It has been a very difficult few days. On Sunday lunchtime I had a frantic phone call from my step father, my mum had blacked out and fallen on the kitchen floor badly cutting head open - I have never seen so much blood! He had already called an ambulance and I dashed to their house (in a village about 6 miles away) to be with my mum. As I ran down the lane to their house I realised that there was no ambulance there and I assumed that my mum must be already on her way to hospital. When I opened the front door I realised that I was wrong, my mum was sitting on the floor propped against the kitchen units holding a blood soaked towel against her head. The kitchen floor was covered in blood and my step father (who is terminally ill) was standing there ashen faced looking totally helpless.
I did my best to make my mum comfortable and then I rushed around getting everything ready for a trip to the hospital. The ambulance control had told them to leave mum on the floor and to leave the blood as it was. We waited and waited but no ambulance came. After an hour I spoke to the ambulance control they still insisted that I should not move her and they said they would make mum a high priority and an ambulance would be there soon. I told them that I needed to clean up the blood as it was making it impossible to move around the kitchen to look after mum, and when I got off the phone I cleaned the floor. Still no ambulance came and I was very worried about my mum's condition, so I called my brother (who lives in a different county) he came with his car and between us we got mum up (she was very wobbly) put her into the car and took her to the hospital. By the time we left her house we had waited two and a half hours for an ambulance!
At the hospital her condition was taken very seriously, they said her pulse was dangerously low and she was kept on close observation in the resuscitation area. She is still in hospital, they think she may need a pacemaker, but they are still doing tests. I am disgusted that a woman who is over 80 can be left to wait so long for emergency medical care. We will be making a formal complaint, but our first priority is to look after mum.
A telephone call on Friday afternoon left me in tears, but that is the end of the story, I need to start from the beginning. At 6am on Friday morning Robbie had left for work and I was standing in the kitchen ironing shirts and feeling very apprehensive. Two members of my family had important meetings that day and there was not a thing I could do to help either of them except to iron shirts for my son in the hope that looking neat and tidy would help him to make a good impression.
I have spent my life worrying about him, trying to keep him safe and generally trying to do my best for him, he may be 17 and almost grown up but I still worry and I still do my best to support him. Life is often challenging for people with Asperger's Syndrome or Autism but it can also be mentally exhausting for those who love them. I don't usually write about my son's Asperger's Syndrome because he tries so hard to be just like everyone else. He doesn't want to be labelled, he just wants to be accepted as himself, but in order to achieve that he has had to work hard to understand other people and to understand himself. It has been an up hill struggle, but I am so proud of him because he never gives up, even when things go wrong he keeps on trying.
He had applied for an important role within his school and on Friday he had to attend interviews as pat of the the selection process. We all feel anxious about interviews, but for my son facing people he didn't know, managing to maintain eye contact, to answer questions and (most important of all) to know when to stop talking was a really big challenge for him. I felt apprehensive all morning, and it was a relief to get a text from him saying that the interviews had gone well. He told me that he would know the outcome by the end of the school day, so he still had an anxious wait. I wished him luck and reminded him that whatever the outcome, it is all good experience.
I can't believe the change in him since he moved to that school. They have helped him to believe in himself, to believe that he can do things and to dare to aim high. His old school had high academic standards and he did well there, but I never felt that they cared about him as an individual. His new school had a different outlook and he has thrived.
I watched the clock, 3.15pm came and went and I convinced myself that it must be bad news. Then at almost 4pm my son rang to say that he had been selected as a vice president of his school for the next academic year (boys are not allowed to stand for president because it is a girls school). I was just on my way out to the supermarket when I took the call, I was so please for him and so proud of him, that I sat in the car with tears running down my cheeks. It has done him the world of good going to that school.
Robbie rang me on Saturday morning at around 10am, he didn't have much to say except a load of drivel about trains, but he did mention that he would get home late on Saturday night rather than Sunday morning because he could get a lift. I gave him very firm instructions not to wake me up but I forgot to check that he had his house key. He didn't ring me again on Saturday, he forgets that I exist when he is 'playing trains'. Evening came and before I knew it was past 11pm and still no word from Robbie. The question of locking the front door bothered me, I couldn't go to bed and leave it open, I could lock it but not put the chain on, but there was a good chance that he didn't have his key because he didn't take his briefcase on Friday. I decided to wait up for him, so I kept myself busy with jobs until after 2am, when he rang to say that he was just going to bed! He embarked on a long and contorted story to explain his change of plan, the short version was that the train was seriously delayed. I wasn't interested in the detail, I just wanted to know why he didn't let me know earlier. He spluttered a bit, he even attempted to think up an excuse, but simple truth is that he forgot. I waited up until past 2am for nothing, I want overjoyed about it. Robbie will certainly not go down in history as one of the worlds great communicators.
I spent another Saturday without Robbie, he did text a few times, but it doesn't really make up for not being here. I did ordinary things, a trip to the supermarket, housework, my writing work, feeding hungry animals and hungry people and other exciting tasks. Emily was busy packing to go on holiday to Cornwall first thing in the morning, I would love to be in Cornwall again.
Robbie sent me a text asking me if I would like to go to Glasgow on a rail tour, I thanked him but said no. If I go to Glasgow I want to go on a Pendolino, I don't see the point of going on an old train when you could go on a new one. Robbie thinks I am mad, but he is not really in the best position to judge, he is not exactly normality personified! He seemed to take great offense at my lack of good taste when it comes to trains and he tried to get me to change my mind, but in the end he gave up and said he would ring me a bit later on. I waited for his call, but by 2am I gave up and fell asleep.
A few days ago when I had objected to him going on this rail tour he reassured me that he would be home early on the Sunday morning, in time to make me a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich. I woke early on Sunday morning and I was looking forward to seeing Robbie again after almost a week away. I listened to the radio thinking that it wouldn't be long before he got home, time went on, I had my bath, made my own cup of tea and listened to the Archers, but still there was no sign of him. There were no texts, no phone calls, and no reply when I tried to contact him. Lunch time came and went and I got on with my ordinary routine, but I was increasingly worried and annoyed about the lack of contact. Finally sometime after 3.30pm Robbie phoned me with the usual set of excuses. He was too tired to phone last night, he overslept, his phone was dead, there are no payphones in Birmingham, he forgot to ring me.
What annoyed me most was that he thought I would be OK about it - I wasn't! I reminded him that he had been put on a final warning the last time he did this. He seemed to think it was all very trivial - I didn't! Everyone has their limits and he was about to discover mine! At just after 6pm I picked him up from the station.
I had plenty to say, but it resulted in me offering him a choice, me or the rail tours. When put like that it only took him a few minutes to decide - in favour of the rail tours! So he packed his things and I took him back to the station, with him telling me that I had given him an impossible choice. He didn't seem to understand that I found it deeply hurtful (but not surprising) to come second to a train! He plodded off to the platform feeling very hard done by. I waited in the car park and about ten minutes later I got a text saying "OK, you win!" and shortly afterwards he plodded back to the car. The silly thing is I don't want to 'win' I just want a lot more consideration.!
I am a person of fairly simple tastes, no I'm not talking about why I was attracted to Robbie – that is a mystery even to me! What I mean is that I don't want an overly complicated life, I use my mobile phone to make calls and send texts, I don't need it to play music, take photos or access the internet. With my house phone I just want it to make and receive calls, nothing complicated, so when I had to buy a new phone I just bought a simple one with two handsets. Robbie set it up while I was working, it looked fairly nice – until it rang! I couldn't live with that, it played a very tinny version of the William Tell Overture, it was like an angry child demanding attention NOW. I told Robbie that I just wanted it to ring and I honestly didn't believe him, so he ran through the options. The Minute Waltz was equally annoying, there was another tune that sounded like a dalek on speed, yet another sounded like a car alarm and the final couple of options were unspeakable. There was no simple ringing sound so I have to put up with the least annoying of the options for now, but I want a phone with a proper old fashioned ring.
I am old enough to remember a time when our lives were not ruled by mobile phones and occasionally I feel nostalgic for those days when you could go out and not be troubled by messages or phone calls. During my childhood the house phone was connected to the wall and nobody thought of phones in every room, often it was positioned on a table in the hall and it certainly didn't dominate the house. Now I am driven to distraction by the phone, we have two cordless phones but when the it rings the handset is never on the base and I have to sprint from one room to the next looking for it. It is usually in Emily or Laura's bedroom, but by the time I have found it the ringing has stopped and I am left to wonder who was calling.
I think our bathroom is bugged, as soon as I get in there you can guarantee that the phone will ring. I would understand it if I shut myself in there with a magazine, but I don't stay in there any longer than necessary. I know the caller can't see you but I am never going to be comfortable about chatting on the phone while using the smallest room. I have to rush out in a dishevelled state to find and answer the phone and it is almost always Robbie just ringing to say hello. I don't know how he manages to time it so badly so often. Even more annoying is when I have just got into a relaxing hot bath, the phone rings and my moment of luxury is ruined. It is bad enough to drag myself out of the bath and stand there dripping and freezing to death just to answer the phone, but when it is Robbie ringing to tell me something 'exciting' about a train that he saw on his way to work I find it very hard to be civil to him. We probably couldn't manage without our mobiles for long, but just occasionally I long for the way it used to be! Of course I could ignore the phone, but it could be important. My parents may need help or Sam's school may need to get hold of me, I can't ignore it.
Those people who know Robbie will perhaps understand that I don't always listen to Robbie when he is talking. He talks almost constantly and it is like a roller-coaster ride, dragging up hill via a long and contorted explanation, careering down hill as information tumbles out faster than you can take it in, twisting and turning from one apparently unrelated subject to the next and looping back to cover the same subject all over again. It is exhausting and if I am working I find it easier to just make the odd non committal grunt without actively listening to him. OK, I know that is a bit mean but it is a form of self preservation, my head would explode if I tried to listen to everything he said!Robbie went off to play trains at the weekend, he left with his weekend bag at 6am on Friday and I didn't expect to see him again until Sunday afternoon. He phoned several times on Friday and in the evening he let me know that he had arrived at the Travelodge, but that was the last time I heard from him. I know I can't compete with his precious trains, but when I didn't hear from him on Sunday morning I started to become anxious. I realised that I didn't know where he was, who he was with with or how he was getting back because I hadn't listened. He had two phones with him, both were switched off, I kept ringing, but I didn't know what else to do. As the day went on I became convinced that he'd had an accident or something bad had happened. It was about 6pm when I finally tracked him down, apparently he had forgotten to take his phone charger, he was surrounded by people with phones but he didn't think it was important to send me just one text to let me know he was OK. He isn't in the dog house, he is somewhere much more remote than the dog house!
Our dog Meg is a great communicator. If she knows that she is in trouble she walks along with her tail tucked under her chin and her body close to the ground, and if she has to walk past me she will do a wide circle, we never hit her so it must be instinctive behaviour. When she wants something she makes absolutely sure you know about it, she becomes very fussy and affectionate and she keeps walking backwards and forwards and looking at the thing she wants (back door, food cupboard, water bowl, lead etc) until her slow but loveable humans finally get the idea! Robbie is much less subtle, when he wants something he 'creeps' shamefully. I am almost sure that the phone rings differently when he wants something because I can tell instantly, even the little silence before he speaks is different.
Yesterday I got one of those phone calls, he was a bit too loving, there were far too many compliments and he found it even more difficult than usual to get to the point, so I cut through the flattery with a simple “What do you want?” This brought on a bout of stuttering from Robbie, then a painfully drawn out explanation that he had been offered a ticket for Tyseley Open Day in Birmingham, and he would very much like to go. I was a bit disappointed because he was out all last weekend and he has other trips planned so I was hoping for a nice ordinary weekend. He obviously wanted to go because he offered to take me with him – no chance! A railway yard open day is not my sort of thing because it will be attended by the 'socks and sandals brigade' and to be brutally honest that many peculiar people in one place is a bit hard to take! The venue also puts me off, I don't like going to Birmingham, it is too chaotic and it makes me feel despondent. When we are heading to Birmingham on the train I give up hope soon after we pass Rugby, everything starts to look grim and unloved and a close encounter with Birmingham New Street Station is enough to ruin anyone's day!
I told Robbie he could go, he would have only talked about it all weekend anyway, so he may as well go. I will find something to keep me busy on Saturday and when he gets back he will find a list of jobs to keep him out of trouble on Sunday!
