Things That Go Chomp in the Night

Robbie came very close to being harmed a few nights ago. I should be used to him testing my tolerance to the limit, but when he wakes me up at night he really is asking for trouble. Last Friday I wet to bed at around midnight and Robbie promised that he would not be far behind. I listened to the radio for a little while, but when it became clear that Robbie was not going to turn up any time soon, I turned off the light, settled down and went to sleep.

Much later I was woken by the sound of the bedroom door bursting open and Robbie clomping in talking (to himself or to his imaginary friend) about pants. I reluctantly opened one eye to look at the alarm clock, it was past 2am and Robbie was deciding what pants he wanted to wear in the morning. I closed my eye again and decided to be asleep, it didn't seem to bother him because he was going to talk to me anyway. The subject changed from pants to delayed trains and I knew that 'staying asleep' was the right decision.

Suddenly there was a big thump as a heavy object landed on the bed next to me, it made me jump and I gave up on the idea of 'staying asleep'. I rolled over to find that the Argos catalogue was next to me on the bed. At about the same time Robbie launched himself onto the bed and then spent what felt like hours beating his pillows and flapping the duvet around. I was getting seriously irritated and I was already planning cruel and unusual punishments, but he was totally oblivious. He propped his pillows up against the headboard unwrapped a toffee picked up the Argos catalogue and turned on the light. That was the final straw, I found my voice and told him in no uncertain terms to turn off the light. He refused, so I turned it off myself. He put it back on saying that 20 minutes with the Argos catalogue wasn't much to ask. I sat up and informed him that aggressive toffee chewing and browsing catalogues was NOT a bedroom activity especially at past 2am! I gave him a choice, either read and chew in the bathroom or stop being an idiot and go to sleep. Reluctantly he chose the latter, with a look of defeat he turned off the light, snuggled down and was instantly asleep. I was too angry to sleep, the chomping had been replaced with strange snoring noises like the sound of a balloon deflating!

Revenge of the Pigeon

When we went to bed on Saturday night I remember hearing a slight noise and I thought perhaps it was the radiator. I woke up just before 4am because I could hear a noise I thought Robbie had accidentally allowed the cat into the room and I gave him a prod and told him to sort it out. He said the cat was downstairs and told me to go back to sleep. I heard the noise again and I sat up and put the light on and found the pigeon had decided to get into bed with Robbie! After a chorus of expletives Robbie chased the pigeon around the room wearing only a pair of luminous green socks. I felt sorry for the poor bird, it had suffered enough so I made Robbie put some clothes on! He resumed the chase wearing Homer pants, loud socks and a pair of gloves. It was all too much for the pigeon and shortly afterwards it surrendered, Robbie escorted it to the window and it flew off in search of peace and quiet. Robbie was asleep again within minutes, but I lay awake thinking about the mess and listening to a song that kept playing in my head - 'catch that pigeon' from the Dick Dastardly cartoon!

The Big Freeze

Robbie often comes up with ideas and most of them are totally batty (I think he reserves his sensible thoughts for work) but his latest daft idea has really annoyed me. We have had a couple of occasions recently when he has struggled to get up on time. Any sensible person would tell him that if he stays up working on his timetables until 2am he will not be ready to wake up again at 5am! Robbie has given the matter a lot of thought and has come up with the idea that we are feeling tired because the bedroom is too hot, so without any discussion he turned the radiator off. We only have it on for a few hours morning and evening, but that is enough to take the chill off the room and make it comfortable. Without heat it is so cold that I can't get to sleep for ages and when I wake up in the morning it is so cold that I just want to turn over and go back to sleep. I have had a full and frank exchange of views with Robbie and until normal heating is resumed I am on strike!

Miracles Do Happen!

I have tried everything, threats, encouragement, punishment and even bribery! Bribery works best, but even then making progress is painfully slow. No, I am not talking about trying to achieve world peace or anything like that - I am referring to the problem of getting a 14 year old to tidy his bedroom! After weeks of nagging Sam has finally rediscovered the carpet in his bedroom and by Friday it should be sorted out to my satisfaction. It feels like a miracle - maybe I could get Robbie to sort out his stuff next!

Laura got back from holiday on Monday, she had been to Greece and she looks very tanned and a bonus is that the sun light has eased her skin condition a bit. She had a really good time, but now she has to face reality and start earning some money ready for university. Why does time go so fast when you are on holiday and so slowly when you are doing things you don't like.

A New House Rule.

Robbie never learns! After a less than perfect Friday evening we had a lovely start to Saturday morning. It is so nice not to get up in a hurry, to have time to relax and listen to the radio or just talk. That's the bit that Robbie has problems with - the just talking bit. He can talk faster and for longer than anyone else I know. If talking was an Olympic sport he would be a gold medalist. His problem is what he talks about and when he talks about it! We were cuddled up, just enjoying the moment, one of those times when words are not really necessary - and then he spoiled it. He looked into my eyes and told me that he'd had an email the evening before. I thought it must be something serious, but I was wrong. He went on to tell me that the email contained details of the next three rail tours. He embarked on a detailed account of the proposed route of one of the trips. He was very excited about it because he had not traveled that route before. I was far from excited! I made a mental note negotiate a new house rule - no trains in the bedroom!!

Something Close to Normal

Robbie is back in 'normal' mode – well, not normal exactly, Robbie doesn't do normal but he manages a fairly close approximation. He has been trying to make up for being a pain in the rear on Christmas morning, I have forgiven him, but he is still cross with himself. He invited me to have an early night last night, but I realised that it was just his one track mind getting the better of him when he said “just you and me and the new train DVD”. I like watching the DVD's with him, but sometimes I think trains are taking over the bedroom. The top of the wardrobes are packed with his model trains, he has piles of railway magazines on his side of the bed and his collection train DVD's is growing like a triffid. Most of his books have taken up residence in the lounge, but there are still plenty upstairs and some of them even find their way into the bed! I have to ask him not to read his books out loud when I am trying to sleep!! People told me that having a 'toy boy' would be exhausting, but I don't think this is quite what they had in mind, sometimes it would be nice to be just a bit more normal.
On the subject of 'normal' Robbie was in a fragile mood on Christmas Eve, not yet in a full blown strop, but working on it. All the family were at my mum's, just enjoying a nice family day together, but Robbie sat there reading The Grocer! What am I going to do with him?

This evening he is watching a scary film on his laptop, it is called The Strangers. It is comical to watch him, he's there with his headphones on looking terrified and making occasional terrified gasps and whimpers. At least it has given me a bit of peace for a little while.

So Frustrating!

Sometimes I despair of Robbie, he can be so frustrating but when I get cross with him he acts all innocent and genuinely seems to think I am the one being unreasonable. Yesterday he caught an earlier train home so that he could have his hair cut ready for the rail tour on Saturday. It was getting towards 11pm when I got home, I'd had the day from hell and all I wanted was to eat and then sleep, but I had to finish off some of my writing work before I went to bed. By the time I finally headed up to bed it was 12.45am and I was asleep on my feet. When I came out of the bathroom I found that Robbie had chosen exactly that moment to pack his bag for the rail tour. He had three lights on and the room was so bright that it was impossible to sleep, he refused to turn any of them off, I pulled the covers over my head and tried to ignore him but he is impossible to ignore. Next thing I knew he was pulling stuff out from the cupboard and throwing it into a pile right on to of me, he couldn't understand why I was so cross. He kept marching around accusing me of stealing his jeans, he even climbed over the bed at one point! Despite everything I must have fallen asleep in the end because I don't remember any more until I woke up slightly later than usual this morning. Robbie said he hadn't been able to wake me up, I wonder why!!!

Decisions! 04.05.07

Robbie was rushing around in a state of undress this morning when he should have already left the house. Apparently he had got up at the correct time, but had delayed himself by attending to an urgent email. Anyway, he came back to the bedroom shirtless claiming that he was looking for a shirt to iron. I pointed out that there were a number of ironed shirts already in the wardrobe and there was another ironed shirt still hanging up downstairs. He had a cursory look in the wardrobe and said "yes, but there are none that I want to wear" He defeats me, where is the logic in that? If he really has a wardrobe full of clothes that he doesn't use, he will have to watch out because I will be up there with a binbag!