'There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them' - Sylvia Plath

Photo by Linneabe

A am a bath person, there is nothing I like more Than a long soak in a hot bath while listening to Radio 4. Robbie on the other hand is a shower person, and being a train planner his ablutions are timed to the second and they have to be performed in the correct order! So a leisurely bath is an unfamiliar experience for Robbie, but he was in so much today that he look my advice and plodded off to have a hot bath to ease his pain. I was busy so it was a while before i looked up from my work and realised that he had been gone for a very long time. I listened and it was suspiciously quiet, I could hear the radio but there was no splashing and no sound of movement - and Robbie is never quiet. I rushed to the bathroom to find out what was wrong and I found that he was sound asleep. He had slid down in the bath and his face was only just above water! I shouted at him to wake him up but he didn't even flinch and I was cross with him for scaring me, so I poured water over him, that woke him up! In future he can stick to showers, there is less chance of him drowning in the shower!

Warning - Short, Angry Woman at Large

We have had a problem for some time with things being moved, usually out of reach! That little problem has been more or less resolved because as they say, 'where there's a will there is a way'. I have plenty of determination and I have found a way to reach even the highest shelves  Now it seems that things have started vanishing too and I am not amused. I don't think we are being plagued by a poltergeist, I suspect our 'phantom' is all too human!  


This morning I went to have a bath and the bath plug had 'vanished'. I could have had a shower but I am not so keen on showers and Robbie doesn't like the shower head to be adjusted, so by the time the water gets to my head it feels too heavy - yes really! I decided to have a wash and postpone my bath until I had the plug. That was when things took a turn for the worse, I reached into the little basket by the window where I keep my toothpaste and several other essential bits and bobs. I pulled out the tube that was in the position of my tooth paste and it had mysteriously become a tube of Ralgex! That was a very lucky escape!


Later in the morning I went out to have a bit of 'me time' and to buy a bath plug, it was nice I should do it more often - not the bath plug, the 'me time'. When I got to the shop that sells bath plugs the conspiracy against short people continued, the bath plug was on the highest hook on the rack. There was no one around to help so I selected a metal shelf bracket from a lower hook and used it to reach the item I wanted. Then once I had paid the huge sum of 99p I went home with my personal bath plug and enjoyed a long hot soak. 


Just one word of warning, the culprit should sleep with one eye open in future because I have the Ralgex and I may be tempted to use it ...................!!! 

Target Practice

I can't cope with the shower not working, yesterday evening with Robbie was not a joyful experience, it was like Bazil Fawlty crossed with The Tasmanian Devil! It was so bad that I even offered to take him to my mum's to have a shower. He refused because he has to have his shower at 5am, he allows three and a half minutes to shower and one and a half minutes to dry himself so he can't fit the journey to my mum's house into the timetable! He'd better get it sorted soon because I really will harm him if he is not very careful!

Anyway after his bad behaviour yesterday, he had to make a bit of an effort to get back into my good books, but only Robbie would use a line like this as a sign of affection. His exact words to me this evening were "did you know, today was the start of the partridge shooting season?" If I had a gun I can assure you it would not be trained on any partridges, I have a much larger target in mind!!

Timetable Chaos

Robbie was absolutely evil this morning, the shower had put him in a bad mood - it has died! Ge was like a gorilla in a rage, charging around the house thumping and bumping and growling with frustration, not to mention the string of expletives that we were treated to. I can understand him being frustrated but it is not the end of the world, we have plenty of hot water and he can still have a bath until the shower is back in action. When I tried to point out that it wasn't an insurmountable problem he almost bit my head off, but it became obvious what the problem was - it has messed up his timings and thrown his whole morning timetable into chaos! The shower is not quite 5 years old, surely it should last longer than that!

Is It Raining Men?

Friday went past in a blur of activity, dealing with all those last minute jobs that have to be done before going on holiday. The day began with me chasing Robbie upstairs, he had been promising to go up to the loft to fetch some of my talking books for weeks and he had finally run out of excuses. Once he was safely in the loft I moved his ladder, to make sure he didn't escape until I was satisfied that all the jobs in the loft. There was a lot of thumping and clattering, it sounded as if he would fall through the ceiling at any minute, but just for once my worst fears were not realised. He emerged triumphantly bearing a box full of talking books that for the last few weeks he had insisted were not there, and he insisted that he had to have a shower before he did anything else. Unfortunately I had just run the bath for the dog and since Robbie was already dirty and semi naked (as usual) he was the ideal person to bath he dog! She wasn't overjoyed about the experience, but she behaved very well until I was safely out of range, then she shook herself vigorously and covered Robbie and the bathroom with water. Finally a rather damp and dejected, but clean dog and a clean and adequately dressed husband emerged to face the world and we were ready to go out and tackle the long list of errands that needed our attention.

We had already bought a whole trolley full of 'essentials' for the pets at the pet superstore, and we were heading to the garage to check the tyre pressure before braving the supermarket. Robbie had been getting increasingly annoyed with himself and he was ready to fall out with his own shadow. I knew what the problem was, he was in pain and struggling to walk, but there was nothing I could do to help. He sat in the car and used some of the more obscure and descriptive words in his vocabulary to tell his right leg exactly how he felt about it. Of course the leg took no notice, and Robbie grew increasingly angry with himself. In the end I had to get cross with him and remind him that many people with spina bifida would think he was lucky to be mobile and have fairly normal function. It sounds hard hearted, but I love him, I can't change the way things are, but I can do my best to keep him motivated and help him to keep a sense of perspective. He has to go back to the doctor to get his pain relief sorted out, but as usual I will have to drag him there!

We got everything done in the end, but by the time went to bed we were shattered and we had to make an early start on Saturday morning.

Why Does He Do That?

This morning as I was sitting on the bed drinking my tea I watched Robbie getting dressed. It wasn't his body that I found so fascinating, it was the method. I have always known that he has the shower process organised and timed to the last second. Not only can he tell you what order the 'bits' have to be washed in, but he has also timed each action and he knows exactly how many squirts of shower gel are required, needless to say he also dries himself 'by numbers' too!

When he gets dressed the socks come first, he has a very special relationship with his socks, they are like an extension of his personality - loud and annoying! It is the next bit that fascinates me, why would anyone put their tie on before their shirt? I was still pondering that as he put his trousers on, and I reminded him to fasten his zip. He put things right but then he went on to explain that he would never go out with his zip undone because when he stands on the pavement next to the drive he always checks that 'all is secure'. It is true, I have told him off for doing it many times, and he always stands on exactly the same spot to do it. Why would anyone do that in public, when it could be checked in private before leaving the house!

The Sights You See ...................

Now I know why they say that you should be careful what you wish for. I am fairly used to sharing the house with assorted teenagers (and a 36 year old who closely identifies with his inner child!) so I am used to challenging behaviour of one kind or another. I have been wishing that a certain 14 year old would grow out of his aversion water, and that our daily battles about having a shower would be a thing of the past. My wish came true! He has discovered the joys of soap in a big way. Every time I go into the bathroom it looks as if there has just been a tidal wave, there are so many lotions and potions around the bath that it it takes me ages to move everything before I clean the bath. He uses so much shampoo, shower gel, deodorant, aftershave and assorted smelly stuff that breathing apparatus is required before entering the bathroom, but there is something even worse than all that. He balances a great big mirror behind the taps at the edge of the bath! The last thing I want is to sit and look at myself when I am in the bath, and when Robbie is in the shower - no I will not go on, some images are just shouldn't be imagined. I keep removing the mirror and it keeps mysteriously reappearing. I almost find myself longing for the old days!

One of Those Days 25.01.08

Thursday was one of those days. I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but our hot water failed a couple of weeks ago, the central heating still works but it is so frustrating not having hot water. We still have a working shower so we don't smell, well not unless Robbie has been over enthusiastic with the aftershave again - that can be a breath taking experience! Anyway I am grateful that we have a working shower, but I miss my bath, there is nothing quite like a leisurely Sunday morning listening to The Archers in the bath - with two cups of tea, of course! Having been messed around by the first couple of plumbers we contacted, we finally had an appointment for someone to come and fix the problem yesterday. I had spent the whole day planning a long hot bath that evening, but when I arrived home at about 6.15 I could tell by Robbie's face that it was bad news. Still no hot water! Apparently the plumber thinks we need a new cylinder and it can't be fitted until next week. I'm not convinced that he is correct, so I intend to check that out first but whatever the outcome we are facing another weekend without hot water. Our boiler is only 4 years old, so I am unimpressed to say the least! Oh well, I expect we will sort it out eventually.

Time Trials 05.10.07

Robbie is a creature of habit, it takes him a while to adjust to change. He sulked for two days when I put his weetabix in a different container, but having taken a month to get used to it he had to admit that it was much more practical. He took an even stronger dislike to the new tea towel but when he finally used it, he found it so effective that he requested a bath towel of similar material. I bought the towel and he instantly had misgivings, because he has his shower routine timed to the second and he wasn't sure if the new towel would slow him down. After a little reluctance he conducted time trials with the new towel this morning and he popped his head over the bannister a few minutes later to announce his initial findings - guarded praise. He awarded an initial 8 out of 10, but reported teething troubles when drying his back. Apparently further trials are required before he can give his final verdict. Imagine what he would be like if it was something that actually mattered!

Squeaky Clean

Several people seem to have enjoyed reading about Sam's exploits so here are some extracts from my 2004 journal when Sam was 9.

There was a funny little episode last week with Sam. A couple of days before he went to his first sleepover he said he absolutely had to have some deodorant – Sure for Men Sensitive to be exact. I got him some deodorant, but then he asked for FCUK pre shave face wash. I pointed out that he doesn't shave but he said "it says pre shave, and I will shave one day so it is ideal for me". He went to the sleepover with his grown up toiletries and his new leather jacket looking really cool. A couple of days after he got back I asked him if his mates had been impressed by his grown up stuff. He gave me a long stare, then in a very serious voice he said "you spoiled the effect mum, you packed my Buzz Lightyear pyjamas!"

On Tuesday Sam came home from school and told me they had had the `men's talk' at school. I asked what it was about and he shrugged and said "sweat mainly". I was a little surprised, but at that point I didn't realise the full implications. Sam announced later that from now on he had to shower daily; I tried to point out that his bed time bath was just as good, but I don't have the same authority as his teacher. His teacher said shower, so shower it must be, he said morning so our entire morning routine was thrown into chaos. Worse of all he apparently told them to get up early, so Sam who takes everything literally, set his alarm for 5am. When his alarm went off he was too sleepy to get up so he put the clock on snooze and we were serenaded every five minutes until quarter to seven! He then monopolised the bathroom causing his sisters to become frantic. When he eventually emerged he had used so much deodorant that the rest of us required breathing apparatus to use the bathroom! I can't cope with many mornings like this morning.

After two disastrous days with the new `super clean' Sam we were all exhausted. I was finding it impossible to control his excessive use of deodorant and it was clearly numbing his sense of smell. The last straw came on Thursday morning when having already rendered thebathroom out of bounds by excessive use of deodorant spray; he decided that his teacher may not notice it. I think the fact that having Sam near you literally took your breath away would have been sufficient proof, but Sam had to go one step further. When he was fully dressed he went back for one more spray of deodorant, the inevitable happened and his blue school sweatshirt suddenly had white patches. This led to a last minute mad rush to change his top and he ended up forgetting his homework. That afternoon when I collected Sam from school I asked his teacher to have a word with him, that did the trick and now we are back to bed time baths or showers. He now has a very expensive `Boss' deodorant stick and has been told that it is very special so he has to make it last. It is working OK so far, but Emily has pointed out an alarming rise in Sam's consumption of mouthwash, so there may still be some issues to resolve!

What a day? Just when we had the shower situation under control, Sam had another PHSE lesson – this time they talked about shaving! I am well aware that there is a bit of a family obsession about shaving so I got his teacher to tell me what had been said to make absolutely sure that Sam didn't go away with any crazy ideas. They had talked about how and why aftershave should be used and when they may need to start shaving. All seemed to be well until Sam went upstairs to get ready to go to his school disco. He had got an electric razor out and for reasons best known to him he had shaved off part of his left eyebrow. This has left him with a rather quizzical look. What was even more noticeable was the overwhelming smell of Boss aftershave; I think he must have bathed in it. I could hardly breathe when I gave him a lift to the disco I don't know how they coped with him all evening!

Sam has returned to his former routine of having a bath in the evening, but all is not well. Yesterday the girls reported that he had left the bathroom in a terrible state, so I went up to investigate. I found a company of action men in various stages of undress sitting around the edge of the bath guarding some black objects still in the bath. On closer inspection I found that these were Playmobil people wrapped in black electrical tape with little gaps for their eyes and mouths. I liberated the hostages and confined the action men to barracks in Sam's toy cupboard. I couldn't help thinking that Sam could probably keep a psychiatrist in work for years! When I asked him about it this morning Sam said that spies had to know all about torture, he then quoted a great chunk of dialogue from a James Bond film (Goldfinger apparently!). It was all too complicated for me so I asked why the Playmobil people deserved to be tortured. Quick as a flash Sam said "for being boring, mainly". What am I going to do with him!!!