Problem Pets 01.11.07

Yesterday was an odd day. Shortly after Robbie left for work I glanced out of the kitchen window and saw Meg wandering around the garden wearing some sort of contraption around her neck with an additional piece dragging along behind her. I couldn't believe my eyes, it looked as if she was ploughing the garden - it could probably do with something radical like ploughing! On closer inspection I realised that she was wearing what remained of the dog flap! She is a lovely dog, but possibly not the brightest of the canine world. It shouldn't be too difficult to guess what 'Bob the Builder' will be doing this weekend.

When Sam and Laura had been safely despatched to school, I was ready to indulge in a few moments of luxury, a nice relaxing bath. Seconds after settling myself into the bath there was an almighty crash, so close that it could only be someone breaking into the house. I sat still, listening to Meg's frantic barking, eventually she stopped and the house was silent. Realising that my present situation put me at considerable disadvantage in tackling a 'mad bad axeman'. I got dried and dressed in record time and walked quietly downstairs (suitably armed) to investigate the clatter. It was immediately obvious what had happened, the hall curtains, rail and all were on the floor and Oreo was on the windowsill. That dratted cat had tried to climb up the curtains and had managed to bring the whole lot down. I am starting to see the attraction of a goldfish as a pet!

Men are Better Than Women (Allegedly!!!!!) 23.05.07

I listened to a program on Radio 4 about the differences in the way men and women read maps. The theory being that men read maps by taking a sort of birds eye view approach while women orientate the map to themselves. Maybe that's true, but of the men in my life there are some very interesting strategies going on. My first husband was fairly OK at map reading, but tended not to read the instructions and navigated mainly by instinct, on many occasions this took him miles out of his way. My stepfather has to do a dummy run the day before (he is a belt and braces sort of person!). My brother in law is hopeless and he manages to get lost every time he ventures out of his home town, he can get lost equally easily with or without a map. Laura is an excellent map reader, but Emily still gets lost going to the corner shop and Sam has a very good memory and can remember routes and landmarks very clearly. Robbie can read a map but he has the attention span of a goldfish so he us not an ideal navigator when travelling by car. I tend to plan in advance for unfamiliar journeys, I usually have a look at an online route finder, check to see if it makes sense then print the map and directions, I glance through the directions but I find it easier to work from the map.

On the radio program a man and a woman were set a task to navigate from A to B in Milton Keynes. I have got lost there more than once because everything looks the same, there are few landmarks, but my first husband thought that it was simplicity itself to find his way around Milton Keynes, he liked the straight lines and the symmetry so I guess that indicates a different thought process. I had to pick Emily and her friend up from Milton Keynes after a concert, the police had made everyone walk away from the concert venue to be picked up. I asked Emily to describe the landmarks so that I could find her - she said she was standing next to a tree near a roundabout, it was like looking for a needle in a haystack!

The radio program repeated the old joke explaining that men have to produce millions of sperm per 'go' for just one to have a chance of reaching the target - because none of them are willing to ask for directions! Now that is true, men don't read instructions and they don't ask for directions.

Baffled by Technology 28.03.07

Robbie seems to be in shock after tidying his desk on Monday. Apparently he has even admitted to being baffled by technology, usually it is the other way around - technology is baffled by him! He loves his gadgets and geeky stuff and I suppose I do too, but sometimes I have to beg him to shut up! I like to know how things work, but the intricate detail that Robbie treats me to leaves me begging for mercy. My mum brought me up to believe that a woman could do anything better than a man for two reasons, we think about it first and we read the instructions!! She was absolutely right of course, she was almost always right (that’s where I get it from!). Robbie knows a huge amount about computers etc, but he doesn’t always find the simplest way to achieve things. Being a train person his attitude seems to be ‘why go from A to B when you could go the scenic route via C,D,E and F’ Fair enough for train spotting and certain other activities, but when applied to computers, cooking or most other daily activities it can be infuriating!

Robbie has a dreadful sense of direction and his map reading in the car always causes a heated argument. He has the attention span of a goldfish and rather than following the map he tells me the route the train would take, or he gives detailed train time or he manages to remember when the line closed to passenger traffic and how long freight continued after that! All very interesting I suppose, but not when it causes me to miss my turn and travel miles out of my way. He has even caused me to make an emergency stop (not recommended on the motorway) when he yelled LOOK at the top of his voice. I thought he was warning me of a hazard, but he had only spotted a train in the distance!
I shouldn’t moan, listening to his stories about his work mates it is clear that some of their wives have far worse to put up with!