Mr B has been doing his Dr Dolittle act again. On Sunday evening he had a word with me on behalf of the guinea pig. According to Robbie she is not as satisfied with the new carrots I bought because they are the wrong shape! I told him that she is a guinea pig and as long as she has enough to eat she is not bothered about size, to her three small carrots are just as good as one large one. I could tell by his expression that he wasn't convinced, he told me that he was sure that she found the larger ones more satisfying.
Usually I buy 'saver' carrots for her, but last week they had some small 'finest' organic carrots on offer. They were cheaper than the saver carrots so I chose those for the guinea pig along with her curly kale and other vegetables. I am fairly sure that she didn't even notice the difference, I think it is Robbie who has the problem not the guinea pig! Why do men have to obsess about size all the time?
It is time to admit that I am a failure, I know that because Robbie told me so loud and clear. I picked him up when I finished work yesterday evening so it was passed 9pm when we got home. The cats were not impressed, they are very good at telling the time (thanks to Robbie's efforts) and they knew that their dinner was late. The loudest complaints were coming from Shadow the guinea pig. I am not aware that Robbie has been actively teaching Shadow to tell the time, perhaps guinea pigs have an innate sense of time or perhaps she just loves to eat whatever the time.
Robbie and the cats disappeared into the kitchen; it was hard to work out if he was feeding them or trying to extend their vocabulary! A little later Robbie emerged from the kitchen holding a plastic bag with a few flecks of green in it. The clues were there, the expression, the hand on the hip, not to mention the expletives from the kitchen - he was not a happy chap. The plastic bag had once contained curly kale, but except for tiny traces of green it was now empty. He waved the bag at me and said "now what am I going to do?". It took me a moment to compose my features because there was something vaguely ridiculous about Robbie who is not noted for his love of 'greens' getting so upset about a deficiency in the curly kale department. Before I could say anything he said "what am I going to say to the guinea pig". I took a deep breath and said that we had other greens, carrots and apples as well as her dried food and hay, so it was unlikely that she would starve. Unbelievably he walked over to the guinea pig to show her the empty bag and to apologise on my behalf for running out of curly kale. I don't think she took too much notice, she was too busy tucking into an apple and her dried food.
As soon as I finished work today I dashed to the supermarket and we now have an ample supply of curly kale. After all I don't want the guinea pig to think that I'm a failure!
Sometimes I feel that life is just one long round of feeding people! Often we are not all at home to eat our evening meal at the same time, so there is the added difficulty of producing something that can be cooked or served in stages. Then I have to think of the vegetarian option and take account of assorted food fads. No wonder it takes up so much time! In comparison you would think that the animals would be easy to feed, but they are a demanding bunch too. Meg the dog likes food and she is not especially fussy, she will eat whatever she is offered as long as it does not contain peas! She hates peas, but she will make sure she licks any gravy off them before spitting them out. Dave the cat lacks teeth but he can eat almost anything and he seems to think that food stolen from the bin tastes even better(I guess that is because he was a stray). He can tell the time perfectly and he gets very annoyed if he is kept waiting for his meals. Oreo is the greediest cat imaginable he will eat absolutely anything and every time anyone goes into the kitchen he rushes to see if there is any food for him but Shadow the guinea pig is the loudest and most demanding of the pets. If she hears a plastic bag rustle or if she hears the fridge door open she shouts for food, curly kale is her favourite, but she makes sure that she gets her '5 a day'. People sometimes say that in the future we will just take a tablet rather than eating a meal, it doesn't sound very exciting but it certainly has it's attractions!
You will be pleased to hear that Robbie has survived unharmed, but I can assure you that I didn't require a crystal ball and dangly ear rings in order to tell him his fortune very accurately when he got home. I think we have reached a clear understanding that should prevent any further episodes of 'the demon spring cleaner' running amok. That should make life easier for his colleagues, I suspect they found him rather challenging on Friday!
Robbie was up at the crack of dawn to travel all the way to Newquay by train just to come back again! Apparently it is a tradition that he always goes to Newquay on an HST in the summer - whatever! The hedge by the drive is so overgrown that it is threatening to take over the drive and today is the first day for ages that it could have been cut, but Robbie is on a train with a load of other train obsessed men talking about trains! They forecast rain tomorrow so I doubt it will get done this weekend. Oh well, why should he have all the fun, I decided to take Sam and Laura to Wicksteed Park (our local theme park) to celebrate the appearance of the sunshine.
Wicksteed Park is in Kettering and while not on the grand scale of Alton Towers it has more than enough to keep everyone in the family busy all day. When I was a child a trip to Wicksteed was the highlight of my summer, I was very clear about my favourite activities, I loved to visit the pets corner/zoo area and I loved the helter-skelter, both are long gone in favour of more high tech activities, but today's children seem to love it every bit as much as I did. There are very few activities that remain largely unchanged since my childhood, but one familiar feature is the train, it is safer these days, but just as popular. My children always want to go on the train, so today that was our first port of call. Robbie was not amused to hear he had missed out on a trip, but he can't do everything.
When we got home I embarked on one of those jobs that I detest - defrosting the freezer. I knew that I couldn't turn a blind eye any longer when Robbie threatened to take a chisel to it! He is not exactly Mr Practical, but he tries. It is a tall freezer with lots of drawers and it is a bit of an effort to defrost without creating too much mess. Bowls of steaming hot water speed things up a bit, but it is not my idea of fun. Megan nearly drove me mad by sitting so close to the freezer that she was getting wet and I was in danger of falling over her. I don't know why she always has to be so close.
On the subject of Meg she almost got me into trouble with Robbie a couple of days ago. She came in from the park wearing the unmistakable scent of fox poo, it is one of her favourites but it was pungent enough to make your eyes water. She had rolled again and since we don't possess gas masks, a bath was unavoidable. Laura volunteered to do the deed, but Meg had run out of shampoo so we borrowed Robbie's instead. Meg emerged smelling significantly sweeter but feeling very sorry for herself. We thought nothing more of it until the next day when Robbie asked if I had been messing with his stuff in the bathroom. I almost confessed, but before I could say anything he accused me of blunting the blade on his razor, so I was able to summon up my most indignant look and deny the 'crime'. I don't see why he should blame me! He didn't find out about the shampoo (until now!).
The picture today is of Sam's guinea pig Shadow, she is the cutest little thing, but she has attitude. Meg is quite nice to her really, but just occasionally Meg is overcome by the urge to round her up and Shadow has plenty to say about that! I love the noises that guinea pigs make, you can certainly tell the difference between a contented noise and a cross noise.
I was most reluctant to leave Cornwall and drag myself back to reality, but after a good night's sleep I have to admit there is nothing quite like your own bed. We had a new mattress recently and it is very comfortable, it is one of those that has extra support in all the right places, the only problem is Robbie put it on the wrong way round so the head end is where the feet should be and vise versa - typical!
Sam and I went to collect Meg from the Kennels this morning. She was pleased to see us, but not as excited as I expected until I reversed the car on to the drive, then she got really excited and she came bounding into the house to find Robbie. Sam was looking forward to getting his Guinea pig back from Grandma's, but knowing Grandma's passion for feeding everyone to capacity he was worried that Shadow would be anything but a shadow. As he put it, 'she could be the size of a Capybara by now' but his fears were groundless, she was fine and not super sized at all.
On the subject of super sized Robbie came to bed and woke me up at 3am to tell me that he thought his stomach was going to explode. I think he must have had a bad dream because he made a miraculous recovery. Just to be sure, he tested his stomach to the limit this afternoon when we went to tea at my mum's. He ate, and ate but even Robbie couldn't completely demolish that spread. He is such a creep, he told my mum she is the best mother in law in the world, hopefully that isn't just because she feeds him!
Robbie and I had a strong disagreement (not argument) about the most stupid thing this afternoon. It was all about how to solve the problem of bikes on trains, I ended up wanting to scream at him for being so negative! I think we will steer clear of the subject of bikes for a few days.
Robbie was jubilant when he got home last night, the cause of his elation was not that he had finished work ready to go on holiday. No, he was overjoyed because he had found some new lounge wear (PJ's) that met with his rigorous specifications - don't ask! Whatever the cause it is always good to have a happy household and he was so cheerful that he willingly cleaned the kitchen while I delivered the guineapig to 'grandmas'.
I believe Robbie's colleagues are in for a very quiet week next week, not only will Robbie be away but the noisy northerner will be away too. Enjoy it! One of my colleagues asked why I don't put much about my work on the blog. Mainly it is because the people that our organisation works with have a variety of needs and many have overcome obstacles that would make the rest of us give up on life, I would never want to appear to laugh at them or to make light of their circumstances. However there are lots of smiles and laughter in our work as well as the other stuff. The story I am going to tell you about happened many years ago so I don't think it will do any harm to write about it.
A young man of about thirty came to ask for help, nothing unusual there, I often advised him on all sorts of things from Housing Benefit claims to food preparation. On this occasion his problem was a little more personal, he had acquired a carpet burn on a part of his anatomy that should not normally crop up in conversation - don't ask. I advised him that his GP was the person to deal with that sort of problem and not me. He persisted, but I was clear that I couldn't advise and he phoned for an appointment. As he could not be seen immediately he said that he thought he would put some cream on it in the meantime and I agreed that it seemed a reasonable thing to do. It was only a few minutes later as he was leaving the office that something made me call him back and ask what sort of cream. His reply - deep heat!!! I rescued him from a fate worse than death by suggesting that Vaseline would be far more suitable!
We had to make an emergency dash to our local retail park to buy sawdust for Shadow (Sam's Guinea Pig). The streets were quiet with that unreal bank holiday feeling until we got to the retail park and found that the entire town had decided to go shopping! It was hard to find a parking space especially one big enough for a Galaxy, but at last I found one. As I drew into the space Sam and Laura shouted at me to stop. The space was occupied - by two suicidal ducks! I edged forward and they stayed put, I revved the engine and they ignored me, the children shouted out of the window at them, but they didn't notice us. finally Sam had to get out and chase them away. I think they must be providing holiday cover for the suicidal pheasants who annoy me by playing 'chicken' as I drive to and from work. Ducks certainly have more style, pheasants are the most stupid creatures.
I am recovering from an ironing marathon. Knowing Robbie's passion for detail I will be a little more precise about the ironing, 22 shirts, 7 pairs of trousers, 43 tops and T shirts and a selection of unmentionable sundries. It is a brilliant feeling to clear the ironing pile despite the certain knowledge that there will be more waiting for me by tomorrow evening. Our tumble drier has broken, it made some clunky noises, then it started to sound as if there was a guinea pig trapped inside and now it is all noise and no action (must be male!) it doesn't go round and it gets too hot. I hate that machine, it less than 18 months old and we have had the man out to mend it so often that the neighbours started asking questions. I will never buy another Indesit product and I will never bother with a condenser dryer again - far too much trouble!
Robbie made a little mistake today (please note this because it is very rare to get an admission of this sort!). He is getting very good a cooking and he was cooking Sunday lunch. He lit the oven and made a prompt start on the meal, everything was going well until considerably later when he realised that he had left the meat on the worktop and he had been heating an empty oven for an hour or so! To be fair he had been busy working on the garden as well as cooking so I can see why he didn't notice what he had done. Never mind, it was well worth the wait, it was a lovely lunch.
I finally managed to get Robbie's attention this evening - I found him an online map showing the route of an old railway line. Better still the map proved that I had been correct in my theory about the route the line had followed, Robbie was determined that it couldn't possibly have gone that way! Sherlock Burgess is determined to walk around the area looking for any surviving trace of the old railway, so that should keep him out of mischief for a day or two.
The new black guinea pig has been christened Shadow, she is very cute. I am not sure if it was the naming of the guinea pig or the post mortem on today's Arsenal game that led Sam to ask why Black people don't like to be called coloured. I just said that it is what they prefer, and it would be disrespectful to use words that could cause offence. I could see Sam busily processing that thought, then he applied his devastating logic to the matter. He said that it was factually wrong anyway because white people are more coloured. In response to my confused look he explained that we are pink not white, but when we are cold we go blue, when we are ill we go green, when we are sunburned we go brown and when we are angry we go red. I see what he means, he really does have a unique way of looking at things!
Robbie did not go as far as saying that I was responsible for the loss of his pager, but the implication was there in the constant questioning and the inherent threat of thumb screws. When he eventually found the pager he was rather quiet about it, in fact I would go as far as to say he was evasive. When faced with a direct question about where it had been, he was forced to admit that he found it in the front pouch of his laptop bag - obviously my fault then! I am surprised that the thing didn't make it's presence felt when he was at work, it is very noisy, it drives me mad. Robbie collected his beloved briefcase yesterday, it had been to the menders to have a very expensive new clip fitted. He has missed the briefcase far more than he would miss me if I went away for a fortnight! At least the pager will be able to travel to work in style again.
Laura's guinea pig Saffy died yesterday, she was very much one of the family and we were all sad to loose her, but she was quite old. Sam was especially upset and he set about persuading me to buy a new one. The children agreed that if we had a new pet it would be Sam's responsibility. Eventually I was won over and we found ourselves at the pet shop, they had no guinea pigs, but Sam fell in love with a large and fearsomely endowed rat. I know they make good pets, but I couldn't face looking at that every morning - a horse would have been proud to own that equipment! Sam left the store in tears, claiming that I was the worst parent ever. The wailing continued until we reached the garden centre, and by this point I was ready to harm him, so Laura and Robbie took him to the pet department. He emerged with a smile and a black guinea pig, she is very cute and friendly. Her name has not yet been announced but it is almost certain that it will have a super hero theme.
You will be pleased to hear that Robbie has survived unharmed, but I can assure you that I didn't require a crystal ball and dangly ear rings in order to tell him his fortune very accurately when he got home. I think we have reached a clear understanding that should prevent any further episodes of 'the demon spring cleaner' running amok. That should make life easier for his colleagues, I suspect they found him rather challenging on Friday!
I was most reluctant to leave Cornwall and drag myself back to reality, but after a good night's sleep I have to admit there is nothing quite like your own bed. We had a new mattress recently and it is very comfortable, it is one of those that has extra support in all the right places, the only problem is Robbie put it on the wrong way round so the head end is where the feet should be and vise versa - typical!
