Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can - Danny Kaye

What am I going to do with Robbie? We are both on leave from work and we had big plans for our week together, in fact we had something planned for every day, but at the end of last week Robbie expressed a burning desire to travel to Weymouth on Monday. When I asked why he wanted to go to Weymoyth he looked at me as if I was mad and told me "that's where the train goes". It was the train that was the attraction not the destination. To be fair he said I could go with him and he offered some sort of explanation about it being a new route or a new timetable or something like that. I had switched off by then, the idea of another marathon train journey did not appeal to me after our trip to the South West on Saturday. He seems to have had a good time but I wasn't best pleased when he announced (from a safe distance - he didn't tell me until he got to Weymouth) that I had to stay up until after midnight to go and fetch him from the station!

While Robbie was away I shopped for a picnic lunch for the next day because we had planned a trip to the National Railway Museum. We didn't need an especially early start, but after the late night Robbie had difficulty getting himself into gear, so in the end we decided to have a more relaxed day and stay local. We needed to go and pick up a parcel from the sorting office so we decided that we would pop into the farm shop as well. They didn't have any dripping for Robbie, but we bought a couple of other treats instead. The farm shop is part of a small outlet centre attached to the garden centre, so we had a look at the other shops too. I had forgotten that they had a clothing outlet there, but it didn't take long for Robbie to spot the Weird Fish stuff. He found so many T shirts that he liked, I guess they were OK but they were all very loud, so I wandered off hoping that he would follow. I was looking around a jewellry shop when Robbie came bounding in to tell me that he had seen some nice shorts and he wanted me to look at them. As we went back towards the shorts he said that I would like them because they were a bit more subtle than his usual choice. They were black and white in the loudest pattern imaginable, I didn't like them at all but according to Robbie's logic they were subtle because they didn't contain any bright colours!! 

A Short Lived Smile

I managed to put a smile on Robbie's face last night - I bought him some Polish Jaffa Cakes! unfortunately the smile didn't last too long he is like a bear with a sore head again this morning, but at least I know he is still capable of cracking his face. Actually he even laughed at one point last night, but that was only because he was laughing at me for not knowing who Jane Fonda is. I know now, I looked her up, she was in that L'Oreal advert, apparently she was in some films too but I didn't see any of them. When he stopped laughing at me for that he decided to test me on other people I may not know. He started with John Lydon, but I did know who he was because he was in a butter advert. I didn't know what group he was in but I don't think I would have been interested in him, I was never that interested in music and judging by the song that Robbie played last night his music wasn't exactly attractive.

Robbie says that his colleagues keep teasing him about his yellow T-shirts, I don't really understand they just pick on the yellow ones they are quite tame compared to his vivid blue one, and his lurid pink one can only be viewed with sunglasses! If that is not enough to scare you, there's always his luminous green and brown shorts. Robbie wouldn't be Robbie without his loud and slightly alarming clothes, they are just like him really!

Ladybird, Ladybird, Fly Away Home.......

Sunday was so hot that I couldn't cope with being in the sun for too long. Sam and I went out in the morning, Robbie had decided last night that he didn't want to come with us, he wasn't in a bad mood he just wanted a quiet morning with his Sunday paper. Sam wanted to go to the car boot to look for books on photography and he found four really good books for next to nothing. We made a quick detour to Tesco to get a few essentials for Robbie and then headed back to the beach.

Robbie and I took a walk along the beach, there were so many ladybirds that it was making Robbie cross. They seemed to be attracted to his bright yellow top (perhaps they thought he was a huge flower!) He was fairly OK about them until they tried to go up his shorts, he took that as a personal insult and after doing an interesting little jig he called the insects some very insulting names! I paddled in the sea, I didn't have the excuse of paddling with children but it was fun anyway, the sea was warm and calm. Robbie sat on the beach and watched, he doesn't paddle, he prefers to keep his feet dry, after all if he got too close to the sea he would risk getting his favourite shorts splashed. Usually I pretend that I'm not with him when he wears his 'extra loud' shorts, but they have their uses, I have no chance of losing him on a crowded beach – however hard I try!

Unmissable!

We spent the morning in Padstow today, Laura wanted to shop for jewellery and Robbie wanted to indulge his passion for pasties. I didn't really want to buy anything, so while they shopped I wandered around taking photos of all my favourite places. We spent the afternoon on the beach, it was lovely, totally still and warm, but just a little bit misty, it was the sort of day wish would last for ever. When we came back up from the beach, I was so lucky to have my camera because a butterfly settled right in front of me and I was able to get some very close shots. I have never seen so many butterflies as I have in the last couple of days.

On the subject of photos, I waited until it was almost dark to photograph Robbie's shorts and amazingly my camera survived! As you can see with shorts that loud there is no chance of losing him on the beach.

Crimes Against Fashion!

Having had a fairly lazy day yesterday we decided to get up early and spend the morning in Newquay. It was a lovely morning and by 10am we were in the book shop looking at railway books , then for a little light relief looking at railway jigsaws! It was nice just to potter around for a couple of hours, I refused to go to the surf shops to look at clothes with Robbie because I am still adjusting to his recent purchases. A couple of days before we went away he went shopping unaccompanied (not recommended) and he came home with the loudest shorts imaginable, they are brown with luminous yellowish green in a large flower pattern. I can't provide a photo because I am worried about my camera, but today's photos feature Robbie's new cerise T-shirt, as you can see he is fairly unmissable when he wears it! Sam said that he is wanted in several counties for crimes against fashion!

The Shirt Saga.

The shirt hasn't gone back to Marks and Spencer - yet! However Robbie has agreed that he will buy some long shorts instead, so I will be keeping alert until the shirt is safely returned. He got me to take him late night shopping at Tesco last night and he fell in love with some very loud and scary shirts there too, but I managed to steer him away without incident. There were some very nice but loud shorts, just Robbie's sort of thing, bright pink and brown with a huge pattern on, I could have coped with those but they didn't have his size so maybe the world is not quite ready for that vision yet! Robbie is feeling very hard done by, he claims he has even had women offering to take him shopping to help him choose more suitable shirts. They would soon learn, taking Robbie to Marks and Spencer is like taking a child to Toys R Us, you lose all hope of seeing daylight ever again!

A Room With a View

Today was lovely and sunny, the perfect weather for a holiday. When I walked into the lounge and saw the wonderful view of the bay from our window, the world seemed perfect. I love coming here, I think this part of Cornwall is the best place in the world. Robbie was surprisingly reluctant to get up this morning, but when he finally graced us with an
appearance he was wearing red shorts with such a loud pattern that I am surprised he didn't frighten the sun away. We spent most of the day on the beach enjoying the sunshine, Robbie didn't venture into the sea, but Sam swam and I dipped a toe in – it was colder than it looked! I took several photos of Robbie, so that you could get the full glory of his shorts, unfortunately all but one provided a view up the leg of his shorts and I didn't want to scare anyone, so you will have to make do with this picture.































Here is one of the photos I took yesterday evening when the lifeboat came back to the boat house.

Scary Images

The Burgess legs have had their first outing of the summer, on Saturday morning Robbie appeared in the lounge wearing his very loud patterned shorts and a summer T-shirt. He was heading out to the garden to remove a small tree so that we can replace several of the fence panels. He wasn't out there for very long before he returned claiming that it was all done, I think the tree took one look at his shorts and surrendered!

Saturday morning was a rare luxury, it was nice not to have to get up and start rushing around at the crack of dawn. Robbie was tired after his adventures on Friday so when I woke up there was only the radio to keep me company, but I enjoyed the luxury of doing absolutely nothing. Eventually Robbie woke claiming that he needed a cup of coffee before he could face the day. Finally he returned to bed with his coffee and I had his undivided attention or so I thought. It didn't take long before his mind had wandered and he started talking about an interesting article in Model Rail magazine. I don't suppose I will ever change him, but it doesn't stop me trying! Having worked extra hard to get his full attention, I thought I was winning until he suddenly announced that there was a long article about CrossCountry in Modern Railways! I know when I'm beaten so I asked if I could read the article, he wasn't too keen on that because he hadn't finished reading it himself, but eventually he relented. I'm glad I read it, there were some very good pictures of CrossCountry trains and a truly scary photo of Andy Cooper MD of CrossCountry - he looked like a very angry bank manager. The article made a lot of sense and it made him sound considerably more human than his photo would suggest. I'm still a bit of a sceptic about some of the changes that CrossCountry are committed to, especially the removal of the shops on their trains, but I must admit that Andy Cooper puts forward a very convincing business argument for the changes. The whole article made a lot of sense, perhaps it is just my interpretation but I got the feeling the moderate language used to describe the abject failures of Network Rail was a little unnatural.

Over the years my children have got me involved in all sorts of tasks and I have acquired the strangest skills, I still remember struggling to make a lion costume at short notice because Sam insisted on dressing as Aslan for Book Day at school. Until yesterday I had never been called upon to paint a teapot! Emily returned from town with a teapot and explained that she needed to paint a design on the side for her friend's birthday. Apparently her friend wanted a teapot and Emily wanted it to be unique. Emily began the painting but before long I found myself in the hot seat and I spent a pleasant couple of hours painting a parrot on to the side of a teapot. The end result was surprisingly successful and I must admit that I enjoyed doing it, I really should allow more time for my crafts.

Advice 26.08.07

The highlights of the day were not especially notable. I tackled the washing mountain and Robbie decided to chase the sunshine away by wearing his alarmingly loud shorts. Don't worry I didn't endanger my camera so there is no photo! They have a whitish background with large deep red flowers all over them. If I had to find one word to describe them it would be 'unforgettable'.

Anyway my day was too boring to deserve much attention so I have written about something more interesting instead. Robbie's shorts reminded me of some interesting advice about men's clothing that my Grandma gave me. Wisdom is hard to define, but there is plenty of wisdom in these little gems of advice that have helped to keep me out of trouble. My Grandma always liked to have the last word (and the first) so the first three items and the last one are advice from my her.

Never trust a man in green trousers. I have absolutely no idea why, but it is advice that has served me well over the years. I assume it means that you should trust your instincts and if something or someone doesn't feel quite right you should beware.

A little of what you fancy does you good. Grandma always said this in relation to food, but I am sure she would be horrified to find that I have successfully applied it to all sorts of other areas of my life too!

You will miss me when I am gone. I can't tell you how much this infuriated me, but it is true. We have to learn to appreciate what we have now, because we cannot rely on the same people or things being around to enjoy later.

My mum does not give advice in the same way that Grandma did, but she has set an example of independence and determination and she taught me many valuable things. The next two are from her.

Men are like dogs, if you don't train them young you never will. I don't think that needs any explanation!

A woman can do anything better than a man - because we take time to read the instructions. This has given me so much confidence over the years.

I have various people to thank for the next few pieces of advice.

Never slam a door too hard because you may have to open it again.

Expect the unexpected

Live for today

Tell the truth and shame the devil. Yes, it's Grandma again, but it is true. Telling the truth makes life so much easier and less complicated. You retain your integrity, gain the respect of others and it encourages people to deal with you more honestly.

So it is back to my Grandma for the last word. She had this verse framed and I was very disdainful about it when I was younger, but I have to admit that it is true. If only we could help younger people to understand it.

Four things come not back,
The spoken word,
The speed arrow,
The past life and
The neglected opportunity

The Big Stink 11.06.07

Over the last few days we have developed a seriously unpleasant smell in the car. At work my sense of smell is legendary and I pride myself on being able to identify the exact origin of even the most obnoxious odours (it is a very useful skill in my line of work!) but the origin of this smell defeated me. I checked the car for any offending object, but there was nothing and every day the smell got worse. Copious amounts of Oust and car fresheners proved useless and I was being driven mad by the smell. It was similar to over ripe trainers crossed with rotting potato, but I just couldn't track it down.

When I was waiting for Laura at the music centre this afternoon I could bear it no longer and I decided to take the car apart. I lifted the seats up and looked in every possible nook and cranny - nothing! I still had ten minutes to wait so I thought I would have a look at the bag containing two or three pairs of new shorts for Robbie. They were a kind but misguided gift to him for an elderly relative and I didn't need a crystal ball to predict that they would be unsuitable. The strange thing about old people is that they constantly tell you to wear a vest, but when it comes to shorts they like them to have short legs, barely more than knickers. Robbie has very nice legs, but they look much nicer in long shorts. I was correct, in the bag were three pairs of too short shorts. Laura returned to the car just as I was looking at them and she begged me not to let him wear them. I assured her that he wouldn't wear them as they would make him look like Gandhi. She fell about laughing and pointed out that Robbie and Ghandi had very different girth measurements, but I was referring to the baggy nappy look.

Anyway I realised that there was something heavy at the bottom of the bag and when I looked in I found the source of the smell. The same doting relative had thoughtfully slipped a bag of carrots into the bag of shorts as a treat for the guinea pig. The shorts and carrots had been in the car for a week and the (thankfully) sealed bag of carrots contained a fermenting liquid that smelled frightening.

This little episode brought to mind an event years ago when I was about 10. I used to stay with an (honorary) aunt and uncle on their farm every summer, it was my idea of heaven. This particular year they had finally sold their lovely old Austin Cambridge and they were the proud owners of a not very attractive red Moskovich. This car started to smell bad, and over the week it got progressively worse. Uncle and I checked the car time and time again but we couldn't find anything. Then as a last resort he lifted the bonnet to look at the engine and the cause of the odour was revealed. A huge mouse had got into the engine space and hung itself on part of the metalwork in the inside of the bonnet. One small decaying rodent caused an almighty stink!

A Short Saga 27.04.07

I had to pop into town briefly this morning and since I was already in a clothes shop for something else I decided that I would buy Robbie some shorts. After all, my choice couldn't be worse than his selection last Friday when both pairs had to be returned. I chose a pair which absolutely screamed Robbie at me, they were dark blue with big white flowers on. OK I know it sounds hideous, but have you seen the stuff that man wears! The second pair were a little more conservative, navy with a surfer design on one side.

When Robbie got home I took him to exchange the 2 pairs that he bought last week. When he returned to the car he seemed pleased with the replacement shorts he had chosen. One pair had a rather loud brown orange and cream pattern, they were quite nice really. I favour a much more subtle colours and patterns when I choose my own clothes, but it he likes loud colours I can live with it - most of the time! I found the other pair of shorts a bit more challenging. They were predominantly an off white colour with a stripe of brown and a stripe of orange around each leg. As soon as he showed them to me it an old TV program flashed into my mind - Randal and Hopkirk (deceased)! I must admit that they looked better when he tried them on, but I think it is possible that they may prove to be see through when wet - what a thought!

Both the pairs of shorts that I bought fitted him perfectly, but Robbie was not impressed. The flowers on the loud pair had slightly blurred edges and he announced that he preferred clearly defined shapes. He said the navy ones were OK, but he prefers bolder colours. That must be why he is cavorting about the house a pair of navy shorts and a navy top with Subbuteo men on the front. Yes, this is one of those rare occasions when he isn't wandering around the house in his PJ's. I shouldn't have mentioned PJ's it's a very touchy subject just now.

Fast Forward 21.04.07

Robbie had one of his little strops on the train last night. He had planned to go late night shopping for shorts so that he could wear them to the diesel gala on Saturday. Being a man he had omitted to communicate his intentions to me (his personal chauffeur) and I had arranged to do something else. After a bit of juggling, I found time to take him shopping and after long deliberation he bought two pairs of shorts. Back at home he held the shorts up and asked if I liked them. Being a truthful sort of person I couldn't manage a blatant lie and I muttered something about the 'interesting colour'. Robbie forced the issue and eventually I admitted that I didn't like them. Still not satisfied he demanded to know why, until we were on the verge of an argument. I suggested that he should try them on as that was the only way to know for sure if they suited him. He tried them on (in the lounge!), it would be untrue to say they didn't fit, they did, but they restricted his ability to walk and talk to such an extent that parts of his anatomy were at risk of permanent damage. Apparently it is my fault that they have to be taken back! Yorkshire will still be treated to a view of the Burgess knees because I reminded him that he had a more suitable pair of shorts and they have the added attraction of allowing him to breathe.

I went to bed before Robbie last night. he was busy planning the contents of his rucksack for the morning. He called after me to promise that he would be careful not to wake anyone up when he got ready in the morning. Considerably later I was awoken by Robbie apparently jumping on the bed. From his conversation (with his invisible friend) I deduced that he was looking for a pair of socks - that man has more socks than Marks and Spencers, surely he has sufficient choice without having to track down a particular pair. I tried to ignore him, but after 5 or 10 minutes of continued disturbance I became more assertive, the lights went off and Robbie retreated still claiming that I was being unreasonable.

In order to get the full effect from the next paragraph you need a tune running through your head, Yakety Sax to be precise (it's the Benny Hill tune). If you need a clue follow this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTiQDyVv7KQ
Right now play that tune in your head.

I woke this morning to the irritating bleep of my alarm clock, I realised Robbie was still sleeping next to me, so I gave him a hefty prod and moaned at him for setting my alarm. In one movement he was out of bed and at the window. A couple of expletives preceded the revelation that he had overslept and the taxi was outside. It seems I had forgotten to turn off my alarm clock last night and it had woken me at the weekday time of 5.30am. Robbie had hit the fast forward button and the next 4 or 5 minutes were a blur of footsteps, down the stairs, up the stairs, into the bathroom, out again, down the stairs, into the kitchen, up the stairs again, into the bedroom, jump on and off the bed down the stairs, pickup the rucksack, out of the house and into the taxi. He made his train and he woke everyone in the house! I am not prepared to disclose my thoughts when I couldn't get back to sleep, but I will sum it up by saying that I wasn't too happy!

I immersed myself in some family history research in lieu of sleep and enjoyed the peace and quiet - finally! Robbie rang me later to tell me that he had managed to make it to McDonalds and back to his connecting train on time. Unfortunately his leg gave way (it happens sometimes) and he fell down the side of the train, he has cuts and grazes and pain in his leg, back and assorted places. I hope it doesn't spoil his day

PJ Problems Again!

Well, Robbie threatened to do it yesterday and he actually did the deed today - he wore his shorts. In order to let me adjust gradually he wore his most sober pair, but it seemed a bit strange to see his very white legs on public display after all these months. Believe it or not he managed to tear his other pair of PJ's this morning, he was so cross with himself about it. He tore his other pair a while ago and he has only recently replaced them. When he told me how much they cost I could hardly believe it, they must be stitched with gold. He says they are not as good as the previous pair, so this time he want's to get the replacement pair from Gap. I always thought that stood for 'Gay and Proud' - but whatever floats his boat!

Megan has rolled and is polluting the atmosphere with the pervasive aroma of fox. Since she idolises Robbie, he can have the pleasure of showering her. This usually results in a clean dog, a devastated bathroom and a drenched and very dirty person.

Emily went away for the weekend to Gateshead with the County Youth Concert Band to take part in the National Concert Band Festival - and they got the gold award! Emily said Gateshead seemed a bit grim, but she liked what she saw of Durham.

Robbie has been playing with his latest toy - his usb turntable. He is delighted with it and has been busily adding to his i-tunes play list. He is woefully ignorant about certain types of music, I can't believe that he muddled Lonnie Donnigan up with Val Doonican! And before anyone criticises my taste in music, I must point out that a certain Mr B absolutely had to have The Funky Gibbon by the Goodies in his collection.