The title of this post sums up the the advice that I follow when Robbie is being irritating - a lot of deep breathing goes on in our house! This morning Robbie and I decided that the time has come to buy a new mattress and it is probably about time we had a new duvet and some new bedding as well. It will take a day or two to decide on the best mattress for us, but Robbie wanted to go and choose the duvet and the new bedding this afternoon. So when we had done all the routine jobs that couldn't be ignored, we set off to buy new bedding.
The first problem that we encountered was choosing the duvet. It wasn't as simple as just choosing a king size one, Robbie had to read and compare the information about each type of duvet. He decided on the 'bounce back' duvet - I wonder if that means that it will pick itself up off the floor and bounce back into place when it slips off the bed!
Having chosen the duvet we then turned our attention to duvet covers and that was the way the trouble began. Robbie wanted designs with huge flowers all over them, but I don't 'do' flowers, I wanted a more simple design, stripes or a pattern but not flowers. Robbie moved from one hideous floral design to another and when his powers of persuasion failed he tried insults instead. Apparently I have no taste and I am stuck in the '80s - probably true on both counts, but all the insults in the world would not tempt me to buy a duvet cover covered in flowers.
Eventually he gave up on the flowers and decided that he wanted a duvet cover with embroidered butterflies - no way! More 'negotiations' followed and he gave up on the butterflies in favour of a duvet cover with pictures of buildings on it. Is it too much to ask to want a nice simple duvet cover that will not offend the eye? I used my veto on the buildings and directed his attention to a couple of other designs that I though he would like, they were not exactly my choice but if he liked them I could tolerated them. After in depth negotiations we settled on a design in the style of Cath Kidston, it was a bit fussy for my liking but at least it will not shout at me every time I walk into the bedroom.
I thought we were almost done but choosing a new bath mat proved almost as difficult as choosing a duvet cover!
One thing that Robbie is very good at is sleeping, he has even been known to fall asleep mid sentence. Unfortunately he does not always make it easy for me to sleep, his legs seem to have a life of their own and kicks the duvet about and worse still he lets the heat out of the bed. Occasionally he manages to roll himself up in the duvet, leaving me shivering with no covers, but at the weekend he came up with a new way to keep me awake. I had changed the bedding and he'd helped me to put the duvet cover on, but as we were drifting off to sleep he suddenly announced that I had forgotten to put a bottom sheet on the bed. I assured him that there was a bottom sheet but he refused to believe me and he put his search light on to check. I threatened him with unspeakable consequences and he grudgingly turned the light off. I was just starting to doze when he accused me of putting a nylon sheet on the bed, I began to think he was mad, where would I find a nylon sheet? I told him it was cotton, just like all the others but he wouldn't believe me, the light went back on so that he could check and I was becoming increasingly angry. The light was eventually turned off, but Robbie began a long and rambling account of synthetic fabrics that I have not heard of since the 1970's. Suddenly there was silence and then gentle snoring, Robbie had fallen asleep, but by this time I was wide awake!
Robbie is not very good at going to bed on time, he has good intentions but then he either falls asleep over his computer or something on the television catches his attention so he sits down to watch it and falls asleep. On Monday night he was supposed to be on his way to bed, but there was something on television that caught his attention and he sat down again. I settled down to sleep with more than my share of the duvet, Radio 4 for company and just for a change no train noises, railway stories or timetable enquiries. Most people count sheep to make themselves sleepy, but Robbie recites train timetables and routes. When he was watching his DVD the night before there was a clip of Euston Station in the 1970's and it included a brief look at the departures board. Robbie kept rewinding and freezing the picture because he wanted to check the routes and work out the journey times - sad! Perhaps that explains why I treat his occasional absence as a luxury.
I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I remember was being woken in the middle of the night by ghostly moaning accompanied by bumping and clattering noises. I was still half asleep and struggling to make sense of what I was hearing when I felt an incredibly heavy weight on my legs that made me want to cry out. Suddenly I was wide awake and the 'haunting' turned out to be Robbie coming to bed. He had fallen asleep downstairs and when he woke up he was in agony and could hardly move. He had half walked and half crawled to bed moaning all the way and when he got there he launched himself onto the bed from my side and landed on my legs. I think I must have expressed my feelings fairly clearly and I must have turned my back on him because I remember one other thing, he tapped me on the shoulder and asked me very politely if he could please have a little bit of the duvet.
Robbie was late home again on Friday, but not so late that his dinner was in the dog. It wouldn't have matter because the very first thing he told me about was the buffet at the meeting he went to today - I am sure people must think I starve him at home! He said that they were expecting several more people to stay for lunch, but for various reason the other people had to leave early so there was a lot of food. 'Was' being the operative word because it sounds very much as if Robbie did his famous locust impression by eating everything he saw. No wonder he wasn't able to hurry for the previous train!
Now that we have hot water again I have been reorganising the airing cupboard. I have lived in this house for almost 17 years and every couple of years I have had a sort out and tidy up in the airing cupboard. Usually we reach a point where the airing cupboard door refuses to close properly and then I reluctantly sort through and rearrange the piles of bedding and towels until looks a little more orderly again. We had to empty the whole cupboard for the hot water cylinder to be replaced and yet again I marvelled at its tardis like capacity - how did all that stuff fit in there?
Robbie said that I simply had to get rid of all the old or unused items. People who live in glass houses......he is a terrible hoarder. Anyway, I spent much of yesterday sorting though piles of stuff trying to decide what should stay and what should go. There was Emily's Thunderbirds Duvet set - she was a great Thunderbirds fan when she was tiny. I asked her if I should keep it and received a resounding 'YES'. Laura still uses her Noddy set, but we also have her 101 Dalmatian's bedding and there is NO way she will part with that! Sam proved less sentimental, but somehow I couldn't quite bring myself to part with his old covers either, they are a record of his different interests as he grew up. Dennis the Menace, Sharks, Super Heroes and Simpsons. I packed them all neatly into a storage bag to be stowed away at the bag of the highest shelf - just in case.
Sheets were sorted in to double and single piles and I found it a little easier to part with a few sheetsthat were looking a bit shaggy. I even added 2 or 3 double duvet covers to the bin bag, but it is hard to be ruthless. I found the duvet set that I had at college and with considerable reluctance I added to the bin bag, it hadn't been used for 20 years so I don't need it, but it feels like throwing away memories. The towels are even more difficult, they are like old friends. Some were wedding presents (the first time) some where collected along the way at significant events. We still have the towels I made for the children to go over their heads and make it easier to get dry after swimming lessons, they refused to part with them. Then there are the pets towels, am I the only one to demote towels to dog towels when they get a bit worn? Ok, I admit that we have quite a lot of pet towels - but when Robbie baths Megan he always ends wetter than her and the bathroom looks as though there has been a tidal wave.
