I love Robbie very much, but if a friendly genie came along and offered me three wishes I would probably change him just a little bit. It is not the big things that bother me it is those little things that really niggle me - and probably Robbie would say the same thing about me!
Every day he takes his trousers off (when he changes into his lounge wear) and then he will lay them neatly across my side of the bed, often with sundry items set out neatly around his trousers. It makes me mad because I always go to bed before him and I have to move all his junk. I keep threatening to throw the whole lot out of the window and he keeps promising faithfully that he will not do it again, but he keeps on doing it! Even worse is his inability to follow instructions concerning the toilet lid. Oddly he is quite good at remembering not to leave the seat up, the problem is that he puts the lid down as well - and that can lead to catastrophe in the dark at night. Then there is his excessive interest in the potato peeler and the potato knife. He is happy to leave all sorts of other things in the cutlery holder but he finds those two items and stashes them away so safely that I can never find them. They are among the most important items in the kitchen so why can't he leave them alone. They are all little things but they are so annoying.
We have had lots of changes in our lives over the last year, not all good but in the end we have come out on top, stronger, more confident and certainly happier. Change is always hard to accept especially when it involves things that we have assumed would always be there. Robbie was very upset to hear about the impending demise of HMV because he will have nowhere left to buy vinyl records. I feel very sorry for the staff who face losing their jobs, but I have to confess that I haven't been in that shop for years. It is a bad time on the high street, Jessops and Blockbuster have gone in the last few days too.
I am sure that my children could come up with a very long list of things that I do which they find annoying. Somewhere on that list would be my habit of recalling old advertising jingles, if I attempt to sing them my son runs for cover. Come to think of it, if I attempt to sing anything everyone runs for cover, I do not have a musical bone in my body.
Unlike Robbie, I am not a shopper I do not enjoy going to town and I especially don't enjoy buying clothes. I go to considerable lengths to avoid shopping whenever possible so for me shopping online solves a lot of problems. The idea of shopping in the sales fills me with horror (I don't do crowds!) but this year I decided to have a look at a couple of online sales. I told my son that I was 'letting my fingers do the walking' he looked horrified and told me not to say that because it sounds disgusting. I was just borrowing a phrase from the old yellow pages adverts, my son is too young to remember those adverts and it seems that the world is less innocent these days.
My purchases were delivered this morning, I felt sorry for the delivery man because the box was mostly full of books and it was very heavy. It was exciting to open all the items and look at them, but most of the books and other bits and pieces are for birthday presents etc so I had to pack them away. I bought the coolest present for my younger daughter's birthday, but I have a long wait to give it to her because her birthday is in June!
To say that I am angry is a huge understatement. Robbie was home late last night because he had been to the North, I messed up my evening in order to pick him up and everything was fine - until we got home! An innocent remark about his bookcase caused him to throw his toys out of the pram. The bookcase is already full and groaning under the weight of books and a simple request not to load any more books on to it was all it took for Robbie to fizz up and bang. Anyway he clamped on his headphones, plugged himself into his laptop and tried to annoy me with his music that was so loud it spilled out int the room. Failing to get a reaction he turned to Facebook and advertised for a good home for all his railway books, my comment that he should grow up prompted him to add his model deltics to the list (because I had bought them for him). I am not sure how he thought getting rid of that much clutter was going to hurt me, but I was sick of his childish games and decided not to succumb to the temptation to advertise 'Annoying husband free to a good home'. I gave up and went to bed and the silence has been 'golden' ever since! He must know he was being ridiculous and regret his actions because he deleted his facebook comments, but so far the 's' word has eluded him!
Why are men such slow learners? I was late going to bed last night because I was listening to the European election results on the radio, and it must have been getting towards 1am when I headed up to bed. Robbie said he would be there in a few minutes so I left my light and my radio on hoping that I would be able to sleep and that Robbie wouldn't disturb me when he came to bed. The problem was that he didn't come to bed and the light kept waking me up so in the end I turned it off. Later I was woken by a searchlight, Robbie had turned his bedside lamp on, and he was kneeling on the bed with his rear end in the air searching under his side of the bed for an Argos catalogue! When I recovered from the shock I yelled at him to turn the light off and let me go back to sleep but he refused and he became increasingly awkward. He then decided to set the alarm on his mobile before turning the light off and setting down. As a final insult he flapped the duvet to let all the warmth out and he kept prodding me just to be annoying. By then I was wide awake and so frustrated that I was ready to harm him, especially when he lay there giggling like Mutley. He was asleep and snoring within minutes, but I couldn't get back to sleep for ages. He needs to watch out because when he least expects it I will get my revenge!
Robbie can be so annoying sometimes. On Saturday night he came to bed late, woke me up, let all the cold air under the duvet and then stole the duvet. I stole it back and threatened him with dire consequences if he did it again! On Sunday night he came to bed at 1.30pm, he woke me up because he made so much noise, then he sat down so heavily on the bed that I almost bounced out on to the floor. Then he deliberately flapped the duvet to let the cold air in and when he got in bed he tugged the duvet away and rolled himself up in it. By this time I was wild and ready to beat him to a pulp, for some reason he found it hilarious and he lay there prodding me and giggling like Mutley from Wacky Races. By then I was wide awake and too furious to sleep, my chances of sleep were further diminished because he continued to be annoying even when he fell asleep, he was making noises like a whale blowing throw it's blow hole. I think I showed incredible restraint, but if it happens again he will be sleeping in the garage.
Do you know what annoys me more than anything else about Robbie? Don't worry this is not going to be a long post, I'm sure I could write a book about the many things that annoy me, but today I will restrict myself to the highlights! The thing that annoys me more than anything else is that he is a control freak, not in a loud bombastic way, but in a quietly determined, critical sort of way. If I change any minor thing we have to have an inquest about it and it drives me mad. By the time we had our evening meal yesterday I was exasperated, he had already told me that I was storing the washing liquid in the wrong place, I had placed a bag in the wrong place in the hall, 'someone' (meaning me) had messed up the knife drawer, 'someone' (me again) hadn't done the washing up and I had even left a pile of ironed and folded clothes in the wrong place. He is either brave or stupid because this causes friction so often that even the slowest learner should have got the message by now!
I was so cross that I couldn't talk to Robbie so I took myself outside to sort out the Micra ready for its MOT today. It gave me a few minutes peace to get over my murderous thoughts, and I thought perhaps Robbie had got the message when he followed me out with a cup of tea, but no such luck. When I came back in for my meal, I got the mayonnaise out to use, Robbie noticed that I had bought a different brand and I had to endure twenty questions about why I bought that make, that bottle design, etc. He wasn't even eating the mayonnaise! It really drives me mad. Why does he have to go on and on about such trivial things? Oh well, I have a day off to look forward to on Saturday, Robbie is going out to play on an HST.
Last night was so stressful! I am sick of Robbie counting my grey hairs so I decided to use one of those hair colours that washes out after a number of washes. I asked Robbie if he could help me to put the stuff on my hair so that I didn't get it on my skin. That proved to be a big mistake, he was really rough and it hurt so much when he rubbed it in that I was crying out in agony. I can't bear people to touch my head at the best of times and he seemed to be taking a perverse pleasure in my plight, clearly the power had gone to his head. I had to leave the colour on for 15 minutes and Robbie timed it to the second, I really didn't realise that one person could cause so much irritation in such a short time!
When my hair was sorted out I went to bed to calm down and do some reading. I must have dozed off because the next thing I remember is Robbie talking to me and trying to wake me up. I wasn't too keen on being woken and I tried hard to stay asleep, but Robbie had other ideas. He climbed over the bed and trod on my leg, then he put his bedside lamp on, it is like a search light and there was no way I could sleep with that thing dazzling me. He then decided that this was an appropriate time to sit up in bed and eat Minstrels. The noise of him chasing the sweets around his teeth was bad enough but the chomping was intolerable, I threatened him with dire consequences. I thought seriously about sleeping on the sofa but I just buried myself under the covers and I must have dozed off again despite the adverse circumstances. I woke suddenly to find the bed frame being bashed low down on my side of the bed. I found Robbie, naked on his hands and knees looking for an invisible cat under the bed! Words were exchanged and he finally got back in bed and was instantly asleep. Sometimes I wonder how he has managed to survive for so long!
The fact that Robbie has survived unharmed for 36 years is one of life's enduring mysteries. Sometimes he infuriates me so much that the urge to harm him is almost irresistible. The trouble is that he has no sense of danger, Robbie will 'boldly go' where angels fear to tread. When he got home from work on Monday he wandered into the kitchen to find out what was for dinner, within seconds he was telling me that I was doing things wrong! My warning stare didn't work and when he attempted to tell me how to do something else I couldn't contain my frustration, I stormed out of the kitchen and told him that if he knew so much he could finish cooking the meal himself. I went back a few minutes later because he can't make the gravy, but he was still trying to tell me that his way was the best way. He was standing there in his PJ's and I was armed with a scalding hot jug of gravy, only an act of supreme self mastery on my part prevented me from tipping the gravy straight down the front of his trousers!
Yesterday I played safe and made a chicken casserole so that by the time Robbie arrived home there would be very to argue about. Emily needed a lift so I planned to drive her to the station and then take Robbie home. I made the dumplings before leaving the house, but thankfully I left them on a plate ready to put in when I arrived home and I turned the oven down slightly. When Robbie got into the car his first sentence was to request that I would take him to Staples. I asked if we could do it another day because our meal was almost ready, but apparently it was an emergency - he needed to buy a new pencil! I took him to Staples and I'm please to report that he now has a pencil with lead in it! Thankfully our meal survived the delay.
I went to bed fairly late, I was tired and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep. Sometime later 'Thunder Foot' came to bed. How hard can it be to slip into bed quietly without waking me up? In Robbie's case it appears to be impossible! He thumped and bumped around, talked to me, prodded me, flapped the covers about let the cold air in and worse of all he put the light on just to annoy me. You will not be surprised to hear that it worked! I was furious. Once again I was wide awake and it would take ages to get back to sleep, but within minutes 'Sleeping Beauty' was 'Z'ing away, oblivious of my simmering anger.
This morning I expected a 'sorry' and may be a bit of affection. Instead I was awoken by a searchlight and an inquisition, he was accusing me of stealing his knickers! I was quite insistent that I hadn't touched them but he wouldn't believe me. I was furious about not being believed, we are not exactly talking about the crown jewels here, I don't think there is a booming market in second hand drawers. To add insult to injury he then blamed Sam for stealing them - how ridiculous. If I find them before he does he'd better watch out because every pair will have a liberal sprinkling of itching powder inside!Just in case anyone is wondering, Robbie went to work fully clothed, including underwear. He had been looking for a specific pair, for some reason or other he had decided that he had to wear that pair today. He told me last night that he had to go on a site visit today and he needed to have a high visibility jacket and safety boots. Perhaps he thought he needed his lucky pants as well!
I love Robbie very much, but if a friendly genie came along and offered me three wishes I would probably change him just a little bit. It is not the big things that bother me it is those little things that really niggle me - and probably Robbie would say the same thing about me! 
