Tell the truth and shame the devil

I remember my grandmother telling me to 'tell the truth and shame the devil' when I was a child. I doubt that she knew that she was quoting Shakespeare or that the origins of that phrase dated back even further. She just knew that it was good advice, that it is better and easier to tell the truth even when you are tempted to lie. I am not sure if Robbie received similar good advice, but from what I have been told about his grandmother I suspect he was. However there have been a few occasions when he thought that he could pull the wool over my eyes - he is a slow learner! He always seems surprised when he gets caught out and he asks how I knew. I don't tell him because I like to keep him on his toes, but it can be quite comical. He had heard me tease my brother because his voice becomes noticeable higher in pitch when he departs from the truth so Robbie makes a conscious effort not to to do the same. What he doesn't seem to have noticed is that his accent becomes more 'West Midlands' when he is caught out telling a fib. In fact the other day when he tried to avoid telling the truth he sounded so much like Lenny Henry that I almost burst out laughing. I hope he has finally worked out that it is easier (and safer) for him to just tell the truth!!

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on - Franklin D Roosevelt

Yesterday was 'one of those days'. If I am honest those difficult days seem to crop up with surprising regularity and just occasionally I find myself wondering if things will ever get easier. I am not usually an Eeyore type, I try to have a positive outlook, but everyone has their moments. 

We all have our own ways of dealing with a bad day, some people distract themselves with a shopping trip, but I prefer to log on to the computer to spend an hour or two working on my family history. I enjoy finding out about the lives of my ancestors and it helps to put things into perspective. However difficult things seem to be for me, I know that I have it easy in comparison to many of my ancestors. 


I have been working on a very faded photograph of my grandma and a group of other people. With the help of a couple of other people I have managed to restore the photo and I have been trying hard to identify the other people in the picture. It is strange looking at a photo of my grandmother as a young woman, no older than my children are now. I remember her as a strong and rather formidable old lady, but looking at the younger photo I saw a gentler face full of youthful hope. It must have been about 1911 and I realised that dreadful worry and sorrows lay ahead of her. There must have been times when just putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with life was almost impossible, but she did it. Her life experiences gave her the inner strength and determination that I remember so clearly.


She had many little sayings, one of her favourites was 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. I didn't realise it at the time, but she was living proof of that. Thinking about my grandma reminded me of a framed verse that she kept on the mantelpiece,"Four things come not back, the spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life and the neglected opportunity". I didn't understand the truth of it at the time, but I do now. I will not allow the worries and aggravations that come my way to cast a shadow over the many good things in my life. People may have cause to regret underestimating me, I come from a long line of strong women and I don't give up!

Magna est veritas et praevalet     

Least Said Soonest Mended

Photo by BJN

Life with Robbie has it's challenges as well as many pleasures and there are many occasions when I struggle to hold my tongue, but as a parent I have a lot of experience when it comes to counting to ten and keeping my thoughts to myself. I am sure my children would say that I nag, but I am careful to choose my battles. My son and I had a bit of a spat the other day, we had arranged to have a pre Christmas family day with my parents and my brother's family. 'The nameless one' was adamant that he had not been told about it and he was not happy about having his routine changed. He came with us and he had a great time, but he was still deeply annoyed about our spat mostly because Robbie had joined in and had told him several times that family comes first. I think what Robbie said was true, but you don't always achieve the best results by stating the obvious and this was one of those occasions when it would have been better to let my son calm down with as little argument as possible. When he spoke to me about it a couple of days later I told my son that I was glad that he had removed himself from the situation rather than making the argument worse. He said "Mum, do you know how often I hold my tongue? I could have written War and Peace with all the words I haven't said to Robbie!" The way he expressed it made me smile but I recognised the truth in his statement. Robbie and I argue more than may be good for us, and I there are times when I give him his answer loud and clear, but I am careful that I don't say anything I would regret later. I don't like the arguments, the making up is fun!

Secrets and Lies

Anyone who knows me reasonably well will know that one thing that I find very difficult to deal with is being lied to. According to my family I have a built in lie detector, and on many occasions one or other of the children has indignantly demanded to know how I could tell that they were not telling the truth. It is not an straightforward question to answer, some of it is picking up on clues, such as facial expression, tone of voice, body language and such like, but some of it is just instinct and experience. If things don't add up either it is not the truth at all or not the whole truth.

Sam is much like his dad, if he is caught in a lie his voice gets higher the more he protests. My brother is much the same, but he also becomes indignant and argumentative when challenged, until his voice is within the soprano range and he has to accept defeat. Of course I don't always know when someone is trying to pull the wool over my eyes. The family still laugh about the time when my late husband Eric 'accidentally' bought a full set of golf clubs, managed to keep them hidden for weeks and even packed them in the roof box and managed to take them on holiday with us without me finding out! I was so cross with him when I found out, but with the benefit of hindsight it wasn't such a terrible lie, it didn't harm anyone else and a set of golf clubs really isn't such a big deal. In fact I am glad that he had his golf clubs, you need to live life while you can because you can't always take tomorrow for granted.

I found myself pondering the whole issue of truth and lies rather deeply recently. It seems it is never too late to learn from experience. I have always thought of myself as a very open and understanding person, so I felt hurt and confused when I became aware that someone I trusted had not been honest with me. Sometimes it takes me days to process a situation in my head (the cogs turn extremely slowly at times!) but if I ponder a situation long enough I can usually make sense of it. Gradually I became aware that much of the blame rested with me, it is hard for people to be honest if there is insufficient trust. If you want complete honesty you have to be open to hear the truth and to deal with it responsibly when you get it. People are what matters most, everyone should have the freedom to be their own person and to do things in their own way. We often laugh at my stepfather because he is quite fixed in the way he does things and he always thinks his way is the only right way - even when he is wrong. When I stopped to think about it I realised that my attitude wasn't so very different.

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but I hope that is not the case. I am finding it much more comfortable to open my mind and to listen and learn than to be kept in the dark. It is usually Robbie who rambles on, but today it is my turn, my thoughts may not make much sense to anyone else, but for me it has been an important, maybe even life changing experience and it has made me feel so much better to reach this point.

To Tell the Truth ...................

Robbie fell over as he was getting off the train yesterday morning. He had only bought a new suit a few days ago and I am ashamed to say that when he told me about the fall I enquired about the suit before I asked about him. The suit survived unscathed but Robbie hurt his hand and his dignity was seriously affected; the platform proved surprisingly resilient. It could have been much worse, I do worry about him, I wish we could find a way to keep him upright.

Why are men such dreadful liars? OK I know that is a huge generalisation, but I am cross so please make allowances. Just for once I am not having a go at Network Rail, but come to think of it the same thing applies to them, if they want to mislead us, at least they could make the effort to do it convincingly instead of treating us all as if we are fools! I was actually getting at Robbie. He knows from bitter experience that I have a built in lie detector and it is not easy to pull the wool over my eyes, but it doesn't stop him trying! This week I caught him in out, there was no disputing the 'evidence', it had his fingerprints all over it, but he clung stubbornly to his version of the situation. Establishing the truth really is like pulling teeth. It makes me so cross that he assumes I a stupid enough to accept his version, as far as I am concerned the original 'misdemeanour' is never worth a lie, because most things can be put right or overcome. I wonder if it is a case of arrested development, you know that phase when a toddler learns to play hide and seek and they think that if they can't see you then you cant see them - they don't realise that their rear end is poking out from behind the sofa for all to see! I wonder if men ever progress beyond that stage - or maybe they just enjoy getting caught! I have found that admitting a mistake or omission, apologising and asking for help to put it right will get a much more favourable response than denial or trying to blame the others. Maybe Network Rail should give it a try sometime, we would all be shocked into stunned silence, so at least they would have a quiet few days! Just for the record, Robbie has been forgiven!

Robbie was on form last night in terms of random statements. We has just been shopping at Morrisons and he got into the car after parking the trolley and said "I will have to wash my high visibility vest before April". I expect he was thinking about trains and charters, but it made me laugh because it made me think of Harry Potter and the invisibility cloak. Robbie is high visibility all the time, vest or no vest!

Too Much Detail? 04.10.07

I always try to be honest and to tell the truth in my dealings with other people, but there have been times when the effort has nearly killed me. I remember an older relative would occasionally ambush me with 'what do I look like in this?' and I had to go to great lengths to find something honest but not hurtful to say. I would comment on the colour or the length rather than the general appearance! I am usually fairly good at thinking on my feet, but Robbie caught me off guard a few days ago, he asked me if he was boring! He detected the moment of panic before I had time to compose my face and searched for a non committal answer. He pursued the issue saying 'you really think I'm boring don't you?' and I had to admit that there are times when that would be true. To be fair it is not so much that he is boring, just that he provides an excess of information about subjects of limited interest.

Robbie was stung and countered with claims that I was also boring, an accusation which I freely admit. I am not a going out sort of person and I have my own particular interests, but in an odd sort of way Robbie and I suit each other very well. I will leave it to others to decide if Robbie is boring, I will just present you with a review of the evidence Sherlock Holmes style. Recent conversations have included such gems as who created the theme tune for the comedy To The Manor Born - do I care! It was Ronnie Hazlehurst actually, but knowing that has not made a huge difference to my life. A recurring theme for the last week has been the pressing question of the M in the Morrisons logo, have they changed it or not? It doesn't matter to me one way or the other but for some reason it is vitally important to Robbie. The performance of the new tea towel has been 'in the news' for a couple of weeks now, I'm not sure why it bothers him so much. There is also the vexed question of the M&S Hornby train set, will they issue one for Christmas this year and if so what will it be? I am not holding my breath on this one, but I get daily bulletins anyway. Then there is the daily update on the Christmas catalogues coming out, it was Boots yesterday and Robbie kindly told me in excruciating detail about all of the 3 for 2 offers, yes I do mean ALL the offers! The little matter of his work trousers has been of 'burning' importance recently, but for Richard's sake I will not mention the details again, however it did cause him to wonder why everything 'goes south' as we get older! Gravity! I know exactly what trains he caught to and from Preston, I know what route they took, if they were on time, who worked on them, I even know who he sat next to on the train this morning and what they talked about - I could go on but you get the idea! He regularly wakes me up to ask me if I'm asleep, so he is not too good at picking up on visual clues and I he is always surprised when I suggest that he provides too much detail!

Truth Detector! 03.10.07

I always know when Robbie is lying - I have radar! I knew he was in agony at work yesterday and by lunchtime I told him to come home. He claimed that he was only coming home because I insisted, but as it was the first time in his life that he has done as he was told, it was convincing evidence of how much pain he was in. Further confirmation of his discomfort came when he walked straight into the house and dropped his trousers! He couldn't bear them on around his legs. Thankfully there were no blisters, but the burned bits were very red and hot, and one leg was a bit swollen. I'd thought he only scalded his knees and lower legs but the inside of one thigh was on fire as well, and we both realised how close he came to a much more delicate problem. More cold water, cold compresses and letting the air get to his legs seems to have made a big difference and he is more comfortable (but still sore) today. He ordered two more pairs of trousers online last night, the way he is going we will be ordering them by the dozen!

Robbie is off to Preston for a meeting today, the other participants will be relieved to know that he can now tolerate his trousers on his legs and there is no reason to fear that he will be bearing his legs to the world - not today anyway!

Bob the Bagman 15.02.07

Bob the Bagman has been in Leeds all day and he will not be home until after 9pm, so we haven't had any opportunity to disagree today. He is back in my good books and fully restored to his usual sunny self.

There really isn't much to tell you today, unless I tell you what he does in his sleep, or about the incident with the brush. The girls wickedly suggested that I should write about my weird taste in men, but maybe one day Robbie will write about that. I don't see why they find it so funny that I like David Attenborough, he's a hero not a pin up!

It will not surprise you to know that Robbie talks in his sleep! Sometimes he does journey enquiries or timetable stuff, but the other night he kept shouting out that he had his hand full, I dread to think what he was dreaming about. He has a little handicap that tends to get him into trouble, he answers questions in his sleep - truthfully! It's amazing! Being a slow learner he still tries to get away with the odd 'porky' but he doesn't get away with it for long.

The incident with the brush was quite funny. He was in a strop and while we were in the car Sam told him that earlier in the day we had brought a new brush. I hasten to add that it cost £4.99 and didn't exactly break the bank, but I could see by his face that he had taken an instant dislike to the brush. I could see him counting on his fingers the reasons why it wouldn't be fit for purpose. I wanted it to pick up dog hairs, it does the job, no problem, but Grumpy spent ages trying it out and disapproving of it. I had to restrain myself from finding a completely different use for the telescopic handle! I don't think he will ever look at that brush without feeling slightly insecure!