Down the Stairs with a Bump

Why does the weekend go so quickly when the week seems to drag on forever? Robbie and I planned to go shopping in Birmingham on Saturday but when it came to it neither of us had the strength to tackle Birmingham on a Saturday. Our week days are long and challenging and at the weekend it is nice to take things slowly and relax. 


We had a nice lazy day we enjoyed a meal together and got some shopping done, but we didn't tackle any Christmas shopping. We really need to get organised because time is marching on. I really enjoy having young nephews to buy for, but as our own children have got older it is harder and more expensive to buy for them. Even my (almost) 11 year old niece seems frighteningly grown up all of a sudden - I must be getting old!

On Sunday evening I decided that in the coming week I would get organised, I made lists and planned to start my Christmas shopping on Monday. That was before my week started with a bump. Robbie was getting ready to leave the house and I came down the stairs dressed and ready to go, but somehow my foot slipped and the next thing I knew I was at the bottom of the stairs in a crumpled heap. There was nothing broken (not even the mug that I was carrying) but everything hurt and now I have bruises in places that I didn't know I had and it felt as if I was walking like Spotty Dog from the Woodentops! So the Christmas shopping is on hold for a day or two because it is hard enough just to deal with the essentials at the moment.

Trouble Afoot

I can't put it off any longer, I have to give serious consideration to buying Christmas presents. The girls are sorted now and most of the presents for the wider family have been bought, my main problems are Robbie and Sam. I made a big mistake in planning, Sam's birthday is on 20th December so that adds to my present buying problems, I have a few ideas but I am still not sure what he would like. Robbie knows exactly what he wants, but the thought terrifies me - he wants red tartan Dr Marten boots. What a vision, he would look like an ageing Bay City Roller! When I made it clear that there is no way that I am going to buy them, he suggested an alternative, Dr Martens with Union Jack toe caps - no way!! Why can't he just be normal?

Questions, Questions

On Friday and Saturday Robbie was on his best behaviour because he really wanted to go 'out to play' on Sunday. Robbie being extra nice is certainly better than Robbie in a strop, but it is still fairly challenging because it seems to send his brain into overdrive and he bombards me with daft ideas and constant questions. On Friday he made me stop in the dog food section at the supermarket while he explained exactly how he wanted to reorganise our bedroom, interesting ideas but why did he have to choose that moment?

On Saturday morning he cuddled up to me and asked “do you ever wonder why the fluff that collects in your belly button is always blue?” I can honestly say that I have never considered the matter, but that wouldn't be a good enough answer for Robbie so I told him that it was a chemical reaction when the fluff was close to the skin for too long – he believed me for at least ten minutes!

A little later at a time when it would have been reasonable to expect his full attention he announced that there was something that he had never understood, he then asked “what is anti pasta?” I told him that judging by the way he pronounced it, it was probably a militant organisation that disliked Italian food! By then the 'moment' was lost, so I explained that he probably meant antipasto and as far as I knew it was an appetiser offered at the start of a meal. I don't like foreign food so I am not really the best person to ask about such things.

He got through most of the afternoon without incident, but only because he was saving himself for a seriously tactless random comment. That evening I was standing in the kitchen cooking while Robbie was washing up, when he suddenly asked “do you think you will have the menopause soon?”. I was tempted to answer it with my own question and ask if he thought he would need stitches today, but listening to him trying to dig himself out of trouble was so entertaining that I forgave him!

How To Levitate Your Balls

My brother bought Sam a book called '211 Things A Bright Boy Can Do' it looked innocent enough, but my suspicions were aroused when it was an instant hit with Sam. He was glued to the book for hours and then he started to regale us with extracts from the book read with great enthusiasm. A feeling of absolute horror engulfed me as he explained 'how to survive for a week with just one set of clothes' and 'how to take off your underpants without removing your trousers'. 'How to weigh your own head' sounded innocent enough, but 'How to light a fart' 'how to judge a woman's bra size at a glance' and 'how to levitate your balls' filled me with horror. Sam doesn't need any encouragement to get into scrapes! When I finally got my hands on the book I realised that there worse to come (but modesty forbids me from mentioning it here). Just a final warning for Robbie, if you encourage Sam in any of these crazy stunts, I will have no difficulty obtaining the vital ingredients for the recipe on page 262!!!

Food Fads

Feeding my family is always a challenge. Emily has been a Vegetarian for about 7 years so I always have to produce a meat free option for her. Laura is impossible to please, but I suspect most 15 year olds are like that. Sam's obsessions and his very literal way of thinking cause problems for me when preparing food. He stopped eating shepherds pie when he was three because he couldn't be convinced that it didn't contain real shepherds. He does eat it at home but we call it mince with potato on top and it avoids the problem.
He went on a school trip to a rural studies centre when he was 9. They were given shepherds pie for dinner but Sam was convinced it was not safe to eat because it would have real shepherds in it! He told us that there was a lake near the place where they stayed and he thought the easiest way for the cook to catch shepherds was to set traps and drown them. I couldn't change his mind! Once an idea is fixed in his head it is impossible to reason with him. He still insists that Rolf Harris used to have three legs!! He just has his own completely original view of the world.
When he came back from the school trip he told us that he had seen some cattle and one of them was a bull. I asked how he knew it was a bull and he said "I could tell by the look in its eyes".I explained that you could not tell by looking at the eyes and I intended to talk about a ring in the nose, but Sam put his hands on his hips and sighed. He said "Mum! I couldn't look at his dangly bits in case I embarrassed him, I didn't want him to chase me".