Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow - Swedish Proverb

Today was very frustrating, one of those days when everything seems more difficult than it should be. I had a hospital appointment this afternoon, I'd been looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. I badly needed some answers but I wasn't sure that I was going to like what I heard, so I felt very anxious.

Robbie came with me and since parking at the hospital is challenging at the best of times, I decided to park in a nearby car park and walk the short distance to the hospital. We still have snow but as the hospital is very close to the town centre I was fairly sure that the pavements would be gritted - they weren't! We slipped and slid towards the hospital very slowly indeed, but we made it without any serious problems. The road and pavement leading to the hospital main entrance were treacherous, it beggars belief that the local authority take no responsibility for making sure that roads and paths leading to hospitals, schools and the like are cleared and made safe. Having negotiated the icy pavements I had to pass a huddle of smokers who blocked the pavement just outside the hospital grounds. I was on my way to the chest clinic and the last thing that I needed was their second hand smoke!

I didn't really get the answers I wanted, just lots more questions, more medication. To be fair he did take my problem seriously and he understood how debilitating this cough is, it makes every aspect of my life so much more difficult. He requested lots of tests including an MRI scan, blood tests (I think they took a whole arm full of blood!) and various breathing tests. I have to see the consultant again in 2 months, I really hope the increased medication will help because the thought of putting up with this for another two months makes me feel like giving up. 

We had to go to a different part of the hospital to get my blood tests don so we walked back towards town a different way, but the paths were just as bad and our progress was slow. We walked through St Giles churchyard, it is beautiful at any time of year but the snow against the white snow-laden skies made it look magical, for some reason it made me think of Narnia. I have happy memories of walking through the churchyard with my aunt when I was a child and it looked so beautiful today that I asked Robbie to take some photos for me with his new phone.

Robbie took me to the Cordwainer for something to eat because I had been too anxious to eat much at lunchtime. He likes Wetherspoons food but it didn't really 'float my boat' and it was so dark in there, I like to see what I am eating. It is scary, but I have to admit that I sound more like my grandma every day!
   

“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” - Jeff Valdez

Despite being my day off, Friday has been rather stressful. More snow fell in the night, just enough to cover the roads and the cars. They had been cleared after the previous snow fall a couple of days ago but the roads were slushy and reluctant drivers had to spend time clearing snow from their cars before taking to the road. It was very cold, the sort of day when you want to stay at home in front of the fire. In fact Dave the cat made sure that he had the warmest spot in the house all day and he made it quite clear that he had no intention of moving. 

Robbie was working from home, so we didn't need to go far, but my daughters had to drive to work and my son had to brave the elements to walk to school. I hoped there would be no more snow because I had to take David (my step father) to a hospital appointment in the afternoon. The snow continued falling all morning and the roads became more dangerous, so we took the decision to postpone his appointment. He is frail due to his kidney cancer and he walks with two sticks (he has had two hip replacements), so I was very worried about him falling and hurting himself. I think he was quite relieved not to have to go out in the snow.

By early afternoon the buses had stopped running and reports of traffic chaos filled the news broadcasts. One daughter was already home, but she was worried about her boyfriend who had to drive back from Cranfield and I was worried about my other daughter who would not be able to drive home from her teaching placement at Corby until her school closed. Eventually both arrived home safely, apparently it took three hours to get back from Cranfield and my daughter took almost as long to get back from Corby. 

We need to get our local planning sorted out, the world shouldn't grind to a halt every time we have a couple of inches of snow, but that is a problem for another day. At least all my family are home safely for the weekend.

“A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.” Spanish Proverb

It is not unusual for me to be annoyed with Robbie -  he would probably tell you that being 'in the doghouse' was an almost daily occurrence! That isn't true, of course there are minor irritations and I get annoyed when he rearranges the fridge, hides the recycling bin, puts things out of my reach and leaves the toilet seat in the wrong position (believe me I could come up with a much longer list!) but serious disagreements are much less common. 

We are a very odd and unconventional couple, but it works, I love him more than I could express in words and I know that he feels the same. That is why I worry about him, especially when it comes to looking after his health and well being and I get seriously annoyed when he takes foolish risks with his health. Yesterday he was at the railway station by 6.10am and he didn't get back to Northampton until 11pm. He was asleep on his feet and in so much pain that he could hardly walk! Nothing so important that it is worth risking your health. A friend of his gave him some very sound advice, I just hope he takes notice.
" .......... She speaketh of kind tongue. The railway will break itself without your intervention, and it will heal itself thus. Will the railway fixeth you? The runes say "bugger off". Do less more often; the difference is negligible."

Storms batter South West coast as 'monsoon' weather hits Britain - The Telegraph

My younger daughter had spent weeks planning a long weekend in Cornwall with her brother and a friend from university. She really isn't the camping type, but they had arranged to spend the first couple of nights 'under canvas' before moving to more civilised surroundings for the remainder of their stay. She is a confident driver and she has made the journey a couple of times before, but I'm her mum and I can't help worrying especially as she planned to make the journey during the night - and that was before I saw the weather forecast!

"Strong winds, possibly up to gale force, are expected from the afternoon onwards in south-west England particularly Devon and Cornwall," forecaster Mark Seltzer from the Met Office.

When I saw the warnings from the Met Office yesterday I was seriously worried, I wouldn't have enjoyed driving to Cornwall in those conditions and I really wanted her to postpone her journey until the morning.

"Winds will increase this afternoon in Devon and Cornwall and there could be gusts of 60 to 65mph, or even 70mph on exposed coasts and headlands......"

My daughter is as stubborn and determined as her mother and she wasn't going let a little matter of the weather spoil her plans. She is also half Cornish and the call of the sea is very strong - it took her dad years to adapt to living so far from the sea. So soon after midnight they set off on their journey - and I began to worry! I had made sure that they were as well prepared as possible, but I was still worried. It was a very long night but thankfully they got to Padstow in time for breakfast. My daughter said that the journey had been very wet and very windy, so it was a challenging driving experience.

I really wish that they could have had better weather, it sounds as if they had a nice day despite the rain and according to my daughter the sun came out later on. Padstow holds so many happy memories for our family and it is nice to be there whatever the weather. However camping is a different story, I doubt my daughter would have enjoyed it even in perfect summer weather. She wrote on facebook that "Camping is most certainly not for me" and she went on to inform the world that she will be sleeping in the car tonight! Perhaps she will appreciate the comforts of home after this. I hope they stay safe and have a lovely day tomorrow.

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice - George Jackson

Some things are incredibly hard to write about because they are too painful. Such things can leave you feeling diminished and powerless, a shadow of your real self. It is not a good place to be and when you are feeling at your lowest it is almost impossible to gather all your strength and courage to decide that enough is enough and to take a step towards putting things right. At such times it is hard to believe that anything you do will make the slightest difference, but one thing is certain, doing nothing is not an option.


We have faced a situation like that over the last few months. It has been very hard to just keep putting one foot in front of the other to face each day because it seemed that each day brought new difficulties. I am very proud of Robbie, as if coping with near constant pain isn't hard enough he has faced these difficulties, done the right thing and hopefully now after months of worry we can see light at the end of the tunnel. We still have a way to go, but at least we now have reason to hope. My message to anyone else facing a difficult situation or being treated unfairly, is to be strong (I know it is much easier said than done) and not to give up however impossible your situation seems. Stand up for what is right, it will make you feel better and it may enable others to do the same.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. -Mark Twain  

The End of a Nightmare

On Thursday a letter arrived from CSA. It is hard to explain the feeling of terror when one of those brown envelopes drops through the door. Robbie always makes his payments on time and in full but we still dread those brown envelopes fearing what they are going to come up with this time. Thursdays envelope could potentially bring an end to our battle to prove that he did not owe the huge amount of arrears (from 15 years ago when he was still with his ex) that they had been demanding, but it could have been a notification that they would deduct the alleged debt from his salary leaving us facing serious financial hardship. It takes a bit of courage to open a CSA letter but it is like removing a sticking plaster, it is more painful if it is done slowly than if you rip it of quickly. I opened the envelope and read the very long and annoying letter it contained, it was good news, they had accepted our evidence at long last, there it was in black and white, Robbie doesn't owe them £17,000 as they originally stated, they owe him £30!! The relief was immense, but now that relief has given way to anger that we have endured months of worry and fear all because his ex committed benefit fraud and CSA didn't do their job properly at the time. I hope very much that she will have to answer for her dishonesty in court!

Be Sure Your Sins Will Find You Out!

I have written several times about the dark cloud of worry that has been hanging over us since July when completely out of the blue Robbie received a £17,000 bill for child  support for a period almost 15 years ago when he was living with his ex partner and their children! To say that the last few months have been a living hell would be an understatement. Trying to get CSA to listen or respond was an impossibility and even with the help of our MP it has been an uphill struggle dealing with CSA. They seem to take the word of the woman without question while choosing to ignore all our evidence to show that he was living with his ex at that time.


Finally about a week ago we got a letter conceding that he did not owe £17,000 but insisting that he owed around £2000 because they still insist that he was not living with his ex for one of the years in question. This is based only on her word, the have chosen to ignore evidence from the bank that they had a joint bank account, evidence of his address from his employers at the time, tax documents, monthly bills etc. It seemed as if there was very little that we could do to provide further proof but we were determined not to give up. Robbie has always loved and supported his children and the suggestion that he had failed to support his family was as painful as the prospect of having to pay a large sum of money to the government that he didn't owe and could not afford.


Thankfully there was another piece of evidence and we hope very much that it will be accepted as conclusive evidence that he was with his ex for the whole period in question. Thanks to a very conscientious employee at Virgin Trains who kept meticulous records and also thanks to colleagues at Cross Country who went the extra mile and searched back through the files we feel a little more confident. We now have copies of a statutory declaration that was sworn in front of a solicitor and signed by the ex stating that she and Robbie had lived at the same address as a meaningful couple and that Robbie had supported his children for the whole period now in dispute. Surely that will be enough! 


Please keep your fingers crossed for us. I am not usually a vindictive person but I really hope that justice prevails and that she doesn't get away with abusing and defrauding the system! 

On Target

In a way I had been dreading Thursday morning, what if the unthinkable happened, what would I do then? The problem was that I was not in control, I had done my best or at least I thought I had, but this wasn't about me. All I could do was get on with my morning and wait for the phone to ring. 


At last the phone took pity on me and rang. A rather cheerful voice at the other end informed me that he had passed. He had some very pleasing results and most important of all he had got more than enough to get into the sixth form of his choice. After a huge sigh of relief, I was the proud mum full of congratulations and cross with myself for my moments of doubt.


So why was I so anxious, I don't recall being this nervous when his sisters got their results. He is every bit as bright and able as his sisters, but perhaps not as diligent. The girls were able to continue to the sixth form at the same school, but 'the son who must remain nameless' wanted to change schools. We all agreed that it would be the best option for him, and he had been offered a place at the better school (the one his sisters attended) but he needed at least 8 good GCSE grades in order to take up his place. Perhaps it isn't so surprising that I was anxious, so much depended on his results.


Today I took 'the nameless one' to the new school for a meeting to sort out his timetable and do all the necessary  paperwork before starting school a week on Tuesday. He will be one of only a handful of boys at an all girls school, but I am certain it is the right place for him. It is not always easy for him to cope with ordinary things because of his Asperger Syndrome, but the next couple of years will be very important not just in achieving good A level results but in helping him to become independent enough to thrive at university. 

An Impossibly Large Banana

We had a fairly busy day today. After a lazy breakfast we took a drive to North Walsham for Robbie to get his ears lowered. We had a very busy (and worrying) few weeks before our holiday and Robbie just didn’t have time to get his hair cut. His hair looks really nice now, they cut it very well, I hope he doesn’t decide that he has to come back to North Walsham every time he needs a haircut! Since we were there we decided to have a little look at the shops and we found some lovely copies of old railway posters.



Then we drove to Wroxham. It is a rather eccentric place and it is always crowded, but it is nice to see the boats on the broads and it is nice to have a wander around the shops. Nearly all the shops are branches of Roys of Wroxham, Robbie always likes to have a look at their toy shop and when he gets into the menswear department I feel as I will never manage to drag him away. Today he bought a big yellow banana carrier, he seems to have rather grandiose ideas – it would take a formidably large banana to fill that carrier! He also bought some cards with old railway posters on them. We drove home via Tesco because Robbie liked the razor blades that he bought the other day so much that he wanted another pack while they were on offer. He was in so much pain again today, I feel so useless because there is nothing I can do to make him feel better.


It was a nice evening, there was a beautiful sunset and the bats were flying around, I love bat watching when I am here. One flew so close to my head to my head that I thought it might bump into me, but of course it didn’t, they fly close but they never crash. Robbie got really excited when he saw a wind turbine installation vessel, it was called IMP Resolution, and you could see it very clearly through the binoculars.

'The Norfolk landscape sends a shiver through my soul....' - Raffaella Barker

Our holiday in Norfolk had been planned long before our recent woes and despite the huge black cloud of worry hanging over us we decided to go and make the most of the peace and freedom that we always find in Norfolk. These things never work out as planned and before we could pack and get ready for our holiday we had to address the pressing issues that were crowding into our week. Robbie had important deadlines to meet at work, but he also needed to see the GP urgently, and just to confuse matters further he had to take time out of a very busy week to deal with three totally intelligible letters sent by CMEC/CSA which no one dealing with his case could explain. They couldn’t even tell who had sent the letters or why, I in these days of austerity I can’t help wondering why a government agency would send out three different letters to the same person on the same day in three different envelopes and then waste hours of staff time responding to frantic phone calls from intelligent people who are totally baffled by the correspondence. What I wonder has happened to plain English and what on earth has happened to customer service?



Robbie arrived home from work at 11pm on Friday evening; I was tired, frustrated and still packing. Robbie was so tired that he was like a zombie and so challenging that if I hadn’t sent him upstairs to sort his clothes out I might have harmed him! It was heading towards 3am when I went to bed and Robbie was even later because he was dealing with final bits and bobs of work that had to be done before we could go on holiday. I knew that would fall asleep but I was too tired to wait for him, in the past Meg would have woken him up and sent him to bed when she got sick of his snoring, but now he had a stark choice, find his own way to bed or stay put.


The alarm woke us at 6am and ‘sleeping beauty’ reluctantly plodded off to make a cup of tea. Within half an hour I was up, washed, dressed and packing the car. I wanted to be on the road by 8am, but Robbie trotted around in a state of undress and showed a marked reluctance to get himself organised. He still had to finish off some bits and bobs at work and this was delayed further by computer problems. The clock ticked on, 8 o’clock came and went and by 10 o’clock a near naked Robbie was still messing around with work matters and I was finding it increasingly difficult to keep my temper. I finally chased him off to get ready and at 10.50am I went to sit in the car to wait for him, at least I could listen to the radio while I waited. At 11.30am he came out to announce that he was on his way before scuttling back in to do a few last minute jobs. At 12.OO I was parked outside Marks and Spencer’s waiting for Robbie to buy himself a coffee and a breakfast baguette. Then at long last we were on our way.


Considering the late start we had a reasonable journey and made good time. Before we had even left Northampton Robbie did his usual trick of squealing with delight at something that he had seen from the car. This time it was not a train, it was two traction engines in the car park of the rugby club, he was very disappointed that I refused to stop for him to take a closer look. One day he will cause an accident by shouting out like that. I got my own back on him later when I told him that I had caught him out in a bit of mischief (yet again), it is one of the few occasions that I can recall Robbie being completely speechless. He should know by now that I don’t miss much!


We arrived at about 3pm and began the exhausting process of unpacking and putting everything away. I was exhausted and all I really wanted to do was to make the bed and crawl into it, but suddenly we were thrown into panic mode – it seems I had forgotten to pack the coffee! Robbie was very good, he managed not to stamp his feet, but the arms were folded and the bottom lip was sticking out as if he was a sulky toddler. So, before the unpacking was completed we had to get back into the car and head for Tesco in order to find the correct brand of coffee. By then I was far too tired to contemplate cooking, in fact I wasn’t even sure I was awake enough to eat anything, but Robbie’s rumbling tummy led us to the fish and chip shop. I found that I was hungry after all and I managed to clear my plate before sleep finally caught up with me.

There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief - Aeschylus

To say that we have had a bad few weeks would be an understatement, I wrote before about the horror of receiving a bill for close on £17,000 dating back fourteen years and finding it practically impossible to provide evidence from that long ago to prove what Robbie was doing then and that he was not liable for the bill. The worry about the alleged debt has been crushing and the work involved to challenge it has not only been exhausting it has taken over our lives. However other shattering events have made us realise that our troubles pale into insignificance compared to the sorrow that others have to face. A young girl known to one of my children killed herself a week ago. I can only begin to imagine the total desolation that her parents must feel; it is such a terrible waste of a young and talented life, it is so totally pointless that words fail me.

It seems wrong to write about the death of a pet in the same post as the tragic loss of a young woman on the brink of adulthood. I mean no disrespect, but to us the loss of Megan was extremely painful. A week ago I came home from work to find that she was unsteady on her feet, she could walk, but not very well and she seemed to be having difficulty eating – a sure sign that something was wrong. Meg and Robbie were great friends and like Robbie Meg not only cleared her own plate in record time, she would clear everyone else’s scraps! Meg was about nine months old when we adopted her from a rehoming centre; she was a failed sheepdog - because she was afraid of sheep! She was afraid of all sorts of things, but she was a very good natured dog with a passion for ball games - she could handle a football far better than most of the England team! She was about fifteen and very much part of our family, we knew that she would not last forever, but we were not ready to lose her. That evening it became clear that she had suffered a stroke and the only kind option was to have her put to sleep rather than allow her to suffer. We miss her very much, even the cats miss her, but she had a good life and she brought a lot of happiness to our lives. 

'Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole'.

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.

The words of the Swedish proverb used in the title are very true, but sadly the worries that have been haunting us and prevent me from keeping up with the blog  in recent days cast a very big shadow indeed because the situation has potentially devastating consequences. Robbie has received a demand from CSA/CMEC for payment of almost £17,000 arrears! The alleged arrears date from a period from 1998 to 2001 when he was still living with his ex partner (they even had a joint bank account!) but despite having an open case with CSA (and paying diligently) since 2002 when he and his partner split up, he had never been made aware of these alleged arrears. It is proving almost impossible to prove where he lived in 1998 since even employment records and bank records do not go back that far. The trouble is that CSA do not need to prove the arrears, he has to prove that he doesn't owe it, in the meantime CSA can use all the considerable powers at their disposal to take the money. It is very very scary, we simply haven't got that sort of money so the future looks very bleak. Our MP is helping us, but it is a very worrying time.

Lost For Words

Photo by ZoofyTheJi

It is not really true that I am lost for words. I could write about Robbie's missing pants (again), he got so wound up about two missing pairs of black pants yesterday. One pair wasn't missing at all, they were folded in the pile of laundry that I had taken up to the bedroom the previous evening. Apparently I hadn't folded them correctly and on the way to the station he patiently explained how to fold his underwear and amazingly he survived - I must be mellowing in my old age!  The other pair of favourite pants were not far away either, he 'found' them this morning and stood there waving them at me triumphantly in the style of a bull fighter - it isn't the best sight first thing in the morning! 


I could write about the roof leaking when we had torrential rain last Saturday night. It dripped through the ceiling on to Robbie's side of the bed, it ruined some of his precious railway books and it spoiled the covers of some of his vinyl records. He was so angry about it. After rescuing his things and finding a container to catch the water he stormed off to sleep on the sofa and I was left wide awake worrying about how much it is going to cost to fix the roof. It will be a huge amount because it will require scaffolding. 

Photo by Laura Jones

What I really want to write about is how much I love Robbie and how useless I feel sometimes. I am not a soppy, sentimental sort of person but I do care deeply about him and I have been terribly worried by the level of pain that he has been experiencing in recent months. Pain is exhausting and constant pain can be really lowering because it affects everything you do and it changes the way you feel about yourself. Robbie is so strong and so determined to be 'normal' (in his own unique way) but it gets him down when his back hurts and his legs misbehave. I can't take his pain away but I can be strong and help him to accept the need for more effective long term pain management. I can make sure he takes his tablets and help him to cope with the rather unpleasant side effects. The tablets make him very tired, waking him up in the morning is like trying to raise the dead. Sometimes he gets very cross with me and he has been known to tell me to go away in no uncertain terms, but I don't take too much notice of that. One way or another we will get through this. It will take a long time and a lot of trial and error to find the correct medication and the correct dose to manage the pain without devastating side effects. I need to be strong, I will not let him give up.

Difficult Times

This weekend started fairly normally but it took a turn for the worse and we have had a desperately worrying time. Robbie and Sam spent part of Saturday out in the garden doing battle with the fence. They worked hard and they finally dug out the lump of concrete that had been obstructing the fence posts. We now have all the posts in place and just one fence panel missing as Robbie still has to dig out a shrub which is obstructing that part of the fence.

My mum rang during the morning to say that my step father wasn't very well, he had a headache, he had been sick and he was very sleepy. None of those things sound too serious on their own, but I could tell that my mum was worried and I told her to call the doctor. She was given advice by phone and told to ring again if she was still worried. By evening she was worried enough to call again. The doctor came out and David was admitted to hospital, so mum went too. We went to bed but were on call ready to go and fetch my mum when she was ready to go home. She called at about 4am and we went off to fetch her, David was having tests to see if he'd had a stroke. Within an hour or so mum was called back and told that David had been bleeding inside the brain and he was very sick. We took her back and Robbie stayed with her while I got hold of my brother. By 9am he was being prepared for transfer to John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford and within hours he was undergoing brain.

David was doing OK by yesterday evening, but everyone seemed concerned about how I was coping. Yesterday was my birthday, five years ago I spent my birthday sitting with my husband Eric waiting for him to die, sheer willpower kept him alive until the following day. Many years ago my Dad also died just days before my birthday, I know it is just coincidence but it is hardly surprising that September is not my favourite month! I will write about my birthday in my next post.

The Waiting Game 03.03.08

I went to hospital today. My GP had referred me 'just to be sure' or so she said. That was weeks ago, in fact the symptoms first started to bother me in early December. I'm not good at waiting, and finding myself in limbo land waiting and wondering wasn't helping at all. My appointment came through for late April and it seemed like such a long time to wait, but on Friday they rang to offer me a cancellation. So this morning found me worrying quite unnecessarily about what I should wear for my appointment. I am constantly amazed by my ability to obsess about trivia. It really didn't matter what I wore because I was obliged to swap my own clothes for a distinctly unflattering cape type gown. The embarrassment of meeting the consultant only bruised my dignity, next on the agenda was a mammogram and the bruises from that were much more tangible. I'm sure they could have found an easier way to deal with such things by now. If men had to have their most sensitive parts clamped in a vice like grip between two plates while standing in a contorted position in order to achieve a diagnosis, I think they would soon apply their minds to a better way of doing things. I wonder why we just put up with the pain, maybe for the same reason that we meekly queue up to use public toilets - we just get used to it.

When they had exhausted all possibilities in terms of indignity I was sent off to wait in the waiting room while the consultant reviewed the images. I read the ancient copy of Woman's Own from beginning to end and I was just about to embark on a detailed examination of the notice board when I was called back into the consulting room. I didn't like the sound of this and for a fleeting moment I considered making a run for it. The consultant wasn't happy with the pictures and had asked for them to be done again - such joy! They had come up with some variations on the original torture treatment, this time I had to stand on one leg with one breast cramped so tightly that it made my eyes water while the other breast was flung over my shoulder - well, it felt like that anyway! Back in the waiting room I aged visibly as waited for the consultant to review the new pictures, it really was starting to bother me. Eventually I was informed that they were happy and there was nothing to worry about and with a grateful sigh I headed home.

Obsessions 14.09.2007

Robbie has been at it again - getting obsessive. He is struggling to cope because I am re organising the kitchen cupboards and I haven't consulted him, so he is feeling really out of control. He has moaned about every new container or storage box and demanded to know exactly what it was for and why. It came to head when I bought a towel rail and he had a moan about it and demanded to know where I thought I was going to put it - I was so tempted to speak my thoughts! I think he got the message and he has been a bit more cautious about kitchen matters for a day or two. Instead he has directed his attention to socks. He claims that his new 'best' socks have been pilfered. Why is it always his 'best' socks that go missing? He went on and on about them being from M&S as if they should get preferential treatment. I have no interest in his socks, I just wash them, dry them and pair them up and I told him very clearly that if he was suggesting that I lost them in the wash he could do his own laundry in future. There was a sudden backtracking and a hint that Sam could be responsible. Two points cast doubt on this, I bought Sam 30 pairs of school socks for the start of term and if Sam tried to wear Robbie's long socks he would look ridiculous, they would go almost up to his thigh. I don't think they are lost at all just in the wrong place among Robbie's things. I explained all this to him last night and I thought he had dropped the subject, but I was woken at 1am by a searchlight shining directly into my eyes and a lot of movement on Robbie's side of the bed - he was looking for his socks!! I think he worked out that I was not happy and he beat a hasty retreat, by the time he came to bed I was fast asleep. Of all the things in this world to worry about why choose socks!