It is foolish to tear one's hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness - Marcus Tullius Cicero

I was looking for a suitable heading for this blog post and I couldn't resist this one. Yesterday was one of those strange days when you are more consciously aware of the sorrows of the past that are always with you. If life had been kinder it would have been my wedding anniversary. That part of my life feels so distant now, almost like another lifetime, perhaps that is normal it was a long time ago and I was a different person then, younger of course and full of hope. I can't help remembering and wondering what might have been, but I also feel grateful for what we had and for the time that we shared. I can't change the past, I couldn't prevent Eric's death but he continues to live in our memories. Like it or not life goes on, you can't live in the past but you will carry it with you into the future.

Yesterday was also the 30th anniversary of the start of our defence of the Falklands. Yesterday on television there I saw a lot of programmes remembering the Falklands war and those who died. All these years later their families will still feel their loss as keenly as they did then. I would like people to care as much about those who were terribly damaged by their service in the Falklands. People like a friend of mine who survived, but has suffered with mental health issues ever since. My friend and many like him could not find a way to live with the memories, the flashbacks have haunted him and he has carried the grief and suffering with him every day. For too many, this has led to isolation and a downward spiral. It may be hard for us to understand, but we should care and we should never forget the true cost of war. 

Letters are among the most significant memorial a person can leave behind them - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

My dad died over thirty years ago, I was only 6 when he became ill so there were many things that I wish I had been able to ask him but didn't have time to. I knew that he had been in the army during the latter years of the war, I even had a few pictures from that time  but I wished I knew more about what he did and where he went. It was just one of the many things that I thought I would never know. Then completely out of the blue I was contacted by someone who told me that during the war the Post Office in Northampton produced a monthly newsletter called Northampton News sharing letters home from post office workers in the forces or doing war work. My dad had been a Post Office messenger before going into the army and his letters home were among those published in Northampton News. 

The newsletters have been made available as scans, it is hard to read some of them, but I have picked through them and found the ones showing letters from dad, they start in 1943 when he was 17 and go on to 1945. It is a little glimpse of his army service in his own words so it tells us much more than his service record would show.


"On receiving the 'News' yesterday with the first mail I have had for a few days, it woke me to the fact that beside not getting any mail I hadn't had much chance of writing. We have bags of work now with our lads advancing so fast and have very little time to ourselves. I am now in Germany although I am glad to say that much of my work takes me into Holland. It seems to me that there won't be much left of Germany to occupy after the bashing it's had. I thought Caen (Normandy) was bad but it is nothing compared with some German towns. In some towns there is not one civilian left and not a house standing. Not just one or two places like this, but town after town. 


Yesterday I got into camp at 4 o'clock after a week on the road and took my truck into 'shops'. I collected it at 10.30pm. Then first thing this morning I was off again and this letter is being written in one of my few breaks on the road. That's keeping the wagon rolling isn't it?" (early 1945)


The editors of Northampton news must have made a very big difference to to all those people so far from home, but they could not possibly have known what a difference their hard work has made to me so many years later. They have given my dad a voice over thirty years after his death and they have made it possible for him to tell me about himself in his own words. I wish I could thank them, but of course it is far to late for that. I would like to thank David who realised the value of the old copies of Northampton News and not only took the time to scan them, but also made an effort to share them with relatives of the letter writers. It has helped me to understand my dad a little better and I think I have a better understanding of how worried my grandma must have felt. When he joined the army at 17 my dad was only a few months older than my son is now, that is scarily young, she must have been so frightened for him.


'Letters are among the most significant memorial a person can leave behind them.'  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Grand Ambitions! 05.01.07

Yesterday I came across a really good documentary on Discovery, it was called Trains and was presented by Pete Waterman. Of course being a kind and thoughtful person I saved it on sky plus for Robbie to watch later. Well that's my cover story anyway - I have to confess that I watched it 3 times yesterday, but don't tell Robbie! It was about the role of the railways in the war and it was really interesting. It certainly helped me to understand Silverlink and the way they manage our local station. My theory is that their absolute refusal to pass on any information to the public is because no one has told them the war is over! That probably explains those horrible austere uniforms too, they are still living in the days of rationing. It could even explain their miserable faces, I suppose they could just be a cruel freak of nature, but I think it has more to do with their policy of only employing failed undertakers, the ones who couldn't stand the pace. They have only one speed at Northampton Station - dead slow!

Anyway Robbie loved the program and when we had watched it he decided to watch one of his Christmas DVDs called Railway Diaries. I got to choose the station that we would start with and not surprisingly I chose Exeter because I love the route between Exeter and Plymouth. We watched trains coming and going through Exeter Station and we saw the same trains at other points along the route too, but at 1am I had to surrender to sleep. Robbie found the Railway Diaries DVD so exciting that I thought he would burst. He gave me the start and arrival time as well as the exact route of every single train he saw, not to mention providing the name and number of each one. Just a bit obsessive perhaps? It was quite interesting to watch and a much better option than sitting on a cold station in January.

Years ago Grandma suggested that Sam he would perhaps become a vet one day because he is very good with animals. Sam responded with folded arms and his most serious expression, he explained that he didn't want to be a vet because he liked animals from the outside, but he didn't think he would like them from the inside. Grandma was speechless and struggling to hid a smile, but Sam had warmed to his theme and declared that after university he planned to become a trolley pusher at Safeways! Thankfully he now has much grander ambitions. I have to agree with Sam's sentiments, because on cold wintery days I find that trains are much more appealing from the inside than from the outside!