A new version of the Cossack Dance

I have written before about Robbie's tendency to 'dance' with fury when I irritate him. When he is cross with me and he tries to express his opinion he does this strange thing where he puts his hands on his hips and keeps bending his knees. Then as he warms to his theme he starts flapping his arms and then thrusting one arm forward to emphasise his argument. I sometimes struggle not to laugh because if it was speeded up a bit it really would look like a Cossack dance. I wrote about it way back in 2007 after a particularly frustrating morning with Robbie.

"Now to explain this morning's upset. We got up in good time and Robbie had as long as he needed in the bathroom, so things were going well. Considering they only have fractionally more to wash than women, I can't understand why men need to take so long in the bathroom!

The trouble started when we got to the station, Robbie went to get the parking ticket. I realised that he had brought his rucksack, I attempted to lift it and found that it contained a hundredweight of work documents as well as, diary, ipod, magazines, snacks and all the 'essentials' to deal with any conceivable railway emergency! Samuel has an unhealthy attachment to his rucksack too, he hates to be parted from it, but he has Asperger's Syndrome, Robbie is allegedly normal!

I took his ipod, pager and sweets out of his rucksack and put them in my handbag. When he returned I refused to let him take his rucksack. He would look ridiculous with a suit and a rucksack, I didn't want him to look like a Sherpa! Robbie went mad and had a full scale tantrum in the car park. I won the first round and he thundered off with what I can only describe as a cross between a stomp and a shuffle - if it had been speeded up it would have looked like a Cossack dance!  He was impossible and he continued the argument on the train, I was tempted to tip my hot chocolate over him, but it was too expensive to waste. It took him until almost lunchtime to recover his temper - so much for Valentine's Day!"

Last night I woke at about 3am when Robbie shouted out and then leapt out of bed. I am not at my best at 3am and it took me a while to become fully awake and make sense of what was happening in the bedroom. The first thing that I became aware of was torrent of swear words fired through the darkness like a volley of gunfire. As my eyes got used to the darkness I saw the silhouette of Robbie over by the bedroom door. As well as the copious swearing he appeared to be going through a series of jerky movements. I hadn't been too surprised by the swearing, after all this is a man who frequently talks to his socks and underwear in the middle of the night (he always has to put his clothes for the next day in the dark because he waits until I have gone to bed - and he always wakes me up!). I gradually interpreted the jerky movements, he was bending forwards and sticking one leg out as if he was pushing his heel into the floor, it looked like a robot doing a Cossack dance, but it was cramp and Robbie was in agony!

I felt so useless because nothing that I could say or do would help. He often gets cramp at night, but I think the pain was more severe last night. It is scary to see him in so much pain                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Best Foot Forward

Robbie and I had a 'frank exchange of views' last night, I know it is silly to argue about trivial stuff but honestly how hard is is for a man to understand the difference between a dish cloth and a floor cloth!! We have the sense not to argue for long, there are so many more important things in life that it is foolish to argue about trivia.

We had a disrupted night which left me feeling useless or perhaps helpless is more accurate. I woke at 2.15am to find Robbie in agony, he was crying with pain and running through his extensive repertoire of expletives. He couldn't move and his leg was in spasm to such an extent that you could feel it 'jumping'. There was absolutely nothing I could do to help or to ease his pain. It seemed to go on forever, but in reality it was perhaps half an hour or so before the pain eased slightly. He was still moaning with pain at around 3am when exhaustion finally allowed him to fall  asleep. Sleep eluded me for at least another hour, I just lay there worrying and feeling useless.

This morning we had to get up a bit earlier than usual, to give him more time to get ready. I took him to the station so that he had extra time to walk to the platform. I knew he was worried about how he would walk from the station to the office, he mentioned it several times in the car. He said that he would just take his time and he would be OK. I wish I could do something to help, I feel so helpless. As he got out of the car he said "Best foot forward". I am so proud of him, even on a bad day like this he just keeps going. He doesn't give up and somehow he faces the day with a smile.

I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could - Orson Wells

Photo by Venteco

I came across the quote above (in the title) recently and I liked it very much because it makes me think of Robbie. It seems to sum him up perfectly, there is a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and you can never be sure that he will not misbehave. Unfortunately it is also true of his legs, even when he seems to be walking well you can never be completely sure that they will not misbehave. Sometimes they stop him in his tracks refusing to move at all, sometime one leg just gives way leaving him in a heap on the floor, but more often than not they just hurt really badly and walking or even just sitting still becomes an endurance test. 
Most people will know that Robbie hates what he refers to as 'green trains' with a passion. They are used by London Midland on his route to work and they simply don't offer him enough leg room to sit for an hour (to or from Birmingham) without unbearable pain. He goes to a lot of trouble to plan his journeys so that he avoids them. He gets up stupidly early every morning just to catch a 'blue train' to work and have a less painful journey. When he can't avoid the 'green trains' he has to break his journey at Coventry and wait for a train with more leg room. It takes such a lot of effort just to make a simple journey and it makes him very tired because he has a very long day, so it is not surprising that I worry about him. I have to be very careful what I say because he hates to make a fuss about his pain or to admit that he struggles sometimes. He will be cross with me for mentioning it, but my greatest fear is of him falling down the side of a train. He says it is just an irrational fear and I am being silly, but it has happened to him before and if it happened again I know he could get badly hurt. 


Yesterday when I got home from work I was very concerned because it was clear that he was in considerable pain. He wasn't exactly walking like John Wayne, more like John Wayne's grandad and every movement seemed to be agony for him. I did my best to help, but the frustrating thing is that there is so little I can do except to nag him to take his tablets. I try my best to tell him to be careful, but he still does as he likes. I admire him for that, he hates to give in, but I am so relieved that he had the sense to work from home today. 

The John Wayne Walk

Poor Robbie, I feel so useless because I can't help him. He has a groin strain and he is in so much pain and I can't do anything to help him. He is walking around with a John Wayne gait looking as if he has lost his horse and groaning. He doesn't know how it happened, it just got worse in the course of a day. I even suggested a cold compress, but his eyes almost popped out of his head at the thought of it so I didn't mention it again. It must be serious because it is even affecting his appetite, hope he will be better soon.

Truth Detector! 03.10.07

I always know when Robbie is lying - I have radar! I knew he was in agony at work yesterday and by lunchtime I told him to come home. He claimed that he was only coming home because I insisted, but as it was the first time in his life that he has done as he was told, it was convincing evidence of how much pain he was in. Further confirmation of his discomfort came when he walked straight into the house and dropped his trousers! He couldn't bear them on around his legs. Thankfully there were no blisters, but the burned bits were very red and hot, and one leg was a bit swollen. I'd thought he only scalded his knees and lower legs but the inside of one thigh was on fire as well, and we both realised how close he came to a much more delicate problem. More cold water, cold compresses and letting the air get to his legs seems to have made a big difference and he is more comfortable (but still sore) today. He ordered two more pairs of trousers online last night, the way he is going we will be ordering them by the dozen!

Robbie is off to Preston for a meeting today, the other participants will be relieved to know that he can now tolerate his trousers on his legs and there is no reason to fear that he will be bearing his legs to the world - not today anyway!