Light the blue touch paper and ............................RUN!!

Sparks have been flying in our house. A week or so ago Robbie told me that I looked like a trout and when he realised that his words had upset me he tried to make it better by telling me that he didn't mean my whole face, just my mouth! 


He was forgiven eventually but clearly he hadn't learnt his lesson because a couple of days later he ruffled my hair and told me that I had so much grey hair that I must be ancient - has he looked in a mirror recently? I told him that my 'trout features' and my grey hair don't bother me because I don't have to look at them, but since I endure the sight of his imperfections without comment, maybe he could do the same.


I thought he had got the message, but yesterday while we were out on the train he picked up book about railway rover tickets. One minute he was sitting quietly reading, the next minute his voice boomed out across the carriage to inform the world and his wife about how soon I will be entitled to an age related discount. I gave him a withering stare and informed him that he may not survive that long! As if that wasn't enough for one day he got cross with me about something totally unimportant and informed me that I was a "moany, cantankerous old woman". I chose not to reply but when he saw my expression he looked terrified, I wasn't sure if he was going to run away or hide under the table!!The cat gives me a similar look when I catch him raiding the bin!


Believe it or not he had been forgiven by this morning. We popped into the supermarket for a few essentials and as we stood in the queue he very loudly admired the packaging design of some personal products that I did not wish to draw attention to. I gave him 'the look' but instead of shutting up he became more vocal. I fixed him with a glare and told him firmly that it is not necessary for every thought he has to come out through his mouth!!


I hope he has now got the message, but if not I will start sharing some of my thoughts with him - I don't think he will like it!

I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience - Author Unknown

Today is the day! The big 40 has finally caught up with Mr B. It may be his birthday, but it is also a normal working day so we had to get up even earlier than usual to allow Robbie to have a few minutes to open his cards and presents. He had chosen to have money for his birthday, but he had lots of nice presents too. A couple of pairs of cufflinks, aftershave, a retro mug based on the old Ladybird books, Lego minifigures, Lego books, a reproduction of an Eagle Annual, as well as various other bits and bobs. He also had two pairs of Dr Marten Shoes, one pair chosen by him and so hideous that they defy description, the other pair chosen by me and much more sensible. They are red 1461's (made in England!) he seemed to be very pleased with them - and almost as pleased with the Dr Marten carrier bag that they came in!


All too soon it was time for him to get ready for work. It would have been nice to have a long lazy day together, but the 'real world' dictated otherwise. Before long Robbie was dressed in his dark suit with a smart white shirt and his new 'keep calm and carry on' cufflinks. He had stashed his Lego minifigures in his briefcase along with a set of farm themed novelty erasers. I had bought them to remind him of our trips to the Farm Shop and he seemed delighted with them, apparently he used to collect erasers - why does that not surprise me!


He was careful to reassure me that he isn't going to change just because he is 40, I don't think he is very keen on the idea of becoming old and sensible. He needn't worry, according to Jerry M. Wright "The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left." If that is true there is danger of Robbie becoming more mature that any time soon, he still likes his music loud and annoying. 

You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again. Bonnie Prudden

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely - Ogden Nash

When I was looking back through my recent blog posts, I realised that I had forgotten to mention an interesting little incident that happened while we were in Earls Barton on Saturday. While we were in Jeyes shop I was busy looking at recipe books and other bits and bobs when I noticed that Robbie was missing. I thought it was a bit odd because it is quite hard to lose him - I know because I've tried! I called his name and at first there was no reply, then a rather distant and reluctant voice announced that he was 'here'. Guided by his voice I headed in the direction of 'here' and found him in a quiet corner of the toy department. He was kneeling down at a little wooden table with a wooden railway track layout on it. He was guiding a wooden Thomas the Tank Engine around the track with his hand while making a selection of engine noises! I asked him if was about to be 4 or 40 and I was answered with a shrug, he told me that it was just too tempting.

Robbie continued to play trains while I loitered in the toy department grateful that this part of the store was relatively quiet. Then after what seemed like hours Robbie stood up, he had spotted some diecast versions of Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends. At first Robbie seemed preoccupied by changes in the design of the packaging, but then he spotted one called Spencer that he would quite like to buy. Thankfully it didn't come to that, we couldn't possibly accommodate another collection of engines, the house is bursting at the seams as it is. He left the shop with a big smile and big plans to build a new layout for his model trains - that should keep him out of trouble for a while!

Be on the alert to recognize your prime at whatever time of your life it may occur - Muriel Spark

Robbie has a birthday coming up this week, much to his surprise he is going to be 40! So after another challenging week at work, his birthday celebrations began yesterday with a trip to the Doc Shop. My mum had given him money to buy himself a pair of boots. It was a lovely drive and it was nice to have a whole day together and to be able to please ourselves what we did.

When we got to the Doc Shop Robbie spotted some shoes that he liked, but they didn't have his size. Then he seized upon a pair of black and white boots covered in a sort of zebra hair material (not real zebra skin!). His eyes lit up as he stroked the boots, he really wanted them, but I'm afraid that my involuntary groan of horror put him off. He already has one pair of DM's that he can't wear in daylight, so another seemed a bit excessive, and then of course there was the question of how to keep them clean........ I cant help it, I am just more practical than Robbie, but when I stopped to think about it my mum would have wholeheartedly approved of black and white Zebra print boots, when it comes to shoes (and clothes) she and Robbie are on the same wavelength!


Robbie bounced around the shop like Tigger and he fell in love with a couple of other designs, but they did not have his size and he decided against the zebra print boots. He chose to save the money and to go back in a couple of weeks when they have had more stock delivered. He likes the thought of going back again and  in the meantime he can enjoy spending the money in his head many times over.

Earls Barton Church

I let him choose what else he would like to do that day, and he chose to have lunch at the Apothocoffee Shop in Earls Barton and of course to spend a little while in the book department at Jeyes! It was a very nice unhurried day and as always it was fun just enjoying happy moments together.

Google in Bed

On Sunday evening I was very tired by the time I went to bed. I was already asleep by the time Robbie came to bed, but as he doesn't do anything quietly I was soon wide awake again. I really don't know why he feels compelled to talk to me (and to require an answer) when I am asleep because he doesn't get a good reaction. He doesn't seem to understand that when I am asleep I really don't want to hear about the cat's digestive problems or even the state of the railways, I just want to sleep - is that so much to ask?


On this particular occasion he had woken me to inform me that he had left the toilet set in the correct position, surely he doesn't imagine that he will get 'brownie points' for doing what any sensible person would do anyway! Seat down and lid up is the only practical option, anything else could lead to catastrophe in the dark! I tried my best 'not to be awake' but Robbie talks regardless and if he gets no response he prods me until he does. I think he enjoys living dangerously!


Somehow we got on to the subject of names and I mentioned that some names like my own enable you to have a good guess about the age of the owner. Robbie mentioned the name Wendy and I told him that it was not really a name until used by J M Barrie in Peter Pan.  It was inspired by a nickname given to him by a little girl who called him her 'friendy' but because she had trouble pronouncing the R sound it became 'fwendy'. 


I don't think I told him that there are rare examples of the name before that, or that it was once a boy's name, but it was the middle of the night and I was keen to go back to sleep. Robbie refused to believe the J M Barrie reference and he was now in confrontational mode demanding to know where the term Wendy House came from. After a deep sigh I told him that it came from the Peter Pan story, but he refused to believe me.  He turned the light on and grabbed his Blackberry, I thought he was going to 'phone a friend' but he was doing a google search. Reluctantly he confirmed that I was right (he should be used to it by now!). Then finally I was allowed to get some sleep.

A Man is Not Old Until Regrets Take the Place of Dreams.

On Friday Robbie got onto the subject of Crackerjack (a children's television show), he asked me if I remembered who used to present it. I told him that I didn't watch it (I have never enjoyed game shows) but something at the back of my mind made me think that Eamonn Andrews presented it at one time. Robbie laughed and said I must be confused, he reeled off a couple of other names that meant nothing to me and he was incredulous that I didn't know who they were. He decided to look it up and he found that I was right, in the very early days Crackerjack was indeed presented by Eamonn Andrews, but not at a time when I could have watched it. I don't know how I knew about him being the presenter it must have been one of those pointless fragments of knowledge that we gather over a lifetime.  Robbie informed me that Michael Aspel had presented it for a while in the early 1970s. It did stir vague memories, but when he mentioned someone called Stu Francis I had no idea who he was talking about. When Robbie announced the dates that he presented the show I was forced to point out that I would have left school by then and would not have been watching children's television. This gave him plenty of scope to tease me about being old - he takes a wicked pleasure in making me feel ancient!


Without really meaning to Robbie left me feeling old and past it (whatever 'it' might be). It set me thinking about what old really means. As a child on the rare occasions that I was brave enough to ask my grandma how old she was, she would tell me that she was as old as her tongue and a little bit older than her teeth. I was never brave enough to point out that she was considerably older than her teeth - she had a new and rather wayward set of dentures! My mum (who was 29 when I was born) always claimed to be 23, in fact she remained 23 until she was well into her 50s!! My younger daughter longed to be 18 so that she could be an adult and do all the things she wanted to do. My older daughter who is 22 was furious the other day when she was asked for ID to buy a DVD with a 12 classification! She hates looking younger than her years. 


So it seems to me that most people are not totally happy with their age, that is just the way life is. It is no wonder that I feel old when I have to cope with Robbie and his many and varied moods. You should have seen him today, he had a massive strop because he sat on some bird poo, but thankfully his bad mood didn't last too long. One way or the other life with Robbie is always eventful! Perhaps I have a few (or more) grey hairs, perhaps I am getting old, who cares. John Barrymore said "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams" I am not ready to give up on my dreams, so by that measure I am still young! 

Birthday Boy

It is Robbie's birthday today, he is 38. We celebrated his birthday yesterday because we will hardly see each other today. We had a lovely family day at my mums, she cooked his favourite meal for him, he is still not fully back to normal in terms of eating but he enjoyed the day. This morning he opened some of his presents and cards including the (rather loud) cuff links that he had been lusting after, but he still has a couple of presents to open this evening. Mum made him a rather wonderful birthday cake, but he wouldn't blow out the candles yesterday because he sad it was bad luck to do it early. It was certainly bad luck for everyone else because we all wanted some cake and now we have to wait until this evening!

A Special Birthday

I think Robbie wishes he was still on holiday, I had problems waking him up this morning. I had to get cross with him before he would get moving so he has been issued with an ultimatum, from now on I will wake him up once, if he doesn't get up that is his problem not mine and I will not change my routine to help him out.

This morning was really busy, it is Laura's 18th birthday and she was really excited about opening her presents. We bought her a ring, she also had clothes and DVD's they were all things that she wanted. This evening we are going out for a family meal. Where have all those years gone?

Feeling Old!

I am feeling especially old this week because it is Emily's birthday on Saturday, she will be 20! I really don't know where all the time has gone. She has asked to be given money for her birthday, bit I have bought her one or two little things to open on the day as well. There is just one problem, I have put one of the things I bought away in a safe place and I can't remember where I put it - possibly another sign of old age! I have to have a serious search today, it is so frustrating.

Buying Boots.

I think I have mentioned before that I have been giving my mum some extra help since David my step dad was ill, he can't drive for the next few months and mum can no longer drive because her sight has deteriorated too much. It is nice to spend more time with my mum but shopping with her is exhausting, it is as bad as shopping with Laura – we have to go everywhere and look at everything. In fact my mum is like a very old teenager sometimes. A couple of weeks ago she wanted to but some ankle boots because the ones that she wears when she takes the dogs for a walk are worn out. When we got to the shoe shop she was clear that she needed a nit of a heel on them because 'she is not ready for flat shoes just yet' we spotted a couple of suitable pairs and I left her to try them on while I had a look around. She seemed to be taking a long time so I went back to see what she was up to. She was fine, she couldn't resist trying on some stiletto boots as well because they looked so nice. I hope I will be like her when I am 78!

Getting Old 03.03.08

Robbie and the children do a pretty good job of making me feel old, but just in case I hadn't got the message Radio 4 managed press the point with a program about one of my childhood favourites, Paddington Bear, who is celebrating his 50th Birthday this year! I first encountered Paddington Bear at School. As a young child I loved to be read to, and in those far of days when the government were too busy dealing with other matters to meddle with education, my school nurtured a love of books that has remained with me ever since.

When I first started school at the age of four I wasn't to keen on learning to read. We had little red check gingham bags which hung on the backs of our chairs to hold our reading books. The reading books were deeply uninspiring, they were about Dick and Dora, their friends May and Jesse and their dog Gyp. I suspect those books came out of the ark and as a child growing up in the 1960's I didn't know anyone called Dick or Dora and certainly not May or Jesse, I didn't identify with them and I couldn't care less about what the words meant because it was so boring. We had better reading books later on, I think those were called Wide Range Readers, finally there was something worth reading and suddenly I could read.

School lunch was a very formal affair with all sorts of rules to be observed, but afterwards we had a period known as ‘rest’. It was one of my favourite parts of the school day; we all went to the school hall and rested on rugs while stories were read to us. I was introduced to The Borrowers, Milly Molly Mandy, Dr Doolittle, Sam Pig, 101 Dalmatians, The Country Child, The Moomins, My Naughty Little Sister and my dear old friend Paddington Bear. I loved them all and I can remember them very clearly so many years later, but the strange thing is that I never grew out of Paddington. I can picture myself in my college room working at my desk listening to my favourite Paddington story on my casette player and laughing out loud at his antics. I have gone on to share his exploits with my own children and I have a feeling he will still be going strong for many years to come.

Getting Old? 20.02.08

Robbie said that his work colleagues have accused him of getting old - don't they have mirrors in Birmingham? On second thoughts, judging by some of the sights I have seen at New Street, they probably don't have mirrors. Apparently it is Robbie's choice of podcasts that led them to suggest that he was old and boring. I can't see anything wrong with Farming Today, the Archers and Woman's Hour, in fact we have Radio 4 in every room at home (even the bathroom). Anyway he can't be old, because that would make me even older and I'm not ready to deal with that yet.

Robbie says that people at work start doing strange things when they get old, like having pictures of their partners on their desks, wearing those horrible brown suede shoes and horror of horrors they listen to Radio 2! Robbie may be a bit 'unique' but I haven't noticed any dodgy footwear, he is certainly not a Radio 2 person and I hate having my picture taken so there is no danger of us becoming the next Howard and Hilda just yet!

Judging by Robbie's mates I think the railways attract more than their fair share of 'characters' and young or old they are a little odd. This evening Robbie was chatting online to a friend who happily announced that he had been playing with battleships in his bath! All I can say is ...beware of men in white coats!

Ancient History 21.11.07

The cat with no name (now know as Dave) went back to the Vet this morning. She was very pleased with his progress, he has put on some weight and his ulcerated feet are much less swollen - but they still look very painful. He has a lovely nature with people and he is OK with other animals, he just likes to make it absolutely clear that he is the boss. When we were booking in at the vet's he growled so loudly from his cat carrier that he made a great big labrador tremble! He gave the vet the benefit of his extensive vocabulary when she pulled the gunky bits off his sore feet, but he didn't scratch or bite - he just swore meaningfully! He has to go back in just over a week, but it is good to know that he is progressing well.
Sam made me feel incredibly old today. He had been sorting through some bits and bobs that I had packed away and he came in to show me a 'book from the olden days'. It was actually a Harold Hare annual from the year I was born! I was a great fan of Harold Hare and friends when I was little and I couldn't resist leafing through the annual to revisit some long forgotten friends. Samuel was fascinated, he kept telling me that there were some very modern illustrations considering the book was so old. I asked what he expected, he didn't quite say that the world was totally black and white in those days, but he did say that he had expected the illustrations to be 'water-colours and stuff'. Clearly he imagines that dinosaurs still roamed the streets in those days as well!

I have often mentioned to the children that there was a character in the comics I used to read called Happy Hedgehog who had a very similar hairstyle to Robbie. It didn't take Sam long to spot the similarity, and on closer inspection it seems Robbie had a bit more in common with the cartoon character than I first thought - dodgy tie, always eating, peculiar footwear! See what you think!

Hatched Matched and Despatched 31.10.07

One of my grandmothers used have the local evening paper delivered and the first page that she would turn to was what she referred to as the 'hatched, matched and despatched'. She showed no interest in the 'hatched' and she only gave the 'matched' section a cursory glance, but she seemed to know a surprising number of the 'despatched'. I once asked her why she read it and with a weary smile she told ma that she had to check that she was still alive!

My other, more formidable grandmother expressed the opinion that it 'wasn't quite nice' to put all those fancy words in the newspaper - but it didn't stop her reading them when she thought nobody was looking! Her sister in law Aunt Ada was a family legend, she was a lovely lady, but every time we visited her she would ask if we knew some person or other, a negative reply didn't seem to matter and she would chatter on to tell us in considerable detail about some relative or neighbour of the person we didn't know who had died. Occasionally she would spring the element of surprise and the person was not dead but dying or they had to 'have everything taken away'. Looking back it is hardly surprising that death was never far from Aunt Ada's thoughts. Her husband had been killed in action in the First World War leaving her with three very young children. For her, loss had been a daily reality for most of her adult life.

This week, I found myself thinking that I must be getting old, I don't read the newspaper, but it seems that all too frequently the death of someone I consider important is announced. Only last week I was saddened to hear about the loss of Alan Coren a truly witty man who was one of the few people who could make me laugh out loud. You get some very odd looks when you are driving alone in the car and laughing so much that tears run down your cheeks! Yesterday another untimely death was announced, Professor Anthony Clare who was professor of clinical psychiatry at Trinity College Dublin and responsible for presenting two of the best programmes on Radio 4, In the Psychiatrist's Chair and All in the Mind.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, the subject of today's entry was not influenced in any way by Robbie's 'man flu' Poor old Robbie, he really is struggling this week but hopefully it will not prove terminal!

Boy's Toys 15.10.2007

I am feeling depressed this morning, I knew it would happen one day but last night I was shocked by the sudden revelation that I am old. It happened quite unexpectedly, Robbie was chatting to me in the bedroom and suddenly I realised that I had become my grandmother. It was the subject of our conversation that disturbed me so much - bowels! I was horrified, I had a disturbing vision of Les Dawson and Roy Barraclough as Cissy and Ada and I vowed to steer clear of the subject of bowels for at least another twenty years!

Robbie took four of our six children to London on Saturday to visit the Science Museum. Robbie managed to fall over again, this time only his dignity was bruised. He phoned to tell me about his fall and he seemed very upset by it, this worried me until I realised that he was only troubled about his T shirt, he had spilled hot chocolate and had got two small stains on his top! Everyone had a good time and Robbie arrived home exhausted.

Robbie's recent difficulty with the vertical prompted a detailed conversation about childhood toys. Yes, you've guessed it we were talking about Weebles, the ones that wobble but don't fall down! Robbie went on to say how much he enjoyed visiting his cousins because he loved playing with their dolls pram and their Sindy dolls. Clearly he has always been in touch with his feminine side! I was not really a doll person, I liked my Tiny Tears, but I was more into cars and in those blissful non PC days I had a selection of pop guns and cap guns and a couple of rather splendid Red Indian head dresses. I even had a wigwam. I was a fan of a series called the Virginian, in fact I watched quite a lot of cowboy films. I had a whole fleet of toy cars, including Lady Penelope's pink car and the Batmobile. Robbie recalled his Evel Knievel set with realistic motorbike noises, but Britain's toys were among my favourites. I had the zoo, the farm and the riding stables, I even had a few cowboys, but I didn't have a fort. My parents had a toy shop and I loved setting out all the Britain's models, rows and rows of all types of soldiers, it kept me busy for ages. I liked to help with the Action Man displays too, but despite my interest in boys toys, it didn't take me long to work out that most boys were incredibly boring. After all why would they waste hours building and painting Airfix models when they could buy ready made boats, planes etc from the Corgie and Dinky ranges that were much nicer and didn't fall apart when you touched them. Of course there were exceptions, not all boys were boring, my dad was cool and my heros of the time were Jim the builder and Martin the paper boy!

Responding to Richard 18.09.2007

In response to my last post Richard wrote
I reckon you must have a bad one 'cos I've had a few Fords in my time and they've all done me proud. I currently drive a three-year old 2.0 ltr Mondeo automatic and it's great. It's my second Ford on the trot; my previous one was a ten-year old Mondeo auto and that, while being a bit long in the tooth, was just as good. Unless it's a Galaxy thing you're suffering from; I've never owned one of those so I can't really comment on them.

Richard you are going to have to send me a photo because over time I have conjured up a rather worrying image of you, and your very odd opinions about cars just reinforce that image. First you stick up for the dreaded Volvo, then you eulogise about the Ford Mondeo! We had a Mondeo a few years ago and I hated it with a passion, in particular I strongly objected to the seat controls, it was without doubt the worse car we ever had - except the Freelander which turned up it's toes within the warranty period! Just to cement this troublesome image in my mind you have said that you drive an automatic - how adventurous! I imagine that you must be nearer 60 than 50 and rather like Martin from Ever Decreasing Circles. Possibly too boring to have had a mid life crisis, but you keep people guessing because there is just a vague possibility that this whole thing is all irony and somewhere beneath that boring facade there is a sense of humour ready to burst out.

Saying the Wrong Thing 12.09.07

You may be wondering how our kitten Oreo is getting on. I know it is a stupid name but the children insist on keeping the name and if Robbie had a say in it he would probably want to name him Royal Scots Grey after his favourite train!! Poor little thing. I have started to call he kitten Archie because he spent his first few days arching his back and spitting at Megan (the dog) whenever she got too close. Meg has stopped trying to round him up and only shows interest in him at mealtimes when she does her best to eat his food as well as her own, she also seems to find that water from the cat's water bowl tastes much better! I fell over the kitten yesterday and I am covered in bruises as it was a confined space and I fell on some shopping bags containing large books - the kitten is fine.

Robbie is trying very hard to stay in my good books. He fell into a 'heffalump trap' at the weekend, we were discussing my birthday which looms large on the horizon and I said that he had married an old woman - he 'accidentally' agreed with me! I wasn't overjoyed.

The phone worked for less than 12 hours and it has now failed again. I can't write any more about it due to the boundaries of good taste!

A Cunning Plan 09.06.07

It was Robbie's turn to make me feel old this morning. I had an itch on my back and was directing him to the right spot with 'up a bit, left a bit, down a fraction, fire' and the inevitable reference to the Golden Shot. He claimed that he had never heard of the Golden Shot and asked if it was a ship! How can he possibly have no childhood memories of numerically challenged Anne Aston and the mysterious 'Bernie the Bolt'. OK having checked, I admit that Robbie was only 3 when the last series was screened, I suppose it is a bit much to expect him to remember it!

http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/tv/variety/goldenshot.htm

It turned out that Robbie had a cunning plan. In a devilish strategy worthy of Baldrick he told me about a recent conversation with an acquaintance of his who seems to think that enjoyment can only be achieved by a night on the razzle and is disdainful of people who find more enjoyable ways to fill their free time. We were just pondering on the inevitable consequences of his behaviour - brewers droop, and we agreed that he needed to grow up and find some less anti social interests. Quick as a flash Robbie seized his opportunity and requested a 'day pass' to go to Barrow Hill to the I had to laugh, his planning was incredible. He then lost the plot and gave me a minute by minute account of his proposed travel arrangements (including a time allowance for breakfast!). My interest had waned before he had travelled beyond Wellingborough, honestly, Saturday morning with my husband and we have to have a monologue on the intricacies of train timetables! He gradually became aware of my frustration, maybe the fact that I was ready to batter him gave him a clue! In an attempt to redeem himself he suggested an overnight trip to Newquay. I was quite tempted, but I was mystified by his desire to break the return journey with lunch and shopping in Plymouth. I know Plymouth well but the shops are nothing special and we wouldn't have time to get to the Barbican and back. It didn't make sense until he admitted that it would enable him to travel on a more 'interesting' train back to Birmingham! He's impossible.

Old Age 17.03.07

Robbie's preoccupation with ageing and general navel gazing has set me thinking. Actually I don't think he has seen his navel for some time but you get the idea! Anyway I think one of the signs that you are getting old is when all your heroes who were once disapproved of by your parents have old and respectable. As the children never tire of pointing out, many of my heroes are now dead - so I must be ancient!