'....... A rare and gentle thing'

I started writing this on Saturday, so it relates to the last days of October.

It's been a strange week, the clocks went back last weekend and it has taken me most of the week to adjust my body clock. The weather  has been surprisingly warm and pleasant for the start of November so the darker evenings seem strangely out of place. The autumn has always been my least favourite time of the year, and the dark evenings with their reminder of the long winter months ahead have left me feeling a bit out of sorts. Robbie is working away at the moment so I only see him at the weekends, it's an arrangement that works well for both of us, but I miss him - there's a limit to the conversation skills of a cat, even an extremely eloquent one like Dave. Our family has a huge black cloud hanging over us at the moment, something which I don't feel able to discuss in detail on the blog but it makes thinking ahead very difficult. I have plenty of work and other responsibilities to keep me busy and usually I am quite good at living in the present, but the dark evenings and the challenges of this week have got the better of me. 

It may not mean much to anyone else but something happened on Wednesday morning which felt like a sign of hope. When I woke up I became aware of a slight fluttering which was odd as I hadn't left the bedroom window open. I realised that there was a butterfly in the bedroom and it had settled on Robbie's bedside table. It stayed there for a while and then it settled on the net curtain so I opened the window for it to go out when it was ready. I got on with my morning routine and didn't go back into the bedroom for an hour or so, I expected that the butterfly would have gone on its way but I was surprised to see that were now two butterflies on the window. I don't remember having a butterfly in my bedroom before and I'm certain that there have never been two. In fact I don't recall seeing a butterfly so late in the year. I managed to get a photo of the first one, I think it's a Small Tortoiseshell, the photo quality is not very good but it was nice to be able to see it close up, it was beautiful, so fragile with the delicate colouring of a watercolour painting.

      

“Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you” - Nathaniel Hawthorne

“Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away.” - Ben Hecht

Friday 2nd August

In theory today should have been a fairly easy day as I was well ahead with my packing and I didn't have too many jobs left to do before our holiday, but I hadn't taken Robbie into account. He has been working so hard recently and he had loads to do before he could think about the holiday. He asked me to take him to Marks and Spencer's in his lunch break because he wanted some more shorts and a couple of other bits and bobs. It was a fleeting trip, but he got what he needed. Then he had to get back to work while I went off to do a few more errands. 

I began to think that Robbie would never be able finish his work in time, but at last he closed his laptop and announced that he was ready to help with the packing. He packed his railway DVDs, an N gauge railway set with lots of extras, three Lego sets (Technic, Lone Ranger and Back to the future), a selection of railway books, a graphic novel, stacks of magazines, his jigsaw board, binoculars and assorted gadgets. He seemed to think that he had completed his packing and I had to remind him that he would probably need clothes as well as toys. He claims that he would like to be a naturist, but I don't think Norfolk is ready for that!!

Finally all the annoying little jobs were done, the car was packed and everything was ready for us to make an early start in the morning. Robbie turned back to his work to have one last attempt to solve an annoying planning problem that had chosen to rear it's ugly head at a most inconvenient moment from Robbie's point of view. I don't know how long he spent in search of a solution because I had gone to bed and I was asleep long before he came upstairs.

Normal Service Has Been Resumed

Probably those words will not mean anything to younger people, but they will be very familiar to my generation. When I was a child it was fairly common for technical difficulties to interrupt television programmes (there were only three channels back then) and the when things went wrong they would put up the test card and play music until they could fix the problem. The announcer would tell us that "normal service will be resumed as soon as possible" and we would wait hoping that the break in service wouldn't last very long and even normal broadcasting was about to resume the announcer would say ".... Normal service has been resumed"

From the point of view of the blog 'normal service has been resumed'. I stopped writing the blog several months ago because I was unwell and my stamina levels were extremely low. It was a real struggle just to cope with the essentials of life. I was determined that the blog would not become a miserable tale of woes, but it was such a struggle to keep my writing bright and up beat when I had been feeling unwell for so long that I was losing hope of ever feeling better.

The good news is that after attending a lot of hospital appointments and seeing three different consultants I am finally getting better. I am not coughing anymore - well not much anyway! More importantly I have reason to hope that this is not just a temporary calm between bouts of illness, but a sign that we are dealing with the  causes of the problem rather than the symptoms. There is still a long way to go but I feel so much better.

So what has been happening with us over the last few months? I suppose there are lots of things that I should have written about, but I will catch up with some of those over the next few weeks. Robbie has been working in Darlington for the greater part of each week. Surprisingly it is an arrangement that suits us both fairly well, Robbie enjoys the work and staying in Darlington is better than a long commute every day. I miss him of course but it is nice not having to get up before the birds every day to take him to the station. I'd better make the most of it because his contract ends in mid September and his next contract will involve a daily commute. He is really looking forward to a new challenge and it will be nice to have him at home again. My daughter obtained her post graduate qualification in June and she is now a fully qualified geography teacher. She has a job at a school about half an hour away from our home and she is looking forward to the new challenges that the September term will bring. 

Robbie and I are getting ready to go on holiday to Norfolk, so I will do my best to update the blog every day, but the Internet connection in Norfolk is precarious that I will not make any promises! I probably will not be able to add any photos I get home again.

Money Makes the World Go Around

I wasn't so concerned about the world going around, thanks to Robbie it was me who was going around in ever decreasing circles. He had an appointment somewhere north of here (I forgot to ask exactly where, but it involved heading towards Birmingham on a train). I altered my usual Monday routine so that I could drop him at the station at the time he wanted. I came back to the house to pick him up and he told me that he was ready, he just had to put his boots on, so I went out and waited in the car. Robbie turned up a few minutes later and I drove him to the station. He said a cheery goodbye and trundled off to buy a coffee for his journey and I drove back across town to the supermarket.

I parked the car in the supermarket car park and as I walked across to get a trolley I opened my handbag to get a pound coin out of my purse. My heart sank, there in my handbag was Robbie's wallet!! I turned around and went back to the car, I sent Robbie a text to let him know I was heading back to the station. I thought it would take me about half an hour to return the wallet and get back to the supermarket, after all Robbie couldn't go anywhere without money to buy a ticket. How wrong I was!! Baldrick Burgess had apparently bought his ticket for today's trip at the end of last week when he was at the station. So, when I arrived back at Northamptom station Robbie was just arriving at Rugby! I had to sit and wait, getting increasingly irritated while he travelled back from Rugby.

Finally he arrived looking very sheepish, I reunited him with his wallet and dashed back to the supermarket. I rushed around gathering the essentials in my trolley, but I didn't have time to do a proper shop because it was almost time for me to go to work. Men!! 

Everyone wants to escape sometimes

I am getting bored with this now, the snow is still here and it looks as if it intends to stay. My son's school was closed and my daughter was unable to drive to Leicester to get to university, so we had the pleasure of their company at home. My son wandered around with an air of disapproval and he resisted all my efforts to encourage him to do something useful. My daughter was less visible but it was clear that our weekday routine was getting in the way of her plans for the day

Robbie was up and ready for work very early this morning, he wanted to get all his work done so that he could finish early and go out this afternoon. The snow has kept him away from the railways for a few days and it doesn't take long for him to get withdrawal symptoms. So this afternoon I braved the weather and the roads to drive Robbie to the station. The main roads were not too bad but if you strayed on to the very icy side roads you had to take your life in your hands.  

I only had an hour of 'peace' without Robbie, then I had to go to work, but it least it gave my son and daughter a chance to watch television and take possession of the lounge for a few hours. Robbie returned late but happy, the train for his return journey was rather special (according to Robbie) so he had plenty to tell me about his afternoon. I'd been worried about him falling over in the snow, but thankfully he managed to stay upright thanks to his Dr Martens shoes.

Adults behaving strangely ..................................

This evening my son informed me that Robbie and I were "weirding him out" by our strange behaviour. No, Robbie wasn't being inappropriately affectionate, he wasn't even talking too much or bouncing about like Tigger. We were both sitting down quietly enjoying the warmth of the fire (it is very cold tonight) and I was reciting poetry to him. I guess that is a bit odd even for us, but while we were out yesterday Robbie pointed out a pub called the Lamplighter and it rekindled a long lost memory for me. When I was a young child I had book of poems by Robert Louis Stevenson called A Child's Garden of Verses and one of my favourite poems from that book was called The  Lamplighter. Once I had started to remember old favourites several more came flooding back to my mind and I wanted to share them with Robbie. Apparently his childhood was devoid of poetry - or to be more accurate he doesn't remember much from his school days! I guess people only remember things that matter to them, Robbie has a very good memory for music, but I don't because most of it passed me by in the first place - I have never really been into music.

Perhaps my son would have been more in his 'comfort zone' if he'd herd us arguing earlier today. It is nice having Robbie working from home or at least it is nice most of the time, but there are times when I wish him many miles away! Today he offered to cook me beans on toast for lunch. I think it was part of his 'cunning plan' because he waited until my food was in front of me and I started eating, then he pounced. He announced that he intended to reorganise the way that we store cutlery. It was difficult for me to respond with my mouth full, but I made my feelings crystal clear. There is no way that he is going to mess with the cutlery, I like things the way they are where I can find them. There is plenty to keep him busy, there are countless things that need changing in this house, but I am not going to let him mess with the kitchen! 

The first step, my son, which one makes in the world, is the one on which depends the rest of our days - Voltaire

I'd had a rather challenging time at work yesterday and by the time I got home I was exhausted. As I sat down on the sofa with a welcome cup of tea, my daughter looked up from marking a pile of exercise books and asked if my son had told me about Northampton - he hadn't. Her face was serious and I felt a jolt of dread inside me as I asked if he'd heard about his university interview. My daughter told me that he had, then it seemed as if time stood still as I waited for her to tell me more. Then suddenly she was speaking again and her words "he got an offer" echoed inside my head.

I was so pleased for my son. Of course it is only the first step, now he has to work hard and get the required grades as well as getting as much classroom experience as he can in the next few months. Where did all those years go, it doesn't seem possible that my son can be making plans to go to university! It makes me feel very old, but I am very proud of him.

Silently, like thoughts that come and go, the snowflakes fall, each one a gem. ~ William Hamilton Gibson

We woke to find that a dusting of snow had covered our world during the night. By the time I looked out and noticed the snow it was almost 7am and the morning traffic had already reclaimed the road which had a slushy grey appearance in contrast with the white pavements and gardens. The parked cars were still swathed in blankets of white, the snow gave the street a gentler magical appearance but it would not last. Soon the world would be awake and the unspoilt snow would be crushed underfoot and reality would chase away the magic. 

I thought about my daughter who was just leaving the house to drive to her teaching placement in Corby I hoped that she would have a safe journey. My other daughter did not have very far to drive so I was less worried about her and thankfully Robbie was working at home today so I could keep an eye on him and hopefully make sure that he stayed safe. He fell over in the snow just before Christmas when he was working in Darlington and he hurt himself quite badly so I can't help worrying about him.

At about 11am snow began falling again, at first it was not very much but before long it was snowing heavily and it looked as if it had come to stay. I had an earlier start at work than usual,so I had to get all my errands done despite the snow. The roads were a bit slippery but not too bad and I managed to get everything done. The snow seemed to give Robbie a wanderlust and he asked if I could drop him at the station on my way to work. He said he wanted to mix business with pleasure and spend a few hours 'out and about' on the railways. I couldn't say no, I just hoped that he would stay safe and not fall over. He returned safe and sound with some lovely photos.

The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event.  You go to bed in one kind of world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment then where is it to be found?  
                                                        J.B. Priestley

Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book, write a good one.

2013 arrived with a bang or to be more accurate it arrived with an irritating cacophony of bangs from fireworks which began way before midnight and went on for far too long afterwards. I don't approve of fireworks at New Year, they are a fairly recent intrusion into our new year celebrations, when I was young fireworks we only had fireworks on 5th November. It is a pity we can't go back to the way things used to be, in fact it I would be happier if they banned them completely except for organised displays because they are dangerous and they frighten pets and other animals  

Yesterday we spent the day at my mum's house celebrating her birthday. It was a real house full, my brother, his partner, my two little nephews, as well as my family. It was such a lovely day, my youngest nephew has just learned to walk and he spent the day showing off his new skill. His big brother who is four and a half enjoyed lots of attention from his grown up cousins. Today was a perfect start to the new year, my mum and stepfather spent the day with us, it was a nice relaxed family time. So we spent the last day of the old year and the first day of the new year with some of the people who matter most to us, our family. Tomorrow we will be back at work and the I will be up at the crack of dawn to drop Robbie at the station. I don't really mind, I have some very happy memories of Christmas and the New Year, we have to get back to work and the normal day to day routine because the bills will not pay themselves. For now Robbie is making the most of his freedom, he is sitting at the table playing with his Lego! When I have finished writing for the blog I am going to answer the first question in my five year question and answer journal.

Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store - Dr Seuss

Well Christmas came and went and if I'd blinked I think I would have missed it. It seems as if it passed in a blur of activity, I was so busy at work prior to Christmas and Robbie was away a lot because he also had a very busy period work wise; it was busy at home too because I had lots to do to get ready for my son's 18th birthday on 20th December so it was a challenge to get ready for Christmas at the same time. It all worked out well in the end, somehow everything got done in time, my son had a lovely birthday and we enjoyed spending time with our family over Christmas. I would have been happier if I didn't have to work on Christmas Eve and on Boxing Day, but that's the way it works out sometimes.

Robbie had lots of nice presents including a couple of new additions to his weird and wacky collection of cufflinks, boxed sets of the first three series of Ice Road Truckers, an assortment of railway books (including a very nice book of then and now railway maps) and several items to add to his Lego collection including a Lego train set with a Lego station. Unfortunately he wasn't very well on Christmas Day so his inner child was more subdued than usual - but he made up for it in the next few days!

I had lots of lovely presents too. I had perfume, a David Attenborough dvd (he is one of my all time heroes) and a dvd set that I have wanted for years, The Victorian Kitchen, Victorian Kitchen Garden and Victorian Flower Garden (one of my all time television favourites). I also had a five year question and answer  journal, it poses a question every day but the answer may differ from year to year. Robbie bought me a very thoughtful and generous present, and I was very pleased with it, but I had ethical objections to the brand. I really didn't want to tell him, but he worked it out and he was very understanding about it. After Christmas he took it back so that I could buy from a different (better) company. He wasn't brave enough to tell the Apple Store why he was returning it, but I guess if it is that important I can write and tell them why they lost the sale. I haven't quite decided what I am going to buy yet, I don't want to make my mind up too quickly because I am really enjoying 'window shopping'.

Pushing the Boundaries of Time

Well, last week was quite a week! Robbie announced his new venture to the world and after spending a couple of days earlier in the week 'getting all his ducks in a row' concerning the admin side of his company he is now hard at work. It was nice having him at home for a week or two, but it is good to get back to something like a normal routine.

Unfortunately 'normal' involves some very early starts. Getting up at 4.30am on a dark and dismal October morning is a bit of an effort, but once I'm up I'm okay. Getting up is the easy bit, getting Robbie out and to the station on time is more of a challenge. He always plans well and has everything prepared the night before, but in the morning there is always a frantic few minutes with Robbie trotting around on 'fast forward' dressed only in socks in the style of Benny Hill. Then having tested my stress levels almost beyond endurance he is suited and booted and ready to go.
   
It is one of those unfathomable things about men is that they consistently over estimate length except when it comes to journey comes to journey times - then they think they can achieve the impossible! Robbie seems to forget that I drive a Ford Galaxy not a time machine. He is so precise when it comes to train planning, so why can't he cope with allowing enough time for a car journey. His habit of providing time checks during the journey does nothing to ease my stress levels, I don't know why he does it but it doesn't get him there any quicker!

Moving On

There has been a long silence on the blog, over a week of saying nothing I wasn't able to talk about something that was happening, hence the reason for my silence but at last I can speak again. Robbie made the difficult decision that after almost fifteen years it was time to leave the company that he works for and set his sights on pastures new. It has been a very big decision and it has occupied our thoughts for months, but it was very important to do things properly and I couldn't mention it on the blog until everything was agreed with his employer and his departure had been announced. He is still technically with the company for a few weeks longer, but he is now using up leave, his last working day was last Friday.

In the weeks leading up to his departure there were several important jobs to be done including emptying his cupboard and his desk. It sounds simple enough doesn't it, but this is Robbie that we are talking about! It took a huge amount of effort but thanks to the effort of two wonderful 'helpers' his cupboard was emptied - it is just as well that my Ford Galaxy has the rear seats removed because the contents of his cupboard filled the car. I thought that was the end of it but more bags and boxes followed as he emptied his desk - even a tardis couldn't hold that much 'stuff' so we now have a a lifetime of timetables that were taking up house room. It seems that he has several copies of every leaflet ever published by a train company, he also has the largest mug collection known to man and other sundry 'junk' that will fill at least 20 archive boxes!! By junk I mean old tickets, reservation slips and assorted stuff that 'normal' people would throw away. I have tried to be understanding but it is difficult, I feel as if I am drowning in clutter. I am ashamed to admit that you can't actually see our garage any more, the utility room has become a store room and all things railway related have invaded the bedroom!! Just occasionally I crave a a bit of 'normality'. When I told Robbie how I felt he told me that in 100 years time it will be an important historical archive. I wasn't as reassured by that as he expected, after all in 100 years (or even 50 years) I will not be around.

“One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.” – Socrates.

Being the parent of a teenager certainly keeps you 'real'. There was a time in my 20s and 30s when I thought  that I was reasonably intelligent with a fairly wide general knowledge. There was a time when my children were little that they looked up to me and trusted me to answer all their questions, but now they treat me as if I know nothing. My son is always keen to share his 'vast knowledge of life' accumulated over 17 years! To be fair he does have a wide general knowledge, but like most young people he only sees things in black and white, he will need to notch up a few more years before he starts to see shades of grey and then he will gradually realise how much he doesn't know. Until then he is content to tease me abort my astounding ignorance. I am not very good at sitting still and I have never been terribly interested in films and television and with one or two notable exceptions I have no interest whatsoever in sport so it is hardly surprising that I do not know the names of actors or sports personalities. Not so long ago my son decided to test me to find out exactly how challenged I am when it comes to knowing who does what. The whole family roared with laughter when I though that George Clooney could be a golfer, apparently he is an actor. I don't mind the teasing, after all if we did a similar test on history, poetry, literature or various other things I am fairly sure that I would know more than them!

Recently I encountered a woman who told me that she intended to return the game that she had bought for £32.99 the previous day because it was not fit for purpose. I asked what was wrong with it and she said that the questions were much to hard (the game was age 12 to adult). I must have looked a bit sceptical because she told me what some of the questions were.

- Who was Nebuchadnezzar

- What is an archipelago

- Who was Samuel Pepys

I was able to answer all the questions so she posed a few more which I also answered correctly. It was probably just luck that she chose questions that I was able to answer, but I was deeply offended when she told me that I only knew the answers because I am old! I thought (but didn't say) that old or not, I would not wish to publicise my ignorance by returning a game because it was too difficult! Maybe I am old, but I like to think that I could answer the questions because I have a wide general knowledge and I had a good education.

These little episodes along with the start of an annual recruitment phase at the company I work for has led me to realise that it takes all sorts to make a world - and it takes all sorts to make a good workforce. A group of people with different and complementary skills (and personalities) will make a stronger and more competent workforce. Only a fool appoints in his/her own image.

Fox on the Run

I am lucky that I see foxes fairly frequently in the area where I live. We are in the town but there are allotments and parks close by and there have been foxes around here for as long as I can remember. I had never seen a fox near my work place until yesterday. It was daylight but as I pulled out of the car park and drove towards the road a young fox crossed in front of me. It had come from the the Starbucks drive-throu (without observing the one way signs) and when it had crossed in front of me it cut through some undergrowth. It then skirted behind a couple of my colleagues who were chatting near their cars without them even noticing it! I lost sight of it after that but it really cheered me up to see it. I know that they kill indiscriminately if they get into a hen house or the like, but I can't help thinking that they add something to our lives too.

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire - William Butler Yeats

The other day I was looking back at old pieces of writing and I found a one day diary for 17th October 2006, I wrote it for a writing project that I was involved in. There was a paragraph about our chaotic morning routine

"Then my day kicked into a higher gear.  I had just five minutes to shower and vacate the bathroom.  I would love to wallow in the warm water, but time demands otherwise.  At 7am I wake my three children aged 17, 15 and 11, after a lull for a few minutes while they wake up suddenly there is chaos.  Everyone wants the bathroom at the same time, someone needs a button sewn on, daughter wants me to sign a slip for school, son can’t find an exercise book, older daughter wants money for a music book. Where have all the socks gone? Why hasn’t my rugby shirt been washed? The demands continue, son get sent back to do his teeth properly and at 7.55, only 5 minutes late, I leave with son packed into the passenger seat."

The diary went on to record the rest of the day, it seemed as if I spent my whole day rushing around trying to do my best for everyone and to somehow fit everything around my work. It still feels like that sometimes, but I think things are a little bit easier now - or at least the stresses are different! 

Camera Shy - (centre) look at those heels!

On Thursday I went to daughter number two's graduation, the 15 year old from the diary entry is now 21 and, just like her older sister she has worked very hard and done extremely well with her education. I feel very proud of both of them, not just because of their academic achievements but because they are hard workers and they have become capable and sensible young women.   I was so proud to be present at my daughter's graduation on Thursday and I wish her every success at Leicester University next year.

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can - Danny Kaye

What am I going to do with Robbie? We are both on leave from work and we had big plans for our week together, in fact we had something planned for every day, but at the end of last week Robbie expressed a burning desire to travel to Weymouth on Monday. When I asked why he wanted to go to Weymoyth he looked at me as if I was mad and told me "that's where the train goes". It was the train that was the attraction not the destination. To be fair he said I could go with him and he offered some sort of explanation about it being a new route or a new timetable or something like that. I had switched off by then, the idea of another marathon train journey did not appeal to me after our trip to the South West on Saturday. He seems to have had a good time but I wasn't best pleased when he announced (from a safe distance - he didn't tell me until he got to Weymouth) that I had to stay up until after midnight to go and fetch him from the station!

While Robbie was away I shopped for a picnic lunch for the next day because we had planned a trip to the National Railway Museum. We didn't need an especially early start, but after the late night Robbie had difficulty getting himself into gear, so in the end we decided to have a more relaxed day and stay local. We needed to go and pick up a parcel from the sorting office so we decided that we would pop into the farm shop as well. They didn't have any dripping for Robbie, but we bought a couple of other treats instead. The farm shop is part of a small outlet centre attached to the garden centre, so we had a look at the other shops too. I had forgotten that they had a clothing outlet there, but it didn't take long for Robbie to spot the Weird Fish stuff. He found so many T shirts that he liked, I guess they were OK but they were all very loud, so I wandered off hoping that he would follow. I was looking around a jewellry shop when Robbie came bounding in to tell me that he had seen some nice shorts and he wanted me to look at them. As we went back towards the shorts he said that I would like them because they were a bit more subtle than his usual choice. They were black and white in the loudest pattern imaginable, I didn't like them at all but according to Robbie's logic they were subtle because they didn't contain any bright colours!! 

Pyjama Problems

Robbie had a better night last night, partly because he didn't dare to go to bed until it was almost time to get up! I know he must be feeling as tired as I am because trying to wake him up this morning was like trying to wake the dead. I think it's a minor miracle that he managed to get to the station in time for his usual train this morning. I am rather worried that he will be sound asleep by the time he gets to New Street, but hopefully it will be a service that terminates there and he will not wake up to find himself heading further north!

On the subject of sleep my son has a problem. Most people think that being one of only a handful of boys at a girls school would be a dream come true, but it can cause unexpected problems. On Friday his school have a pyjama day to raise funds for something or other. He doesn't possess any pyjamas, he usually wears boxers in bed. He does have a onesie but he claims is skin tight and it would attract too much attention if he wore it to school. So it looks as if he will have to pass on the PJs and just go to school in his normal clothes. Chatting to him about this reminded me of a PJ related incident when he was about eight or nine and trying to be very grown up. At 17 he doesn't like to be reminded of the things he did when he was younger but I treasure all those funny little memories.  

2004
There was a funny little episode last week with S. A couple of days before he went to his first sleepover he said he absolutely had to have some deodorant – Sure for Men Sensitive to be exact. We went to get him some deodorant, but while at the shop he asked for FCUK pre shave face wash. I pointed out that he doesn't shave but he said "it says pre shave, and I will shave one day so it is ideal for me". He went to the sleepover with his grown up toiletries and his new leather jacket looking really cool. A couple of days after he got back I asked him if his mates had been impressed by his grown up stuff. He gave me a long stare, then in a very serious voice he said "you spoiled the effect mum, you packed my Buzz Lightyear pyjamas!" 

Route Knowledge?

Robbie has been extending his route knowledge recently, or at least that's his excuse. The combination of disturbed sleep (due to pain) and new medication caught up with him on his journey to work and he fell asleep on the train before reaching New Street. He awoke to find himself heading for Walsall - the train had reached New Street and departed again! Fortunately he catches a very early train in order to have a more comfortable journey so even after his 'little diversion' he was still at work in good time. Poor Robbie, he put on a brave face and joked about 'route knowledge' but he was quite upset about it. Sometimes trying to manage chronic pain can make even the simplest things very difficult.

When I wrote my previous blog entry about Robbie leaving his trousers at work, I thought that was the end of his 'trouser troubles' but the drama continued. Despite being exactly the same size as the trousers that he already has (that fit him perfectly) the new trousers didn't fit, so I had to deal with a very disappointed Robbie. We had the folded arms, the sulky look and the jutting bottom lip, but eventually he had to accept defeat and order a different size. The new ones arrived on Friday, but he has been so poorly that he hasn't tried them on yet - I think I will cry if these don't fit! 

Stopping to Look Both Ways

We have had a lovely Christmas this year, nice food to eat, nice presents, but most important of all we were able to enjoy time with the people we love. We always have good intentions but life can be so busy that far too long can slip by without us spending quality time with family and friends. So the Christmas break has been especially important to us, we have enjoyed special moments with our wider family. It is rare that we are all together at the same time so that makes it extra special. After all the activity and chaos of Christmas, Robbie and I appreciated a few days of quiet with nothing much to do and all day to do it. Usually our days start very early, so not being ruled by the alarm clock has been fantastic and I think it has done us both good to have time to unwind. Despite all the pre Christmas stress, I have really enjoyed this Christmas break and I will be sorry to see Robbie return to work tomorrow.


I am not a fan of new year celebrations. It always seems rather sad to be closing the door on the old year and I look ahead to the new year with a certain amount of trepidation, wondering what new worries and challenges it has in store. It is odd really as I am not a pessimist and I tend to take most of the ups and downs of life in my stride, I think mostly it is just fear of the unknown. Every year the world changes a little bit, situations change, new people come into our lives and some become very important, and sadly other people are lost from our lives. As the year draws to a close we remember the familiar faces no longer with us who have brightened our lives in various ways. We may not know them personally but we are touched by their loss and we will miss them. Perhaps I am just getting old but it seems to me that we have said too many goodbyes in the last year. Among those that I will miss most are George Baker who brought Inspector Wexford to life, Jimmy Saville because there was no one quite like him, Peter Falk because I loved Colombo, David Croft who wrote Dads Army as well as other great comedy shows and brought so much pleasure, Billie Jo Spears because I loved her voice, and Edward Hardwicke who I will always think of as Dr Watson.

I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could - Orson Wells

Photo by Venteco

I came across the quote above (in the title) recently and I liked it very much because it makes me think of Robbie. It seems to sum him up perfectly, there is a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and you can never be sure that he will not misbehave. Unfortunately it is also true of his legs, even when he seems to be walking well you can never be completely sure that they will not misbehave. Sometimes they stop him in his tracks refusing to move at all, sometime one leg just gives way leaving him in a heap on the floor, but more often than not they just hurt really badly and walking or even just sitting still becomes an endurance test. 
Most people will know that Robbie hates what he refers to as 'green trains' with a passion. They are used by London Midland on his route to work and they simply don't offer him enough leg room to sit for an hour (to or from Birmingham) without unbearable pain. He goes to a lot of trouble to plan his journeys so that he avoids them. He gets up stupidly early every morning just to catch a 'blue train' to work and have a less painful journey. When he can't avoid the 'green trains' he has to break his journey at Coventry and wait for a train with more leg room. It takes such a lot of effort just to make a simple journey and it makes him very tired because he has a very long day, so it is not surprising that I worry about him. I have to be very careful what I say because he hates to make a fuss about his pain or to admit that he struggles sometimes. He will be cross with me for mentioning it, but my greatest fear is of him falling down the side of a train. He says it is just an irrational fear and I am being silly, but it has happened to him before and if it happened again I know he could get badly hurt. 


Yesterday when I got home from work I was very concerned because it was clear that he was in considerable pain. He wasn't exactly walking like John Wayne, more like John Wayne's grandad and every movement seemed to be agony for him. I did my best to help, but the frustrating thing is that there is so little I can do except to nag him to take his tablets. I try my best to tell him to be careful, but he still does as he likes. I admire him for that, he hates to give in, but I am so relieved that he had the sense to work from home today.