"We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails."

Well, it is almost New Year again and very soon I will be heading for refuge in the bedroom, because I can't face almost two hours of Jools Holland (two minutes would be too much for me!). Robbie loves Hootenanny, so I leave him in peace to enjoy it while I enjoy an early night.

At this time of year it is traditional to make New Year Resolutions about things that we intend to change in our lives but usually I don't bother with such things. This year is different, this year I finally reached the point of saying enough is enough and standing up to a bully. For 27 years I have tolerated her insults, lies, criticism, and abuse I have finally given up. I tried my best but it was never good enough, I even made excuses for her behaviour, I thought that if I turned the other cheek and did my best to please her she would change. I was wrong of course I should have stood up to her years ago because she saw my kindness and my willingness to forgive as weakness, I was rewarding her bad behaviour. It is bad enough that she thought it was okay to treat me badly in so many different ways, but a few weeks ago she crossed a line and this time I will not forgive her, I will not let her hurt me and cast a shadow over my family any more. I felt sorry for her because had lost so much already, but, now she has lost everything. 

I hope she will live to regret her behaviour, but somehow I doubt it because she is just a bitter and twisted bully. I don't have room to hate her, I don't feel anything at all for her now except relief that I don't have to waste any more time on her. She has caused untold hurt to so many people but in the end she is the looser, she has alienated everyone and she faces a lonely and bitter future. As far as I am concerned she has been left firmly in the past and I look forward to the New Year thankful that I have the love and support of my family and friends

No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ~ Euripides

I'm not a great fan of new year celebrations, perhaps it is because I'm teetotal, or it could be because Robbie makes me endure New Years Eve with Jools Holland, but I think it is mostly because there is a certain sadness in leaving the past behind and looking forward to what the new year may hold. It is a time when we are reminded of those who will not be with us as we look ahead to 2013. Among them are actors and celebrities who brought us pleasure over the years, we may not know them personally but still we feel their loss and miss them. 

I was sorry to hear that Jack Klugman one of my favourite actors died on Christmas Eve and his death reminded me that when trying to explain to a friend that I am a bit out of touch when it comes to films and actors my son said "everyone that my mum likes is dead" and I have to admit that it is starting to feel like that. This year  we said farewell to Clive Dunn, Eric Sykes, Robin Gibb, Bob Holness, Whitney Houston, Davy Jones, Neil Armstrong, Larry Hagman and a number of others. It is sad to say goodbye, but I am grateful for the memories.

The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk - Jacqueline Schiff

The church in Abington Park 

Robbie and I don't manage long walks these days, but if you pace yourself it is surprising what you can do. We are so lucky to have a very beautiful park on our doorstep, whatever the season there is always beauty around. We always enjoy a visit to the park on crisp winter afternoons we retreat to the Park Cafe for a warming cup of coffee, but when the weather is kinder we prefer to sit on a bench watching the squirrels chase around under the trees or to sit by one of the lakes watching the ducks. If you are weighed down by the troubles of the world, watching ducks is the best medicine, you can't watch their antics without smiling.   

St Peter and St Paul Abington

The Church of St Peter and St Paul is at the heart of the park, it looked magnificent in the sunshine and we had to stop for a moment to take a photo. The trees look beautiful at this time of year, suddenly there is blossom and signs of new growth all around us. The park was busy with people having fun and enjoying a lovely spring afternoon, and as we walked I felt grateful to those people who cared enough to provide this wonderful park for the town all those years ago. I wonder what the people of my own time will pass on to future generations? We have a lot to live up to.

Enjoying the early spring sunshine

I hardly ever appear in photos on the blog, but this is a rare glimpse of me sitting on a bench with Robbie, enjoying an ice cream in the sunshine before heading home

Living in the Past

It is half term, it seems as if they only went back to school a couple of weeks ago, but I have my son's company for the week. He (the one who likes to remain nameless) graciously agreed to come to the supermarket with me in return for a lift into town afterwards. According to him we had no food in the house and he was starving, but in reality the fridge, freezer and cupboards were well stocked; he just had a yearning for junk food and cereal. Typical!


As we drove out of the supermarket I wondered aloud if the woman at the traffic lights seriously thought that off white, skin tight almost see through leggings with a short top was a good look. I answered myself with the thought that someone should buy her a mirror for Christmas!  The nameless one in the passenger seat laughed out loud, he said "Mum, you make me laugh you are always living in the past" He went on to tell me that I didn't understand fashion, that may be true but I am fairly sure the world is not ready for sights like that!


In a way he is right, I don't live in the past but I carry it with me. It only takes a word or a look, a sound or a smell to transport me back to the people and places of my past. Sometimes a smile or a guilty look from my son reminds me so much of his dad. The smell from the brewery takes me back to my earliest years when I used to go with my aunt to deliver the church magazine in the streets that are now long gone. The sight of magnolia blossom brings back memories of my college rooms with the beautiful magnolia tree near my window. 

I came across this photo recently, I remember going to the Odeon to see the Aristocats, it was a birthday treat for one of my best friends. Looking at the Ladybird shop next door reminded me how much I disliked shopping for clothes with my mum when I was little. She has always loved fashion, but even when I was tiny I detested frills and fuss. It was a battle of wills, my mum got me to try on countless outfits and I objected to every single one. Sometimes I got my own way, but more often my mum dressed me in the clothes she liked. Among the horrors that still haunt me was the seriously unflattering ruched swimming costume and a bright red wet look raincoat that made terrible noises every time I moved. The worst by far were the orange hot pants, unlike my mum I have never been a hot pants type of person! So maybe my son is right I don't understand fashion, but I do understand that there are some sights that the world will never be ready for!!

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

I have been asked that question a number of times in the last few weeks. My birthday was coming up and for some obscure reason people seem to think that it is cause to celebrate. It is a really difficult question to answer, because I really don't want anything. We have far too many 'things' already and there is nothing that I really need and I can't have the things I would really like.


More than anything I would like to be able to turn back time. Not to get rid of the wrinkles or because I am worried about my grey hairs, I don't care that much about either of those things. After all living with Robbie is bound to cause a few grey hairs - OK, I admit to more than a few grey hairs! I would like to turn back time because there are people who aren't here that should be and you can't help wishing that things could be different. Anyway things change, and I have to hang on to the fact that there are important people in my life now, such as my lovely nephews and niece who would be there if I turned back time. I guess the moral is that you have to live in the present and enjoy the people and things in your life now, then at least you carry special memories into the future with you.

I think my best ever birthday present was probably my first pony Geme. He had such a character and there was a very special bond between us for the rest of his life. The bond that develops between a young rider and her pony is very special. It is not the relationship with a dog or other pet because it involves a different level of trust and understanding. It is difficult to explain the closeness between horse and rider, it is not just an emotional bond, it is a physical communication.The rider understands and responds to every movement of the horse and the horse recognises and reacts to the movements and signals of the rider. The partnership depends on a large degree of trust and respect.


The joy of riding and the feeling of being at one with the pony brings a lot of pleasure, the thrill of cantering across a field and the gentler enjoyment of ambling along a lane in tune with the world around you. Horse riding gives you a lot of thinking time, it enables people to process thoughts and mull over problems, riding is good for your soul as well as for your mind and body.


I think my best birthday present as an adult was a video that I was given on my 41st birthday. My husband had borrowed some old cine film from my mum and had it transferred to video. I'd never seen the footage before and when I watched it I was confronted with my younger self laughing, playing and enjoying life. I was a spectator at my own first birthday party and I saw my grandmothers and my dad alive and well doing all the ordinary things that I only half remembered. Watching the video was a very emotional experience, but it was so precious, it was like being given back a little bit of my past.