Theyre Back!

The Story So Far

Late last nigh when the house was quiet and Robbie and I were relaxing in the lounge, the missing Lego men reappeared. Robbie spotted them on the bookcase in the hall but they certainly hadn't been there earlier in the day, it is a mystery. The surfer and the karate champion have now been joined by a weightlifter. Robbie was so pleased to get them back, after a brief appearance in on the mantelpiece where they made a rather a rather odd addition to the crib they were taken to the safety of our bedroom, so hopefully their travels are over!

Taken Hostage

Robbie is a man of many passions, as well as his obsession with all things railway related, buses, die-cast models, music and vinyl records, he loves Lego and he has started to collect the little Lego men that are sold in individual packs. He already had the surfer and the karate champion and I bought him some more for Christmas, but his two originals went missing on Christmas Day. They were found on boxing day morning hidden on the bookcase with Wii games, so when we set the table for lunch Robbie put them on the mantelpiece to keep them safe. They made an odd addition to the crib, we now had 3 kings, a shepherd, a surfer and a karate champion visiting baby Jesus!

When we sat down to lunch Robbie noticed that his men were missing again, he was not a happy chap. In fact judging by the fuss he caused, I thought he had been abducted by aliens and replaced with an 8 year old! In the end he was pacified when I promised that I would find the Lego Men, but unfortunately that has proved more difficult than I expected. The prank seemed to have Sam's signature on it, but after close interrogation I am satisfied that he didn't do it. With a slight smile he said that he wished he had thought of it, because it was funny but he couldn't take the credit for this one! I questioned the girls too and I am not convinced that they know anything about it either. Having searched high and low I am wondering if they were accidentally thrown out with the debris from the crackers. Robbie on the other hand is convinced that they have been taken hostage and he is expecting a ransom note in the post any day now - or perhaps we will receive a series of postcards from well travelled Lego Men!!

The Mystery of the Missing Pants

Robbie had a very busy weekend, we had a nice day together on Saturday, but in the afternoon I dropped him off at the station knowing that he would be away until the next evening because he was going milk float spotting with his friend on Sunday. According to him they were bus spotting and the milk floats just happened to be there, but I have my doubts, he has some very odd interests so I suspect that he is a closet milk float spotter and the buses are just a clever way of disguising his interest in milk floats! Anyway he had a lovely day out with his friend and he came back with lots of photos of buses - and milk floats!

While he was away I took the opportunity to sort out his drawers and wardrobe. When he came home his clothes were nicely folded and sorted into neat piles on the bed so that he could put them away in the correct drawers. One pile was topped by four pairs of his favourite M&S pants which he had previously alleged were missing. I sat on the bed and chatted to him as he put his clothes away - he likes to be in control of his drawers! Suddenly he complained that there was no underwear in his drawer and none on the bed. There was some underwear in his drawer but not his favourite type. I searched high and low for his pants, I knew they had been there earlier in the day so either we'd had the oddest burglary in history or Robbie had misappropriated his own knickers! Robbie was muttering darkly about being forced to go commando, so desperate measures were called for. An emergency load of washing was put on, so at least Robbie could go to work fully clothed for the next few days!! I searched everywhere for his missing 'smalls' and I finally found them hidden away on the top shelf of his wardrobe. So could it be a poltergeist with a preoccupation with pants or is Robbie losing his marbles?

A Knicker Nicker - Surely Not?

Robbie decided to abandon me on Thursday to go on another pointless union course. He was only going for one day and one night but he packed enough for a week, how many shirts can one man wear in a day? He wasted all the previous evening packing and working out his travel arrangements to Birmingham - a journey that he should be familiar with by now as he does it every week day! After all the messing around I expected him to be totally organised and ready to leave in good time for his train on Thursday morning - I was wrong! I woke him up on time, I even managed to get him out of bed without too much difficulty, but it all went wrong after that.


When I got up I realised that his arrival in the bathroom had been seriously delayed and when I went downstairs to investigate I found him trotting around in his knickers muttering obscenities. According to Robbie someone had stolen his knickers to prevent him going on the course! I had plenty of good reasons to stop him going on the course, but if I had set my mind on keeping him at home I could have achieved my objective without resorting to pant pilfering! I went up to the bedroom and found half a dozen pairs of Robbie's pants, but when I offered them to him he found reasons to reject every pair as unsuitable in some way. He insisted that he had to have his best pants for the course (perhaps they help him to think better!) and he plodded off in search of the perfect pair of pants.


In the end he settled for an 'inferior' pair to pack in his case and he insisted that his best pants had been stolen. By this time we were in the car racing towards the station in time for hid train. I tried to make him review the evidence, Sam is skinny and he couldn't possibly wear Robbie size garments, the girls have an interesting selection of underwear but it is somewhat skimpier than Robbie's, neither of them has a use for the kind that he wears. So who nicked the knickers? The only person I know who wears trunks like Robbie is Homer Simpson, but I believe he prefers white rather than black. The truth is that there was no conspiracy to steal his pants, he just hadn't looked in the right place - they were in the tumble dryer!

A Series of Unfortunate Events

It seems that Robbie is aspiring to become a Mills and Boon writer - in other words creating a work of fiction that doesn't sound real and expecting the readers to suspend their disbelief! He didn't get as far as writing it down but the more he repeated the story the less believable it became.

Robbie managed to upset me during the afternoon. I was having the day from hell, in fact it is no exaggeration to say that it was the week from hell. Things were going wrong at every turn, it felt like a line of dominoes falling over. I will not bore you with the whole list of problems, but the final straw was the car not passing it's MOT, needing several expensive repairs and not being ready until Monday or Tuesday. The frustration and expense had me really worried and when I told Robbie about it all he could say was that he was OK because he had his bus pass! I felt so upset that I put the phone down, so he was in a mood with me and I didn't hear from him again that day.

Robbie was due home soon after 6pm and after a dreadful week I was looking forward to a 'normal' evening. Six, seven and eight o'clock came and went with no Robbie and no contact. I guessed that he was out enjoying himself and he wasn't going to tell me because he knew I wouldn't like it. The trouble is that it is always possible that he could have had an accident or been taken ill and as time went on I couldn't put those thoughts out of my mind, so by 9pm I was angry and worried.

10pm came and went and there was still no contact so I got on with all the evening jobs and at around 11pm I locked the front door, took the key out and went to bed. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew it was 11.30pm and I got a text thanking me for locking him out - he had forgotten his key! I got up and let him in, but I was in no mood for excuses and I went straight back to bed.

The next morning he told me that he had gone out for a drink because I had annoyed him. He'd caught the train to Rugby but had dozed off and only woken up as he was departing Milton Keynes for Euston (any excuse for a bit of cranking!). He then had to buy a ticket to get back home. He said he didn't bother to text me because he was annoyed with me. To borrow a word from my son - whatever! I hope his adventure was worth a night on the sofa!

In Disgrace - again!

Photo by Chris McKenna

I know Robbie has been terribly worried about his friend and I have tried to be as supportive as possible, but I was really cross with him on Friday evening. He has a habit of dropping off the radar whenever I wouldn't approve of what he was doing. I had planned our even meal and found myself in suspended animation when Robbie didn't come home and didn't respond to any of my texts. He eventually sent me a text to say that he had gone out for a drink (plural!) with some railway friends. If he had told me I wouldn't have minded, he needed cheering up, but I was less than impressed at being ignored. He finally crept home and sent me a text asking for a lift from the station. To put it kindly he was on the wrong side of sober and he spent the night on the sofa.

He didn't wake up very early in the morning, but I stayed upstairs out of his way listening to the radio and getting on with my writing. Eventually he appeared bearing a cup of tea and an apology and I decided that life was too short to be angry. He cuddled up to me and finally I had his full attention - or so I thought. Suddenly he was totally still and his body went rigid, I thought for a second that he was having a heart attack or something, he seemed to stay like that for ever but it was probably only a minute or so. I was scared, then suddenly he put his head on one side as if listening and then he started muttering to himself. I slowly became aware that he was listening to the radio, it was about train announcements and he was trying to work out if he was listening to the sound of a Voyager or a Pendolino. Needless to say the moment was lost! Sometimes with Robbie I don't know whether to laugh or cry!

Total Panic

I must have aged at least ten years last night. Sam went out to an event connected to his youth group, he left the house at about 5pm and everything seemed fine. He was getting a lift home with a friend and was due back at about 9pm but he didn't turn up. Robbie got increasingly worried and kept trying to call Sam, but he didn't answer his phone or reply to texts. Robbie rang me as soon as I left work, I was so worried, I tried to ring him but he didn't answer my calls either, so I drove around looking for him just in case he had wandered off after being dropped off. By nearly 11pm I was terrified, I went home to pick Robbie up so that we could go back and have another look at the church, it seemed to be in darkness but perhaps there was still someone there. I tried yet again to call Sam and this time he answered, he was on his way home, I was so relieved. He had turned his phone on to silent and lost track of the time, so he had no idea that we would be worried. His first question when he got home was "Am I grounded?"

After that episode we both needed a bit of time to unwind. Robbie sat in the corner with his headphones on listening to loud music on his laptop. I glanced across at him and almost burst out laughing, he was nodding his head and opening and closing his mouth he looked like a fish version of a nodding dog!

Missing, Presumed .........................

Robbie is in the dog house again, he went missing this evening, he didn't come home and I had no contact at all until 11pm when he rang to arrange a lift for just after midnight. Someone has a bit of explaining to do, I was so worried, I thought he had fallen under a train or something!

Giong Comando - A Scary Thought!

On Sunday night I went to bed at at about 12.20am and Robbie assured me that he wouldn't be far behind. It was the usual story, I stayed awake, he didn't come to bed and I fell asleep. Suddenly I was aware of him shouting, he was really angry and moaning that he had no clean pants for the morning. I told him that they were in the pile of folded laundry that I gave him earlier, and there was at least enough pairs of pants for a week. He argued and insisted that there were no pants and he would have to go without. I was equally sure that the pants were exactly where I said they were. It was well past 2pm and I begged Robbie to shut up, but he was warming to his theme and he intended to list the many ways that I was neglecting him. Nothing I could say or do would make him shut up, and I was so annoyed about being woken up that I was ready to harm him. There was no alternative, I got up and went to sit in the bathroom to listen to the radio for a bit. When I got back he was still awake and I made it clear that if he spoke to me again I would go and sleep downstairs. He didn't speak, but he 'breathed aggressively' until he fell asleep and started snoring. I was awake for ages, then when I had got to sleep again it was time to get up! All that fuss about missing knickers! In the morning I made him look again at the pile of clean folded laundry and there were the pants, exactly where I said they were. That man is impossible sometimes!

Missing at Midnight.

Last night I was just finishing off my work at about 11pm when Robbie said he would go out and sort out the car. There was very little to be done and it should have taken him about 5 minutes at most, but I didn't take much notice until just before midnight when he still had not come in. I looked out of the window, but it was dark with no sign of any movement. I went out and walked round to the car, I could see Robbie sitting in the back seat and he didn't seem to be moving. When I opened the door he seemed to jump, he hadn't done anything to the car, but he said he was trying to trace a bad smell. I knew that was nonsense, the car smelled fine, he grudgingly admitted to the truth, he had gone out to the car, sat down and fallen asleep!

More Cat Trouble.

This morning Robbie got up and went down to feed the cats as usual, but Dave was nowhere to be found. I thought perhaps he was hiding because that three letter word beginning with 'v' was mentioned yesterday and if he gets a hint that he is going there he hides. I wasn't too bothered because his appointment is not until Wednesday morning so I thought he would come out of hiding in due course.

I went out of the front door shortly before Robbie was due to leave the house and I found a gift laid out on the door step, a nice juicy dead mouse! Robbie recoiled in horror and I despatched it to a better place (the dustbin). As soon as I saw the mouse I knew that Dave must have got out somehow, he doesn't go out because of his poorly feet and he is usually very happy to stay at home. I went out looking under cars and in sheltered spots for him, but there was no sign of him. Laura and Sam searched all over the house for him without success and I became increasingly worried about him. I kept checking the street and the garden but there was no trace of him. Then at about 11am there was a strange light knocking noise at the front door. I opened the door and in walked Dave as if it was the most normal thing in the world. He swore menacingly at Oreo as he walked past him, he went to the kitchen for a late breakfast, then after a quick wash he settled in his favourite spot to enjoy the sunshine. Hopefully he will not feel the need to go off on any on any more adventures.

Missing Person 28.12.07

Last Saturday Robbie and I had to go out to do some last minute food shopping before Christmas. I detest shopping when it is crowded but it couldn't be avoided, so when we had done the housework we got ready to go to Morrisons. I asked Robbie to pop round to our neighbours house to deliver a Christmas present while I got my shoes and coat on. That was a big mistake, an hour later I was still sitting there in my coat waiting for him to come back!! I decided that if I was going to wait any longer I would do it in comfort with a cup of tea - in his railway mug! He finally turned up with a big grin on his face and told me that he'd had a lovely cup of coffee and a nice chat with our neighbour and her (very attractive) daughter. That man needs a minder, he's not safe to be allowed out on his own! We finally got our shopping, but it was absolute chaos in the supermarket. It took me a little longer to forgive Robbie for his disappearing act, but I can never stay cross with him for very long.

Seeing Things! 29.08.07

It hasn't taken Robbie long to slip back into bad habits. He must have dosed off at the computer last night because he came to bed at about 2.00am and woke me up to say that he had seen a mouse in the lounge. I wasn't convinced as I have seen absolutely no evidence of mice and we have never had mice before. It was his next sentence that really made me smell a rat (forgive the pun). He told me that it was either a mouse or a cat and he had heard it scratching at the back door before he saw it. There is a significant difference in size between a mouse and a cat and it is unlikely that one could be mistaken for the other! I think he must have been dozing and got muddled up with what was real and what wasn't. It reminded me of an incident when my first husband was alive.

It was the early hours of the morning and Eric and I were asleep in bed. Suddenly he gave a loud scream and sat bolt upright, he told me that there had been a hairy mouse looking at him and I reassured him that he had been dreaming and he should go back to sleep. He was asleep again within minutes but I was just dozing when he screamed even louder, I was just in time to see something white and fluffy fly through the air, land on the floor and scurry under the bed. It gradually dawned on me that Sam's hamster had escaped from his cage, come all the way upstairs and decided to get in bed with Eric. By this time Eric was standing on the bed and refused to move until I caught the hamster, this proved challenging as he had frightened it with all the noise - not to mention the flying lesson. I had to go downstairs and search for a fishing net and after stalking my prey for a few minutes I managed to catch him and return him to the safety of his cage. Eric went straight back to sleep, but I was wide awake after all that excitement and by the time I dozed off it was time to get up. The hamster was fine, but I felt a bit off after the disrupted night

The only other incident involving a small rodent that I can recall was when Grandad was looking after Sam's hamster. We returned from holiday to find that he had been feeding an empty cage and the hamster was missing. Later in the day we discovered that it had set up home in the oven!! She had built a nest and a food stash in a baking tray, but there was no sign of the hamster. We pulled out the oven, fridge, washing machine, dryer and all the other bits and bobs in the kitchen, but she remained at large. Sam and Laura set several cunning traps around the kitchen hoping that she turned up. The cooker had to be cleaned and disinfected, but Sam was adamant that we couldn't use the oven until the hamster was caught in case we accidentally cooked it. He has a simple solution "we could just eat take away" he couldn't understand why I said no! We eventually caught the hamster when it created a second den under the computer cupboard.