Living Dangerously

I often go to bed before Robbie, partly because I need my sleep and partly because I prefer to listen to the radio rather than watch some of the scary stuff that he likes to watch on television. This works quite well for both of us but there is just one problem - Robbie! He doesn't understand the meaning of the word quiet and he always manages to wake me up when he comes to bed. He then falls asleep as soon as head hits the pillow leaving me wide awake unable to get back to sleep and fighting to hang on to the duvet.

On Monday night he decided to take things a step further. He wasn't quite ready for bed but he decided to come upstairs for a chat. He wasn't put off when he found that I was asleep, he just kept asking if I was awake until I woke up. So what was so important that he needed to wake me up at 1.30am? It certainly wasn't something that could be classed as an emergency even in 'Robbie world'. He wanted to inform me that the cat was suffering from flatulence! I told him loud and clear to 'go away' but I wasn't going to escape that easily. He went into great detail about the exact nature of the smell, then he started rambling on about possibly changing the cat's diet. By then I was ready to harm him and he made a hasty retreat.

The next day I asked him why he woke me up and he said he didn't think I was deeply asleep because I wasn't snoring - I give up!!

Bed Time Routine

Do you know what Robbie does when we go to bed? No, it's nothing to make you blush, you don't have to worry. He saves one little treat until bed time - he makes a Lego Man! He gets a new pack out of his drawer, carefully opens the bag with scissors and tips the contents out on the bed, keen to find out which figure is inside. It can be the cause of great excitement when he gets a figure that he really likes. Sometimes I go to bed before him but even if I am fast asleep I still get to share his enthusiasm. On one occasion I was sound asleep but he woke me up to tell me he'd had a very exciting evening, I wondered what he had been up to as I certainly couldn't remember anything worthy of note but apparently the thrill came from getting the tribal chief figure. It keeps him out of trouble and as they say, 'Little things ...........'

Late Yet Again!

Robbie was in the dog house again last night for being late home. We are fast reaching a point where him arriving home at a normal time is less common than all the late nights. It is not as if his ordinary day isn't long enough. He gets up at 5am to catch a train just after 6am and he usually gets home is about 7.30pm, that is a long enough day for anyone and him stumbling in at 10.30pm in so much pain that he can hardly walk is absolutely stupid. We all have a responsibility to take care of our own health (not to mention our family responsibilities!) but I just don't know how to make him understand that. I think I will have to make him stand in front of the mirror and practice saying no and meaning it!! How do I get him to stop thinking that he is Superman when the reality is much closer to Homer Simpson!!

The Big Freeze

Robbie often comes up with ideas and most of them are totally batty (I think he reserves his sensible thoughts for work) but his latest daft idea has really annoyed me. We have had a couple of occasions recently when he has struggled to get up on time. Any sensible person would tell him that if he stays up working on his timetables until 2am he will not be ready to wake up again at 5am! Robbie has given the matter a lot of thought and has come up with the idea that we are feeling tired because the bedroom is too hot, so without any discussion he turned the radiator off. We only have it on for a few hours morning and evening, but that is enough to take the chill off the room and make it comfortable. Without heat it is so cold that I can't get to sleep for ages and when I wake up in the morning it is so cold that I just want to turn over and go back to sleep. I have had a full and frank exchange of views with Robbie and until normal heating is resumed I am on strike!

Stop Looking At Me

Robbie has become very odd about his early morning routine, in fact there is no routine. Sometimes he goes even earlier than his usual stupidly early start, but sometimes he goes slightly later. Robbie is a creature of habit so all this randomness is rather alarming. I discounted the possibility that he is conducting an early morning affair with a woman with disorganised travel habits. in fact if he had the stamina to manage that first thing in the morning he would deserve a medal. Anyway there are very few people around who could cope with Robbie's incessant babbling about the history of British swimming baths or other equally gripping trivia at any time of day, so it is unlikely that anyone would have the fortitude to endure it before 6am!

I couldn't work out what was going on so I had to confront him about it. After a bit of bluster he admitted that there was a problem - green trains! I can understand him not liking the colour, it is hideous, but I couldn't understand why they were disrupting his life. Apparently he is going to considerable lengths to avoid them because they have a different seating plan and he hates it because he can't have his usual seat, he thinks people look at him!

Longing for Normality

I was so angry with Robbie last night that I shouted at him. He didn't have much to say during the evening because he was glued to this laptop. I was busy too and by the time I went to bet at about a quarter past midnight 'Noddy' was dozing with his head resting on the computer keyboard. I woke him up, but I knew that he would be dozing again within moments, so I left him to it and went to bed. I was woken by a thumping and bumping in the bedroom and Robbie spoke to me in a sergeant major sort of voice. What he said was a bit 'out of focus' because I was sleepy, so I ignored him and tried to cling on to sleep. The next thing I knew something sailed past my face and thumped onto the pillow, I don't know what it was but it was intended to wake me up and it worked. Robbie informed me that he had been talking to me and with menace in my voice I asked what was important enough to wake me up. I am used to Robbie, but I couldn't believe the answer - he wanted to tell me that CrossCountry had produced a blow up guitar to celebrate the Reading Music Festival. He had seriously woken me up to talk about a blow up guitar! I did a spot of 'fortune telling' and all was silent until Robbie's voice broke through the darkness to inform me that it was a limited edition blow up guitar. How do I make him understand that I have absolutely no interest in blow up guitars, not even limited editions!!

I thought he would try to be a little more more 'normal' this morning, but he only had one topic of conversation - the pros and cons of the new hybrid FGW season ticket. it almost made blow up guitars seem interesting.

The Vanishing Trick

I wasn't too happy with Robbie on Sunday night. He was telling me all weekend that he was looking forward to getting home, and he promised me lots of attention. He spent the evening listening to train noises on YouTube, then when I told him that I was going to bed he said he would be there in a minute. He even came up to bring me a drink and to tell me that he just had to lock the front door and put the dog out before coming to bed, then he vanished. I waited and waited, but after an hour I gave up and went to sleep. He finally arrived over an hour and a half late and he got a very short answer when he tried to cuddle up to me. I didn't get a chance to discuss his vanishing act with him until this morning, We went through the usual ritual, first he denied it, then he said he was mistaken about the time, then finally he admitted it. He was doing something that he has to do in private, he doesn't like talking to me about it, but apparently it really did take him an hour and a half - he was packing his bag for work!!

Robbie was unwell this morning, he had 'the trots' and being Robbie I was treated to a detailed account of his troubles. He got ready for work as usual, but then he came into the lounge and announced that he felt dreadful and he had a really bad sore throat. I suggested that going to work wasn't the wisest move, even if it wasn't swine flu, he wouldn't be popular if he passed on his troubles to everyone else in the office. In the end he decided to work from home today. To be honest I am a bit worried about Swine Flu, I have been in contact with it, but I hope that Robbie just has a nice ordinary bug. I was OK this morning, but then I developed similar symptoms and I had to come home from work feeling very unwell.

Zombie!

Yesterday was a day of constant rushing around. I had to take my mum to Wood Green Animal centre at Godmanchester because she is adopting a little dog and we had to take her dog to meet the new dog. They got on well and I am sure the new dog will have a lovely home with mum, but these things take up so much time – and we have to go back again on Thursday to collect the dog!

I spent the rest of the day rushing around just to get my normal jobs done before I went to work., then after work I had Robbie wanting me to pick him up from the station while Sam needed picking up at exactly the same time at the other end of town! Robbie had been out for a meal (and a drink or two). He was normal but talkative when we got home, but at about 11pm he decided to rearrange the furniture in the lounge! It almost caused an argument, but eventually I gave up and went to bed leaving Robbie sotting at the newly positioned table tapping away on his laptop. He didn't come to bed and I couldn't be bothered to go and look for him. Apparently he fell asleep sitting in front of his laptop, he claims the wall stopped him falling off his chair and when he eventually woke up he had slumped forward and was using the keyboard as a pillow! He was in such an akward position that he could hardly move, but he eventually stumbled up to bed!

I Blame Network Rail!

On Friday when Robbie left for work I asked him to promise not to be late home, and he assured me that he would be on time. He was with Network Rail, so before I put the dinner on I phoned him to check when he would he back, he said he would be on a later train, so I agreed to pick him up. I dropped Sam off at his friend's house on my way and then drove to the station just in time to meet his train. I sat there for a minute or two, then my mobile rang and Robbie announced that he was not on the train and would be an hour later!! He still hasn't explained why he didn't tell me as soon as he knew he wouldn't be on the train, it would have saved me a wasted journey. Maybe it is a Network Rail thing - never give anyone any useful information!

I picked him up later and he was full of apologies, he promised me his undivided attention for the rest of the weekend. That promise turned out to be like the countless Network Rail promises about the West Coast main line – all hot air! He went online and got into an argument with some lame brains about train overcrowding. I gave up and went to bed and he promised he would be there in a minute. Over an hour later he was still on his computer arguing about trains with those sad acts, so I gave up and went to sleep. This morning when he finally woke up, he cuddled up to me and told me in great detail about how he used to collect erasers when he was a child, that was a real turn on! Later when I was having a bath he came in and sat down to have a chat, I was pleased, at least he wanted to talk to me, but then he started a long discourse on his plan to partition the hard drive on his computer! He doesn't need a wife, he needs a robot! If this is the result of a couple of days spent with Network Rail I dread to think how bad he would be after a week with them!

Robbie's Piles!

Usually, I don't see much of Robbie during the week, by the time he gets home from work I have already left, so it is about 10.40pm before I see him. Yesterday was different, he had been to a meeting in Cambridge and he arrived home half an hour or so before I left. I was worried about him because his leg had been misbehaving and I would have liked to stay at home with him, but we can't always do what we want. By the time I left, Robbie was busy reorganizing his bookcase and making the case for yet another bookcase because he cant fit all his railway books on the one he has – one day there will be no room for me because of his books! He told me that he was going to sort out the collection of books and magazines that he had amassed at the side of his bed, so I was hopeful that I would come home to find a little more space in the bedroom.

When I returned later that evening, I was tired and hungry and I had forgotten all about Robbie's books, his bookcase looked much the same and I didn't go up to the bedroom until it was time for bed. I was late heading up to bed and when I came out of the bathroom I was looking forward to a few hours sleep, but that was to prove difficult. Robbie had piled all sorts of junk on the bed – it was his junk (except for a pile of my books that had been displaced by his railway books and were now homeless). I love my bed and taking liberties like that was not a wise move by Robbie. I rescued my books and piled the rest of the junk on Robbie's side of the bed, then I got in and settled down to sleep. I vaguely remember him waking me up to apologise for the mess on the bed and he must have moved it because when the alarm went off this morning Robbie was in bed and the junk was gone.

Sleeping Beauty

Robbie didn't spend a second night on the sofa, but he almost did! The dispute about knickers had been resolved long before bed time, but he has got into the habit of sprawling on the sofa and 'resting his eyes' of course this means that he is snoring within seconds and it is very hard to wake him up. I kept telling him to go to bed but he just got more and more stroppy until fell out with me and I decided that he could stay there. I made one more attempt to wake him and gave up, it was like trying to reason with a drunk. I took myself off to bed and I was surprised to find that Robbie plodded up to bed a few minutes later. He got into bed, then out again, then returned and climbed back into bed and stole the covers. When I say climbed I mean climbed, he trod on me three times! Next time I will leave him on the sofa, at least that way I can be sure of keeping the duvet

A Peaceful Night

Robbie seems to have got the message, he didn't cause any disruption at bed time. He had fallen asleep downstairs (again) and I think he was almost sleepwalking when he went to bed, so he was asleep again as soon as his head touched the pillow.

On the subject of sleep, I wish I was a cat, our two seem to have a very comfortable life!

He Has Been Warned!

Robbie can be so irritating sometimes, but somehow he always manages to make it my fault! It was past midnight when I went to bed, I left Robbie downstairs, but by the time I came out of the bathroom he had installed himself on the bed and was sitting there like an overgrown garden gnome reading one of his railway magazines. I tried to get into my side of the bed but the weight of 'the gnome' made it impossible to move the covers, it was more like a straight jacket than a duvet. After a battle he grudgingly moved for a second so that I could get into bed properly. I asked him to turn off the lights, but he refused, he needed the main light on as well as the 'search light' on his side of the bed, just to read about trains in the middle of the night.

All I wanted was to listen to Radio 4's book of the week, Chocolate and Cuckoo clocks: The Essential Allen Coren while I settled down to sleep. It is only on for 15 minutes and I can set the radio to turn off after an hour so it doesn't matter if I doze of f. Robbie would normally have listened to it too, but last night he turned the radio off without even asking me, I put it back on and he declared war. First he decided to read out loud and the more I asked him to shut up the louder he got, that didn't get sufficient reaction so he decided to eat Minstrels in bed, I can't bear the crunching, it's disgusting. I threatened to kill him but he still wouldn't stop so I lay there thinking about going to sleep downstairs, I started to get out of bed and he begged me to stay, promising to turn the light off. I stayed and he put, and he turned the light off and got into bed, but that was when the trouble really started. He deliberately lifted and fanned the duvet to let all the cold air in and as far as I am concerned that is unforgivable, then as I was finally dozing he kept prodding me and being annoying. Then suddenly he was asleep and once again I was left wide awake having to listen to him sleeping.

This morning he claimed that I was really miserable with him last night and he hadn't done anything to deserve it. Well, I am giving him fair warning, I am now armed with a black permanent marker and if he lets the heat out of my bed again he will wake up to find that his features have been enhanced with a moustache and whatever else I feel inspired to do at the time. I don't care if the RMT have messed up his timetables, it is no excuse for disrupting my sleep!

Off Colour

Last night was so stressful! I am sick of Robbie counting my grey hairs so I decided to use one of those hair colours that washes out after a number of washes. I asked Robbie if he could help me to put the stuff on my hair so that I didn't get it on my skin. That proved to be a big mistake, he was really rough and it hurt so much when he rubbed it in that I was crying out in agony. I can't bear people to touch my head at the best of times and he seemed to be taking a perverse pleasure in my plight, clearly the power had gone to his head. I had to leave the colour on for 15 minutes and Robbie timed it to the second, I really didn't realise that one person could cause so much irritation in such a short time!

When my hair was sorted out I went to bed to calm down and do some reading. I must have dozed off because the next thing I remember is Robbie talking to me and trying to wake me up. I wasn't too keen on being woken and I tried hard to stay asleep, but Robbie had other ideas. He climbed over the bed and trod on my leg, then he put his bedside lamp on, it is like a search light and there was no way I could sleep with that thing dazzling me. He then decided that this was an appropriate time to sit up in bed and eat Minstrels. The noise of him chasing the sweets around his teeth was bad enough but the chomping was intolerable, I threatened him with dire consequences. I thought seriously about sleeping on the sofa but I just buried myself under the covers and I must have dozed off again despite the adverse circumstances. I woke suddenly to find the bed frame being bashed low down on my side of the bed. I found Robbie, naked on his hands and knees looking for an invisible cat under the bed! Words were exchanged and he finally got back in bed and was instantly asleep. Sometimes I wonder how he has managed to survive for so long!

Train Spotting

We were quite late going to bed last night and when I walked in to the bedroom Robbie was sitting on the bed in his usual Buddha like pose reading one of his many train books. Usually I take an interest in his passion for trains but at well past midnight it was the wrong time and the wrong place! I closed my eyes and was just drifting off to sleep when Robbie jolted me back to consciousness. He was showing me a picture of a train interior and demanding to know if the train I used to catch to London in 1982/3 was exactly like this. My answer was not particularly pleasant!!!!!