In A Word

Robbie is more into facebook than I am. Being 'old' I only add friends that I know in real life and I don't update my status unless I have something meaningful to say. Robbie on the other hand writes about anything and everything - mostly trains. His almost daily bulletins on the state of the toilets on the London Midland services that he travels on generate considerable debate, only Robbie could cause people to get so passionate about toilets!

On Monday he asked his friends on facebook to describe him in just one word. I found the results very interesting, I think his friends were rather kind to him, but from their choice of words it seems they know him fairly well. Have a look at the diagram and see what you think - by the way it was me who summed him up with the word 'impossible'.

A Fitting Description

Sometimes when I sit down to write the blog I cant write about the most pressing issues, thoughts and feelings as it would either be breeching the confidence of someone who would not want that issue made public or it would make extremely boring reading. That was the case today, so I did what I usually do when this happens, I clicked on to a site for writers looking for inspiration. There was a long list of questions, but the one that jumped out at me was 'describe yourself in one word'. That was a fairly easy question for me to write about because my special word was given to me a very long time ago and over the years I have grown into it.


I went to a very traditional school that put a strong emphasis on academic achievement. The teaching methods may seem rather old fashioned by today's standards but I am glad that we had to learn so much by heart, because it has stayed with me all my life and the poetry in particular has brought me so much pleasure. From the age of 9 we had spoken English lessons with the formidable Mrs Nichol who could strike fear into even the bravest heart without even raising her voice. We had a textbook called Poems for Pleasure and we were expected to choose a poem from the book, write it out in an exercise book, learn it by heart and then recite it in the lesson. She would hear half the class each lesson so the whole process worked on a fortnightly cycle. 


When my name was called I took my exercise book across to her desk then walked across to the corner opposite her desk and recited my poem. I was fairly pleased with myself as I had remembered it without prompting and I hoped I'd read with enough expression and meaning to satisfy. There was a long pause when I finished the poem then her deep terrifying voice boomed out "Idiosyncratic, what is the meaning of idiosyncratic?" I was frozen to the spot, the word was not in the poem and I had no idea what it meant. I told her that I did not know. She replied "idiosyncratic, meaning peculiar unto one's self; learn it and remember it because you will need it for the rest of your life to excuse your spelling!" My spelling has improved since those days but the word has remained with me ever since. I developed a great respect for Mrs Nichol, she was certainly formidable but she was an amazing teacher with a very good sense of humour.


I like the word idiosyncratic, it sums me up very well. I do things my way, I am not a sheep, I don't follow blindly I make my own decisions and I have my own opinions. That may irritate people sometimes, but I like it that way and I am not going to change, so don't waste time trying. If I had to choose a second word to describe me it would be 'determined' (or as my family would say 'stubborn'). It is not so easy to think of just one word to describe Robbie, he is a man of many words and one word would never be enough to describe him. At the moment the only word that even comes close is impossible!

The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

Marriages, if they are going to work at all have to have an element of give and take. Sometimes if people love each other and they take time to talk things through and really listen to each other it is possible to overcome even the most difficult issues. However everyone has their breaking point and it can be a seemingly minor issue that tips the balance. It has been a bit like that with us recently.

In August Robbie and I had the most amazing holiday, all on our own with no children. It allowed us to really enjoy each other's company, we talked, laughed, enjoyed being close and most importantly we listened to each other. Within the space of a few days we had reviewed and redefined the boundaries of our marriage, in a way which recognised the needs and feelings of each of us. I am not talking about the imposition of a narrow and suffocating set of rules, this was the sort of unity that enables each person to be who they are, while respecting the needs and feelings of the other. When we got back from holiday we were determined to nurture our relationship, by making time to be together and to have fun, even when that means taking a few hours away from the demands of family and household responsibilities. So far we have managed to do that and it has been really good.

So here comes the 'but'. In every relationship there are issues that are guaranteed to cause friction and things that the one partner does that the other is uncomfortable about. I am sure Robbie could provide a long list of things that I do that annoy him, but for me the one thing that bothers me far more than any of the other things is his involvement in the union. I mind for lots of reasons; he has taken on far more than it is reasonable for one person to do and I think he is spreading himself too thin. I don't like the union, I think they talk a lot of nonsense and I think they have changed him in a way that is deeply unattractive. More than anything else I don't like the union taking away our family time, I don't like the way they behave and I think it has led him to make some very poor choices. Of course he would say that I was wrong on every count, but I am judging by actions not just words.

I'd had issues in the past, especially when he went to Dublin earlier in the year, but we had put those behind us, so I didn't have too many concerns about him going on a training course on Thursday. Unfortunately things went down hill from there, he promised that he would ring me in the evening, so after work I looked forward to his call, I didn't want to ring him because I wasn't sure what he would be doing and I didn't want to interrupt. The call didn't come so eventually I took the phone to bed with me and read a book while I was waiting. I must have fallen asleep because I was woken soon after 2am by a text arriving. It was the briefest text informing me that he had been out and was going to bed. I was really hurt, how much effort would it have taken to make a quick phone call at some point during the evening.

The final straw came in the morning when he compounded the problem by not ringing me. When I finally spoke to him he said that he had forgotten about me, poor choice of words perhaps, but that was the final straw - I would never forget about him!! An argument followed and small as this incident was it had tipped the balance for me and I gave him the choice - me or the union. Robbie has always been a slow learner, he chose the union! Lets just say that Friday wasn't a pleasant day for either of us. I walked around the house thinking how much space I would have if I got rid of all his junk and he spent the day telling me that I was totally unreasonable. It was stalemate! Robbie has never understood that when in a hole you should stop digging. He decided to 'light the blue touch paper' by leaving a comment on facebook agreeing that the course was fantastic, I am not sure if it was the comment that annoyed me most or the fact that the woman whose status he was responding to had a rather dubious, near naked profile photo! If I was angry before I was furious after that!

Saturday morning dawned and Robbie's negating style of giving no ground and and insisting that I was totally unreasonable was making matters worse. I will not say how he won me over but if he tried that tactic on anyone else I would kill him!! The result is that he has agreed to give up most of his union work by November and I have agreed to accept him keeping the health and safety stuff. This brings us back to the level of involvement that he had when we got married. He is not entirely forgiven but we are working on it!!

Identity Crisis 04.02.07

I have been aware for some time that one of Robbie's work nicknames is The Boy Blurt. I find the boy bit extremely patronising considering he is almost 35, and don't particularly like Blurt, but I have to acknowledge that the name fits him like a glove. However, I was horrified when one of his colleagues referred to me recently as Mrs Blurt!

I am my own person with my own name, I am not Mrs Burgess and I am certainly not Mrs Blurt. When I married Robbie I didn't give up my personality and I didn't see why I should give up my identity either. I invited him to take my name, but he refused, feeling that it would somehow diminish his identity, I don't blame him, I feel just the same. I love being married and if anything I love Robbie even more as time goes on, but I am still me.

The days of prehistoric man venturing out with his club to subdue his chosen wife and drag her back to his cave are long gone. I realise our friend from the north has not progressed beyond the Neanderthal attitude to women, but the rest of us are in the 21st century. Robbie did not buy me or pay a dowry, he wouldn't have been able to afford me anyway!! In his own style he 'talked me into submission'. I will leave you to wonder about his less obvious attractions. Our marriage is a true partnership, it is not a buy out or a take over bid. I am not a 'good little wife' and I am not an extension of Robbie's personality, I am me, a unique individual who is very happily married to Robbie. Come on, do the maths, you simply couldn't get two people like him. and if I talked even half as much as he does I would never have time to sleep!