To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone - Reba McEntire

A couple of weeks ago when I was chatting to my older daughter Emily she stopped in mid conversation and looked at my hands. She said "mum look at your hands, they've turned into Grandma's hands" and she took my hand in hers and looked at it closely. I can always rely on one or other of my offspring to tell me the uncomfortable truth. Some months ago my son had a word with me about my hairstyle, he warned me not to have my hair cut any shorter or I would be in danger of looking like a lesbian. I couldn't help laughing, I may have cared what people thought once, but not these days people can think what they like. 

I understood exactly what my daughter meant about my hands. You can try all sorts of lotions and potions to make your face look younger but your hands tell the truth, you can't stop your hands ageing. Several weeks ago my son asked me to buy him make up and a special sort of liquid to create scars ready for Halloween. I wasn't impressed, I don't approve of the Americanisation of our customs and traditions; as far as I'm concerned trick or treating is worse than begging because there is an element of threat. I managed to stop myself before my thoughts became words. Will knows my thoughts on Halloween and I knew he wouldn't be going trick or treating so there was no harm in him dressing up to go to a party. He has had a passion for dressing up ever since he was a little boy and in recent years he has become very creative with stage make up. It crossed my mind that if I'm not careful I will be like my grandma - she managed to turn disapproval into a performance art! When I was little it seemed as if she disapproved of everything that I found enjoyable and I don't want to be like that, so Will got his items for Halloween and he promised to send me some photos.

I used to enjoy bonfire night when I was a child but it seems to have got a bit out of control now. When I was growing up we just had a few fireworks in the back garden, Catherine wheels, Roman candles, screeches, traffic lights, jumping jacks, a couple of small rockets and some sparklers. It was all carefully supervised by my mum to make sure we stayed safe, and when our little display was over we would go back into the house and eat jacket potatoes to warm us up after standing out in the cold. Fireworks seem bigger and louder now (and much more expensive) and we are bothered by the sound of fireworks for days before and after bonfire night. It is very upsetting for the animals, so many dogs and other animals are terrified by the sound of fireworks. I think perhaps we need tighter regulation about when fireworks can be set off. I can remember my grandma saying that fireworks were a wicked waste, she said it was like burning money and I have to admit that she had a point. I haven't bought fireworks for over twenty years, but I think it would be a shame to see the custom die out completely.

The weather is finally getting a bit colder, not perhaps as cold as I would expect it to be in November but cold enough to make me want to wear a coat sometimes. At last I've packed away my summer clothes, dusted off some of my autumn and winter clothes, taken a big bag of stuff to the recycling bank and a few bits and bobs that weren't good enough for recycling were given a decent burial. I'm not usually very good at parting with clothes so I decided to reward myself with a couple of new items. I fell in love with a needle cord skirt which had a subtle rose pattern, but it was a little bit tight and much too long. I wasn't going to let a little thing like that put me off, I bought it anyway and made plans to alter it. It took a fair bit of planning and measuring, I unpicked the waistband, took out the zip, lining and part of the side seems, shortened it from the top then repositioned the zip, lining, side seems and waistband. It only took me a few hours and it was worth the effort because it fits perfectly and I like it. I guess the ability to sew is a very useful skill that both my mum and my grandma passed on to me, I'm grateful for that and I'm grateful for the example of my mum's determination and ability to cope with all the challenges that came her way. She has always told me that a woman can do anything that a man can do and we can do most things better because we take time to plan and we read the instructions! 

It was raining last Friday when I went to stay with my friend Clare but when I drove back on Saturday afternoon I was able to enjoy the beautiful Warwickshire and Northamptonshire landscape. As I left the A5 and joined the A428 at Crick the sun was sinking towards the horizon with a breathtaking display of deep fiery red colours. Ahead of me were deep, dark storm clouds but looking through the rear view mirror I could see clear skies, it was the sort of day when amid all the confusion you would expect to see a rainbow. On this occasion I only saw a faint one after I had driven away from the storm clouds, but it reminded me that I saw a very bright rainbow on another recent journey home from Clare's and when I was at her house in September we saw a double rainbow. I know it is only a natural phenomenon but I don't think it's possible to see a rainbow without feeling a glimmer of hope.

When I got home on Saturday the cats tried to lie to me, I knew that my daughter had fed them but they acted as if they were starving so I gave them some extra food and then went to sit down with a cup of tea. When I went back into the kitchen Dave the cat had vanished, I found him in a little den that he had created between the fridge freezer and the radiator. It is a fairly narrow space, I have several narrow storage boxes stacked there with brushes and mops standing behind. On top of the storage boxes I have a bag of reusable shopping bags and another bag full of carrier bags, Dave had made himself a cat nest in the bag of carrier bags. He has several cat beds, igloos, blankets etc, but he was a stray for a long time, old habits die hard and he likes to find his own comforts. I couldn't resist taking a photo of him with his 'poor pathetic me' face. I wouldn't let him stay on his nest of carrier bags, but maybe I will buy him a radiator bed instead.

You learn something new every day!

There are many occasions when I wish I could put a smile on the faces of my children but I rarely succeed.  Teenagers seem to turn drama and disapproval into an art form and even when they are no longer teenagers old habits die hard, so it is very unusual to see all three of them smiling at once. 

Tonight was an exception, all three of them were helpless with laughter. I guess on balance I would rather have them laughing at me than sitting there looking miserable. The cause of the hilarity King Richard III, or to be more accurate it was a joke about him that led to the laughter. It was confirmed today that a body found buried beneath a car park in Leicester was Richard III the last Plantagenet king, and the last king of England to die in battle. Having warned me that it was in slightly bad taste my daughter shared a joke from Twitter 'What was Richard III doing in the car park - dogging'

My other daughter was crying with laughter at my reaction and she made this comment on Facebook
That awkward moment when your stepdad has to explain what dogging is to your mother.. 'You are joking arent you...? What are they, double jointed?!'

Oh well, it was nice to see them happy, and it led to a nice family evening, with everyone chatting and laughing. They helped me to choose a ringtone for my new phone, it is 'Me and Mrs Jones' - it was the obvious choice really!

Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. ~ Mark Twain

My stepfather David often jokes that you have to take Robbie everywhere twice, the second time to apologise! It isn't true of course, Robbie can be a bit excitable at times, but he is good company and well behaved. My son is fond of Robbie, but being a teenager disapproval is part of his job description and Robbie and I are frequent targets of his displeasure - he seems to think that we are embarrassing!

A couple of months ago he got a new girlfriend (my son, not Robbie!) and he was rather anxious about introducing her to us. She is lovely, I met her several times before Christmas, but my son decided to wait until after Christmas to introduce her to Robbie and his sisters. He was convinced that one of us would embarrass him - and he was probably right, but he is too easily embarrassed!

Finally after warning us yet again to be on our best behaviour he decided that the time had come to introduce her to Robbie so we arranged to take them out for lunch today. We went to Buddies American Diner in Kingsthorpe, Robbie likes it there because they have a train that runs around above our heads on a suspended loop. He couldn't resist pointing out that it was a 'misfit' because the engine was an old German engine but the wagons and caboose were American, but I managed to guide him away from the subject of trains. It went very well, we enjoyed our meal, Robbie was moderately well behaved and I only caused my son to squirm with embarrassment once or twice.

The Sights You See When You Haven't Got Your Gun.

That was one of my grandmother's sayings. I always found it rather confusing because I knew very well that she didn't have a gun. She used the phrase when she saw something that she disapproved of, she used it often because she had turned disapproval into a performance art! Other people of her generation used it with a little more humour, to express amusement or incredulity at some of the things they encountered.

I don't go to town very often, so you can imagine my surprise when I encountered a gorilla in the centre of town! It was no ordinary gorilla, it was dressed as a boxer or a wrestler or something of the sort. On closer inspection there was something haunting about his face, it was just a bit too real for comfort. I had to ask Robbie to take a photo for me. I don't know why but it really made me smile - maybe in some way it reminded me of Robbie who knows.

As we walked around the town we came across more wildlife. There was a life size giraffe in the shopping centre and whole herd of very colourful elephants. Elmer the Elephant would have fitted in very will with this techinicolour group! There are even lions in the park - whatever is the world coming to! I am not a great fan of street entertainment etc, but these creatures made me smile and brightened my day. 

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. Mark Twain

Yesterday evening I put a huge smile on Robbie's face - I brought home several packs of the newly released Lego Olympic Minifigures. He had been waiting for them to be released and they turned up several days early, so when I gave them to him he was really surprised. He sat down at the table with a cup of coffee and set about making his first Olympic minifigures. His little expressions of excitement caused my son and daughter to shake their heads and exchange exasperated looks. My son made two posts on facebook which supped up the situation perfectly.

"You know you're set out for a career in mental health care when your stepdad sits in the corner calling a Lego man beautiful...and you don't question it"

"I would worry when my stepdad says he can feel the difference between a weightlifter and a an athlete... Until I realise he is on about Lego men."

As far as I am concerned it is harmless, it is not especially expensive and it gives the kids something new to disapprove of, it takes the 'spotlight' of my perceived failings. When you think of it that way the minifigures seem much less irritating! 

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her - Marcelene Cox

I think it is a myth that women love to shop, I detest shopping and I do everything in my power to avoid it. Robbie loves to shop, if shopping was an Olympic sport  he would be a gold medalist! Pain permitting he will happily wander from shop to shop making a mental note of everything in stock. He is interested in absolutely everything, clothes, shoes, books, toiletries, gadgets, kitchen equipment, you name it Robbie knows about it! When he can't shop he reads about shopping, even about the changing dimensions of toilet rolls!


These days unfortunately pain and long working hours limits Robbie's enjoyment of shopping to some extent these days. I find myself I often find myself doing errands for him and woe betide me if I get the wrong item. Yesterday I went shopping for food, just day to day items mainly, but Robbie likes a particular brand of chicken and mushroom pie and I was going to get one of those for him too. They didn't have any in stock so I was brave (or foolish) enough to buy an alternative brand instead. It was a more expensive brand so I thought Robbie may be willing to try it. As soon as I told him about it he had that sulky look that he does so well. It was as if a big black cloud had settled over us. He said he was unhappy because the quality of the gravy was bound to be wrong and he would rather go without than have to put up with an alternative. Failed again! 


I failed last week too, I bought the usual brand of liquid soap, but I chose the green one with aloe vera rather than the usual option. Robbie gets very sore cracked hands and I thought the aloe vera may be good for his skin. He was not impressed, he complained plaintively about the 'smell' I think it is quite pleasant, but it doesn't float Robbie's boat. It looks as if we will have to have his and hers hand wash for a while until I work my way through the three bottles of aloe vera that I bought. Today he mentioned that he needs more hair stuff. I am dreading getting that because when they changed the packaging I bought a stash of the old design, but now he has to adjust to the new pack and I know that he will moan about it. I guess I will just have to throw a deaf ear, I am good at that, I get lots of practice. 

I am quietly confident that he will be pleased with one recent purchase. I have to do some odd things for Robbie at times but 'feeling' Lego men has to be closet to the top of the list. The minifigures come in individual sealed packs, there are 16 to collect but the only reliable way to find the one you want is to feel the pieces through the foil bag. I have become very good at finding them this way, but I have had some very dodgy looks. I must be mad, standing in the shop for ages 'molesting' Lego men, just to put a smile on Robbie's face! He only opens one figure each day and he still has a couple of unopened ones in his stash, but I am confident that they will complete his set of series 7 minifigures.

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. Ellen Perry Berkele

Returning home from holiday felt like coming back to reality with a bump. We still have the huge cloud of the disputed CSA arrears hanging over us, as well as various other worries and uncertainties, and I really need to find another job. When we walked into the house there was no one there to welcome us, no wagging tail, just a dog shaped space where Meg should have been, I am really going to miss her, she was part of our family.

The cats were doing their own thing, Oreo was at the top of the stairs watching the birds out of the window and Dave was dozing on the sofa, he chose not to notice our arrival. Usually he would come to me straight away, but when I put my hand out to touch him he turned away, making it very clear that he was not happy with me. We had loads to do on Sunday evening, so there wasn't much time to think about Dave, but he managed to radiate disapproval, he was punishing me for going away and leaving him. He kept up the hostility until lunchtime on Monday, then when I sat down with my laptop he came and sat on the back of my chair, then after a little while I noticed that he had moved silently on to my lap and was purring loudly - I had been forgiven!


'For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.' Anon