Watching Paint Dry!

It would be fair to say that Robbie and I could (and often do) argue about absolutely anything. The other day we had a fierce row about Fred Dibnah. Robbie has some very dubious interests but without doubt I find his fascination with Fred Dibnah the most difficult to deal with. Usually the mere mention of his name causes me to run for cover, and if Robbie threatens to watch his series on television I take myself off to do something more exciting like watching paint dry. This week it was so cold (and I had run out of paint!) so even the mention of dead Fred wasn't going to make me give up my seat in front of the fire. With gritted teeth I endured half an hour of excruciating boredom, I turned my back on the television and tried to focus on my computer, but it was impossible to ignore and before long by blood pressure was off the scale. 


If they ever gave a lifetime achievement award for the most inarticulate man on television he would have beaten Bill and Ben by a mile. I didn't understand a word he said in the whole programme. The trail for the programme mentioned that in this episode he would be taking his steam engine to Sheffield. I was interested because it is a place that is very dear to my heart. I lived there for a while, I love the South Yorkshire accent and I thought it would be nice to see footage of Sheffield as I remember it. Sadly the whole episode seemed to consist of old men standing around in what looked like a pub communicating in monosyllabic grunts. Worse still I don't think there was a woman in the entire episode! We would not show old programmes that are racist so why would anyone think it was ok to show something that is so blatantly sexist? I think I will have to start a 'ban Fred' campaign, his dvds should be relegated to 'under the counter sales' in shops that are frequented by men in dirty raincoats with 'unnatural appetites'


The whole Fred argument led on to another heated exchange about the gender of vehicles. It really irritates me that men refer to cars, lorries, locomotives, steam rollers etc as 'she' when it is blatantly obvious that they are male! I have explained before that my car is definitely male because it is unreliable and expensive to maintain. I only know of one man who's car has a male name, my daughter's boyfriend has a car called Bruce. I was very impressed that he had chosen such an apt name, Bruce is very loud, hard to ignore, rather unconventional and prone to the occasional bad day (apologies to anyone called Bruce but that is what the name conjures up for me). Bruce is a red Citroen Saxo with lots of adaptations. It turns out that it was my daughter who named the car not her boyfriend, so maybe it is a case of like mother like daughter!

Turning Heads

I had a strange experience yesterday, I went to parents evening with my son. He has recently moved from a boy's school to a girls school for his A levels. It was his choice to make the move and his decision was based on the girl's school being able to offer him the subjects he wanted and a better all round experience. He is one of just half a dozen boys in his year, there are about a dozen in the whole school so the move must have been a bit of a culture shock. 


Last night my son and I went to a consultation meeting at school. I am used to the school, my daughters went there, so turning up for parents evening was a fairly ordinary experience - or so I thought. I wasn't prepared for the new experience of going to parents evening with my son. As we walked in there were a number of younger girls there to get people to sign in and to give out various bits of paperwork. It felt like watching meerkats, every head turned in the same direction as he walked past and there was a chorus of girls calling his name and trying to attract his attention. As we left much the same thing happened again and my son gave a small hand gesture of acknowledgement as he walked passed them. He seems to be very happy at his new school, but I just hope it isn't making him big headed!  

Google in Bed

On Sunday evening I was very tired by the time I went to bed. I was already asleep by the time Robbie came to bed, but as he doesn't do anything quietly I was soon wide awake again. I really don't know why he feels compelled to talk to me (and to require an answer) when I am asleep because he doesn't get a good reaction. He doesn't seem to understand that when I am asleep I really don't want to hear about the cat's digestive problems or even the state of the railways, I just want to sleep - is that so much to ask?


On this particular occasion he had woken me to inform me that he had left the toilet set in the correct position, surely he doesn't imagine that he will get 'brownie points' for doing what any sensible person would do anyway! Seat down and lid up is the only practical option, anything else could lead to catastrophe in the dark! I tried my best 'not to be awake' but Robbie talks regardless and if he gets no response he prods me until he does. I think he enjoys living dangerously!


Somehow we got on to the subject of names and I mentioned that some names like my own enable you to have a good guess about the age of the owner. Robbie mentioned the name Wendy and I told him that it was not really a name until used by J M Barrie in Peter Pan.  It was inspired by a nickname given to him by a little girl who called him her 'friendy' but because she had trouble pronouncing the R sound it became 'fwendy'. 


I don't think I told him that there are rare examples of the name before that, or that it was once a boy's name, but it was the middle of the night and I was keen to go back to sleep. Robbie refused to believe the J M Barrie reference and he was now in confrontational mode demanding to know where the term Wendy House came from. After a deep sigh I told him that it came from the Peter Pan story, but he refused to believe me.  He turned the light on and grabbed his Blackberry, I thought he was going to 'phone a friend' but he was doing a google search. Reluctantly he confirmed that I was right (he should be used to it by now!). Then finally I was allowed to get some sleep.

Apparently Size Does Matter!

Yesterday evening I was sitting quietly in the lounge doing some writing when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Robbie was loitering by the fruit bowl for a suspiciously long time. I turned to look and caught him measuring bananas. I really should know better by now, but I couldn't help asking why. He told me that he was selecting a banana to fit into his banana carrier for work tomorrow. I knew this would happen, before long he will expect me to check the dimensions of the bananas in the supermarket, or even worse he will get himself arrested for measuring bananas at the supermarket! When he came home from work today he cheerfully announced that he had been to another department at work to show the women his banana carrier  - I wonder what they thought!

I had some very happy news yesterday, I have a new nephew. He arrived a little early but he and his mum are fine. His big brother who is three had been hoping for a sister and he asked then to take the baby back and exchange it for a girl! I expect he will soon get used to his baby brother. They kept us waiting until today for news of a name, I rather like their choice but my brother seemed lost for words (a very rare event) when I reminded him that he had named his son after my cat! 

Another Woman?

The fact that Robbie and I do not have the same surname seems to throw people into a state of confusion especially when it comes to letters. It makes it a little more difficult to address the envelope, so most people either use only my name or they miss me out and just address the letter to Robbie. The other day the postman handed me a rather beautiful looking envelope as well as the usual run of the mill post. I put Robbie's post, including the attractive envelope on the table for him, but I couldn't help picking up the mystery envelope and examining it more closely. It was neatly addressed and the envelope seemed to be hand made from quality paper with just the right amount of decoration on it. It spoke of subtle good taste and attention to detail, the more I thought about it the more suspicious it seemed. Robbie does appreciate quality, but his tastes are quirky to say the least and he is a stranger to subtlety. I wondered if he could he possibly have another woman and if so how did he managed to fit her in to his hectic life?


I made up my mind to be close by when he opened his post and I contented myself with making a mental not of all the jobs that need to be done. It seemed only fair that if he had surplus time and energy that I should benefit from it - by the time he got home I had a very long list of chores. I watched him closely (while trying to feign disinterest) as he opened the envelope, A big grin spread across his face and then he did an excited little dance, it wasn't what I expected, surely he would have been more furtive if he was up to no good? He saw my bemused expression and explained that the card was for both of us, it contained some exciting news from one of our friends - but that is a story for another day!

Has The World Gone Mad?

I am starting to think that there is a streak of insanity running through our town. A couple of days ago I was driving through the center of town when I caught sight of an odd looking man. A second look revealed that he was holding a lead and he was taking his ferret for a walk! The poor creature must have been terrified of the traffic. This morning I was driving through town not far from the place that I saw the ferret when I pulled up at traffic lights. The passenger jumped out of a van that was slightly ahead in the lane next to me, I didn't take much notice of him, until I suddenly noticed that he was mooning! I have no idea why he felt the world needed to be treated to that view so early in the morning, it certainly blighted my day! It reminded me of my visit to the zoo a couple of weeks ago, a baboon did something similar - but it had more reason to be proud.

The other mad thing concerns Laura's friend, a bright bubbly girl who has just passed her A Levels and is about to go to University. Laura was driving to the chemist to drop off our prescriptions and her friend was holding them. She asked Laura if that was her brother's full name, and thinking that she meant Samuel William David, Laura replied that it was. Her friend then asked why we called him Sam, and Laura explained that it was short for Samuel. Her friend's confusion only became obvious when she said "I think Master is a really cool name" Laura had to explain that it wasn't a name, it is just the male equivalent of Miss!

A Dog Called Neville

I am trying to keep my distance from Robbie tonight, he has eaten garlic bread and his breath is terrifying!

A strange thing happened when we went for an evening walk a couple of days ago. We were sitting on a bench looking out across the sea when a woman came past with a very ordinary looking brown dog on a lead. She was talking to the dog and we could tell from the conversation that the dog's name was Neville – I commented to Robbie that it was a strange name for a dog. It makes me wonder if the whole episode was set up by Robbie because the word Neville seemed to set him off, and he began talking about a person called Neville Hill. It took me several minutes to work out that Neville Hill was a place not a person. According to Robbie it is a traction and rolling stock maintenance depot and they just happen to be having an open day very soon. Needless to say Robbie wanted to go and he came up with all sorts of reasons why it would be important for him to be there. I agreed on condition that the word train doesn't pass his lips until we get home. I know he will not be able to keep his promise, but it is fun watching him try!