Living Dangerously

I often go to bed before Robbie, partly because I need my sleep and partly because I prefer to listen to the radio rather than watch some of the scary stuff that he likes to watch on television. This works quite well for both of us but there is just one problem - Robbie! He doesn't understand the meaning of the word quiet and he always manages to wake me up when he comes to bed. He then falls asleep as soon as head hits the pillow leaving me wide awake unable to get back to sleep and fighting to hang on to the duvet.

On Monday night he decided to take things a step further. He wasn't quite ready for bed but he decided to come upstairs for a chat. He wasn't put off when he found that I was asleep, he just kept asking if I was awake until I woke up. So what was so important that he needed to wake me up at 1.30am? It certainly wasn't something that could be classed as an emergency even in 'Robbie world'. He wanted to inform me that the cat was suffering from flatulence! I told him loud and clear to 'go away' but I wasn't going to escape that easily. He went into great detail about the exact nature of the smell, then he started rambling on about possibly changing the cat's diet. By then I was ready to harm him and he made a hasty retreat.

The next day I asked him why he woke me up and he said he didn't think I was deeply asleep because I wasn't snoring - I give up!!

A Series of Unfortunate Events

It seems that Robbie is aspiring to become a Mills and Boon writer - in other words creating a work of fiction that doesn't sound real and expecting the readers to suspend their disbelief! He didn't get as far as writing it down but the more he repeated the story the less believable it became.

Robbie managed to upset me during the afternoon. I was having the day from hell, in fact it is no exaggeration to say that it was the week from hell. Things were going wrong at every turn, it felt like a line of dominoes falling over. I will not bore you with the whole list of problems, but the final straw was the car not passing it's MOT, needing several expensive repairs and not being ready until Monday or Tuesday. The frustration and expense had me really worried and when I told Robbie about it all he could say was that he was OK because he had his bus pass! I felt so upset that I put the phone down, so he was in a mood with me and I didn't hear from him again that day.

Robbie was due home soon after 6pm and after a dreadful week I was looking forward to a 'normal' evening. Six, seven and eight o'clock came and went with no Robbie and no contact. I guessed that he was out enjoying himself and he wasn't going to tell me because he knew I wouldn't like it. The trouble is that it is always possible that he could have had an accident or been taken ill and as time went on I couldn't put those thoughts out of my mind, so by 9pm I was angry and worried.

10pm came and went and there was still no contact so I got on with all the evening jobs and at around 11pm I locked the front door, took the key out and went to bed. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew it was 11.30pm and I got a text thanking me for locking him out - he had forgotten his key! I got up and let him in, but I was in no mood for excuses and I went straight back to bed.

The next morning he told me that he had gone out for a drink because I had annoyed him. He'd caught the train to Rugby but had dozed off and only woken up as he was departing Milton Keynes for Euston (any excuse for a bit of cranking!). He then had to buy a ticket to get back home. He said he didn't bother to text me because he was annoyed with me. To borrow a word from my son - whatever! I hope his adventure was worth a night on the sofa!

Mr Tickle

I wish Robbie would stay awake! He made a big effort last night, but then at about 10pm he fell asleep with his head on his computer keyboard. I did my very best to send him to bed, but it really is like moving a mountain and he is not to pleasant when he is woken up. In the end I had to give up and leave him there, maybe I should just throw a dust sheet over him at night! He must have made it to bed in the end because he was there this morning.

He is coming shopping with me to buy toys this evening. I still have vivid memories of the last time I took him to Toys R Us when he molested Mr Tickle, I thought he was going to get himself arrested. Hopefully he will restrict himself to drooling over Hornby models and reminiscing about Tonka toys. The point of the shopping trip is not to provide therapy for Robbie, I need to buy Christmas presents for my niece aged 9 and my nephew who is 4. I find it hard to know what to buy because they don't live near us and it is hard to keep up with the things they like and the things they already have.

I am not looking forward to the clocks going back an hour at the weekend. I hate it when it gets dark so early in the evening, but at least the extra hour in bed will be nice.

Wide Awake or Sleep Walking.

Robbie went to see Speech Debelle in London on Wednesday so I had a quiet evening without him. I knew he would be very late home, so when I had finished my work I went off to bed to listen to the radio and before long I was sound asleep. The next thing I recall was a familiar thunderous sound, Robbie was galloping up the stairs and as usual he was talking to himself. He bounced into the bedroom bursting to tell me all about his evening, he sat down heavily on the bed and embarked on a detailed account of his evening. I glanced at the clock, it was 1.24am, no wonder I could hardly keep my eyes open!

Thursday evening was very different, Noddy was sitting at the table with his laptop as usual and I was determined that he would stay awake and talk to me. He did make an effort for half an hour or so, he even managed a few complete sentences, but before long he was back to the same old Robbie. I saw out of the corner of my eye that the table and everything on it was vibrating noticeably. A closer look revealed Robbie, headphones clamped to his ears doing a very convincing impression of the nodding dog from the Churchill advert. Clearly he was listening to some of his more extreme music. Before long the localised earthquake subsided and Noddy had nodded off again, head against the wall, mouth open like a stranded fish. I was very tempted to leave him parked there when I went to bed, but with a combination of threats and dogged persistence I got him on to his feet and then to bed.

Obsession

I am sure if you chopped Robbie up he would have the words Cross Country written right through him like a stick of rock. It is the routes rather than the company itself that he loves so much, he puts his heart and soul into his work, but being Robbie he never knows when to stop.
I got home yesterday evening to find him sitting in his corner tapping away on his computer and talking to himself - nothing new there! He had brought his work home (again). He did manage to say hello, he even made me a cup of tea, but in terms of conversations I had to be satisfied with a few grunts and assorted expletives aimed at the world in general because he was having difficulty getting a route to work.

I gave up on him, after millions of years of evolution it seems a bit of a betrayal to settle for a series of grunts so I retreated to the internet in search of friends who had mastered the art of speaking in complete sentences! Before long Robbie had dozed off with his head against the wall, I tried to wake him a few times but I couldn't get any sense out of him. I was just getting ready to go to bed when Robbie started rambling in his sleep about Tyseley, something to do with a route not working. I made one last attempt to wake him up but he announced that he had to stay and bid for a path, I realised that he wasn't really awake because he then started rambling about a train driving down Church Road. It was all nonsense, but I couldn't move him so I left him parked in the corner and went to bed.

I know he loves his work, but if Cross Country really want to own him body and soul, they can find a corner for him to roost in at night. He is no good to me in that state and he makes the lounge look untidy!!

An Imaginary Friend?

Is it so unreasonable for me to want an uninterrupted nights sleep? One way or other Robbie always manages to wake me up. On Tuesday night he came to bed after me, I was aware of his arrival but not fully awake. He did his usual trick of falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, it took me longer, but I had started to doze again when suddenly he jumped and gave a little shout. I wondered what was the matter, my heart was pounding because I thought he had been taken ill, but I think he must have been dreaming. He insisted that someone had been sprinkling talcum powder over him! He was adamant about it, he didn't actually accuse me of doing it, but that is what he meant - unless it was his imaginary friend sprinkling imaginary talc! I pointed out the obvious, there was no talc on him, but he still wasn't convinced so I reminded him that I have better things to do at 2am than sprinkle him with talc! I told him that if he didn't stop waking me up, he would need to watch out for significantly heavier objects, because the temptation to throw something at him was becoming irresistible!

Missing at Midnight.

Last night I was just finishing off my work at about 11pm when Robbie said he would go out and sort out the car. There was very little to be done and it should have taken him about 5 minutes at most, but I didn't take much notice until just before midnight when he still had not come in. I looked out of the window, but it was dark with no sign of any movement. I went out and walked round to the car, I could see Robbie sitting in the back seat and he didn't seem to be moving. When I opened the door he seemed to jump, he hadn't done anything to the car, but he said he was trying to trace a bad smell. I knew that was nonsense, the car smelled fine, he grudgingly admitted to the truth, he had gone out to the car, sat down and fallen asleep!

A Night To Remember!

Robbie is not very good at going to bed on time, he has good intentions but then he either falls asleep over his computer or something on the television catches his attention so he sits down to watch it and falls asleep. On Monday night he was supposed to be on his way to bed, but there was something on television that caught his attention and he sat down again. I settled down to sleep with more than my share of the duvet, Radio 4 for company and just for a change no train noises, railway stories or timetable enquiries. Most people count sheep to make themselves sleepy, but Robbie recites train timetables and routes. When he was watching his DVD the night before there was a clip of Euston Station in the 1970's and it included a brief look at the departures board. Robbie kept rewinding and freezing the picture because he wanted to check the routes and work out the journey times - sad! Perhaps that explains why I treat his occasional absence as a luxury.

I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I remember was being woken in the middle of the night by ghostly moaning accompanied by bumping and clattering noises. I was still half asleep and struggling to make sense of what I was hearing when I felt an incredibly heavy weight on my legs that made me want to cry out. Suddenly I was wide awake and the 'haunting' turned out to be Robbie coming to bed. He had fallen asleep downstairs and when he woke up he was in agony and could hardly move. He had half walked and half crawled to bed moaning all the way and when he got there he launched himself onto the bed from my side and landed on my legs. I think I must have expressed my feelings fairly clearly and I must have turned my back on him because I remember one other thing, he tapped me on the shoulder and asked me very politely if he could please have a little bit of the duvet.

All Change 06.02.08

Yesterday proved disappointing for Robbie. He took the 'sick' laptop to PC World in Coventry as arranged, but yet again they proved that they were a complete waste of space. We would have got more sense if we had asked our cat to diagnose the fault! So now it is 'plan B' we will speak to an independent repair company to see if they can help.

Despite his frustration Robbie was surprisingly chatty in the evening. He had bumped into an old colleague today and he always enjoys meeting old friends - even the annoying ones. When the CrossCountry franchise transferred from Virgin to Ariva a number of colleagues moved on to new ventures or transferred to 'the Dark Side'. Robbie has bumped into a several of them during his travels recently. Last week he was most impressed that one loud and irritating excolleague appears to have been 'tamed' in his new post. He has been instructed to mute the volume and now he has to make do with sign language and notices, I bet keeping his lip buttoned is killing him. They even have him wearing a shirt and tie - but he still wears an anorak! The old colleague that Robbie met yesterday now works for Network Rail (well, somebody has to!) and it seems that he feels the need for a disguise because he is growing a beard, but true to form for Network Rail it is still a work in progress!

Robbie was working on some important notes last night, I stayed up until midnight but he was still busy so I left him to it. I was woken shortly after 2am by Robbie, he was in agony and seemed rather disorientated. Apparently he had fallen asleep over the computer and had been woken abruptly by the cat, this had made him jump and he'd had a few seconds of panic while he tried to work out why he was at work in his PJ's! He eventually realised where he was, and staggered up to bed, but he was in pain because he had been hunched in an awkward position. I couldn't help laughing about the cat having to wake him up, I expect he was keeping the animals awake with his snoring!

Night Terrors 25.10.07

Robbie did not get home until just after 9pm and he talked non stop about technical railway stuff so even if the bogeyman was still troubling him, Robbie would have bored him into submission! He ignored the TV in favour of the computer until I went to bed, he said he was going to watch a bit of MTV before coming to bed. I knew that would involve him falling asleep and crawling up to bed in agony in the early hours. He claims that he woke shortly after 2am to find his face feeling wet, strange noises around his face and something was nudging his head! After a moment of panic when he didn't know where he was and couldn't work out how to move his limbs, he realised that the dog was trying to wake him up! He must have been snoring and it bothered Meg so much that she decided to wake him up and send him to bed. Unable to do anything quietly, he woke me as he got ready for bed. He was asleep again within minutes, but I was left wide awake thinking 'dark' thoughts about being woken up. He had no need to worry about the bogeyman, there was a much more imminent threat to his safety - me!!