A new version of the Cossack Dance

I have written before about Robbie's tendency to 'dance' with fury when I irritate him. When he is cross with me and he tries to express his opinion he does this strange thing where he puts his hands on his hips and keeps bending his knees. Then as he warms to his theme he starts flapping his arms and then thrusting one arm forward to emphasise his argument. I sometimes struggle not to laugh because if it was speeded up a bit it really would look like a Cossack dance. I wrote about it way back in 2007 after a particularly frustrating morning with Robbie.

"Now to explain this morning's upset. We got up in good time and Robbie had as long as he needed in the bathroom, so things were going well. Considering they only have fractionally more to wash than women, I can't understand why men need to take so long in the bathroom!

The trouble started when we got to the station, Robbie went to get the parking ticket. I realised that he had brought his rucksack, I attempted to lift it and found that it contained a hundredweight of work documents as well as, diary, ipod, magazines, snacks and all the 'essentials' to deal with any conceivable railway emergency! Samuel has an unhealthy attachment to his rucksack too, he hates to be parted from it, but he has Asperger's Syndrome, Robbie is allegedly normal!

I took his ipod, pager and sweets out of his rucksack and put them in my handbag. When he returned I refused to let him take his rucksack. He would look ridiculous with a suit and a rucksack, I didn't want him to look like a Sherpa! Robbie went mad and had a full scale tantrum in the car park. I won the first round and he thundered off with what I can only describe as a cross between a stomp and a shuffle - if it had been speeded up it would have looked like a Cossack dance!  He was impossible and he continued the argument on the train, I was tempted to tip my hot chocolate over him, but it was too expensive to waste. It took him until almost lunchtime to recover his temper - so much for Valentine's Day!"

Last night I woke at about 3am when Robbie shouted out and then leapt out of bed. I am not at my best at 3am and it took me a while to become fully awake and make sense of what was happening in the bedroom. The first thing that I became aware of was torrent of swear words fired through the darkness like a volley of gunfire. As my eyes got used to the darkness I saw the silhouette of Robbie over by the bedroom door. As well as the copious swearing he appeared to be going through a series of jerky movements. I hadn't been too surprised by the swearing, after all this is a man who frequently talks to his socks and underwear in the middle of the night (he always has to put his clothes for the next day in the dark because he waits until I have gone to bed - and he always wakes me up!). I gradually interpreted the jerky movements, he was bending forwards and sticking one leg out as if he was pushing his heel into the floor, it looked like a robot doing a Cossack dance, but it was cramp and Robbie was in agony!

I felt so useless because nothing that I could say or do would help. He often gets cramp at night, but I think the pain was more severe last night. It is scary to see him in so much pain                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can fly

Oh dear, the air turned blue this afternoon! A bird decided to wish Robbie good luck from a great height - and it scored a direct hit. Thankfully he wasn't wearing a suit but he was wearing a new top and to say that he wasn't amused would be an understatement. He was more than usually eloquent, well maybe not eloquent but certainly verbal. He lapsed into alliteration on a theme of 'B'; he has been practicing practicing on the cats so he is fairly good at it now and he produced a string of expressive but not exactly original 'B' words. I don't know what type of bird it was, but judging by the mess it created it certainly wasn't a sparrow!

Anyway, back to more important matters, Robbie made his announcement on facebook today, so I am now free to reveal his new ventue

Burgess Rail Solutions Ltd

Choose Your Battles Carefully

My son needed a lift home yesterday evening so we got back to the house together to find Robbie feuding with the cat. Apparently the cat had committed a terrible sin and Robbie was still running through his whole (extensive) range of insults. The cat was less vocal, but he was still winning on points because the looks that he was giving Robbie spoke volumes and it really didn't need to tell us what the cat was thinking at that moment! Both retreated to their respective corners, both still bristling with indignation and we returned to what passes for normality in our house. 


I was busy getting on with some writing and trying not to notice that my son was watching total junk on the television and I was only vaguely aware of what was going on in the room. Suddenly everything seemed to go quite and I became aware that a scantily clad Robbie was creeping across the room as if he was stalking prey. Robbie doesn't do anything quietly and he is not so good at stealth either - even when he thinks I don't know I usually do! It was a comical sight, almost like a scene from a cartoon, Robbie creeping across the room in slow motion stalking the cat. Apparently the cat had spotted Robbie's unattended (and empty) plate on the table and had headed in that direction to take a look. Robbie and the cat met at the table and some complicated footwork followed; as I watched Robbie it looked like a cross between a football tackle and a Cossack dance. The next thing I knew he was holding the cat in the air and telling him that he was a thieving fatherless feline. What the cat said doesn't bear repeating, he may not have any teeth but there is nothing wrong with his claws and Robbie was pushing his luck. He put the cat down and it beat a hasty retreat to the relative sanity of the hall. 

I think Robbie had a lucky escape this time, but that better be the end of it because I have no intention of taking him to casualty and explaining to the doctor that he got injured because he was arguing with the cat in his underwear!

Barking Mad

I never want to get up when the alarm goes off but this morning Robbie and I were both more tired than usual because he was very late getting back from work yesterday and we didn't get to bed until well past 1am. I remember hitting the snooze button once or twice and I remember struggling to wake Robbie and get him moving, but after that it is a bit hazy. I must have closed my eyes again because the next time I looked there was cup of tea on my bedside cabinet and the clock had raced ahead. Suddenly I was wide awake and rushing to be ready on time.

I noticed that it was suspiciously quiet, by that time Robbie should have been in the shower, but I couldn't hear any noise at all from the bathroom. On my way to the bathroom I paused at the top of the stairs, Robbie was downstairs arguing with someone.

I was rather alarmed, who could he possibly be arguing with at this time in the morning? I couldn't enjoy the luxury of having the bathroom to myself because I was worried about what was going on downstairs. I reasoned that he must be talking to someone on the phone, but judging by the string of expletives whoever it was must have wound him up big style. Robbie is never at his best first thing in the morning so I was worried that he may come to regret his outburst later in the day.

As soon as I was washed and dressed I went dashing downstairs to find out what was going on. Robbie was standing in the kitchen wearing only a t-shirt and he appeared to be arguing with the back door. I am used to weird but that sight stopped me in my tracks, I thought we may need professional help!! Finally everything became clear, Robbie was having a heated argument with Meg the dog who had apparently asked to go out into the garden and refused to come back in. I can understand Robbie's frustration but Meg is extremely deaf and more than a little confused so yelling at the back door was not exactly productive. I guess I should be grateful at least he didn't scare the neighbours by chasing her round the garden wearing next to nothing!