“Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked” - Warren Buffet

I am one of those people who doesn't like hot or strong tasting food, but my son a more adventurous attitude to food. He enjoys hot and spicy tastes and one of his favourite treats is hot salsa dip. When I went shopping a couple of days ago I bought him some salsa dip because it was on offer. I was I a bit of a rush when I got home and I absent-mindedly packed it into the fridge with the chilled items. The fridge was rather full so I just tucked items in whatever spaces I could find because I knew the fridge fairy (Robbie) would rearrange it anyway - he always does!

We have a fridge freezer with the freezer at the bottom and the fridge above and I find it hard to reach  the top shelves of the fridge. I don't know why I put the salsa dip in front of the milk on the top shelf, but it certainly wasn't intended to be a booby trap. The salsa had escaped Robbie's attention on the day of purchase, but it made it's presence felt the following morning. It is Robbies habit to wander downstairs wearing 'not a lot' to make a coffee (tea for me) and to feed the cats. He opened the fridge and reached up to get a new bottle of milk and the glass jar of dip fell from a great height, smashed and splattered everywhere. Thankfully 'everywhere' did not include that sensitive spot that would probably have required a trip to casualty. However it did involve a massive clean up operation which disrupted his morning routine - I was not popular! 

'The Norfolk landscape sends a shiver through my soul....' - Raffaella Barker

Our holiday in Norfolk had been planned long before our recent woes and despite the huge black cloud of worry hanging over us we decided to go and make the most of the peace and freedom that we always find in Norfolk. These things never work out as planned and before we could pack and get ready for our holiday we had to address the pressing issues that were crowding into our week. Robbie had important deadlines to meet at work, but he also needed to see the GP urgently, and just to confuse matters further he had to take time out of a very busy week to deal with three totally intelligible letters sent by CMEC/CSA which no one dealing with his case could explain. They couldn’t even tell who had sent the letters or why, I in these days of austerity I can’t help wondering why a government agency would send out three different letters to the same person on the same day in three different envelopes and then waste hours of staff time responding to frantic phone calls from intelligent people who are totally baffled by the correspondence. What I wonder has happened to plain English and what on earth has happened to customer service?



Robbie arrived home from work at 11pm on Friday evening; I was tired, frustrated and still packing. Robbie was so tired that he was like a zombie and so challenging that if I hadn’t sent him upstairs to sort his clothes out I might have harmed him! It was heading towards 3am when I went to bed and Robbie was even later because he was dealing with final bits and bobs of work that had to be done before we could go on holiday. I knew that would fall asleep but I was too tired to wait for him, in the past Meg would have woken him up and sent him to bed when she got sick of his snoring, but now he had a stark choice, find his own way to bed or stay put.


The alarm woke us at 6am and ‘sleeping beauty’ reluctantly plodded off to make a cup of tea. Within half an hour I was up, washed, dressed and packing the car. I wanted to be on the road by 8am, but Robbie trotted around in a state of undress and showed a marked reluctance to get himself organised. He still had to finish off some bits and bobs at work and this was delayed further by computer problems. The clock ticked on, 8 o’clock came and went and by 10 o’clock a near naked Robbie was still messing around with work matters and I was finding it increasingly difficult to keep my temper. I finally chased him off to get ready and at 10.50am I went to sit in the car to wait for him, at least I could listen to the radio while I waited. At 11.30am he came out to announce that he was on his way before scuttling back in to do a few last minute jobs. At 12.OO I was parked outside Marks and Spencer’s waiting for Robbie to buy himself a coffee and a breakfast baguette. Then at long last we were on our way.


Considering the late start we had a reasonable journey and made good time. Before we had even left Northampton Robbie did his usual trick of squealing with delight at something that he had seen from the car. This time it was not a train, it was two traction engines in the car park of the rugby club, he was very disappointed that I refused to stop for him to take a closer look. One day he will cause an accident by shouting out like that. I got my own back on him later when I told him that I had caught him out in a bit of mischief (yet again), it is one of the few occasions that I can recall Robbie being completely speechless. He should know by now that I don’t miss much!


We arrived at about 3pm and began the exhausting process of unpacking and putting everything away. I was exhausted and all I really wanted to do was to make the bed and crawl into it, but suddenly we were thrown into panic mode – it seems I had forgotten to pack the coffee! Robbie was very good, he managed not to stamp his feet, but the arms were folded and the bottom lip was sticking out as if he was a sulky toddler. So, before the unpacking was completed we had to get back into the car and head for Tesco in order to find the correct brand of coffee. By then I was far too tired to contemplate cooking, in fact I wasn’t even sure I was awake enough to eat anything, but Robbie’s rumbling tummy led us to the fish and chip shop. I found that I was hungry after all and I managed to clear my plate before sleep finally caught up with me.

Trouble with Aliens

When I was a little girl I had an irrational fear of standing too close to my bed because I believed that the (imaginary) Red Indian who lived under my bed would reach out and grab me. This made it necessary to leap onto the bed from as far away as possible to be sure that I stayed safe. I watched far too many cowboy films when I was little! As far as I can remember my sleep was never disturbed by aliens - until this week! In fact The Clangers are the only aliens I recall from my childhood and certainly weren't scary.

On Wednesday evening I went to bed fairly late and just as I was getting

warm, comfortable and very sleepy Robbie bounded upstairs and launched himself onto the bed as if he was being chased by a whole posse of imaginary foes. He announced excitedly that he had an alien, he was clutching a Lego mini figure pack which he had carefully opened to reveal the pieces necessary to build an alien mini figure. He settled himself on the bed in a Buddha like pose and began to build his alien, while I snuggled under the duvet in search of sleep. Robbie shook me to inform me tat the alien's weapon was too short. My knowledge of alien weaponry is severely limited (I don't think the Clangers had weapons) and I have absolutely no desire to further my knowledge of such things, especially not at 2am! Apparently a purple light-sabre type thing was missing, and Robbie wasn't going to settle until he found it. It was not easy to sleep when Robbie put the light on and then knelt on the bed stark naked looking down to see if the missing part had fallen onto the carpet. It was even harder to sleep when he decided that he had to lift up the duvet and check all the bedding. By this time I was ready to kill him because I really needed to sleep. We agreed that he would let me sleep if I promised to look for the part in the morning.

True to my word I searched for the part the next day without success, so I ended up returning the figure to the shop because there was a piece missing. Imagine my embarrassment when the missing part turned up, it had been caught inside the packaging all the time. He is a very happy chap now that his alien's weapon has been restored to the correct proportions and even happier because his latest mini figure is a very cool looking rapper.

In Need of Therapy

Last Thursday Robbie had meetings in Milton Keynes, so he was able to enjoy a later start. I take Sam to school and Emily to work every morning, so I was able to drop Robbie at the station on the way. His legs were hurting, but he was on top form, and he was looking forward to the day. Sam was talking about swimming at school and Robbie mentioned that he would like to swim, he said the exercise would be good for him. So far so good, but his next sentence filled us all with horror, he announced that he would only swim in Speedos (or completely naked) apparently he isn't keen on baggy swimming shorts. Sam recoiled in horror while I told Robbie that in that case he shouldn't swim after all! Sam said that he will need a lifetime of therapy to cope with that image!

An Up and Down Weekend

It has been an up and down sort of weekend. We had quite a nice Friday, Robbie managed to get home from work on time and we went to the supermarket to do some shopping. We rarely have a chance to do the shopping together and it is nice to have help even if he is totally possessive about pushing the trolley and downright impossible about the order in which it is placed on the conveyor belt at the checkout. It makes it impossible to pack the bags, but I managed to ignore his odd little ways this time.

On Saturday afternoon he was harder to ignore. He danced with rage and frustration and he spoke louder and faster until his voice became so high that only dogs could hear him. The cause of his frustration was the washing liquid! I had changed the brand without consulting him and the bottle now had a yellow top instead of a green one. He said that his main objection was that it was sticky but since every other word of his tirade involved the colour, I think he mainly objected to the colour and shape of the bottle. I wish I'd had a video camera, you would not believe what strong emotions a bottle of washing liquid can provoke.

On Sunday morning I thought I would have to give up my beloved Radio 4 as it was having a corrupting effect on Robbie. I was in the bedroom working on my laptop and listening to Desert Island Discs on the radio when Robbie came in and stood on the bed to get one of his railway books from the top shelf of the bookcase. I was only half listening to the radio, but some punk rock music was playing and Robbie, still standing on the bed, began dancing to it. It was seriously alarming because he was stark naked – it must have terrified the neighbours!

In the afternoon things went down hill, I am very cross with him for humiliating me in front of other people, a joke is one thing but unkindness is a step too far; I would never treat him like that.

Lost for Words!

I was cross when Robbie woke me up this morning, I am never to keen to get up but today I was annoyed because I was having a dream about moving house and he made me miss the ending. I don't know where I was moving too or why I was moving, but I was angry with one of the removal men and I was just in the middle of telling him that I had employed him for his muscle power not for his oppinions and if he couldn't conduct himself properly he could take his spurs and leave because there are plenty of other cowboys who would be glad to get the work. That is when Robbie woke me, just as I was starting to enjoy it! I have no idea why I had that dream, I haven't moved house for 18 years and I have no plans to move. When I stopped to think about it, I realised it was 18 years almost to the day since we moved, but I hadn't thought about that before the dream. Spooky!

Anyway Robbie was very organised this morning because he is going to Cambridge via London today. I upset him by suggesting that it would probably be much easier to travel by coach instead, he was horrified by the suggestion and he informed me in no uncertain terms that people who work for train companies do not travel by coach. I could have reminded him that thanks to Network Rail, most regular rail travellers frequently find themselves travelling by coach. I didn't say any of that because my composure crumbled and all my attention was focussed on trying not to laugh. Robbie was standing there hands on hips looking deeply indignant wearing only a pair of socks and a tie! It was only later that I wondered why anyone would put on their tie before their shirt!

The Paignton Pudden

Robbie has gone out to play for the weekend. After work yesterday he made his way to Crewe ready for an early start this morning. Robbie has been taking more exercise in the last couple of weeks and he was delighted to find that his black 'train tour' trousers are no longer as tight as they used to be. He celebrated his achievement with pie and chips - I don't think he has quite got the hang of getting fit yet! Having told me in considerable detail about his pie and chips, he held the phone out for me to listen. I couldn't make out what I was supposed to be listening to, but Robbie assured me that I was listening to trains going past. He told me that he could sit in his room naked and watch the trains going past - I was horrified! He assured me that he was adequately attired and that he would not get himself arrested. Imagine all those traumatised passengers reporting a sighting of Homer Simpson naked at hotel room window! I don't really understand Robbie's aversion to clothes, it is just one of the many thing that make me think that he is 'on the spectrum' Anyway he has been on the Paignton Pudden rail tour, he has phoned me with regular updates throughout the day, but I will spare you the detail, I expect Robbie will write about it himself when he gets back.

Sam and I survived our shopping trip yesterday. Sam headed for a pair identical to the ones he bought and refused wear a couple of months ago. I stood my ground and we finally settled on a pair very similar to his old ones (the ones that he actually wore) and we were still on speaking terms when we got home so I guess the trip was a success. The shoes were more expensive than I'd anticipated, but everything seems to be expensive these days. Now that we have dealt with the school shoes Sam has his heart set on a pair of Vans and then a second pair of Converse and then ...... Unless I win the lottery I will not need to remember the rest of the list, it would require a second mortgage to buy that lot! The pictures are of Sam's favourite pair of Converse, he has now grown out of them and has replaced them with a black pair.

Grounds For Divorce!

Robbie scares me sometimes. On Tuesday evening he was watching How to Look Good Naked, he and Sam love watching it, I can perhaps understand why a 13 year old boy would be interested in women taking their clothes off, but judging by the giggles and the school boy banter, Robbie is still very much in touch with his 'inner child'. On the program the woman's photograph was put on one of those huge advertising posters on the side of a building. I was just thinking that I couldn't imagine anything more embarrassing, when Robbie announced that he would love to have a photo of him naked turned into a huge poster like that. As far as I am concerned that would be grounds for divorce! Can you imagine walking out of the station at New Street or Euston to encounter Robbie larger than life grinning down at you in his birthday suit. It would cause mass hysteria with people fleeing in all directions.

Talking of hysteria, there was a fair bit of that going on yesterday evening. Robbie went for his MRI scan, he was very anxious about it and he got himself in to quite a state before the appointment. Afterwards he was very pleased with himself, to hear him talk you would think he had survived torture. I listened for a while, then I reminded him that it didn't involve any pain, nothing was poked, prodded or pressed. I suggested that if he'd survived a mammogram or certain other intimate procedures I would be much more impressed. At least it is done now and he doesn't need to worry about it anymore. We will not get the results for a while as we have to wait for his consultant to contact him.

Getting Naked 25.02.08

Robbie caused consternation at work this morning when one of his colleagues found discarded clothing on and around his desk. They had conjured up images of an intruder who got into the office at the weekend just to get naked and zoom around on the swivel chairs but the truth was a little more down to earth. Robbie had changed at work on Friday before heading off to Liverpool to see his beloved Royal Scots Grey. He assures me that he changed in private and he didn't do a Homer and stalk through the open plan office in his knickers, he just carelessly abandoned his clothing on someone's desk. That must have been an incredible start to his week for his colleague, turning up to work on a Monday morning to be confronted by Robbie's washing!

On the subject of washing, I have won my battle with the European Washing Mountain and all Sam's belongings have been washed, ironed and put away. The washing machine nearly had a nervous breakdown, but it is finally done - until the next time. Our own little 'Mr Trebus' has wasted no time in cluttering up his bedroom again since he got back from Austria - I found two pots of honey up there today. I heard on the radio that due to longer lasting paint they will finally be able to take a break from painting the Forth Bridge. Unfortunately bringing order to Sam's bedroom looks as if it will be a never ending task for many years to come.

Robbie was late home tonight, and when he finally turned up he couldn't stop talking about the N word - Network Rail! Do you think they have ever been named as the other party in divorce proceedings before - or will ours be the first?!

The Trouble With Cats 06.07.07

Robbie has been at it again, the Random Robbie's have been coming thick and fast. We were in the car on our way to my mum's for a meal this evening when I noticed a horrible gas like car smell. It wasn't the sort of smell that I would instantly blame Robbie for, so I commented that someone must have a poorly 'cat'. I was referring to the catalytic converter, but Robbie said "Oh yes cats smell really bad sometimes, I remember Felix could be a bit smelly". He's hopeless!

Robbie loves to go to my mum's because she feeds him until he can't eat any more - and that's quite an achievement because he loves eating. Robbie sat down to the most enormous plate of food, but it didn't stop him talking for long. He commented on the last day of the Royal Show being cancelled due to the bad weather and he told us that he listens to Farming Today on Radio 4 every morning. He managed not to share the fact that he is stark naked while listening to Farming Today but the thought must have crossed his mind because he suddenly announced his unique suggestion for saving energy and going green. He thinks we should all go without clothes as it would save on laundry, save energy and eliminate production and distribution costs. We laughed, but he was deadly serious. He went on to say that he absolutely loved to be free of clothes and he thought it would be much better for everyone. I don't think our neighbours are ready for that prospect, come to think of it I'm not ready to cope with that - It would be like an episode of the Moomins.

I sometimes worry about Robbie, he has absolutely no sense. He has a mother in law who spoils him, feeds him and generally makes a fuss of him, all he has to do is enjoy his food. Instead he terrifies her with thoughts of nudity, it was enough to put everyone off their meal.

Clothes - Or Not! 02.05.07

Robbie got a new pair of Dr Marten boots and wore them to work for the first time yesterday. I have never met anyone quite so obsessed with shoes before. It is lovely to see someone so excited about a pair of shoes, but it is a little exhausting when they crop up in every sentence!

I have to move from the subject of shoes to the subject of clothes - or lack of them. During the evening I was busy with some work notes and Robbie wanted to watch How to Look Good Naked. I hadn't seen it before and I became quite alarmed when Robbie and Sam sat there discussing the ideal shape for a woman. I took a bit more notice of the program and realised that it involved taking photos of people in their underwear and posting huge posters of them in the street for all to see. When the person is confident with their natural shape they are photographed naked. I hope Robbie doesn't get any ideas, the world is not ready for pictures of him in his underwear let alone naked! Perhaps they could make a program to encourage him to put more clothes on!

Travel Trouble 06.02.07

Robbie was determined to be back at work today, he made a huge effort to prove that he was walking better yesterday evening. Actually he was walking like Spotty Dog from the wooden tops and all the painkillers were making him rattle, but I was ready to be convinced, the prospect of another day with him in 'Troll mode' was terrifying.

This morning was a bit of a rush, everything seemed to take Robbie a bit longer than usual, but he was OK when he got going. The train was cancelled (yet again!) and he was stranded at the station for an hour in the freezing cold. Then the train was packed to capacity and he had a horrible journey to Birmingham. To add insult to injury he had to pay full fare for the journey because he had forgotten his season ticket. It turned out that he left his season ticket in his shirt pocket last Friday and it has been through the washing machine, so he will have to get it reprinted tomorrow.

He wore that hideous red tie to work today, I detest it, it looks horrible. He was already in my bad books because he was acutely embarrassing last night. Emily's friend came round and we were all sitting in the lounge chatting and laughing, I hardly noticed Robbie slip out of the room, but suddenly he was back and he thrust his page of the calendar right under her nose! The poor girl was lost for words. You simply can't go around frightening eighteen year olds with naked photos of yourself (with or without a bicycle pump!) and some of the other specimens on that calendar could put a girl off men for life!

The Wellington Boot Phase

I have been busy scanning old photos today. Among the pictures was proof that Robbie has always had a thing about being naked, there was a picture of him as a little boy wearing nothing but a smile and a huge pair of wellies. The picture quality is very poor, but I couldn't resist posting it on the blog.

As I was sorting through the jumble of photos I came across two or three truly scary photos of Robbie during his teenage years. Having looked at them I realise that he has become much more normal over the years (OK I admit he still has some way to go!).

The Naked Truth

Well, the long awaited calendar has finally arrived. My first reaction was disappointment, apart from Robbie there were only two others worth a second look. Some of them still had their pants on - that's cheating! Why ever did they make Robbie wear that thing on his head, it looks silly. I notice the Burgess belly managed to creep into the shot. Personally I think his back view is best - but maybe the world isn't ready for that!

Having examined the calendar more closely I've now realised that the Calendar Guys are part of the Virgin strategy to deal with overcrowding on trains. The prospect of encountering that lot (clothed or otherwise) is enough make people abandon rail travel for ever!!!

So, my final verdict on the calendar - The bike looks amazing!!

Changes at Work

I have had a couple of alarming conversations with Robbie this evening, well to be more specific I have listened to two very worrying monologues from Robbie. I think this naked calendar thing has had a subversive effect. Out of the blue he announced that there are hundreds if not thousands of people who keep in touch by text and make secret arrangements to gather naked at famous landmarks just to have their photo taken. I was just thinking that it sounded well weird when Robbie announced that he would love to do it. The world is in a big enough mess without having to cope with sights like that. I didn't bother with a response, but I made a mental note to purchase one of those old fashioned mouse traps - I may have a use for it if he gets himself arrested!

A bit later he announced that they had made some changes at work that were troubling him. I was concerned and he had my full attention. In minute detail he explained that they had changed the toilet tissue from individual sheets to a roll, he was convinced that there was also a variation in the width and for some reason it really bothered him. Even worse they have changed the soap dispensers and the angle and pressure of the soap squirts has changed. I wonder if there is a British Standard for soap dispensers!

I think Robbie and Sam have a lot in common, if they could apply their minds to things that actually matter they could take over the world! On second thoughts perhaps it is better that they occupy themselves with irrelevancies!! Talking of irrelevancies, I hope you like the picture, Sam rearranged our crib last year, I am not entirely sure that any of the Gospels mention a dalek but I am sure Sam could come up with a very convincing explaination!

The Naked Truth

I think Robbie is incredibly brave, he volunteered to pose for a naked calendar produced by his company to raise funds for charity. Our two younger children (11 and 15) were horrified and have threatened him not to tell any of their friends about it. The older one (17) just thinks it's funny as long as we don't have to have a calendar in the house!

Several months ago he went for the photo session. I love everything about Robbie, but I couldn't help wondering if the world was ready for his Homer Simpson physique. If the camera survived, I thought the viewing public would probably survive too. The theme for Robbie’s group was cycling and he was asked to take a bicycle pump with him as a prop. The children were hysterical, wondering how that could possibly preserve his modesty!!!