The Mystery of the Missing Pants

Robbie had a very busy weekend, we had a nice day together on Saturday, but in the afternoon I dropped him off at the station knowing that he would be away until the next evening because he was going milk float spotting with his friend on Sunday. According to him they were bus spotting and the milk floats just happened to be there, but I have my doubts, he has some very odd interests so I suspect that he is a closet milk float spotter and the buses are just a clever way of disguising his interest in milk floats! Anyway he had a lovely day out with his friend and he came back with lots of photos of buses - and milk floats!

While he was away I took the opportunity to sort out his drawers and wardrobe. When he came home his clothes were nicely folded and sorted into neat piles on the bed so that he could put them away in the correct drawers. One pile was topped by four pairs of his favourite M&S pants which he had previously alleged were missing. I sat on the bed and chatted to him as he put his clothes away - he likes to be in control of his drawers! Suddenly he complained that there was no underwear in his drawer and none on the bed. There was some underwear in his drawer but not his favourite type. I searched high and low for his pants, I knew they had been there earlier in the day so either we'd had the oddest burglary in history or Robbie had misappropriated his own knickers! Robbie was muttering darkly about being forced to go commando, so desperate measures were called for. An emergency load of washing was put on, so at least Robbie could go to work fully clothed for the next few days!! I searched everywhere for his missing 'smalls' and I finally found them hidden away on the top shelf of his wardrobe. So could it be a poltergeist with a preoccupation with pants or is Robbie losing his marbles?

Time To Go Home

All good things must come to an end but we were sad to reach the end of our holiday. Saturday was bright and sunny with a clear blue sky so when we had packed the car and cleaned the bungalow we decided to enjoy the sunshine. We took a walk along the coast to the shop, then Robbie decided to give the car a good wash and I went for a last walk along the beach and paddled in the sea.. I will miss the freedom and thinking space that Walcott allows, but we have to go home and get back to the usual busy routine.

So what will I remember about this holiday? The beach, the seals, the ladybirds and the butterflies of course, but mainly I will remember Robbie's antics. The time when he behaved so badly in Norwich that he was banished to Marks and Spencers, he thought I hadn't noticed that he'd bought an unspeakably hideous tie and hidden it in his underwear draw. It is so loud and so red that it like looking at a party political broadcast! I can guarantee that it will be lost within a week.

Then there was the trip to Wroxham when I was casually looking at skirts while waiting for Robbie to return from the loo. He walked over to me and said emphatically “Er No!” and he shook his head at the skirt. I didn't like the skirt and I had no intention of buying it, but his comment made me so mad that I almost bought it just to spite him. Who does he think he is to give advice on fashion, he is not exactly a role model when it comes to sartorial elegance! With his baggy shorts loud T shirts and converse boots he looks as if he takes his fashion inspiration from Bart Simpson!

On the same day at Wroxham I lost him in the toy shop, he was in there for so long that I almost abandoned him there. He found a vibrating Mr Tickle with a seriously irritating laugh and he was seriously contemplating spending £29.99 to by it. I gave him a look and he grudgingly left the shop, but when I wasn't looking he darted back in to get himself a Playmobil catalogue!

Robbie's Reply

I suppose its time I wrote another piece for the blog..... This holiday has been exceedingly challenging, not for me but for Christine and Sam, as at times I have been a totally miserable orifice! Despite all that, I have really enjoyed my holiday, especially the 'man creche' - How dare she call the BASTION of English Retail such a name! I love Marks and Spencers!

Every year when we come to Walcott, they have a car boot sale every Friday and Sunday. We love to have have a good forage around all the different stalls, this year I managed to find a cassette version of The Smiths - The Queen is Dead, quite a find these days!

The one thing I really find difficult on holiday is letting go of work, I know some people sometimes think work IS MY LIFE, and in some ways they are right, but this holiday I have actually enjoyed NOT thinking too much about work. Once I get back into it again, it will probably back to normal but with the caveat that I have to balance home life and work life better by a long way!

The Shirt Saga.

The shirt hasn't gone back to Marks and Spencer - yet! However Robbie has agreed that he will buy some long shorts instead, so I will be keeping alert until the shirt is safely returned. He got me to take him late night shopping at Tesco last night and he fell in love with some very loud and scary shirts there too, but I managed to steer him away without incident. There were some very nice but loud shorts, just Robbie's sort of thing, bright pink and brown with a huge pattern on, I could have coped with those but they didn't have his size so maybe the world is not quite ready for that vision yet! Robbie is feeling very hard done by, he claims he has even had women offering to take him shopping to help him choose more suitable shirts. They would soon learn, taking Robbie to Marks and Spencer is like taking a child to Toys R Us, you lose all hope of seeing daylight ever again!

This is War!

There has been a battle of wills in our house this weekend, Robbie made an unscheduled trip to Marks and Spencers and came back with the most hideous shirt imaginable. He had it hidden in his rucksack but if he hoped to sneak it past me he failed miserably. Even a used car salesman would have been ashamed to wear it! It was a horribly loud check with blues and pinks and it reminded me of that nasty synthetic material that they make overalls out of (the kind that old ladies wear). He insisted that it was ideal for work I insisted that it wasn't - unless he is thinking of a career as a rat catcher, it would be useful then because they would die laughing! Anyway after a weekend of argument he backed down and he has agreed to take it back on Tuesday.

The Big Cover Up

Exciting news – Robbie has bought new pants! Those people who were alarmed after my recent post on the subject of Robbie's alleged shortage of knickers can relax, he is in no danger of running out of clean underwear. He got a little over excited about his purchase (Marks and Spencer has that effect on him) and he waved his new pants at us just before we sat down to eat on Friday evening. Thank goodness other people don't have to look at them, they are loud and startling just like their owner! Sam claimed that it will take years of therapy to get the image out of his mind and the girls claimed that it put them off their meal.

I think that is more than enough information on that subject. I would like to be able to write about a little mishap that happened to someone who shall remain nameless the other day but I have had warnings about dire consequences if if I do. All I can say is that if you doze off while using your computer you should try not to allow yourself to slump forward, because if your nose touches the keyboard it can cause all sorts of unexpected problems!!

The Continuing Saga of Socks

Robbie bought new socks when he went to the Marks and Spencer sale at the weekend. Since Saturday they have been parked on the unit in the hall, I think he is doing it to taunt me because I am not keen on the lurid colours, black and orange, navy and pink, bright green and black and other equally off-putting combinations. A pair fell onto the floor yesterday and Meg found them before I did, so they were a bit grubby. I knew Robbie would moan about it so I put them in the wash and I mentioned it to Robbie that evening. He panicked and insisted that he didn't want me to put his socks in the wash because they would be lost without trace. I was offended but he ploughed on regardless, he said he would wash his socks himself and dry them on the radiator in the bedroom. No way! For someone who is health and safety trained he has some batty ideas, the radiator is not designed to have things draped over it, it is not safe. In fact if he drapes wet socks all over the bedroom his own safety may be at risk too! Oh well, if I can't be trusted to wash his socks, I'm certainly not capable of washing and ironing his shirts, it looks as if he is going to be a very busy boy!

Robbie, Where's Your Trousers?

There is one thing that Robbie just can't resist – the Marks and Spencer sale. He couldn't resist a diversion to M&S in Birmingham on his way back from the railway open day. He bought two new pairs of PJ bottoms, some socks and quite possibly a few other things that he hasn't admitted to yet. He got a train to Birmingham International and then he visited the loo before heading off to catch the replacement bus to Northampton. He was just washing his hands when a horrible thought struck him, his PJ's were still on the train heading for Bournemouth. He rang customer support and the absconding PJ's were apprehended and escorted from the train at Coventry so Robbie had to go chasing after his 'lounge wear'. It always seems to happen to him!

Yet More Trouser Trouble!

Robbie's pledge to work on the garden caused a change in the weather - we woke up to find a covering of snow this morning! I can't complain, when he finally got into the garden yesterday he worked hard to tidy it up. He had to go to town on Saturday morning because he had to return his black suit trousers to Marks and Spencers. On Friday he had a 'close encounter' with his zip and now like Grand Old Duke of York the zip is neither up nor down, not the best way to get noticed! Robbie and Sam headed off to town and it seems they disappeared into a black hole because they vanished for hours. Robbie finally returned without exchanging his trousers, they didn't have his size in black so he has to look in Birmingham next week. He said they had a similar suit in beige that would make a nice change. It would be a change certainly, but he must have taken leave of his senses if he thinks it would be nice. He is not a beige person, to borrow a phrase from my mum, you can wear beige when you are dead. In fact he may as well go all the way and get a white suit, like in Randal and Hopkirk (deceased). At least that would add some comedy value!

While in town he accidentally bought another railway book. It is called Traction Recognition, and Robbie sat reading it and making appreciative comments for ages, anyone listing to the commentary would have assumed he was looking at a top shelf magazine rather than 'anorak's' reference book! Finally the procrastination had to stop and he headed out to the back garden to restore order.

Don't Mention the Boots! 09.01.08

After all the rushing around and distraction over the Christmas period, I am finally getting organised again. I spent some time transferring last years posts to the new blog site today, it takes ages but it is very interesting to re read the posts. Looking back on a whole year of Robbie's escapades can be exhausting, with him around there is rarely a dull moment - no wonder I am always tired. I can hardly believe that it is a whole year since my first railway related rant http://robbiesrandomramblings.blogspot.com/2008/01/answer-to-rail-congestion-become-sheep.html

My favourite post has to be Sam's description of Robbie, it was so accurate and very funny. I have added it to the home page of the new blog site, it is in the left hand column towards the bottom of the page. http://robbiesrandomramblings.blogspot.com/

Robbie is still feeling sore and bruised after his fall but I think he will survive, his dignity suffered a bit of a dent but he'll get over it. His new suit arrived today, he has ordered some new footwear and tomorrow he is off to M&S to order some more trousers, that seems to have lifted his spirits considerably. A word of warning, don't mention footwear or you will never shut him up, you wouldn't believe that one man could find so much to say about one pair of boots!

Fast Forward 21.04.07

Robbie had one of his little strops on the train last night. He had planned to go late night shopping for shorts so that he could wear them to the diesel gala on Saturday. Being a man he had omitted to communicate his intentions to me (his personal chauffeur) and I had arranged to do something else. After a bit of juggling, I found time to take him shopping and after long deliberation he bought two pairs of shorts. Back at home he held the shorts up and asked if I liked them. Being a truthful sort of person I couldn't manage a blatant lie and I muttered something about the 'interesting colour'. Robbie forced the issue and eventually I admitted that I didn't like them. Still not satisfied he demanded to know why, until we were on the verge of an argument. I suggested that he should try them on as that was the only way to know for sure if they suited him. He tried them on (in the lounge!), it would be untrue to say they didn't fit, they did, but they restricted his ability to walk and talk to such an extent that parts of his anatomy were at risk of permanent damage. Apparently it is my fault that they have to be taken back! Yorkshire will still be treated to a view of the Burgess knees because I reminded him that he had a more suitable pair of shorts and they have the added attraction of allowing him to breathe.

I went to bed before Robbie last night. he was busy planning the contents of his rucksack for the morning. He called after me to promise that he would be careful not to wake anyone up when he got ready in the morning. Considerably later I was awoken by Robbie apparently jumping on the bed. From his conversation (with his invisible friend) I deduced that he was looking for a pair of socks - that man has more socks than Marks and Spencers, surely he has sufficient choice without having to track down a particular pair. I tried to ignore him, but after 5 or 10 minutes of continued disturbance I became more assertive, the lights went off and Robbie retreated still claiming that I was being unreasonable.

In order to get the full effect from the next paragraph you need a tune running through your head, Yakety Sax to be precise (it's the Benny Hill tune). If you need a clue follow this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTiQDyVv7KQ
Right now play that tune in your head.

I woke this morning to the irritating bleep of my alarm clock, I realised Robbie was still sleeping next to me, so I gave him a hefty prod and moaned at him for setting my alarm. In one movement he was out of bed and at the window. A couple of expletives preceded the revelation that he had overslept and the taxi was outside. It seems I had forgotten to turn off my alarm clock last night and it had woken me at the weekday time of 5.30am. Robbie had hit the fast forward button and the next 4 or 5 minutes were a blur of footsteps, down the stairs, up the stairs, into the bathroom, out again, down the stairs, into the kitchen, up the stairs again, into the bedroom, jump on and off the bed down the stairs, pickup the rucksack, out of the house and into the taxi. He made his train and he woke everyone in the house! I am not prepared to disclose my thoughts when I couldn't get back to sleep, but I will sum it up by saying that I wasn't too happy!

I immersed myself in some family history research in lieu of sleep and enjoyed the peace and quiet - finally! Robbie rang me later to tell me that he had managed to make it to McDonalds and back to his connecting train on time. Unfortunately his leg gave way (it happens sometimes) and he fell down the side of the train, he has cuts and grazes and pain in his leg, back and assorted places. I hope it doesn't spoil his day

Terrorised by Ties 04.02.07

The Burgess tie collection grew this weekend. Robbie was innocently walking through Marks and Spencer's unescorted when a pack of two ties accosted him and forced him to buy them against his will. One tie had a rather lurid combination of blue and pink stripes, I don't particularly like it and it is a little sober for Robbie's taste. I predict that he will wear it a couple of times and then leave it to festoon the wardrobe door until I eventually tuck it away at the back of the tie rack, never to see the light of day again.

The other tie was more controversial, it is bright red with a tiny pattern in the weave of the material. I took great exception to this one and vowed that he would not be allowed to leave the house wearing it. He would look like the campaign manager for old Labour! Hopefully it will find a comfortable home on the tie rack, but I get the feeling it is one of those unreliable garments that will go astray and never be found again. It is a real mystery, we seem to have a black hole in our house!!

The Trouble With Socks

Why is it that socks go into the laundry basket in pairs and emerge from the dryer determinedly single? I spent ages this evening trying to reunite lone socks with their partners, but the bag of widows and orphans seemed almost as full when I had finished. So where do all the lost socks go?
Robbie is very particular about his socks, he likes to buy them from his beloved Marks and Spencer’s. I really don’t understand what the attraction is, I have always thought of it as a geriatric paradise, and I have never bought clothing from there, it just isn’t me. Robbie on the other hand is obsessed with the place and at the slightest opportunity he will head to M&S and while away a couple of hours doing a complete stock analysis. Anyway he buys his socks mainly from there.

His taste in socks is almost as eclectic as his preference in shirts! He likes loud colours, and why settle for one loud colour when you can have loud stripes – he likes stripes! They even put in an appearance at our wedding. I have written before about the compromise we reached concerning Robbie wearing shoes rather than Dr Marten boots to get married. The little detail I had overlooked was the socks. On the day we were getting ready to leave the house when Robbie emerged wearing a very nice suit and bare feet. In his hand he carried a brand new rather noticeable pair of pink socks. There was no way that he was leaving the house in those, and after a forlorn attempt to fight his corner he headed back upstairs get some different socks. I thought nothing more about it until we were asked to sit down during the ceremony. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Robbie’s immaculate shoes and his hideous socks – they were clashing stripes of different blues. I have held a grudge against those socks ever since, but the dratted things never get separated in the wash and they show no signs of wearing out!