Lost in Milton Keynes 30.08.07

Against my better judgement the children talked me into taking them to Milton Keynes by car on Wednesday morning. I know that people who live there like it and there are some lovely open spaces, but I detest driving to Milton Keynes, getting lost is a certainty because everywhere looks like everywhere else, but finding a parking space is much less certain! We got held up because of some roadwork's for ages, so we passed the time by selecting our favourite words. Emily selected malarkey, Sam's favourites were poppycock and paddywack because they make him laugh and my choices were custody and idiosyncratic. When a news reader announces that someone is in custody it always conjures up a picture in my mind of cold lumpy custard. One of my teachers at school made me learn the word idiosyncratic in order to excuse my poor spelling! Laura claimed not to be bothered about words and refused to choose a favourite, I think she wanted to stay focussed on shopping. We got to Milton Keynes in the end, it was OK but I will not be going back there in a hurry.

On the subject of Milton Keynes, about 3 years ago Emily went to a pop concert at Milton Keynes with her friend. I had to pick them up so I had made sure I knew exactly where I was going, but when I got there the police were diverting traffic away from the venue and the crowds leaving the concert were told to leave on foot and arrange to be collected some distance away. Robbie eventually made contact with Emily and asked her to describe where she was so that we could find her. She said that she was near a roundabout - that didn't narrow it down much! He asked her to look for another landmark and she told us that they were near a tree!! Despite her limited observation skills we eventually found her.

Robbie was in an odd mood this evening, first of all he stated the blindingly obvious. He said 'I suppose I am a bit unique' I would have said that was the understatement of the year! A bit later in the evening he must have had a 'blond moment' because he asked one of his totally random questions - what is a male cow called? I patiently explained that it would be either a bull or a bullock (depending on the state of its manhood). I try not to wonder how Robbie's mind works but I eventually realised that he must have been thinking about a conversation that happened hours earlier. His ability to come up with a totally random statement or question can be quite disconcerting at times.

Men are Better Than Women (Allegedly!!!!!) 23.05.07

I listened to a program on Radio 4 about the differences in the way men and women read maps. The theory being that men read maps by taking a sort of birds eye view approach while women orientate the map to themselves. Maybe that's true, but of the men in my life there are some very interesting strategies going on. My first husband was fairly OK at map reading, but tended not to read the instructions and navigated mainly by instinct, on many occasions this took him miles out of his way. My stepfather has to do a dummy run the day before (he is a belt and braces sort of person!). My brother in law is hopeless and he manages to get lost every time he ventures out of his home town, he can get lost equally easily with or without a map. Laura is an excellent map reader, but Emily still gets lost going to the corner shop and Sam has a very good memory and can remember routes and landmarks very clearly. Robbie can read a map but he has the attention span of a goldfish so he us not an ideal navigator when travelling by car. I tend to plan in advance for unfamiliar journeys, I usually have a look at an online route finder, check to see if it makes sense then print the map and directions, I glance through the directions but I find it easier to work from the map.

On the radio program a man and a woman were set a task to navigate from A to B in Milton Keynes. I have got lost there more than once because everything looks the same, there are few landmarks, but my first husband thought that it was simplicity itself to find his way around Milton Keynes, he liked the straight lines and the symmetry so I guess that indicates a different thought process. I had to pick Emily and her friend up from Milton Keynes after a concert, the police had made everyone walk away from the concert venue to be picked up. I asked Emily to describe the landmarks so that I could find her - she said she was standing next to a tree near a roundabout, it was like looking for a needle in a haystack!

The radio program repeated the old joke explaining that men have to produce millions of sperm per 'go' for just one to have a chance of reaching the target - because none of them are willing to ask for directions! Now that is true, men don't read instructions and they don't ask for directions.

This Makes Train Spotting Sound Normal!

With two teenage daughters in the house, control of the TV is very firmly in their hands. One of their favourites is the Sharon Osborne Show. A while ago there was a guest on the show who was a roundabout spotter, not the sort of roundabout that you ride on, the sort that you drive round! The chap seemed fairly normal but the girls found his hobby hilarious. It was still the topic of conversation when Robbie got home and between fits of giggles they told him about it. Robbie wasn't remotely surprised, and after showing off his own detailed knowledge of roundabouts in various parts of the country, he went on to explain that he had a friend who was an escalator spotter. By this stage the girls were in agony from laughing so much!