Every path hath a puddle - George Herbert

When I was thinking of a title for this blog post the quotation above seemed to to be a perfect fit, not least because this week began with a wet and miserable Monday. The cold wet morning came as quite a surprise after an unusually warm September and a surprisingly mild and sunny start to October. It was our ninth wedding anniversary on Saturday and we spent the weekend in Exeter. The choice of destination was a compromise, I had suggested a number of possible places to visit, but Robbie found fault with each one. At first I thought he was just being difficult but it didn't take me long to work out that Baldrick Burgess had a cunning plan to fit in a journey on an HST and he was going to veto every destination until I chose a place that suited his plan. I didn't mind too much, I'm not a fan of HSTs but it's not too much of a hardship and it gives Robbie a lot of pleasure. I didn't appreciate having to get up before the birds, but time together is precious and we were determined to enjoy the weekend to the full.

Robbie at our anniversary meal in Exeter

I like train journeys for many reasons, but perhaps more than anything else I value the thinking time and conversation. It is rare for either of us to sit still for so long with no demands on our time, and it is nice to be still and enjoy having time to chat. As it was our anniversary it is hardly surprising that we were in reflective mood. In a way marrying Robbie was an act of madness, we are a bit of an odd couple and I think a few of our friends doubted our sanity. For me the biggest commitment had been made a year earlier, exactly a year earlier in fact, in the first days of October ten years ago. Robbie and I had been together for just a few months when circumstances took a sudden and surprising turn. He rang me one morning in a state of great agitation, he had just been informed that he needed to take responsibility for his children on a full time basis starting that day. He had a one bedroom flat, which was large enough for his children to stay overnight with him once or twice a week, but it would have proved too cramped and ill equipped for a longer stay and it looked as if the children would be with him for several months. I didn't hesitate, the obvious solution was for them to come to me and so by that evening our three children each had become a blended family of six children. 

There were problems of course, but remarkably few, the children got on well and the Burgess children made the transition to a new school with little difficulty. Coping with six children was a very exhausting experience for me (and for Robbie) but I found it extremely rewarding. At the time my step children were 13, 9 and 5, each one was different but very like Robbie in their various ways. His son often asked to come with me in the car when I went to pick up my daughters from their music lessons or band practice. He was a gentle, thoughtful lad with a lovely nature; he loved to chat and like Robbie he was interested in a vast array of subjects. He shared my keen interest in history and like Robbie he had a passion for films and an eclectic taste in music. We had some fascinating conversations and he enjoyed listening to my music CDs. Robbie's older daughter was a clever and determined nine year old, who seemed older than her years. Like her older step sisters she enjoyed clothes and accessories and she had very firm opinions about what she should wear, in fact she had strong opinions about almost everything. She could be quite outspoken at times, and like Robbie tact wasn't her strong point - her disapproval when we were not having one of her favourite meals was expressed eloquently with just a look and a sigh. Even at age nine it was clear that she had the potential to do well in whatever she chose to do with her life. 

The five year old girl was like a miniature version of Robbie in every way, she looked even more like him than her brother (her sister is much more like her mum) and she had Robbie's ready smile and wicked sense of humour. There was a certain quirkiness about the little girl, she wasn't going to be like everyone else, even at five she had the confidence to be herself whether people liked it or not. I remember taking her to see my elderly aunt one day, my aunt had always enjoyed the company of children and it didn't surprise me that the two of them were soon engrossed in conversation. I popped into the kitchen to put the kettle on and I returned to hear the little girl ask my aunt why she used a walking stick. My aunt explained that she had a poorly hip and she needed the stick to keep her steady. The five year old gave her a thoughtful look and then she asked "couldn't you just try harder?". Clearly she had inherited Robbie's tendency to be a little too direct at times. She had also inherited his strong will and stubbornness, but I had a feeling that these would be a strength rather than a weakness. I already cared deeply about Robbie, and it didn't take long for me to become attached to these bright, lively children who were so like him in their different ways. The months that followed were exhausting and at times noisy and chaotic, but they were happy and all the children thrived. 

So by the following year when Robbie and I married we had already been through an eventful and at times challenging year. It was still a big decision to get married, but we knew that we were strong and that we could cope with the ups and downs of life. We were different in so many ways which made some people think that we were a very odd couple. Perhaps they were right, we’re unconventional certainly, but it works! It hasn't always been easy, we have encountered plenty of challenges over the years, but together we have coped and it has made us stronger. Our lives are still very busy, and Robbie often has to stay away from home on business, so we take time to have fun and to enjoy life whenever we can. We had a lovely trip to Exeter, we stayed in a very nice hotel just a stones throw from the station and it was mild enough for me to have the window open to listen to the sounds of the railway throughout our stay - perfect! 

Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober - 1 Thessalonians 5:6 King James Version

Robbie wanted to go out on Friday evening, I wasn't keen because he'd had a very challenging week and I knew that he was very tired and struggling to cope with pain from his back and legs. However it was the anniversary of his friend's death and he needed to meet with other friends to remember better times. I begged him not to be too late home because I was tired too and I didn't want to be too late to bed.

We had spoken on the phone before he went out and I kept my mobile close to me hoping that he would remember his promise not to be too late. It remained silent all evening so I sent him a text to say that I was going to bed and he should ring me when he needed a lift. I sat in bed listening to the radio and doing some writing on my netbook, trying to stay awake. He finally rang to say that he needed picking up at midnight and I asked him to ring me again when he got to Rugby just to make sure that I hadn't dozed off. Time marched on and no call came, so I set off for the station, I thought Robbie had just forgotten ring. 

When I got to the station I began to worry that Robbie may have fallen asleep, so I rang him several times and sent texts for him to contact me, but there was no reply. A stream of people wandered wearily around to the car park indicating that Robbie's train was in, I looked and looked but there was no Robbie. After a brief flurry of activity the car park was still and silent again and I was still there waiting. Time passed very slowly but eventually a few more weary travellers came into view, another train had arrived, but after a brief moment of hope my heart sank, there was no sign of Robbie. By this time I was seriously worried, my mind raced, perhaps he'd had a bad fall, perhaps he had even fallen under a train ........... Finally the truth became clear, a rather confused text from Robbie revealed that he had fallen asleep on the train and ended up in Buckinghamshire. A phone call followed and a rather unhappy Robbie admitted that it would be a long wait for him to make his way back. I wasn't best pleased, but at least he was safe, so I couldn't be too angry. We finally got home at about 2am - not the best start to a weekend! 

Regrets, I Have A Few ..........................

Today would have been my Silver Wedding Anniversary, but sadly Eric and I only clocked up 17 years before his life was cut short by cancer. My life is very different now Robbie and I are together and the children are grown up and busy with their own lives. How am I supposed to feel? I really don't know. I can't help feeling pangs of regret for the life that we might have had and the pain of watching my children grow up without their dad and knowing that he has missed out on so much is something that I can not begin to put into words. People often say that life goes on, that's true, life goes on like it or not and you have to make the best of it. More to the point that is exactly what Eric would have wanted us to do. When I look at the children I see him in so many different ways, a smile, an expression, a mannerism and even in a particular way of walking. He would be so proud of of all their achievements and the confident and independent young people they have become. I often wonder what he would think about me and Robbie, I know that he would want me to be happy and to get on with the rest of my life, I think he would find it amusing that I had chosen someone so very different, but he would have been pleased that the children had the love and support of a caring step father. So perhaps more than anything today has reminded me not to dwell for too long on the what if's. Instead I will treasure the memories the life we had, and I will live my life to the full and value all the people who mean so much to me. 

What Goes Up Must Come Down

When I went into the kitchen at lunchtime yesterday I thought I heard a couple of rustling sounds near the fridge. I had a good look at the side of the fridge as we have had intruders before, once a hedgehog came into the utility room through the cat flap and on another occasion a toad came in. I couldn't find any sign of any visitors and I thought I must be imagining the noise.

I forgot all about it until I went back into the kitchen later there was dried cat food all over the floor and something definitely moved above my head. It was Dave sitting on top of the fridge freezer looking down on me. He had got up there somehow and tipped over the very expensive senior version of dry cat food. The package was still on top of the freezer but it was almost empty, as well as having a feast he had showered food down onto the floor much to the delight of Oreo and Meg.

Dave celebrated his second anniversary in November, I can't believe it is that long since he found us. I love that cat so much and even when he gets into mischief I can't stay cross for long. He is an old cat but I hope he has a few more years with us.

A Year of the Blog 15.11.07

Yesterday was the first anniversary of this blog. I have another blog that I have been writing since 2003, but that one had a more practical purpose. I started this one as a bit of a joke, I thought it would amuse a handful of people for a few weeks and that would be it. It has taken on a life of it's own and I am constantly surprised that people want to read my jottings about the daily trivia of our lives. I am sure many people think I am really mean to write about Robbie's idiosyncrasies, but I think he quite likes it most of the time. If I ever suggest giving up the blog he is insistent that I should keep it going.

So, what can I write about to mark the first year of the blog? I think the answer is obvious - I have to write about Robbie, so I will answer the question that we get asked most often - how we met, and how we became 'the odd couple'. The meeting bit was fairly boring, usual sort of thing, friend of a friend, we just happened to be at the same event. Anyway I didn't really take much notice of Robbie at first, I just thought he was a bit loud and excessively talkative with a bizarre taste in footwear. The thing about Robbie is that he will happily talk to anyone about anything, and when he spoke to me I realised that he was quite interesting. That was it really, I just thought he was nice, I had no intention of falling in love with him, it didn't cross my mind. In fact at first I thought he might be gay because when he chatted to me he always mentioned one particular colleague. One day he told me that they had been shopping for shoes together and then he mentioned that they went shopping for records every week. Yes, I do mean records, Robbie collects 7in vinyl's, I know I don't keep up with the latest trends in technology but even I know that records are a thing of the past. Eventually I asked Robbie if he was gay, he was horrified, but in my defence I must point out that he is closely 'in touch with his feminine side'. As I got to know him better I realised that he is far too untidy to be gay!

So that's about it really, as I've said a few times before, Robbie talked me into submission! Can you think of anyone else who would invite a girlfriend back to their flat to see their collection of model trains and then spend hours describing each train in detail! There is so much more to Robbie than trains, weird fashion sense and loud music. He is kind, caring, fun to be with and mad enough to fit into our family perfectly. The rest you will just have to guess!