Hearing is one of the body's five senses. But listening is an art. - Frank Tyger

When people ask me why I write the blog, I often tell them that if I didn't write about it I would probably kill Robbie. That is just a joke, I love Robbie very much and I would never do anything to hurt him, but there is some truth in the idea that writing about an issue is a way of processing it. I have written a blog for at least 10 years and even before that I wrote about my life in letters and diaries. Looking back it is true that at some points it was a way of helping me through the difficult times, but mostly it was a way of enjoying and preserving the special little moments of life. This little moment came from March 2004 when my son was 9


"This morning was a bit of a challenge; 'nameless son' had his usual tummy ache and was even more reluctant than usual to get ready for school. He had tried to draw my attention to his suffering and became frustrated when I hardly noticed. In the end we were treated to one of his Royal Shakespeare Company performances. He clutched his tummy, sagged at the knees and writhed around on his back like a dying wasp. After all that he went to school and survived the day with no ill effects


My Galaxy went back to the Ford garage for them to put right what they should have done in the first place. I went out early to check that it was all neat and tidy, just as well really because I found a very lifelike gun under the seat – left by a certain young spy! It could have given someone a nasty shock.

Today is unusual in that the subject of the blog is something that hurts me very much but something that seems to cause great amusement to other people. I have some hearing loss, caused by a serious ear infection called labyrinthitis which I had more than 15 years ago. It left me with some nasty symptoms including spinning vertigo and balance problems. Over the years my brain had found ways to compensate for the balance problems most of the time, but the vertigo has become part of everyday life. The balance problems are worse when I am tired or unwell. At first I didn't notice the hearing loss - but other people did! It seems to have got worse over the years and after much nagging by my family, I saw a hearing specialist at the hospital. By then I had accepted that I have a problem, but I was shocked to find that nothing can be done about it. Apparently it is due to nerve damage and it can't be helped or put right. I know that I have no right to moan, I can hear and my problems are trivial compared to many others, but it is a struggle at times. It makes it hard for me to do certain things at work and my family get very cross when I don't hear them.

The other day Robbie was talking to me as we walked along outside, he was slightly ahead of me and there was no way that I could hear him. I asked him to repeat himself and he got cross, I explained that I couldn't hear and he told me to "try harder". I was really hurt, I know he didn't really mean it, he was just cross, but it sums up the way most people respond to my hearing loss. I get teased about it, it is a bit of a joke or people just get cross when I get things wrong. I wouldn't dream of telling Robbie to try harder when he is in pain and I hope I would never laugh at or about a persons disability. So why is hearing loss funny? It really doesn't feel very amusing from my point of view.

'The problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred.' George Bernard Shaw

A Deaf Ear

My car came back yesterday it looks good but it feels strange driving it after the Nissan Note, I am really going to miss that hire car. I will be glad when the whole car saga is over and done with, it really annoys me to think that one act of total stupidity by a driver can cause so much inconvenience. He pulled out of a parking space without even looking because he was on the phone, I just hope it is causing him inconvenience too!

Robbie was in a terrible state yesterday, he could hardly walk. He admitted that he came to a complete standstill when he got to New Street because the pain in his back was so bad. It took him ages to get to work because he was so slow. I am worried about him getting stranded at work and being in so much pain that he couldn't get home, I don't know how I would manage to get him back.

For months (well years actually) I have been teased by Robbie and the children about being deaf. It turns out that they were right, I went to see the consultant yesterday and the tests have showed that I have nerve damage and I can't hear a range of frequencies in my right ear. There is nothing they can do and a hearing aid will not help, so it is just a case of getting used to it. I have to have an MRI scan just to rule out any other problems but assuming that is OK there is nothing else to do about it. When I told Robbie and Sam about it I didn't expect them to be devastated, but I was a bit hurt by their giggles, I don't know why a hearing problem should amuse them. Oh well, boys will be boys!