In Need of an Off Switch!

I love Robbie very much and mostly I like having him working from home, but I have my limits and just occasionally I need a bit of time on my own. I need peace and quiet, time to think and to process my own thoughts without someone talking non stop at the side of me. 

On Wednesday Robbie really seemed to have his talking boots on. During the morning I was trying to focus on several important things that I needed to do, but I couldn't concentrate because Robbie kept talking. He keeps returning to the subject of the Sky box and the possibility of moving to Virgin for our television, internet and phone. I am very reluctant to move and I told him 'loud and clear' that pestering me is not going to make me change my mind. After a few brief moments of quiet he was at it again, and we leapt from one subject to the next without stopping for breath. Much of the conversation was about his work in one way or another, but eventually he settled on the subject of irritating people - and as I listened to him I was mentally adding to my own list of annoying people!!

We had lunch at Morrisons with my mum and step father, it is nice to spend an hour or so with them during the week. We chatted about all sorts of things as we ate, but Robbie was making me feel exhausted because he didn't even stop for breath.  He had returned to the subject of our television and Internet provider his voice seemed louder than usual and he didn't pay any attention to my hints so I had to tell him point blank to stop talking. That worked for a few seconds but then he 'defaulted' to his specialist subject (trains) and off we went again. I wanted to scream at him to shut up but I managed to control the impulse and settled for a withering look instead.

Robbie was aware that I had some shopping to do, but as we finished eating he told me to get a move on because he needed a lift to the station to catch the 13.55 train. The urge to harm him was almost too much for me to resist! He had talked non stop all morning but he had not bothered to share the one piece of relevant information, that he needed a lift to the station just before 2pm. Having had a brief but meaningful exchange of views, we ran around the supermarket to get the absolute essentials and met up again at the till. I was still livid and when Robbie told me that he thought I would have know what time he needed to be at the station, I informed him very firmly that I am not Mystic Meg. The woman in front of us in the queue gave me a knowing smile and let us go in front of her as we only had a few items.

I had to hurry to get him to the station on time and I wasn't taking too much notice of Robbie. Then I realised that he was talking about 'Percy' and I was completely mystified. The only 'Percy' that I know of is the one that gets 'pointed at the porcelain' so when Robbie started talking about 'web Percy' and 'normal Percy' I had no idea what he was on about. I should have left it like that but I was unwise enough to ask what he meant. He told me that PERCY is a computer program that DfT and train operators use to check that they are meeting existing franchise commitments. He gave me more detail and I got the feeling that he could have talked for a lot longer but thankfully we arrived at the station on time and he had to dash off to catch his train. At last I had a few minutes peace! 

Apparently Size Does Matter!

Mr B has been doing his Dr Dolittle act again. On Sunday evening he had a word with me on behalf of the guinea pig. According to Robbie she is not as satisfied with the new carrots I bought because they are the wrong shape! I told him that she is a guinea pig and as long as she has enough to eat she is not bothered about size, to her three small carrots are just as good as one large one. I could tell by his expression that he wasn't convinced, he told me that he was sure that she found the larger ones more satisfying. 


Usually I buy 'saver' carrots for her, but last week they had some small 'finest' organic carrots on offer. They were cheaper than the saver carrots so I chose those for the guinea pig along with her curly kale and other vegetables. I am fairly sure that she didn't even notice the difference, I think it is Robbie who has the problem not the guinea pig! Why do men have to obsess about size all the time?

The whole universe is based on rhythms. Everything happens in circles, in spirals - John Hartford

The weekend had slipped past far too quickly, so when we sat down on Sunday evening I wanted to enjoy what was left of the evening. The demands of another week would be upon us all too soon. It is nice to just be together, we don't have to talk all the time - and even Robbie can be quiet sometimes! Unfortunately yesterday wasn't one of his quiet times. I was working on updating the blog layout, but every time I started to concentrate on it Robbie started to talk to me again. Not just normal conversation, it was mostly 'did you know' type questions and a rather too enthusiastic sharing of information from the newspaper.

I thought I had made it clear to Robbie that I was becoming exhausted by too much trivia, but it seems he hadn't got the message. He called my name yet again and asked if I knew that Sainsburys are changing the size of the cardboard tube inside their own brand toilet rolls. I asked him why he would expect me to know that, we don't even shop at Sainsburys! My lack of interest didn't seem to bother him; he went on to tell me the exact dimensions of the new style toilet roll. He seemed disappointed that I still wasn't interested, so he made a final bid for my attention by telling me that there was a circle printed in the paper that we could cut out. With the aid of the circle we could find out if the new style rolls would fit our toilet roll dispenser. He got upset when I told him very bluntly that we don't use that brand of loo roll, we don't even shop in that supermarket so I don't need to know! I know Robbie loves detail, but honestly, that is ridiculous, there isn't enough free space in my memory for all the things I need to remember, I certainly don't have room for nonsense like that. 

Communication Problems

I rarely write about my work, partly because I don't want to cross any boundaries but mostly because it probably wouldn't make very interesting reading. I meet some really nice people in the course of my work, but sadly I meet plenty of the other kind too. I always try to be helpful but is not unusual to get shouted at and called names, you would be surprised how nasty seemingly ordinary people can be about the most trivial things. I have even had to deal with threats of physical harm. So you can imagine my confusion when an Indian gentleman approached me with a broad smile and began to remove all his outer clothing. Hat, scarf, two pairs of gloves, coat, padded waistcoat etc, etc. It wasn't an especially cold day but it seemed that he was dressed for an Arctic expedition. It is rather unusual for customers to remove their clothing, they are not usually with us long enough for that, so despite his smiles I was a little weary of his motives.


Thankfully he stopped disrobing before it became embarrassing, but then I was faced with another problem. He began talking to me and I didn't have a clue what he was saying. He repeated himself several times but I was making no progress at all. I asked him what language he was speaking (thinking I could perhaps find someone else to converse with him) but he informed me that he was speaking English! A very long 20 minutes followed with lots of smiles, nodding and waving of arms but not a lot of progress in terms of communication. He had brought out all sorts of documents from his pockets. He showed me pictures of his wife and children and he taught me how to pronounce their names. He showed me a train ticket indicating that he had been to London the weekend before and a series of mimes suggested that he had visited Madam Tussauds, Buckingham Palace and other landmarks. After 20 minutes, I knew his name and job title from a business card, I knew the names of his wife and children and I knew what he had done with his leisure time in the last week or so but I hadn't got a clue why he had come to see me! 


At that point we were joined by a second smiling Indian gentleman, also dressed for the Arctic. He possessed a few more words of recognisable English and over the next ten minutes the pair told me that they were here for two weeks for a training course, but they both lived in India. They had enjoyed their stay here very much and they wanted to find out as much as possible about our town and how different businesses worked so they had come in to have a look around. The first man had just stopped for a chat and he had showed me the pictures of his family because he missed them very much. They left still smiling and promised to come and see me again next year when they are back in England. It was rather a surreal experience, but it is something I will remember with a warm smile, it was much better than being shouted at!

The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

Marriages, if they are going to work at all have to have an element of give and take. Sometimes if people love each other and they take time to talk things through and really listen to each other it is possible to overcome even the most difficult issues. However everyone has their breaking point and it can be a seemingly minor issue that tips the balance. It has been a bit like that with us recently.

In August Robbie and I had the most amazing holiday, all on our own with no children. It allowed us to really enjoy each other's company, we talked, laughed, enjoyed being close and most importantly we listened to each other. Within the space of a few days we had reviewed and redefined the boundaries of our marriage, in a way which recognised the needs and feelings of each of us. I am not talking about the imposition of a narrow and suffocating set of rules, this was the sort of unity that enables each person to be who they are, while respecting the needs and feelings of the other. When we got back from holiday we were determined to nurture our relationship, by making time to be together and to have fun, even when that means taking a few hours away from the demands of family and household responsibilities. So far we have managed to do that and it has been really good.

So here comes the 'but'. In every relationship there are issues that are guaranteed to cause friction and things that the one partner does that the other is uncomfortable about. I am sure Robbie could provide a long list of things that I do that annoy him, but for me the one thing that bothers me far more than any of the other things is his involvement in the union. I mind for lots of reasons; he has taken on far more than it is reasonable for one person to do and I think he is spreading himself too thin. I don't like the union, I think they talk a lot of nonsense and I think they have changed him in a way that is deeply unattractive. More than anything else I don't like the union taking away our family time, I don't like the way they behave and I think it has led him to make some very poor choices. Of course he would say that I was wrong on every count, but I am judging by actions not just words.

I'd had issues in the past, especially when he went to Dublin earlier in the year, but we had put those behind us, so I didn't have too many concerns about him going on a training course on Thursday. Unfortunately things went down hill from there, he promised that he would ring me in the evening, so after work I looked forward to his call, I didn't want to ring him because I wasn't sure what he would be doing and I didn't want to interrupt. The call didn't come so eventually I took the phone to bed with me and read a book while I was waiting. I must have fallen asleep because I was woken soon after 2am by a text arriving. It was the briefest text informing me that he had been out and was going to bed. I was really hurt, how much effort would it have taken to make a quick phone call at some point during the evening.

The final straw came in the morning when he compounded the problem by not ringing me. When I finally spoke to him he said that he had forgotten about me, poor choice of words perhaps, but that was the final straw - I would never forget about him!! An argument followed and small as this incident was it had tipped the balance for me and I gave him the choice - me or the union. Robbie has always been a slow learner, he chose the union! Lets just say that Friday wasn't a pleasant day for either of us. I walked around the house thinking how much space I would have if I got rid of all his junk and he spent the day telling me that I was totally unreasonable. It was stalemate! Robbie has never understood that when in a hole you should stop digging. He decided to 'light the blue touch paper' by leaving a comment on facebook agreeing that the course was fantastic, I am not sure if it was the comment that annoyed me most or the fact that the woman whose status he was responding to had a rather dubious, near naked profile photo! If I was angry before I was furious after that!

Saturday morning dawned and Robbie's negating style of giving no ground and and insisting that I was totally unreasonable was making matters worse. I will not say how he won me over but if he tried that tactic on anyone else I would kill him!! The result is that he has agreed to give up most of his union work by November and I have agreed to accept him keeping the health and safety stuff. This brings us back to the level of involvement that he had when we got married. He is not entirely forgiven but we are working on it!!

Finding The Right Words

Those of you who know Robbie will know that words are the one thing he is never short of. If fact the opposite is true, it is almost impossible to get him to shut up, he can talk endlessly about anything under the sun and you can rely on him to lower the tone whenever there is the slightest opportunity. He talks and talks and talks - he can fit more words into a minute than anyone else I know.

Being lost for words is a new experience for Robbie, but in the circumstances I am not surprised that he is struggling. He has been asked to speak at his friend's funeral, there is so much that he wants to say, but putting the feelings you have deep inside into words is not so easy, and finding exactly the right words to express how much Chris meant as a friend and colleague is difficult. It is almost impossible to sum up the qualities of a close friend in just a few brief sentences, but one thing is undeniable Chris knew how to live well. He loved his work, but it didn't rule his life, he filled his leisure time with all the things that were important to him. He packed a lot of living into not quite 40 years. I don't know if Robbie's words will adequately paint a picture of his friend, or express how keenly Robbie feels his loss. I can't do much to help, but I can at least make sure everyone will understand his words - I have be making him practice speaking slowly!

Making Up

Robbie was late coming to bed again last night. I expect he was finding it hard to drag himself away from that book again. I don't know what time it was when he finally arrived in the bedroom, I had been deeply asleep but his loud conversation woke me up. I growled at him but he ignored the warning and continued talking. Then just to ensure that I had no chance of getting back to sleep he put his search light on and sat on the edge of the bed contemplating (or searching for) his navel. I threatened him with dire consequences but he just laughed at me, so war broke out. I was ready to kill him! He settled down in bed still giggling and within seconds he was snoring, but as always I took me forever to get back to sleep. I am going to confiscate his bulb!!

This morning he was repentant (and bruised). He said he wants to make up for always putting the trains first and neglecting me. Guess what he has in mind? A trip to York on a Voyager and a visit to the National Rail Museum!! Oh well, at least he is consistent. Sometimes I don't know if I should laugh or cry!

Home Again - Briefly

Robbie arrived home just after 8pm and talked about trains. How does he do that, he seems to be able to talk for hours without ever pausing for breath. He didn't take the hint when I gave him a warning stare so I told him loud and clear NO TRAINS - so he talked about railway people instead!

I really wanted to be cross with him because he only phoned me a couple of times while he was away, but it is really hard to be cross with him for very long. It would have been nice if he had managed to tell me that he had missed me, to be fair he did mention it, but it only took up half a sentence compared with his long and detailed account of being presented with the wrong brand of Marmalade at breakfast!

Almost as soon as he got home Robbie was busy getting his clothes and 'stuff' ready for his trip away this weekend. It was one of those days where everything seems to get in the way and stop you getting on with things so we were both still up when the news of Michael Jackson's death was announced. It is sad when anyone dies before their time especially when they leave young children. It is probably because I am not very interested in music that his career has more or less passed me by, I knew who he was of course, but I couldn't name any of his songs, but I know that he has many fans who will be devastated by his untimely death. It is sad, I suspect that for all his money and fame he has not had a happy life.

Robbie went off to work this morning loaded with his luggage for the weekend, I will not see him again until sometime on Sunday, so I will just have to enjoy my own company until then!

Sleep Talking

Robbie can go from being wide awake to fast asleep within seconds. It is rather disconcerting because he can fall asleep in mid conversation or even in the middle of doing something. Last night we were in bed talking and mid way through a sentence he started to talk about 'the Doncaster stop' I had no idea what it meant and he was not making sense so I couldn't ask him. A little later he was wide awake again, he seemed to be listening to what I was saying, but soddenly he shouted out '1955' then dozed off. I woke him and repeatedly asked what was special about 1955, he looked at me as if I was mad and in a very sleepy voice he said 'BR modernisation plan published, the dawn of the Deltics' - then he began to snore! If he is going to talk in his sleep I wish he could come up with next week's lottery numbers or at least something useful.

Final Warning! 29.01.08

Robbie finally got back to the house at about 12.35am this morning, and after all that travelling he was starving, so he had to eat before going to bed. I had given up on staying awake soon after Robbie got home, so I was sound asleep when he came to bed. He had already been warned that I had heard more than enough about Network Rail for one day, so I had every reason to hope that he wouldn't wake me up to share his latest railway ramblings. He did wake me up and he did talk to me, but for once it was not about trains. Believe it or not at just after 2am he woke me up to talk about Steven Fry and bipolar disorder. He is on a final warning, if he feels the need to be that random again he will find himself sleeping on the sofa and he can discuss 'the meaning of life' or the failings of Network Rail with the dog - she doesn't seem to mind as much as I do!

Standards! 02.11.07

One of the qualities that attracted me to Robbie was his less than obsessive interest in watching television. Usually he preferred to talk, or to work on the computer, and as he got to know me better he soon became hooked on Radio 4 and was content to listen to the radio rather than watch television. Unlike most men he does not get all territorial about the television and he is one of the few men I know who isn't driven by some irrational instinct to jealously guard the TV remote control as if his life depended on it. Maybe that is because he already has his hands full, pager in one hand and mobile phone in the other he would have to become a juggler to cope with any more phallic symbols!

Anyway life has ticked along steadily and Robbie has become so passionate about Radio 4 that he even gets podcasts of The Archers and Woman's Hour, but he has not been obsessively interested in television. At least that was the case until recently, first he became very macho about absolutely having to watch Spooks - I hate it, then when I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did exactly that. We sat down after our evening meal and I decided to see what was on TV. I flicked through the channels looking for something cheerful and interesting to watch, finding that Eastenders came nearest to that specification, I declared that we had a choice of 'television to top yourself by' or complete silence. Not for the first time I wondered why I bother to pay for a sky subscription when it only gives me a greater choice of rubbish. Robbie suggested that I should flick through the menu once more as there must be something worth watching. He was nearly ready to give up when he spotted Dog the Bounty Hunter and asked to watch that. I was incredulous, as far as I was concerned it was little better that the dreadful Jeremy Kyle, but Robbie seemed to think it was cool. We didn't watch it - we still have standards! However I have seen trailers for Dog the Bounty Hunter and I am worried that Robbie may decide to take fashion tips from 'Dog' - it would be terrifying. There is another possible explanation as to why Robbie feels it is worth watching - it could be the amply proportioned women in the programme!