People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!

Some of you may remember that when my son was about nine or ten he wrote a description of Robbie. That was a long time ago, he is nineteen now and a couple of years ago he wrote an updated description of Robbie. I'm grateful to him to him for giving me permission to use his writing on the blog, he is very brave! I think Robbie is brilliant to see the funny side and to allow me to share it on the blog. I should explain that both men are Aspie, they get on well and they are great allies when it comes to making jokes at my expense, but each likes to imagine that the other is seriously weird! In reality both are rather unique and awesome individuals and I wouldn't change either of them (except to make them both a bit more tidy!)

                          Robbie by Will

Of all the words in the English Language, there is one I would make a  tremendous effort to avoid when describing my step dad: evolved. There are brief moments when I feel as if I'm watching a mountain Gorilla without David Attenborough's riveting commentary, or even a Baboon displaying it's behind as it forages in the deepest crevices of it's rucksack. When we drive over a brand new road surface he emits a series of primal hoots which increase in volume and pitch as his excitement builds. Who else in this world derives excitement from a new road surface? Such sounds would not be out of place at Twycross zoo, but even the great apes have grasped the concept of volume. Never in my life, have I heard an animal eat with such ferocity, humming approval to himself with every breath. 

I'll admit, I have exaggerated his level of evolution, there are some notable attributes that spare primates from close comparison. Firstly, Primates have the knowledge of self preservation. Whereas a normal person would sit still in a car, a sign of respect to their driver, my step dad decides instead to direct everyone's attention to the train, bus, or Eddy Stobart truck that he has spotted by flailing his arms and yelping with excitement in a way that one can only compared to an epileptic puppy waiting for it's ball to be thrown. Aside from the fear for ones life that is felt by every passenger in the car, I fear for his life, as he now has to face the wrath of the driver; my mother. Yet still he does it!

It has been noted that Apes have an inquisitive personality, and are aware of the smallest changes to their environment, but on the whole they adapt to this change. Adaptation is one thing he struggles to cope with. The strops that occur because the bottle shape of the tomato ketchup has changed could be described as biblical. If he notices the slightest of changes to his anally retentive form of feng shui, or if he decided that the colour of a product label isn't of the correct hue, he huffs, and he puffs, and he blows his composure down.

On the matter of his inquisitive nature, my step dad has an extraordinary intelligence and the ability to retain vast quantities of detailed information but unfortunately he obsessively applies this ability to his two main fields of interest - trains and Lego! Somewhat ironic. Every so often, an observer is treated to the sight of him opening a new Lego figure, or the sight of him witnessing a certain train. It is on these occasions that he will let out a grunt of approval and enjoyment. This sound is somewhat reminiscent of Louis Armstrong trying to move a wardrobe.

Finally, one minor differentiation between these two is the use of tools. Research has shown that chimps are able to adapt and use objects as tools. I myself have never seen an Ape using a hedge trimmer in the wild, but I'm sure that it would avoid cutting the trimmer's ORANGE cable amongst the GREEN hedgerow? The irony being that all apes are colour blind. Furthermore, I have never heard of a chimpanzee wiring a switch, but even if it had, I'm sure it would understand the basic consequences of leaving the mains power on!

Maybe I'm just finding fault with a member of my family, or maybe I have finally found a missing link - that's for you to decide. But I don't know of any being, human or animal, with the ability to crunch sodden Weetabix!

“The difference between men and boys is the price of their toys”

Wednesday 14th August

A lovely sunny day, we sat outside during the morning and early afternoon. It was lovely to have a relaxed and unhurried day and it was warm and sunny outside. I read a few magazines - Robbie has plenty to choose from, but mostly I just sat quietly and enjoyed the beauty of the moment. The beach looked beautiful and the rhythmic sound of the waves on the shore line felt like the heartbeat of the earth. I would have liked to put time on 'hold' to stop the day from ending, but all I could do was to treasure the moment. 

Robbie enjoyed the sunshine too, but he doesn't like too much sun so he went back into the bungalow a couple of times to play with his toys - he brought Lego,  jigsaws, 'N' gauge railway, binoculars, a ship spotting app, railway DVDs, loads of magazines and a pile of railway books. Today was a 'Lego day' Robbie built a Lego Technic tractor, it took quite a long time and it involved a lot of huffing and puffing but it looks rather impressive

After a brief trip to the shop and a flying visit to Tesco we went out for a meal at the Lighthouse Inn. 

“Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away.” - Ben Hecht

Friday 2nd August

In theory today should have been a fairly easy day as I was well ahead with my packing and I didn't have too many jobs left to do before our holiday, but I hadn't taken Robbie into account. He has been working so hard recently and he had loads to do before he could think about the holiday. He asked me to take him to Marks and Spencer's in his lunch break because he wanted some more shorts and a couple of other bits and bobs. It was a fleeting trip, but he got what he needed. Then he had to get back to work while I went off to do a few more errands. 

I began to think that Robbie would never be able finish his work in time, but at last he closed his laptop and announced that he was ready to help with the packing. He packed his railway DVDs, an N gauge railway set with lots of extras, three Lego sets (Technic, Lone Ranger and Back to the future), a selection of railway books, a graphic novel, stacks of magazines, his jigsaw board, binoculars and assorted gadgets. He seemed to think that he had completed his packing and I had to remind him that he would probably need clothes as well as toys. He claims that he would like to be a naturist, but I don't think Norfolk is ready for that!!

Finally all the annoying little jobs were done, the car was packed and everything was ready for us to make an early start in the morning. Robbie turned back to his work to have one last attempt to solve an annoying planning problem that had chosen to rear it's ugly head at a most inconvenient moment from Robbie's point of view. I don't know how long he spent in search of a solution because I had gone to bed and I was asleep long before he came upstairs.

It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan - Eleanor Roosevelt

One of the nice things about Robbie working for himself is that sometimes he can have a day off during the week. It makes up for all those early mornings and late nights. Usually when he has time off we try to enjoy the day together, but that wasn't possible today because this is a very busy week for me, so work had to come first. 

Robbie had an appointment at the Apple shop in Milton Keynes, to have his i-pad checked out, but he didn't fancy going there by train because it is a very long walk to the shopping centre. He decided to take this chance to try out the Stagecoach Gold (Enviro 400) bus service to Milton Keynes. He wasn't impressed with the design he said it was a bumpy journey and the seats creaked and rattled, but he liked the free Wi-Fi.

I didn't hear from Robbie for most of the morning then  I got a brief text to say that his i-pad problem had been resolved. A bit later I logged on to check my email account and then I had a quick look at facebook. Robbie had found his way to the Lego shop and he'd created 3 'unique' Lego figures, the evidence was posted on facebook for all to see. I was deeply troubled by his creations, the first one seemed to be a short legged version of Robbie, the second was a colour blind woman armed with a circular saw and the third was a man apparently wearing a hard hat and carrying an implausibly large banana. It left me wondering what goes on in Robbie's head and I remarked to the cat that he could probably keep a psychiatrist fully occupied for years! One of his friends commented that counselling is available, but another friend responded "I think counselling is a little late. Besides who would want to change Robbie? We need a few Robbies in the grey old world".   

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Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book, write a good one.

2013 arrived with a bang or to be more accurate it arrived with an irritating cacophony of bangs from fireworks which began way before midnight and went on for far too long afterwards. I don't approve of fireworks at New Year, they are a fairly recent intrusion into our new year celebrations, when I was young fireworks we only had fireworks on 5th November. It is a pity we can't go back to the way things used to be, in fact it I would be happier if they banned them completely except for organised displays because they are dangerous and they frighten pets and other animals  

Yesterday we spent the day at my mum's house celebrating her birthday. It was a real house full, my brother, his partner, my two little nephews, as well as my family. It was such a lovely day, my youngest nephew has just learned to walk and he spent the day showing off his new skill. His big brother who is four and a half enjoyed lots of attention from his grown up cousins. Today was a perfect start to the new year, my mum and stepfather spent the day with us, it was a nice relaxed family time. So we spent the last day of the old year and the first day of the new year with some of the people who matter most to us, our family. Tomorrow we will be back at work and the I will be up at the crack of dawn to drop Robbie at the station. I don't really mind, I have some very happy memories of Christmas and the New Year, we have to get back to work and the normal day to day routine because the bills will not pay themselves. For now Robbie is making the most of his freedom, he is sitting at the table playing with his Lego! When I have finished writing for the blog I am going to answer the first question in my five year question and answer journal.

Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store - Dr Seuss

Well Christmas came and went and if I'd blinked I think I would have missed it. It seems as if it passed in a blur of activity, I was so busy at work prior to Christmas and Robbie was away a lot because he also had a very busy period work wise; it was busy at home too because I had lots to do to get ready for my son's 18th birthday on 20th December so it was a challenge to get ready for Christmas at the same time. It all worked out well in the end, somehow everything got done in time, my son had a lovely birthday and we enjoyed spending time with our family over Christmas. I would have been happier if I didn't have to work on Christmas Eve and on Boxing Day, but that's the way it works out sometimes.

Robbie had lots of nice presents including a couple of new additions to his weird and wacky collection of cufflinks, boxed sets of the first three series of Ice Road Truckers, an assortment of railway books (including a very nice book of then and now railway maps) and several items to add to his Lego collection including a Lego train set with a Lego station. Unfortunately he wasn't very well on Christmas Day so his inner child was more subdued than usual - but he made up for it in the next few days!

I had lots of lovely presents too. I had perfume, a David Attenborough dvd (he is one of my all time heroes) and a dvd set that I have wanted for years, The Victorian Kitchen, Victorian Kitchen Garden and Victorian Flower Garden (one of my all time television favourites). I also had a five year question and answer  journal, it poses a question every day but the answer may differ from year to year. Robbie bought me a very thoughtful and generous present, and I was very pleased with it, but I had ethical objections to the brand. I really didn't want to tell him, but he worked it out and he was very understanding about it. After Christmas he took it back so that I could buy from a different (better) company. He wasn't brave enough to tell the Apple Store why he was returning it, but I guess if it is that important I can write and tell them why they lost the sale. I haven't quite decided what I am going to buy yet, I don't want to make my mind up too quickly because I am really enjoying 'window shopping'.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. Mark Twain

Yesterday evening I put a huge smile on Robbie's face - I brought home several packs of the newly released Lego Olympic Minifigures. He had been waiting for them to be released and they turned up several days early, so when I gave them to him he was really surprised. He sat down at the table with a cup of coffee and set about making his first Olympic minifigures. His little expressions of excitement caused my son and daughter to shake their heads and exchange exasperated looks. My son made two posts on facebook which supped up the situation perfectly.

"You know you're set out for a career in mental health care when your stepdad sits in the corner calling a Lego man beautiful...and you don't question it"

"I would worry when my stepdad says he can feel the difference between a weightlifter and a an athlete... Until I realise he is on about Lego men."

As far as I am concerned it is harmless, it is not especially expensive and it gives the kids something new to disapprove of, it takes the 'spotlight' of my perceived failings. When you think of it that way the minifigures seem much less irritating! 

"The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork" - Oscar Wilde

Robbie had undercarriage problems at the end of last week. On Thursday I bought him a Lego City police van set with the police dog and the police man minifigure. He sat down at the table to build it with a big smile on his face, but after a few minutes he announced that his undercarriage was missing. We checked but there was no sign of it in the box, all the other bits were there, but they were useless with the vital part missing. So Friday saw back at the shop in search of the missing part, the things I do to put a smile on his face! He was delighted when he got home and the part was waiting for him on the table. He built the police van, equipped the minifigure with an impossibly large pair of handcuffs and then called me over to admire his work - he even set the scene by creating a range of police dog noises! Okay, I  know he is a bit weird, but it is a harmless pass time, there are plenty of worse things that he could be doing. Anyway seeing him smile makes me happy too.


This morning he cuddled up to me in bed and somehow got on to the subject of one of his odd little obsessions. We have two different sets of cutlery, but Robbie will only use a three pronged fork while my son insists on only using a four pronged fork. They are as bad as each other, but both try to convince me that the other is much worse when it comes to weird obsessions! Robbie warmed to his theme and went on to tell me about the perfect dimensions of a tea spoon. Apparently there has been a serious upset at work, his personal tea spoon which was perfect in every way has been stolen! According to Robbie it is irreplaceable - but that will not stop him trying, he intends to scour ebay in search of a replacement! I scored a minor triumph, I managed to distract him before he got on to the subject of knives! I'm sure I haven't heard the last of his very specific cutlery requirements, but there is only so much that I can cope with in one day.  

The rabbit has a shiny nose as nature does intend, because it has a powder puff at the other end

The rhyme in the title is one that I learnt in childhood - before I moved on to more dubious playground rhymes! Judging by Robbie's recent difficulty when building the Lego figure in a rabbit suit, he probably didn't learn that little rhyme. 

One of our regular blog readers has asked for a picture of Robbie's version of the rabbit suit figure, so here it is. I am surprised that he didn't notice that the arms were on backwards, but more to the point what did he think the tail was? The bunny version of a fig leaf perhaps, or perhaps it was a Scottish rabbit with the bunny version of a sporran! 

Taking another look at this minifigure had made me wonder if someone at Lego has a slightly warped sense of humour, that rabbit is holding an implausibly large carrot, and the gorilla suit figure from a previous minifigure series is armed with a banana of equally magnificent proportions! 

Getting a word in edgeways

On Sunday evening Robbie, my son and I were sitting in the lounge, they were watching something boring on television and I was chatting to someone on the internet. The adverts came on and I commented on one which really annoys me. Rather than making me want to buy their products it makes me want to shop elsewhere to punish them for such irritating adverts. My son who was sitting on the other side of the room said "Mum, speak with your inside voice!"
Robbie was sitting in the corner trying to hide the fact that he was giggling like Mutley. He and my son are like two little kids, each takes great pleasure in seeing the other one get into trouble, but at other times they gang up and tease me. I overcame the urge to dash across the room and grab him by the throat, preferring instead to let him hear considerably more of my 'outside voice'. 

I pointed out that I had put up with a lifetime of drivel from my son. I had smiled sweetly during his 'dinosaur phase' while being subjected to more information than anyone could ever need to know about the life and times of the dinosaur. Then there had been his Denis the Menace phase, his spy phase, the Superman phase. Not to mention his obsessive interest in all things film related - and I do mean all things film related, he nearly drove me mad with the myth of the hanging Munchkin. Then we come to Robbie, I don't know where to start when it comes to his obsessions, he shares Lego, Dr Martens, Indie music, Hornby, railways in general, buses, books, magazines ......... and that really is the tip of the iceberg. I can assure you that he doesn't hold back when it comes to sharing his enthusiasm about all these subjects - even at the most inappropriate moments. Thanks to Robbie I know so much about the workings (and failings) of train toilets that I could choose it as a specialist subject on Mastermind! I have never once asked either of them to 'speak with their inside voice' and I have put up with both of them having the attention span of a gnat when it comes to anything I want to talk to them about. Well the worm has turned! Prepare to be bored rigid boys, you are going to hear a lot more of my voice, as they say, if you can't beat them join them!!

Built for a kilt!

Robbie has been rather upset recently because he thinks someone has a grudge against him, in fact he thinks they are deliberately setting out to make him unhappy. At first I took no notice because, I thought he was making a big deal about it, but it does seem that he may have a point. So who is this terrible person that has a vendetta against Robbie? It's the 'Lego fairy'. Robbie thinks that whatever mechanism mixes up the minifigures in the boxes that Lego send out to shops is not working very well. Getting duplicates is just the luck of the draw, but ending up with quads when it is only a couple of weeks since the series was launched is a bit much.

So there was great excitement the other day when when he opened his latest minifigure and found one that he hadn't got. He sat in the corner with a look of deep concentration building his figure. It seemed to take an age so I asked what the problem was and he explained that it was the Scotsman but he was struggling with the kilt.  I was rather surprised because Robbie is not unfamiliar with kilts, but eventually he got it sorted and he proudly showed off his new minifigure. I couldn't resist taking a peek under the kilt, just in the spirit of extending my general knowledge! It was rather a disappointment, white Y fronts, what a turn off - Lego are spoilsports!!

Before I stray too far from the subject of 'under the kilt' I should also point out that when Robbie got the bunny suit man minifigure, I had to give him a lesson in basic anatomy. He had built the figure and proudly held it up to show it to me. I asked if he could see what was wrong with it, but he couldn't so I had to explain that a tail usually goes at the back! I don't know what he thought the white fluffy thing was, the modern day equivalent of a fig leaf to cover the rabbit's modesty perhaps. Finally the rabbit had all the right bits facing forward and it looked a lot better, it is a cute minifigure.

A Bit Fishy

Robbie has been in the doghouse! I have been trying to think of something good to say about him, but I was too cross to be objective. The best I can come up with is that he is brave. He certainly likes to live dangerously, he told me that I had a face like a trout! I have never claimed to be a great beauty, but I was not impressed by his unkind words. I was very tempted to ask him if he had looked in a mirror lately, but as the saying goes 'least said soonest mended'. If he was in that sort of mood I wasn't going to bother talking to him so we had a very quiet evening on Monday.


By Tuesday evening he wanted to say sorry but he has never quite grasped the concept 'when in a hole stop digging'. He tried to be extra nice and extra chatty in the hope that I had forgotten what he said - I hadn't! I reminded him what he said and he told me that he was sorry. If he had stopped at that point he may have been okay but he went on to say that I didn't really look like a trout, it was just my mouth that was trout like! I was driving at the time so he survived unscathed - but still unforgiven!

As the evening wore on I thawed a bit, life is too short to argue and I rather doubt that he would recognise a trout if he met one! It was hard to stay cross with him as I watched him open and build the new Lego minifigures that I had bought him, the first of series 7. He got a hippy and a galaxy patrol person, he was so excited. I may look like a trout but I still know how to bring a smile to his face.

The Wrong Head

After the drama of the Lego men on Sunday, I was quite literally left to pick up the pieces. By Sunday evening Robbie had lovingly restored most of the Lego people to their original state but there was still a small jar of parts that required attention. 

As soon as Robbie had been despatched to work, I settled down to solve the puzzle. Robbie had most of the body parts for the palace guard but it was the wrong head. So at 6.20 am I was looking at mug shots of Lego men on the computer trying to identify the 'wrong' head. Just before 7am I finally identified the head, it was the head of the man in the dinosaur suit. The dinosaur was not among the 'downstairs' Lego people and a quick trip to the bookcase to inspect the the 'upstairs' Lego men revealed that he wasn't there either. However the head of the palace guard had mysteriously reappeared, placed neatly in front of the top row of minifigures.


It didn't require a crystal ball to work out who was responsible. I woke my son and threatened him with cruel and unusual punishment if the dinosaur didn't reappear right now - it did!! It is easier to deal with my son when Robbie is not around because I don't have an echo. I explained to him that I understood that he may have thought it was funny at first, but it had upset Robbie and caused me untold grief so now it had to be put right without any more fuss. He went back to check his room but he came back empty handed saying that he was sure that there were no more 'hostages'.


I always have plenty to do before heading off to work, but on Monday as well as dealing with the food shopping and the laundry, I had to sort out the Lego men. Believe it or not I found a site that sells spare parts for Lego minifigures. I put in an order to replace a missing baseball bat, graduation certificate, and helmet and I bought some spare bases. I don't think my son was responsible for most of these things, they probably went up the hoover (over time not all together) but I am not going to tell Robbie that or he will hide the hoover!


I also catalogued every single figure and noted the accessories that it should have, so that in future Robbie can check them whenever the mood takes him.  Now hopefully I can stop thinking about minifigures for a while otherwise I really might scream!! Just for once it would be nice to have an uneventful few days.

The Naming of Parts

Sunday morning should be quiet and harmonious, especially on mother's day, but it wasn't. Robbie's rather splendid birthday card must have put ideas into my son's head because Robbie awoke to find that his Lego men had been interfered with, legs, heads hats and hair had been reassigned to different bodies leaving a very odd looking crew. To say that Robbie was incandescent with rage would be a gross understatement! He has been rampaging around like a troll with tooth ache.

He has been on the internet checking the design of each mini figure to make sure that each head was reunited with the correct body parts and accessories. He got on his hands and knees and crawled around the floor in search of missing body parts. For some reason the act of getting on his knees caused him to begin chanting, he ran through every expletive and insult in his vocabulary (and a few that weren't). When I opened the bedroom door I almost jumped out of my skin to find him on his hands and knees apparently worshipping the minifigures on the bookcase. Having run out of expletives he was running through a selection of dark threats and insults. It is the second time this week that his actions have left me speechless. I just stood there wondering if it was time to call for the men in white coats. He looked up and announced that he had a headless guardsman and the baseball player had lost his bat. I have a feeling it is going to be a very long day!!

I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience - Author Unknown

Today is the day! The big 40 has finally caught up with Mr B. It may be his birthday, but it is also a normal working day so we had to get up even earlier than usual to allow Robbie to have a few minutes to open his cards and presents. He had chosen to have money for his birthday, but he had lots of nice presents too. A couple of pairs of cufflinks, aftershave, a retro mug based on the old Ladybird books, Lego minifigures, Lego books, a reproduction of an Eagle Annual, as well as various other bits and bobs. He also had two pairs of Dr Marten Shoes, one pair chosen by him and so hideous that they defy description, the other pair chosen by me and much more sensible. They are red 1461's (made in England!) he seemed to be very pleased with them - and almost as pleased with the Dr Marten carrier bag that they came in!


All too soon it was time for him to get ready for work. It would have been nice to have a long lazy day together, but the 'real world' dictated otherwise. Before long Robbie was dressed in his dark suit with a smart white shirt and his new 'keep calm and carry on' cufflinks. He had stashed his Lego minifigures in his briefcase along with a set of farm themed novelty erasers. I had bought them to remind him of our trips to the Farm Shop and he seemed delighted with them, apparently he used to collect erasers - why does that not surprise me!


He was careful to reassure me that he isn't going to change just because he is 40, I don't think he is very keen on the idea of becoming old and sensible. He needn't worry, according to Jerry M. Wright "The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left." If that is true there is danger of Robbie becoming more mature that any time soon, he still likes his music loud and annoying. 

You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again. Bonnie Prudden

On Parade?

When we got back from holiday I had so much to write about that I forgot to mention the guard of honour that greeted us. When we first got into the house things were a bit chaotic and it wasn't until I sat down later on that I noticed that there was a line of Lego minifigures standing to attention on top of the unit in the lounge. I didn't think much of it until Robbie commented darkly that someone had been playing with his Lego figures. I thought that was unlikely, when I asked the possible culprits the reason for line up proved rather ordinary. I had asked them to tidy the lounge and they had collected up members of Robbie's mini gang from various places in the lounge and put them all together on the unit in the hope that Robbie would put them away upstairs. I know that Robbie is 'unique' but it feels back to front to have the children telling their step father to put his toys away!

Robbie was late home yesterday so I met him on my way back from work. He nearly burst with excitement when he went to put his bags in the back of the car and he saw that I had bought him a Lego minifigure bag from Toys R Us. His excitement was out of all proportion to the cost of the bag, he even took a photo of it and posted it on Facebook!

How to Transport a Banana?

Yesterday Robbie and I went shopping to buy birthday presents for my daughter who will be 20 very soon. It gets harder to choose presents as they get older, I have fond memories of the days when the whole thing could be sorted in one trip to Toys R Us. We went to Home Sense to look for a couple of items that I can't name here for obvious reasons. I thought I was fairly safe taking Robbie to a shop that sells household goods but as so often when it comes to Robbie I was wrong!


The first thing that he spotted was a large and truly hideous clock that he thought would look perfect in our lounge - believe me it wouldn't! He was just on the cusp of a strop, the bottom lip started to jut out and he gave me the look so I thought it would be best to distract him by heading up to the cookware department. As we got to the top of the stairs I realised that I had to keep him away from the bed linen section because they had Kath Kidston designs and he would want to buy a new duvet set if he saw it, he loves Kath Kidston designs. Amazingly I managed to avoid that section, but that didn't keep him out of trouble.


I was looking at the baking section when in his usual loud voice he called to me to say that he needed a banana carrier. I tried to ignore it but that just made him louder, he informed anyone listening that he has been having a lot of trouble with his bananas getting bruised! It was a pointless conversation because they didn't sell banana cases, but once he got going he wouldn't shut up. Thankfully his attention was taken up with a two book set about the history of Lego and Lego Mini Figures. He was so excited that it was embarrassing, I agreed to buy him the book in the hope that it would keep him quiet.


When we got home he started researching banana carriers. He informed me that you can buy blow up ones that look really good. I informed him that there was no way that he was having a blow up banana carrier because he would probably get himself arrested. Just in case he was in any doubt I made it absolutely clear that if he bought a banana carrier I had no intention of taking a tape measure to Morrisons with me to find bananas of the correct shape and size!!

Conspiracy Theory

As most people will know Robbie has an over-active collecting gene. As well as all the usual things such as railway related items, model trains, books. shoes, ties, bags and countless other things, Robbie also collects Lego mini figures. 


Sometimes I buy him two or three mini figures, but he rations himself and only makes one at a time. Each figure comes in a sealed bag so it is a bit of a guessing game about the contents and he gets so excited when he opens the bag to find a figure that he hasn't already got. He sits at the table and builds his mini figure, then he gets everyone to admire it, then more often than not he posts a photo of the latest figure on Facebook. I know it is a bit weird, but it is fairly harmless and it keeps him out of trouble (for a little while at least!).


An Wednesday when I got home from work I noticed that he had a batch of mini figures lined up. I thought it was a bit odd, but I didn't comment on it, nothing much surprises me where Robbie is concerned! The subject of mini figures didn't crop up until later on when we were on our own, but I noticed that Robbie kept glancing at the figures with a rather odd expression, almost as if he was angry with them. Eventually Robbie called me over and pointed to the artist figure. I looked, but clearly I was missing something because Robbie kept on pointing. He told me that someone had made one of his unopened mini figures and then lined all the figures up on the table. I told him that it was unlikely, perhaps he had just forgotten about the artist, but apparently Robbie (and elephants) never forget!


If it was a conspiracy there was only one suspect, the son who must not be named. The following evening I asked if he had been involved in the mini figure conspiracy. He laughed so much, but when he stopped laughing he explained that he had found our dog Meg chewing the mini figure pack, so he took it away from her, rescued the pieces, cleaned them up and then built the Lego man so that the pieces didn't get lost. So it wasn't really a conspiracy, it was a rescue. 

Trouble with Aliens

When I was a little girl I had an irrational fear of standing too close to my bed because I believed that the (imaginary) Red Indian who lived under my bed would reach out and grab me. This made it necessary to leap onto the bed from as far away as possible to be sure that I stayed safe. I watched far too many cowboy films when I was little! As far as I can remember my sleep was never disturbed by aliens - until this week! In fact The Clangers are the only aliens I recall from my childhood and certainly weren't scary.

On Wednesday evening I went to bed fairly late and just as I was getting

warm, comfortable and very sleepy Robbie bounded upstairs and launched himself onto the bed as if he was being chased by a whole posse of imaginary foes. He announced excitedly that he had an alien, he was clutching a Lego mini figure pack which he had carefully opened to reveal the pieces necessary to build an alien mini figure. He settled himself on the bed in a Buddha like pose and began to build his alien, while I snuggled under the duvet in search of sleep. Robbie shook me to inform me tat the alien's weapon was too short. My knowledge of alien weaponry is severely limited (I don't think the Clangers had weapons) and I have absolutely no desire to further my knowledge of such things, especially not at 2am! Apparently a purple light-sabre type thing was missing, and Robbie wasn't going to settle until he found it. It was not easy to sleep when Robbie put the light on and then knelt on the bed stark naked looking down to see if the missing part had fallen onto the carpet. It was even harder to sleep when he decided that he had to lift up the duvet and check all the bedding. By this time I was ready to kill him because I really needed to sleep. We agreed that he would let me sleep if I promised to look for the part in the morning.

True to my word I searched for the part the next day without success, so I ended up returning the figure to the shop because there was a piece missing. Imagine my embarrassment when the missing part turned up, it had been caught inside the packaging all the time. He is a very happy chap now that his alien's weapon has been restored to the correct proportions and even happier because his latest mini figure is a very cool looking rapper.

Why Are Bananas Funny?

After a hectic and exhausting week I always look forward to Friday evenings because I don't work on Fridays and it is lovely to spend some quality time with Robbie. Usually Friday evenings don't live up to my expectations for one reason or another and this Friday was no exception. I had made an appointment for Sam to have his hair cut at 5pm, thinking that I would have plenty of time to pick Mr B up afterwards, but he changed the goalposts and decided to come home on an earlier train. Robbie said he would get the bus, but by some miracle I managed to be at the station by 5.35pm to pick him up! I thought he would be pleased, but being Mr Autistic he got himself into a right strop because I had changed the goalposts and it took him ages to get over it.

I tried my best but I couldn't manage to put a smile on his face, so I had to use my secret weapon - Lego! He carefully opened the bag and tipped out the pieces of his latest Lego man, he was very impressed, it was a man in a gorilla suit holding a banana. I thought there was something vaguely familiar about it but Robbie seemed to be deeply amused by the banana. I am not sure why he found it so funny, but at least it put a smile on his face!