woman at the traffic lights seriously thought that off white, skin tight almost see through leggings with a short top was a good look. I answered myself with the thought that someone should buy her a mirror for Christmas!  The nameless one in the passenger seat laughed out loud, he said "Mum, you make me laugh you are always living in the past" He went on to tell me that I didn't understand fashion, that may be true but I am fairly sure the world is not ready for sights like that!


In a way he is right, I don't live in the past but I carry it with me. It only takes a word or a look, a sound or a smell to transport me back to the people and places of my past. Sometimes a smile or a guilty look from my son reminds me so much of his dad. The smell from the brewery takes me back to my earliest years when I used to go with my aunt to deliver the church magazine in the streets that are now long gone. The sight of magnolia blossom brings back memories of my college rooms with the beautiful magnolia tree near my window. 

I came across this photo recently, I remember going to the Odeon to see the Aristocats, it was a birthday treat for one of my best friends. Looking at the Ladybird shop next door reminded me how much I disliked shopping for clothes with my mum when I was little. She has always loved fashion, but even when I was tiny I detested frills and fuss. It was a battle of wills, my mum got me to try on countless outfits and I objected to every single one. Sometimes I got my own way, but more often my mum dressed me in the clothes she liked. Among the horrors that still haunt me was the seriously unflattering ruched swimming costume and a bright red wet look raincoat that made terrible noises every time I moved. The worst by far were the orange hot pants, unlike my mum I have never been a hot pants type of person! So maybe my son is right I don't understand fashion, but I do understand that there are some sights that the world will never be ready for!!

Apparently Size Does Matter!

Yesterday evening I was sitting quietly in the lounge doing some writing when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Robbie was loitering by the fruit bowl for a suspiciously long time. I turned to look and caught him measuring bananas. I really should know better by now, but I couldn't help asking why. He told me that he was selecting a banana to fit into his banana carrier for work tomorrow. I knew this would happen, before long he will expect me to check the dimensions of the bananas in the supermarket, or even worse he will get himself arrested for measuring bananas at the supermarket! When he came home from work today he cheerfully announced that he had been to another department at work to show the women his banana carrier  - I wonder what they thought!

I had some very happy news yesterday, I have a new nephew. He arrived a little early but he and his mum are fine. His big brother who is three had been hoping for a sister and he asked then to take the baby back and exchange it for a girl! I expect he will soon get used to his baby brother. They kept us waiting until today for news of a name, I rather like their choice but my brother seemed lost for words (a very rare event) when I reminded him that he had named his son after my cat! 

Shopping for the Cat

Robbie has his funny little ways. I have written before about him talking to the animals and even attempting to teach the cats to tell the time, but it is becoming silly now. He has taken the Dr Doolittle thing one step further, he now claims to speak for the cats! He really doesn't need to, both cats are quite capable of making their feelings very clear. When Robbie is cross with Oreo he hides under the bath (the cat not Robbie, Robbie wouldn't fit under the bath!) but Dave stands his ground and swears back and if Robbie points at him Dave raises his paw to remind Robbie that what he lacks in teeth he makes up for in claws! Dave is my cat and as far as he is concerned Robbie should know his place. He hates Robbie to sit next to me or to hug me and if Robbie is brave enough to try Dave pushes his way between us and sits there defiantly until Robbie moves away. I accept that Dave can communicate eloquently with Robbie and I understand they both have more than a passing interest in food, but this is going too far. According to Robbie, Dave prefers me to buy his cat food from Tesco (not my usual supermarket), he would prefer it to be in a foil tray rather than in a pouch and he would like more of the fish flavours and less of the meat flavours. Apparently his lack of teeth makes our usual brand of cat food a bit of an effort for him. Really? I find that hard to believe, this is the cat who can steal and eat a whole sausage, he likes nothing better than climbing into the bin to forage for treats and when we bring the shopping home he will rip open anything that takes his fancy if we take our eyes off him for a second. I suspect Dave's sudden interest in supermarket shopping has more to do with Robbie's preferences than the cat's! 

I Should Have Stayed in Bed

Robbie went off on a rail tour in the early hours of this morning, so I had the day to myself. I decided that I would get up bright and early and head into town for one or two important purchases that can not be put off any longer. My bed was very comfortable and it was hard to force myself to get up when another half hour in bed listening to Radio 4 seemed so tempting, but I overcame temptation and plodded off to the bathroom. Oreo was sitting at the top of the stairs begging to be fed, I ignored his pleas and sent him back downstairs. Oreo brings out Robbie creative side, I was very impressed by his use of alliteration the other day when he chased the cat out of the kitchen calling him a "Furry Fat F..............". Ever the opportunist Oreo noticed that I had not closed the bedroom door properly and when I came back from the bathroom he was curled up on the end of the bed next to my mobile phone listening to Traffic Line! He must have stepped on the phone and hit the speed dial and found the only number there that will be charged on top of my call plan - typical!

When I came downstairs I found that a scale version of the Alps had been created on our kitchen floor. This was further evidence of Robbie's unique approach to life. He had to stay awake until the early of the morning and he said he would make a start on the weekend laundry. The 'mountains' were Robbie's version of sorting the washing into various loads according to colour - all I can say is that he can identify trains by colour and livery far more accurately than he can sort laundry! I re-sorted the loads and restored some sort of order to the kitchen, then I went to town - not my favourite Saturday morning activity but I couldn't put it off any longer.

I accomplished quite a lot in an hour and by then I'd had more than enough of town it was far too crowded for my liking. The next job on my list was a brief trip to the supermarket, Well, it should have been a brief trip but it seemed as if the whole world had chosen that moment to go to Morrisons, so even parking the car was a challenge. Then when I got inside it looked as if I would never get out again because they had no basket only checkouts working and I refuse to use those dreadful self serve things that shout at you as if you are simple and then announce to the whole store that you have 'a problem in the bagging area'! Finally I got served by a real human being and I was free to enjoy a nice afternoon visiting my friend..

On my way home I had three missed calls from my daughter and two more from my son, so I pulled over and phoned them to see what was wrong. I was relieved to find that there was nothing wrong, my daughter just wanted to make absolutely sure that I would be home in time to give her a lift because she was going out with a couple of friends - nice to know I have my uses!

Red and Green Not Fit To Be Seen

Oh my goodness, he gets worse. We were heading out to the supermarket and then to my mums and I happened to glance down to see the horror at the end of his legs. He was wearing red patterned shoes and lurid green socks with bright blue tops, a truly scary sight! to borrow one of my mum's sayings, it made him look 'half sharp' but he refused to change, so I was forced to walk around the supermarket with him. The other shoppers gave him some funny looks, they probably though he had escaped from somewhere!

Oh well it will be back to work tomorrow, back to reality. I will miss Robbie, but at least it will stop us arguing about silly things, last week we almost came to blows about Boris Johnson of all things and today his insistance on rearranging the trolley in the supermarket almost led to divorce!

An Up and Down Weekend

It has been an up and down sort of weekend. We had quite a nice Friday, Robbie managed to get home from work on time and we went to the supermarket to do some shopping. We rarely have a chance to do the shopping together and it is nice to have help even if he is totally possessive about pushing the trolley and downright impossible about the order in which it is placed on the conveyor belt at the checkout. It makes it impossible to pack the bags, but I managed to ignore his odd little ways this time.

On Saturday afternoon he was harder to ignore. He danced with rage and frustration and he spoke louder and faster until his voice became so high that only dogs could hear him. The cause of his frustration was the washing liquid! I had changed the brand without consulting him and the bottle now had a yellow top instead of a green one. He said that his main objection was that it was sticky but since every other word of his tirade involved the colour, I think he mainly objected to the colour and shape of the bottle. I wish I'd had a video camera, you would not believe what strong emotions a bottle of washing liquid can provoke.

On Sunday morning I thought I would have to give up my beloved Radio 4 as it was having a corrupting effect on Robbie. I was in the bedroom working on my laptop and listening to Desert Island Discs on the radio when Robbie came in and stood on the bed to get one of his railway books from the top shelf of the bookcase. I was only half listening to the radio, but some punk rock music was playing and Robbie, still standing on the bed, began dancing to it. It was seriously alarming because he was stark naked – it must have terrified the neighbours!

In the afternoon things went down hill, I am very cross with him for humiliating me in front of other people, a joke is one thing but unkindness is a step too far; I would never treat him like that.

Man Stress!

Sam needed film for his camera and we needed a scart lead for the DVD player, so on Monday we look a drive into Cromer to have a look at the shops. In the end we abandoned Robbie in Jarrolds, I had waited for him for so long that I thought I would grow roots. They sell all Robbie's favourite things, books, DVDs, jigsaws and pens, so there is no hope of dragging him away. There was a sad gap on the main street, the old Woolworths shop remains empty and the town doesn't seem right without it. There is another bookshop and I enjoyed having a look around, Robbie did more than look, when he finally dragged himself away from Jarrolds, he found three railway books and a book about buses that he absolutely had to buy. We had a meal at our favourite restaurant overlooking the pier, but unfortunately Robbie had a man stress about something really trivial.

We went back via Tesco, just to pick up some milk and bread and a few bits and bobs, but Robbie was still feeling uptight and he argued about everything from the amount of milk that we needed to what kind of meat to buy. When he shouted at me about the kind of spread I wanted I knew it was time to make some changes. I gave him my purse and said that to avoid an argument I would go and wait in the car, but in the end he went and I finished the shopping. We drove home in smouldering silence, I really don't understand why he gets uptight about such trivial stuff. Oh well, I guess I can look forward to making up! Come to think of it the last time he was trying to make up he got sidetracked and started telling me about baby Deltics! Sometimes it is easier to just give up!

The Shopping Trolley.

It was an exhausting day for me yesterday. I took my mum Christmas shopping in town, it was quite an experience because my mum loves to shop - and I don't! We spent so long in some shops that I thought I would die of old age before she had chosen what she wanted! It is quite hard to walk slowly enough for her (she has bad feet) and I had to swallow my pride in order to pull her trolley for her, it was OK because I didn't see anyone I knew! I was thankful that I wasn't carrying her shopping, she bought so much she was a one woman antidote to the poor trading figures! I was tired when I got back from the shopping trip, but I before long I had to go to work, so rest seemed like a distant prospect. I was exhausted when I got home and I looked forward to sitting down with a nice cup of tea and something relaxing on tv, but Robbie had other ideas, he was watching a documentary about the evolution of supermarkets so when I sat down I was treated to an excruciatingly detailed account of the history and design of the shopping trolley. It cured my tiredness, I no longer felt tired, I felt murderous!

A Cunning Plan

I have had enough, I'm starting a campaign to get Robbie to look for another job! I have never met anyone more passionate about his work than Robbie and I'm used to him leaving early in the morning or coming home late. I can't count the number of times I've had to 'put his dinner in the dog' or make last minute changes to the evening meal. Even when he gets home, his work often comes with him. Today he was struggling to find a solution to a particularly challenging problem with his December 09 timetable. He wandered around Morrisons muttering to himself about why this or that solution wouldn't work, he got some funny looks from other shoppers, but he was too engrossed in his timetable to notice or to care. His eureka moment came in the yoghurt section when he suddenly announced to anyone who cared to listen “Yes! That could be possible, it could work”. By now I was convinced the store staff were ready to call for the men in white coats, so I hurried him through the checkout and out to the car. He continued his discussion with nobody in particular and by the time we got home he seemed to have settled on a possible solution.

Robbie was exhausted after his 18 hour endurance test on Thursday when he went to visit Network Rail in Leeds, but he still got up early and rushed off to work on Friday morning. By the time he got home in the evening he was too tired and too wound up to eat! He has a reputation to maintain so he managed a few mouthfuls, but he could hardly keep his eyes open. The early starts don't bother him, they don't even bother me very much and we cope when he is late home, I am used to it. The thing that really bothers me is seeing him work so hard and not be appreciated, in fact on Friday it was worse than that, not only did his efforts go unnoticed, but he got moaned at for something that he knew nothing about and was not his responsibility. I know they have had to cope with difficult circumstances, and Robbie has willingly put in time and effort to make things work, but this has been going on for almost a year now and he is being taken for granted, I know he thinks he is Superman, but he can't do the impossible!

It may take me a while to get Robbie to see things my way – but he usually does in the end! In the meantime I have a strategy. Robbie arrived home totally exhausted on Friday evening, he is no use to me in that state. After a good night's sleep and a haircut his strength was restored, but I have plans, he will be totally worn out by the time he goes back to work on Monday morning. Why should they have the best of him? I didn't choose a 'toy boy' just to watch him sleep all weekend!

Robbie's random information for the week was imparted in the middle of the night. Just before 1am on Saturday morning he woke briefly to inform me that 'they have sweeteners reduced at Tesco in Leeds' I'm not sure why I needed to know that, but before I could ask he was sleeping soundly again.

Robbie to the Rescue

I always enjoy Friday evenings, the weekend stretches before us and I can look forward to not getting up at the crack of dawn. We had not been home for very long when the phone rang with an SOS for Robbie. My friend Marion was having problems with her router and she needed to borrow Robbie for an hour or two. After our meal I dropped Robbie at her house, which is not far from where we live, that left me free to pop to the supermarket and then to get on with some cooking. I was expecting Robbie to take ages because Marion's computer has proved stubborn in the past. I was wrong, it only took him just over an hour, so when he rang I was in the middle of cooking. I was making cakes for Robbie, as requested. When I collected him he emerged from Marion's house clutching a tin full of cakes! There is something about Robbie that makes people want to feed him, its the only way I know to stop him talking so perhaps it isn't so surprising.

Saturday morning is always a time for random statements from Robbie and this morning was no exception. After we had almost had an argument about the London Mayoral elections, Robbie cuddled up to me and announced that he was missing his contact from Network Rail at Leeds. She is off sick and Robbie said it doesn't feel right not having her at the end of the phone. Oddly enough I hadn't planned to spend my extra hour or so in bed talking about Network Rail, but it seems as if work is never far from Robbie's mind.

We had the usual argument in the supermarket when Robbie repacked the trolley just to prove that he was in control. I put it back how I wanted it and he stomped towards the cat food telling me that I could keep the trolley. I took him at his word but within seconds he was back to take control once more. When we got home again he was doing a lot of clattering around and sighing in the kitchen so I left him to it. I ploughed my way through the ironing, so Sam and Robbie have another weeks supply of ironed shirts - if I had my way men would be banned from wearing shirts!!

Finally I had finished the ironing, sorted out the cat tray and supervised Sam cleaning out his guinea pig. I sat down for a well earned rest while watching I'd Do Anything - did I mention before that Sam had to point out to me the irony of Graham Norton searching for a Nancy! I was enjoying the show when Robbie, who is not the worlds most effective window, stood between me and the screen and began a detailed account of the freezer contents and a convoluted explanation of the way he had reorganised the storage space. He got really cross when I told him to go away and leave me to enjoy the television. He is a control freak when it comes to the fridge and freezer, he even leaves post it notes to tell people what to eat first! I don't know why he bothers because we all do as we like anyway. Why does he have to be so exhausting?

Being Prepared

I got at text from Robbie ridiculously early this morning. He was very excited about the rail tour from Crewe to Weymouth and didn't seem at all bothered by the early start. I was less enthusiastic about getting up, but I couldn't stay in bed for long because I had to take Sam to a paintball party. Sam was very enthusiastic about it but I was more apprehensive, I wasn't convinced that the world was ready for Sam to be armed with a paintball gun. I still have vivid memories of my multi coloured garage door after he got a paintball gun from the Gadget Shop a couple of years ago! Hostile Fire the venue for the paintball experience, is in a part of the county that I am not very familiar with, so we had to leave plenty of time in case I got lost. I found it fairly easily in the end and it was a lovely drive through the countryside. Sam had a brilliant time 'under fire' and I enjoyed a very peaceful morning getting my work done.

My mum invited us for a meal at her house this evening, because Emily is going back to university tomorrow. It was a lovely evening and we all came home so full that we will not need to eat for a week. Mum sent Emily home with one of her legendary chocolate cakes to take to university. She is a brilliant cook and her cakes are best of all. The only problem is that she always cooks enough for an army! I wonder if the tendency to prepare for siege conditions develops with age, when I look at her kitchen I am sure she wouldn't need to shop for at least a year. She has even taken 'being prepared' to new limits in the bathroom, there were 16 loo rolls, 4 bottles of thick bleach, 3 varieties of air freshener, 2 spare rim blocks and a choice of three varieties of moist toilet roll. At least they will never worry about running out of anything! My step father David was in mum's bad books for misbehaving at the supermarket, apparently he told mum that she was packing the trolley all wrong - that sounds very familiar! He was trying hard to get back in her good books but he could have saved himself a lot of grief by keeping his thoughts to himself in the first place!

Fighting Back!

According to Sam, he is perfectly normal and it is the rest of us who are a bit weird (his choice of words, not mine), maybe he is right. Living with a person who has Asperger Syndrome certainly tests the limits of my sanity at times; it can be frustrating, exhausting and isolating. I love Sam dearly and I am so used to his idiosyncrasies that I couldn’t really imagine him being just ordinary. He rivals Robbie when it comes to random facts; on Thursday he informed me that apart from humans, dolphins are the only other species that indulge in sex for pleasure. I will have to have a rethink, I’d always assumed that rabbits had all the fun! Sam is the only person I know who can talk more than Robbie, his specialist subject is films and comic books, but just like Robbie he will talk in detail about absolutely anything!

Shopping with Sam has always been ‘an experience’. Can you imagine a child with a compulsion for sorting being let loose in a supermarket, we could never get past the cereal section because he wanted to sort and straighten all the boxes. Shopping with Sam was a very time consuming activity! When he was three he went to the fish counter at Safeway (now Morrisons) on a behind the scenes visit with his nursery group and he has been fascinated by fish ever since. For years afterwards he would go up and look at the fish and `interview' the staff about what the various fish were and where they came from. I would attempt to ‘disown’ him and disappear to the next section but eventually I would have to drag him away. I really don't know what Sam found so fascinating about fish, perhaps it is his Cornish background showing through!

For years it was Sam’s ambition to be a trolley pusher at Safeway, but one day as we left the shop he spotted a sign displaying job vacancies, he said "Mum, if I can't be a spy I think I would like to work on the fish counter". Thankfully he has slightly different ambitions these days.

Shopping is still a challenge and it rarely passes without incident. Something about Tesco transforms him from a tolerable teen into an angry troll, come to think of it; the supermarket has much the same effect on Robbie! On Friday Sam and I had to pop into Morrisons for some bread and a couple of other items. Sam was being really helpful (there’s a first time for everything) and when we got to the bread section they had packed the bread on to the shelves so tightly that it was very hard to pick up a loaf without squashing it. I held the basket and Sam carefully eased the loaves off the shelf and checked the sell by dates. We were just selecting our second loaf when an old woman who was using her trolley as an offensive weapon came up behind us and shouted 'excuse me'. I looked behind me and checked that we were not blocking her way and Sam stepped a little closer to me. In seconds she shouted 'excuse me' again and attempted to shove Sam away from the bread with her trolley. I was incensed and told her she was a very bad mannered old woman. I pointed out that Sam was helping me, she had plenty of room to go past us and if she wanted to buy bread she should wait her turn. She was very offensive and threatening and as I walked away I told her to learn some manners. I was so angry that someone would treat Sam like that, especially when he was being so well behaved.

Sam was shocked into silence for a while afterwards; I think he was really shocked by the woman’s behaviour. As we drove home he told me I was ‘awesome’ and he said he didn’t know I could be so cross. Maybe I wouldn’t have stood up for myself as much, I am not a confrontational sort of person, but I couldn’t stand by and let Sam be treated like that!

Missing Person 28.12.07

Last Saturday Robbie and I had to go out to do some last minute food shopping before Christmas. I detest shopping when it is crowded but it couldn't be avoided, so when we had done the housework we got ready to go to Morrisons. I asked Robbie to pop round to our neighbours house to deliver a Christmas present while I got my shoes and coat on. That was a big mistake, an hour later I was still sitting there in my coat waiting for him to come back!! I decided that if I was going to wait any longer I would do it in comfort with a cup of tea - in his railway mug! He finally turned up with a big grin on his face and told me that he'd had a lovely cup of coffee and a nice chat with our neighbour and her (very attractive) daughter. That man needs a minder, he's not safe to be allowed out on his own! We finally got our shopping, but it was absolute chaos in the supermarket. It took me a little longer to forgive Robbie for his disappearing act, but I can never stay cross with him for very long.

Shopping 29.10.07

I felt really exhausted all weekend, not exactly ill, but not exactly on top form either. Despite frequent shopping trips last week we had to do yet another supermarket shop on Saturday. We must have locusts in the kitchen - on second thoughts maybe it is just Robbie! Anyway I very reluctantly set out for Morrisons on Saturday afternoon, it is always a bit of a challenge shopping with Robbie, but even he seemed to realise that arguing about the size of the tomato sauce bottle or the shape of the washing up liquid container could prove dangerous.

One look at the car park told me that the world and his wife had chosen exactly that time to go shopping too. Once inside it was as if they were all involved in a conspiracy to get in my way and generally obstruct my shopping in every way possible. To say it was a frustrating experience is a massive understatement - it was torture. Maybe some simple rules would help to make shopping less fraught for everyone, here are my suggestions.

1) A one way system inside the store would ease the flow of traffic

2) A basic level of competence should be required before permitting anyone to be in charge of a trolley

3) There should be a surcharge on people shopping with disruptive children

4) There should be a secure area to park bewildered or annoying husbands and partners

5) Causing an obstruction by stopping to have a conversation, careless trolley parking etc should result in penalty points and fixed term banning orders for persistent offenders.

6) Financial incentives and free transport should be provided to encourage OAP's to shop on quieter days

7) People with pull along shopping trolleys should be shot! No, seriously there should be a secure parking place for them and they should not be allowed in the store.

8) Finally, young checkout staff should be taught the difference between ten pin bowling and gently moving the shopping passed the scanner to the bagging area!

OK, I was only joking, but they could do lots to make shopping a little more tolerable.

Robbie was well behaved until we got to the checkout. As usual he got all possessive about loading the items ready for scanning and he had a bit of a strop when I insisted that he had to do it mainly by weight so that the heaviest bags ended up at the bottom of the trolley and the lighter items would not get squashed. He wants to pack by food groups and it just doesn't work because I can't organise the trolley properly. I know he is unique, that's part of the attraction, but just occasionally it would make life easier if he could do a simple job in an uncomplicated way!

Nose, Rudolph, Christmas, 12.10.07

The man from Tesco delivered the 'European Cat Food Mountain' yesterday and I now have a huge pile of boxes and an ever hungry cat in the kitchen. The one factor that Robbie missed was that Oreo seems to see it as a challenge, he is quite certain he could manage to eat it all in one day, so he is constantly meowing to ask us to open it! If that cat was human he would probably eat even more than Robbie! Oreo has set up his own branch of Neighbourhood Watch. He spends a large part of each day perched on the back of the sofa looking out of the window to make sure that nobody walks on his pavement without his permission.

Robbie sent me a really random email yesterday, it contained all sorts of fascinating (and useless) facts including that elephants cannot jump, polar bears are all left handed, a duck's quack has no echo, a cockroach can live for 9 days without it's head, a starfish has no brain, the strongest muscle in the body is the tongue and a pig's orgasm lasts for thirty minutes. I can easily be convinced that the tongue is the strongest muscle (especially in Robbie's case). I had always thought the heart was the strongest muscle but perhaps that is a collection of muscles. I suspect all these 'facts' were written by a man, after all can you imagine a woman chopping of the head of a cockroach to see how long it survives? As for the pig's orgasm, did anyone actually ask the sow? There again if she has to put up with a dozen or more piglets she ought to get some pleasure out of the deal! Left handed polar bears, whatever did they observe polar bears doing to work that one out!

I made sure that Robbie got to bed safely last night, but I regretted my effort when he decided to read to me from NME, I don't like music (certainly not the weird stuff he likes) and at almost 1am I was even less interested! Just occasionally I wish Robbie was a little more 'normal'.

Trolley Trouble! 25.03.07

Robbie has been very tired this weekend after his travels last week, hopefully this week will be a little calmer. He has gone to a concert this evening to see Emily in the County Youth Concert Band. He looked really smart and he was carrying the 'man bag' that my mum gave him for his birthday, he looked like 'Man at C&A'. I know that Emily really appreciates Robbie going to all her concerts and Robbie feels so proud to when he hears them play. The band is going on tour to Poland in the summer, but I think that is a bit too far for Robbie to go to hear them play.

Sam has been driving me mad. He has actually been quite civilised and helpful this weekend, but it is the way he dresses that does my head in. He favours the 'un-ironed' look and because he spends hours playing with his pets he is usually covered in dog or guinea pig hair. Overall it makes him look a real scruff, as if I don't look after him. Robbie says that I should let him do his own thing, but I can't stand it, he looks like an unmade bed! He has managed to loose his third memory stick since September, that boy costs me a fortune in lost items.

Robbie was a pain at the supermarket yesterday. Sam was being uncharacteristically helpful and Robbie just couldn't cope with his routine being changed and ended up having a mega sulk! He likes to push the trolley, pack the trolley and he absolutely has to be the one who has to pack the stuff at the checkout! By the time we got home I needed half an hour 'me time' to avoid harming him. Maybe we will have to give home delivery another try!

It's a Date! 06.01.07

We had to do the supermarket shop today because we are still not back into a proper routine. The shop was too busy for my liking, I prefer to shop on a quieter day. Robbie was a bit challenging because I bought more frozen stuff than usual and it put his trolley packing out and he gets very upset if I change things. I get quite frustrated with him at times and it is a miracle that he survived the checkouts today!

Later in the afternoon I was eating a date - left over from Christmas. Robbie has never tasted a date - apparently they don't have anything so exotic in the north! He asked me where they came from, it was on the tip of my tongue to say Tesco, when I realised he was asking about their origin. I thought he was teasing me, but when I told him that they grew on date palms he wouldn't believe me. He was deeply suspicious about it and in the end he had to look it up on the internet before he would believe that dates grow on palm trees (Phoenix dactylifera to be exact).

His head is crammed with a diverse and mostly irrelevant collection of facts, but just occasionally we stumble across something that he doesn't know anything about. I can guarantee that he will know so much about dates by Monday that he will bore his workmates to the point of tears - so beware, you have been warned!