I have written several times about the dark cloud of worry that has been hanging over us since July when completely out of the blue Robbie received a £17,000 bill for child support for a period almost 15 years ago when he was living with his ex partner and their children! To say that the last few months have been a living hell would be an understatement. Trying to get CSA to listen or respond was an impossibility and even with the help of our MP it has been an uphill struggle dealing with CSA. They seem to take the word of the woman without question while choosing to ignore all our evidence to show that he was living with his ex at that time.
Finally about a week ago we got a letter conceding that he did not owe £17,000 but insisting that he owed around £2000 because they still insist that he was not living with his ex for one of the years in question. This is based only on her word, the have chosen to ignore evidence from the bank that they had a joint bank account, evidence of his address from his employers at the time, tax documents, monthly bills etc. It seemed as if there was very little that we could do to provide further proof but we were determined not to give up. Robbie has always loved and supported his children and the suggestion that he had failed to support his family was as painful as the prospect of having to pay a large sum of money to the government that he didn't owe and could not afford.
Thankfully there was another piece of evidence and we hope very much that it will be accepted as conclusive evidence that he was with his ex for the whole period in question. Thanks to a very conscientious employee at Virgin Trains who kept meticulous records and also thanks to colleagues at Cross Country who went the extra mile and searched back through the files we feel a little more confident. We now have copies of a statutory declaration that was sworn in front of a solicitor and signed by the ex stating that she and Robbie had lived at the same address as a meaningful couple and that Robbie had supported his children for the whole period now in dispute. Surely that will be enough!
Please keep your fingers crossed for us. I am not usually a vindictive person but I really hope that justice prevails and that she doesn't get away with abusing and defrauding the system!
Sometimes we are reminded in the most painful way that we are just observers in the drama of other people's lives. On Wednesday evening Robbie was travelling home (by train of course), he left his first train and walked along the platform to wait for his connecting train as he usually does. He noticed what he thought was a train spotter standing on the ramp at the end of the platform rather too close to the track. He alerted station staff and walked towards the man, but while he was still some distance away he saw the man walk onto the track, position himself and then within a matter of seconds be hit by a train. Needless to say Robbie was very upset about it and upset for all those people who had to deal with what had happened.
Seeing something like that is not easily forgotten and not easily processed because it gives rise to a muddle of conflicting emotions. First there is shock and sorrow for a life lost and sadness for those left behind. Then there is anger that someone would make such a selfish choice by killing themselves in such a messy and public way, causing trauma and inconvenience to everyone involved. Anger too that someone would choose to end their life while others fight so hard to stay alive yet lose their battle.
There are so many thoughts and so many questions, but perhaps the most pressing question is why would anyone feel that such a terrible death was their only option? Was it some terrible shock that had driven him to such desperate action, or perhaps he felt alone and afraid, unable to endure the troubles that life brings. Could it even have been desperation caused by the incorrect assessments and impossible demands of CSA. I know that Robbie felt very close to giving up when he recently received a totally incorrect demand for £17,000.
Whatever the reason, I hope that this poor man has found peace and I hope that the train driver, station staff and all those who were touched by this tragedy will not suffer lasting effects because of what they witnessed. I also hope that anyone contemplating such a drastic option will reach out to someone close to them and find the help that they so badly need.
When we got home on Sunday evening we had lots to do to be ready for work on Monday. We had to get evidence ready to post to CSA the next day and Robbie being Robbie couldn't possibly face work unless he had the correct pants, so we had to deal with several loads of washing. All the essentials were done and Robbie was able to face work with his 'thinking pants' on, but I was just too tired to unpack and put away all our luggage. It had been our intention to travel light, but we were so busy and so worried before the holiday that packing was a bit haphazard. Robbie had taken 48 Tshirts as well as long sleeved tops, jackets and enough pairs of shorts to dress a centipede. Getting them ready to pack was one thing, getting them to all fit back in his draws and wardrobes is still a work in progress! I think by the time I have unpacked and got everything back to something approaching normal I will need another holiday!
Our holiday in Norfolk had been planned long before our recent woes and despite the huge black cloud of worry hanging over us we decided to go and make the most of the peace and freedom that we always find in Norfolk. These things never work out as planned and before we could pack and get ready for our holiday we had to address the pressing issues that were crowding into our week. Robbie had important deadlines to meet at work, but he also needed to see the GP urgently, and just to confuse matters further he had to take time out of a very busy week to deal with three totally intelligible letters sent by CMEC/CSA which no one dealing with his case could explain. They couldn’t even tell who had sent the letters or why, I in these days of austerity I can’t help wondering why a government agency would send out three different letters to the same person on the same day in three different envelopes and then waste hours of staff time responding to frantic phone calls from intelligent people who are totally baffled by the correspondence. What I wonder has happened to plain English and what on earth has happened to customer service?
Robbie arrived home from work at 11pm on Friday evening; I was tired, frustrated and still packing. Robbie was so tired that he was like a zombie and so challenging that if I hadn’t sent him upstairs to sort his clothes out I might have harmed him! It was heading towards 3am when I went to bed and Robbie was even later because he was dealing with final bits and bobs of work that had to be done before we could go on holiday. I knew that would fall asleep but I was too tired to wait for him, in the past Meg would have woken him up and sent him to bed when she got sick of his snoring, but now he had a stark choice, find his own way to bed or stay put.
The alarm woke us at 6am and ‘sleeping beauty’ reluctantly plodded off to make a cup of tea. Within half an hour I was up, washed, dressed and packing the car. I wanted to be on the road by 8am, but Robbie trotted around in a state of undress and showed a marked reluctance to get himself organised. He still had to finish off some bits and bobs at work and this was delayed further by computer problems. The clock ticked on, 8 o’clock came and went and by 10 o’clock a near naked Robbie was still messing around with work matters and I was finding it increasingly difficult to keep my temper. I finally chased him off to get ready and at 10.50am I went to sit in the car to wait for him, at least I could listen to the radio while I waited. At 11.30am he came out to announce that he was on his way before scuttling back in to do a few last minute jobs. At 12.OO I was parked outside Marks and Spencer’s waiting for Robbie to buy himself a coffee and a breakfast baguette. Then at long last we were on our way.
Considering the late start we had a reasonable journey and made good time. Before we had even left Northampton Robbie did his usual trick of squealing with delight at something that he had seen from the car. This time it was not a train, it was two traction engines in the car park of the rugby club, he was very disappointed that I refused to stop for him to take a closer look. One day he will cause an accident by shouting out like that. I got my own back on him later when I told him that I had caught him out in a bit of mischief (yet again), it is one of the few occasions that I can recall Robbie being completely speechless. He should know by now that I don’t miss much!
We arrived at about 3pm and began the exhausting process of unpacking and putting everything away. I was exhausted and all I really wanted to do was to make the bed and crawl into it, but suddenly we were thrown into panic mode – it seems I had forgotten to pack the coffee! Robbie was very good, he managed not to stamp his feet, but the arms were folded and the bottom lip was sticking out as if he was a sulky toddler. So, before the unpacking was completed we had to get back into the car and head for Tesco in order to find the correct brand of coffee. By then I was far too tired to contemplate cooking, in fact I wasn’t even sure I was awake enough to eat anything, but Robbie’s rumbling tummy led us to the fish and chip shop. I found that I was hungry after all and I managed to clear my plate before sleep finally caught up with me.
The words of the Swedish proverb used in the title are very true, but sadly the worries that have been haunting us and prevent me from keeping up with the blog in recent days cast a very big shadow indeed because the situation has potentially devastating consequences. Robbie has received a demand from CSA/CMEC for payment of almost £17,000 arrears! The alleged arrears date from a period from 1998 to 2001 when he was still living with his ex partner (they even had a joint bank account!) but despite having an open case with CSA (and paying diligently) since 2002 when he and his partner split up, he had never been made aware of these alleged arrears. It is proving almost impossible to prove where he lived in 1998 since even employment records and bank records do not go back that far. The trouble is that CSA do not need to prove the arrears, he has to prove that he doesn't owe it, in the meantime CSA can use all the considerable powers at their disposal to take the money. It is very very scary, we simply haven't got that sort of money so the future looks very bleak. Our MP is helping us, but it is a very worrying time.
