Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. ~ Mark Twain

My stepfather David often jokes that you have to take Robbie everywhere twice, the second time to apologise! It isn't true of course, Robbie can be a bit excitable at times, but he is good company and well behaved. My son is fond of Robbie, but being a teenager disapproval is part of his job description and Robbie and I are frequent targets of his displeasure - he seems to think that we are embarrassing!

A couple of months ago he got a new girlfriend (my son, not Robbie!) and he was rather anxious about introducing her to us. She is lovely, I met her several times before Christmas, but my son decided to wait until after Christmas to introduce her to Robbie and his sisters. He was convinced that one of us would embarrass him - and he was probably right, but he is too easily embarrassed!

Finally after warning us yet again to be on our best behaviour he decided that the time had come to introduce her to Robbie so we arranged to take them out for lunch today. We went to Buddies American Diner in Kingsthorpe, Robbie likes it there because they have a train that runs around above our heads on a suspended loop. He couldn't resist pointing out that it was a 'misfit' because the engine was an old German engine but the wagons and caboose were American, but I managed to guide him away from the subject of trains. It went very well, we enjoyed our meal, Robbie was moderately well behaved and I only caused my son to squirm with embarrassment once or twice.

There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in. ~Graham Greene

I have been working on a project, it is a rather belated project now because it should have been completed in time for my son's 18th birthday on 20th of December, but I was feeling so poorly that time got the better of me. I am creating a photo scrapbook for my son with photos and memories from my son's childhood. 

I spent ages choosing photos, the hardest part was deciding what not to include. Then when they were printed I had so much trimming and cutting out to do that my fingers ached for days afterwards. Now I am busy arranging the photos and creating the scrapbook - it takes ages to get it looking just right, but he is worth the effort. 

As I look at all the photos I can't help wondering where all the years have gone. How did that angelic looking little chap grow up so fast, it only seems like a few years ago that he played a shepherd in the nativity play at nursery and he walked in swinging his lamb around by the tail!

Here is an extract from my diary dated March 2004 when my son was nine, as you can see life with him has never been dull.

"As we were coming back from Music School at lunchtime my son said "I have my usual maths and English homework, but there is something else this week; I have to catch a worm because Monday is take a worm to school day" 
He went on to explain that they are making a wormery. Surely my life is complicated enough without having to go out and dig for worms! I urged him to wait until Sunday afternoon before collecting his worm, but being a boy he just couldn't wait and when I was working in the kitchen he brought in a large worm and put it into my hand. I was prevailed upon to provide a suitable container for it, and over the next hour or so I was introduced to five or six more worms in assorted sizes. 

At teatime all my efforts to change the subject were
thwarted and we were treated to a lecture from my son on the reproductive habits of the earthworm. His understanding of the term hermaphrodite was rather sketchy, and my memories of `O' Level Biology were too limited to be useful. Sam concluded in his deep and serious voice (which always makes me want to laugh) "I think it really means that they don't enjoy themselves very much!"

We had a bit of a disagreement at bedtime when I realised that the little terror had taken the worms to bed with him. When I refused to allow him to have them on his bedside table. He said "mum, you can't put them outside, they are part of the family now" We compromised and they are spending the night in the shed (in their container). I must remember to thank his teachers for completely disrupting our weekend."

My son has always loved animals, so our pets all have a place in the scrapbook. I thought I had got all the photos for the album but Dave the cat had other ideas, I think he wants to make sure that he will be included. He posed for this photo (he is wearing my son's hat) and it is so cute that I have to include it.

If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.  ~Tom Stoppard

"Why didn't you tell me? ......."

Having Robbie in my life means that I am used to strange questions and not to be out done, my son has spent his whole life bombarding me with questions on every imaginable subject. Believe me there is never an easy answer where my son's questions are concerned. Here are two diary entries, my son was 9 or 10 at the time.

...........He was almost back to normal, asking his usual stream of questions.  Among several other things he wanted to know how exactly it is possible to kill 2 birds with one stone! 

...........My son questioned me in detail about the ageing effect of space travel, it made my brain hurt.  He said that if there were identical twins and one went into space while the other stayed behind, one would end up older than the other.  Having thought about it, he must be right, I saw William Shatner on TV not so long ago and all that space travel has clearly taken its toll on him!

Usually my older daughter is more likely to tell me the answers than to ask questions but yesterday she was even more 'random' than Robbie. When I came back from work she came into the lounge and said "Mum, why didn't you tell me about Peter Cook and Dudley Moore?" I was lost for words, there are so many things that I have tried to pass on to my children, but I am fairly sure that Peter Cook and Dudley Moore were not on the list. She went on to tell me that she didn't know that they used to be a double act, but having come across clips of them on YouTube she had discovered that they are very funny. I don't think forgetting to tell her about Pete and Dud makes me a failure as a parent, but it has left me wondering what else I should tell her about.

Catching up in Cornwall

Despite my concerns my son and daughter are having a lovely time in Cornwall. On Saturday morning they enjoyed a long walk along the coast path around Trevose Head towards Harlyn. She took this photo of Mother Ivey's Bay looking towards Merope Rocks, that view holds so many happy memories for me, I wish I was there with them. 

Later in the day they went to Padstow and despite the choppy sea they braved a boat trip around the offshore islands to see the puffins and other sea birds. A boat trip on the Jubilee Queen while on holiday has become a bit of a family tradition, but personally I prefer to keep my feet firmly planted on dry land even on the calmest day! I braved the trip once and I was lucky enough to see puffins, but the braver members of the family have seen dolphins, seals, puffins and many other sea birds.

They spent Sunday visiting their grandparents and then their aunt, uncle and cousins. They even visited Windy Ridge, one of my favourite restaurants. Apparently it has been given a facelift since I last visited, they enjoyed their meal very much; another reason for me to visit Cornwall again very soon! 

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was - Irish Proverb

My son is making a film for his A level coursework and he wanted to incorporate video clips of him as a child, so on Sunday evening I sorted out the old video camera and we took a trip down memory lane.  It is a strange feeling, like looking through a window to the past, but I feel very lucky to have those memories. I watched my son aged about 5 or 6 wearing his Buzz Lightyear pyjamas, opening his birthday presents with his older sisters looking on. It was interesting to observe the dynamics when they were younger and to realise that they may have grown up, but the dynamics haven't changed very much. Next there were clips of all three children taking part in school and Music School concerts, it is confusing those images were so familiar, yet at the same time so remote, as if they happened in another lifetime. 


All this looking back on the past led me to wonder if it had been possible to tell back then how the children would develop and what paths they would chose to follow. I think to some degree the answer is yes, it was clear early on that my older daughter loved learning for it's own sake and it came as no surprise that her early  love of reading and writing developed into a passion for English. We knew early on that our second daughter would work hard to achieve her goals, she is ambitious and she has her father's love of life, she lives life to the full. Perhaps my son's future path was the most difficult to predict, he was always bright but his early ambition was to be a 'trolley pusher' at the supermarket and he resisted any attempt to change his mind. When my aunt suggested that perhaps he would like to be a vet he told her rather sternly that he liked animals from the outside but he didn't think he would like them from the inside! I guess there were indications early on that he would develop a passion for film, but it wasn't clear to me at the time. The thing that was obvious was that he needed to do things in his own unique way and to find his own direction. Perhaps that is the key to successful parenting, to give them as many opportunities and experiences as possible, to encourage and sometimes cajole, but to allow them the space to discover their own strengths. I don't think there are hard and fast rules when it comes to parenting, it is just a case of always doing your best even at those times when you don't think your best is good enough.

A White Elephant

The son who must not be named had to go to the dentist, so I picked him up from school and drove him to the surgery. Our route took us past a large traffic island and the edge of Abington Park, the traffic island was planted with daffodils and so was a wide slope at the edge of the park. I pointed out that the daffodils were in full bloom and I said that when I see daffodils the words of a poem pop into my head. My son said "yes I know" and he promptly quoted the whole first verse of the Robert Herrick poem To Daffodils. "Fair daffodils, we weep to see you haste away so soon, As yet the early-rising sun has not attained his noon. ...................." He went on to say that he doesn't like daffodils because they flower so briefly and then seem to stand there looking dead for months. I know exactly what he means, daffodils always make me feel sad too and I agree with his sentiments about the display of daffodils in the park. It has a big sign saying "Field of Hope" but he says that it inspires the opposite of hope because the daffodils look dead for most of the year, with just a couple of weeks of colour in early spring. I still find it fascinating when he allows me little glimpses of his 'aspie' thought process, I may only give a passing thought to contradictions such as the field of hope, but such things really trouble him because they don't make sense.


On our way back we somehow got on to the naming of pubs. I told him that I disapproved of the modern trend for changing pub names because the old names often had historical significance. He asked what I meant and I said that The White Elephant was a good example of a pub whose name reflected it's history. He asked if a white elephant had once died there; I glanced across at him because I thought he may be teasing me but he was completely serious. He has always struggled with idioms because he trys to take them literally, but he learnt the meaning of most of the commonly used idioms long ago, so it was a bit of a surprise when I realised that he did not know what a white elephant was. I explained that we use the term white elephant to describe something that has value but is of no practical use and a bit of a burden to the owner. 

The pub in question was built as a rather grand looking hotel in the days when Northampton had a racecourse. I expect they thought that they would build a good business providing accommodation and refreshments for racegoers. However soon after it was built the racing stopped; there were public access rights across the course and a series of accidents between 1901 and 1904 led to the banning of all races. The last race took place on 31st March 1904 and the racecourse became a park (still known as the Racecourse). So Kingsley Park Hotel was left on the extreme edge of town (at that time) without an obvious clientèle. It became known locally as the 'White Elephant' and in due course the name was changed to The White Elephant.

It is odd, a simple trip from the dentist led to discussions about poetry, linguistics and local history. There are many times when that boy has me tearing my hair out, but I treasure these special times when we have interesting conversations. He couldn't resist pushing his luck, as he got out of the car to go back to school he said that I knew so much about 'the olden days' that it sounded as if I remembered them personally - cheeky monkey!

Least Said Soonest Mended

Photo by BJN

Life with Robbie has it's challenges as well as many pleasures and there are many occasions when I struggle to hold my tongue, but as a parent I have a lot of experience when it comes to counting to ten and keeping my thoughts to myself. I am sure my children would say that I nag, but I am careful to choose my battles. My son and I had a bit of a spat the other day, we had arranged to have a pre Christmas family day with my parents and my brother's family. 'The nameless one' was adamant that he had not been told about it and he was not happy about having his routine changed. He came with us and he had a great time, but he was still deeply annoyed about our spat mostly because Robbie had joined in and had told him several times that family comes first. I think what Robbie said was true, but you don't always achieve the best results by stating the obvious and this was one of those occasions when it would have been better to let my son calm down with as little argument as possible. When he spoke to me about it a couple of days later I told my son that I was glad that he had removed himself from the situation rather than making the argument worse. He said "Mum, do you know how often I hold my tongue? I could have written War and Peace with all the words I haven't said to Robbie!" The way he expressed it made me smile but I recognised the truth in his statement. Robbie and I argue more than may be good for us, and I there are times when I give him his answer loud and clear, but I am careful that I don't say anything I would regret later. I don't like the arguments, the making up is fun!

Turning Heads

I had a strange experience yesterday, I went to parents evening with my son. He has recently moved from a boy's school to a girls school for his A levels. It was his choice to make the move and his decision was based on the girl's school being able to offer him the subjects he wanted and a better all round experience. He is one of just half a dozen boys in his year, there are about a dozen in the whole school so the move must have been a bit of a culture shock. 


Last night my son and I went to a consultation meeting at school. I am used to the school, my daughters went there, so turning up for parents evening was a fairly ordinary experience - or so I thought. I wasn't prepared for the new experience of going to parents evening with my son. As we walked in there were a number of younger girls there to get people to sign in and to give out various bits of paperwork. It felt like watching meerkats, every head turned in the same direction as he walked past and there was a chorus of girls calling his name and trying to attract his attention. As we left much the same thing happened again and my son gave a small hand gesture of acknowledgement as he walked passed them. He seems to be very happy at his new school, but I just hope it isn't making him big headed!  

Fashion is more usually a gentle progression of revisited ideas.

I haven't seen much of Robbie since we got back from Norfolk. On Monday he went to work even earlier than usual and he was late home, then on Tuesday he got me up stupidly early because he was going to Scotland. I didn't see him again until late on Wednesday evening when he got home late in the evening. He did manage to ring me late on Tuesday evening, but it was more of a monologue on the subject of trains than a conversation. When he got home he was fairly talkative, but as usual it was all about trains, except for a brief description of the design of the lift at the hotel he stayed in and a casual mention of the type of fabric used to make the  underwear that is in the sale at Marks and Spencer. Sometimes I just wish that Robbie could be a little more 'normal'. 

I have taken time to spend some time with my son this week (the one who does not wish to be named). I missed him very much when we were on holiday, so on Monday we went shopping for things he will need for school in September. Like me he has a fascination with stationary and pens, so it was fun shopping for all that stuff. When it comes to clothes I find his fashion sense interesting and rather confusing.  According to George Bernard Shaw 'The novelties of one generation are only the resuscitated fashions of the generation before last'. That is certainly true in his case, I feel sure that my dad would have worn cardigans in the early 1960s like the ones that 'the nameless one' wanted! I had already bought some shirts and trousers for him but he wanted a couple of cardigans. I made him wait for those, partly because they were very expensive and partly he has been known to change his mind. He had waited for several weeks and he was still just as determined that they are exactly what he needs for sixth form, so we went ahead and got them. I have to admit that they look much better on him than they did in the shop. I am still not so sure about his trousers, I had just about got used to him insisting on skinny fit, but apparently carrot fit is the must have 'look'. I asked him to explain what carrot fit meant and he said that they are a new interpretation of skinny fit, 
they are are worn loose at the thigh tapering to a skinny ankle. I couldn't help asking why? To me they look very odd with a baggy bottom and the crotch only just above the knees! It certainly doesn't look very comfortable, I just hope that it doesn't give Robbie any strange ideas, he has more than enough clothing fetishes already.



'Fashion is more usually a gentle progression of revisited ideas.' Bruce Oldfield

Homeward Bound

Sunday morning dawned and I woke up much too early, for a while I just lay there listening to the sounds of the sea and wishing that I could turn back time. I wanted to see my son and daughters, but the prospect of returning to the real world with all its worries seemed daunting to say the least. Before long I was busy packing up our last items of luggage and our holiday was well and truly over. There wasn't very much to pack so I took time to take a little walk along the coast path to say goodbye to the sea. I stood for a moment to try to imprint all the sounds and smells of the beach on my memory so that when I look back at my photos I will be transported back to this time in my mind. 


All too soon it was time to leave the bungalow, but we had one last treat to look forward to, Sunday lunch in Mundesley with my mum and step father. It was roast beef, my absolute favourite, Robbie likes it too, but he is not too keen on vegetables, under pressure from me he made a token effort and added a teaspoon full of peas to his plate leaving me to enjoy a lovely selection of vegetables. After a last look around Mundesley Robbie set the sat nav to 'home' and we set off on our journey back to reality. 


The sat nav took us on an interesting and attractive route that was suspiciously like the route we took the previous week when we went to the North Norfolk Railway. Sure enough the sat nav led us to Holt and right past the turning to the railway, we didn't stop but Robbie had time to see the double decker bus that they have. He swears that it was just the way that the sat nav chose to take us, but I am not so sure. I think he has found an application that takes us past as many railway landmarks as possible. We passed level crossings, railway bridges and various other railway related points of interest - next time I will take control of the sat nav!