“Neither can the wave that has passed by be recalled, nor the hour which has passed return again.” Ovid

It is just over a year since I last wrote anything for the blog. I made a conscious decision to stop writing the blog because there were a number of other demands on my time and it became necessary to be a little more discreet than usual. Robbie started a new contract last September, working on a bid team. It was a new experience for him and quite a steep learning curve, but he loves a challenge - he's on his third bid now! I have had to make some important adjustments too, I gave up my job to work with Robbie, taking charge of the business admin, driving and the various other tasks necessary to keep Robbie 'on track'. I continued with my writing work and my time was taken up with writing, proof reading and selecting photos for my book. It was such a relief when everything had been delivered to the publisher! The book was published in May and I had the pleasure of seeing my book on the shelves of Waterstones and W.H. Smiths. 

I didn't intended to return to the blog. Several of my friends urged me to start writing again, but I wasn't convinced and oddly it was a book that changed my mind. I have been reading The Diary of Samuel Pepys, and I find it fascinating because it deals with the so many of the ordinary aspects of life. It may be almost 350 years since Samuel Pepys wrote his diary but he and Robbie seem to have a lot in common - perhaps men haven't changed greatly over the years! My children, who are now all adults do not approve of the blog, or to be more accurate they would prefer to remain anonymous. So in future they will not write about them as much and when their names crop up I will come up with aliases for them.

tomorrow will be our ninth wedding anniversary and we are looking forward to a weekend away. Yesterday a friend asked me if I would change Robbie if I could, I enjoyed thinking about it for a minute or two but my answer was no, I wouldn't change him. He is a good man with a big heart and a passion for life, why on earth would I want to change him? Not so long ago my son asked me if Robbie had been my mid life crisis, his question made me laugh but I have to admit that we are an unlikely couple. The important thing is that we are happy; we have been through a lot together over the years and it has brought us closer and made us stronger than ever. 

Don't smother each other. No one can grow in shade - Leo Buscaglia

There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in. ~Graham Greene

I have been working on a project, it is a rather belated project now because it should have been completed in time for my son's 18th birthday on 20th of December, but I was feeling so poorly that time got the better of me. I am creating a photo scrapbook for my son with photos and memories from my son's childhood. 

I spent ages choosing photos, the hardest part was deciding what not to include. Then when they were printed I had so much trimming and cutting out to do that my fingers ached for days afterwards. Now I am busy arranging the photos and creating the scrapbook - it takes ages to get it looking just right, but he is worth the effort. 

As I look at all the photos I can't help wondering where all the years have gone. How did that angelic looking little chap grow up so fast, it only seems like a few years ago that he played a shepherd in the nativity play at nursery and he walked in swinging his lamb around by the tail!

Here is an extract from my diary dated March 2004 when my son was nine, as you can see life with him has never been dull.

"As we were coming back from Music School at lunchtime my son said "I have my usual maths and English homework, but there is something else this week; I have to catch a worm because Monday is take a worm to school day" 
He went on to explain that they are making a wormery. Surely my life is complicated enough without having to go out and dig for worms! I urged him to wait until Sunday afternoon before collecting his worm, but being a boy he just couldn't wait and when I was working in the kitchen he brought in a large worm and put it into my hand. I was prevailed upon to provide a suitable container for it, and over the next hour or so I was introduced to five or six more worms in assorted sizes. 

At teatime all my efforts to change the subject were
thwarted and we were treated to a lecture from my son on the reproductive habits of the earthworm. His understanding of the term hermaphrodite was rather sketchy, and my memories of `O' Level Biology were too limited to be useful. Sam concluded in his deep and serious voice (which always makes me want to laugh) "I think it really means that they don't enjoy themselves very much!"

We had a bit of a disagreement at bedtime when I realised that the little terror had taken the worms to bed with him. When I refused to allow him to have them on his bedside table. He said "mum, you can't put them outside, they are part of the family now" We compromised and they are spending the night in the shed (in their container). I must remember to thank his teachers for completely disrupting our weekend."

My son has always loved animals, so our pets all have a place in the scrapbook. I thought I had got all the photos for the album but Dave the cat had other ideas, I think he wants to make sure that he will be included. He posed for this photo (he is wearing my son's hat) and it is so cute that I have to include it.

If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.  ~Tom Stoppard

Probably Not the Next Samuel Pepys

I had to write a one day diary for a local history project that I am involved with so I thought that I would share it on the blog too.

Saturday 22nd September 2012

I really must be mad! The insistant bleeping of the alarm clock woke me at 4.30am, I reached out to turn it off and then remembered that I had moved it out of reach the night before to make absolutely sure that I woke up. I sat up and reached down to silence the alarm clock, Robbie was still sleeping soundly so I gave him a prod and told him that it was 4.30am and if he wanted to catch his train he needed to get moving right now, then I dashed off to beat him to the bathroom. When I got back to the bedroom he plodded off to get ready while I sneaked back under the covers for ten minutes, after all 'normal people' would still be fast asleep. The next thing I knew it was almost 5am and he was back in the bedroom showered and almost ready to go. It is surprising how fast you can get ready when you really have to. 

When I got downstairs he was just packing his lunch into his rucksack and by the time he got outside I had already started the car and we were all ready to go. The car knows the way to the railway station, we do that journey so often. On weekdays we are usually up at 5am so that he can catch his train to Birmingham just after 6am, so I look forward to a more leisurely start to the day on Saturdays and Sundays. Unfortunately the lure of the railway gets the better of him and he just can't keep away. Today he is going to the Deltic Gathering at the East Lancashire Railway, he is absolutely passionate about Deltics, especially his favourite Royal Scots Grey. I would have gone with him because I like Deltics too, but I have a terrible cough at the moment, it is exhausting and I haven't been sleeping very well, so I just don't have the stamina to cope with a long day on the railways at the moment.

He waved as he slammed the car door and walked towards the station. I felt a sense of relief, I had fulfilled my promise and got him there on time, now the rest of the day was my own and if I wanted to I could go back to bed. I clicked the radio on, radio 4 is the soundtrack to my life, I always have the radio on at home or in the car. I only half listened to the discussion about TB in cattle and the pros and cons of culling badgers to limit the spread of bovine TB, as I drove up the hill away from the railway station. I was thinking that my ancestors were closely linked with this part of the town. My great grandfather was orphened when very young, he grew up in the work house, but he when he was sent to be an appentice to a cordwainer in Leicester Street, he found a trade and a family and he spent the rest of his life in Leicester Street. His daughter my great grandmother grew up there, had her first home as a married woman in the next street and she brought her large family up just a couple of streets away. The area as they knew it is now long gone, but there is still one landmark that they would recognise, the spire of Seps Church still points heavenward, the clock still measures the relentless march of time in hours and minutes. The church which for centuries has witnessed the joys and sorrows of the people, stands strong and defiant amid the 'here today gone tomorrow' buildings of our modern town, reminding us of lasting values that are too easily forgotten amid the demands of modern life.

When I got home I put the kettle on for a much needed cup of tea and while I waited for it to boil I sorted the laundry into piles and put on the first load of the day. I was too awake to go back to bed and sleep, but I felt bruised and exhausted from all the coughing so I took my cup of tea and my laptop up to bed. I may not sleep but at least I could sit quietly with the radio and my laptop to occupy me. I enjoyed a couple of hours catching up with email and facebook and I began to write my diary entry for today. I must have fallen asleep at some point because it was mid morning when I woke up. I enjoyed a long relaxing bath while listening to Radio 4, a shower is fine most of the time, but there is something special about a nice hot bath. I wish this cough would get better, it is so exhausting.

It is unusual to be at home on my own, but today was very quiet, my son stayed at his friend's house last night, my older daughter had gone to Milton Keynes with her boyfriend and my younger daughter was shut in her room writing up notes in preparation for her post graduate course at Leicester University which begins on Monday. I like my own company and I never struggle to fill my time. There was a whole list of jobs demanding my attention today, but I only did the laundry and the routine tasks, I decided that the peace and quiet was too precious to waste, the other jobs can wait until I feel better.

The only problem with doing nothing is that you have too much time to think and this was one of those days that provided a lot to think about. Nine years ago today I sat with my first husband Eric in the Three Shires Hospital as the last hours of his life slipped away; then I went home and told my children that their dad was dead. Life goes on but those memories don't  fade, it is not something that you forget despite the passage of time, the details of that day are imprinted on my mind. I found myself wondering how he would feel about the way our lives have changed. I hope that I have done a good enough job as a parent, it hasn't always been easy. Eric didn't want me to be on my own if the worst should happen, but it must be hard at times for Robbie, living with a ghost. Perhaps it helps that they are very different. 

My son came home and my daughter emerged from her room, she had finished her work and was ready to fulfill her promise to paint my nails with crackle nail varnish, silver base with black crackle on top. It looked very nice. I hardly ever wear nail varnish, but it is nice to spoil myself once in a while and it is lovely to share moments like this with my daughter.

Time went on, we ate early because my daughter was going out later. My daughter went to get ready and I left my son to feed the cats while I drove to the station to pick my Robbie up. On the way back we popped into Morrisons for a printer cartridge and one or two essentials. I was glad to get home, but I had to go straight out again because my daughter wanted a lift into town. She looked amazing. We picked her friend up on the way and I dropped them both off at The Goose. By the time I got home again Robbie had a cup of tea waiting for me and I chatted to him about his day for a little while, he'd had a lovely time. 

Later on Robbie wanted to watch a film, it wasn't really my sort of thing so I decided to head up to bed with my laptop to listen to Radio 4 Extra and catch up with my friends on facebook. The cough was impossible, I couldn't stop coughing and I couldn't get my breath, it was a very frightening feeling, I was exhausted but I knew that I had another sleepless night ahead of me. Thank goodness for the internet and friends who stay up late and are happy to chat at 2am. How different from my childhood when my mum considered it very bad manners to make a telephone call after 9pm. 

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire - William Butler Yeats

The other day I was looking back at old pieces of writing and I found a one day diary for 17th October 2006, I wrote it for a writing project that I was involved in. There was a paragraph about our chaotic morning routine

"Then my day kicked into a higher gear.  I had just five minutes to shower and vacate the bathroom.  I would love to wallow in the warm water, but time demands otherwise.  At 7am I wake my three children aged 17, 15 and 11, after a lull for a few minutes while they wake up suddenly there is chaos.  Everyone wants the bathroom at the same time, someone needs a button sewn on, daughter wants me to sign a slip for school, son can’t find an exercise book, older daughter wants money for a music book. Where have all the socks gone? Why hasn’t my rugby shirt been washed? The demands continue, son get sent back to do his teeth properly and at 7.55, only 5 minutes late, I leave with son packed into the passenger seat."

The diary went on to record the rest of the day, it seemed as if I spent my whole day rushing around trying to do my best for everyone and to somehow fit everything around my work. It still feels like that sometimes, but I think things are a little bit easier now - or at least the stresses are different! 

Camera Shy - (centre) look at those heels!

On Thursday I went to daughter number two's graduation, the 15 year old from the diary entry is now 21 and, just like her older sister she has worked very hard and done extremely well with her education. I feel very proud of both of them, not just because of their academic achievements but because they are hard workers and they have become capable and sensible young women.   I was so proud to be present at my daughter's graduation on Thursday and I wish her every success at Leicester University next year.

You were born an original. Don't die a copy - John Mason

Over the years many people have asked me why I write the blog, Usually I tell them that it stops me from harming Robbie because writing things down helps to get it out of my system. That is only part of the truth, I have written a blog for many years now and before that I used to write a diary. Mostly it is for me, because writing helps me to process things and it is a nice way to preserve nice memories and to remember the little details of life that are so quickly forgotten. The other day Robbie told me that one of his friends who is a regular reader of the blog had told him that one thing comes through loud and clear - that I love Robbie very much. I'm pleased about that. Maybe we are a bit of an unconventional couple, but it works and that is all that matters. 


All the coverage about leap year made me wonder what I was doing on Feb 29th on previous leap years and how much things have changed. This was my blog post from Feb 29th 2004, our 'nameless' son was 9 then. 

"the 'son with no name' gave me the most extraordinary reason to avoid having a bath, apparently if children are clean witches can smell the children but if they are dirty the witches just smell the dirt and the children are safe. I was tempted to point out to him that with all his aftershave, body spray and deodorant a witch would have problems breathing, never mind smelling! He claims that he got this information from reading The Witches by Roald Dahl, he was a bit obsessed by the book a while ago. Last year he became convinced that a teacher at his school was a witch because she had a little mole or wart at the side of her nose. No one could convince him that he was wrong and for the whole year he lived in fear of her turning him into a mouse. The problem has been solved this year because that teacher does not teach him.

'the nameless one' had a very stern talk with me this morning. It seems he finds his nicknames embarrassing (he has several), he has insisted that I must not reveal his nicknames to anyone else and I must only ever call him by his own name or Flash! I will try my best, but old habits are hard to break".



How times change! We can't get him out of the bathroom now. As far as I know, he he doesn't give a passing thought to witches these days, and he has survived to the ripe old age of 17 without being turned into a mouse. Remembering not to use his embarrassing nickname is still a struggle for me, but these days he would kill me if I called him Flash! That was the name he adopted during his 'spy phase' something which he does not wish to be reminded of.


Most of all the old diary entry reminds me that times change and people change too, sometimes life is tough, but we are a strong family because there is a lot of love and we accept each other as we are, unconventional and unique. I am glad that our son is confident enough to be himself, it is hard growing up with Asperger syndrome and I am very proud of the way he copes.  


Robbie was certainly born an original and I wouldn't change him for the world (well not much anyway!!). He may have a very odd taste in footwear, come to that his dress sense is somewhat idiosyncratic too, but inside there is a surprisingly conventional man. He is honest, strong, determined, hard working and full of fun. It would be so easy for him to dwell on his problems and the things he can't do, but he never gives up, he just gets on with life. I am not sure that Robbie would think that he had much in common with an ancient Greek philosopher, but I am not so sure. Epicurus said “Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance” and I think Robbie would agree with that.


According to tradition a woman can propose to a man on 29th February. Thankfully my mum always taught me that a woman can do anything that a man can do, so I didn't wait for leap year!!

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone. Coco Chanel

Fascinating Facts

Yesterday we were in the queue at the supermarket when Robbie suddenly remembered that he hadn’t bought his new diary for next year. I said that there were plenty of diaries at home and he could have one of those. He went visibly pale and insisted that he must have one particular brand of diary costing £40 - believe it or not! I couldn’t imagine spending even half that amount on a diary and was fairly forthright in explaining that to him. He looked devastated and he stood there with arms crossed and bottom lip sticking out as if someone had taken his toys away. He eventually explained that he loves his diary because it gives him fascinating (but useless) facts every day. Oh well, if it pleases him that much how can I possibly say he can’t have one

Questions, Questions!

I sometimes wonder if I am just talking to myself when I write my blog entries, nobody ever leaves any comments. So I just write about the things that amuse or infuriate me. Having included a couple of entries about Sam I realised that 'the saying's of Sam' are almost as priceless as 'Robbie's ramblings'. Writing about Sam prompted me to revisit my old diary entries and before long I was helpless with laughter. Below is part of a diary entry from March 2004 when Sam was 9.

I was faced with one of those `go and ask your father questions' this evening. After I had struggled to unpack the car and put the shopping away Sam wandered into the kitchen and said "Mum" in that ominous tone that children are so good at."I have been meaning to ask you something, what are tampons for?"
I was exhausted and not really in the mood for deep and meaningful discussions so I played for time and asked what had prompted that question. He looked a bit sheepish and said"Actually mum I know what they are for, they are a special kind of firelighter. I just can't work out why they sell so many of them at Safeways".
I was about to reach for the phone, surely this was a case for `men in white coats' but suddenly it all started to make sense. Sam confessed that he had gone into Emily's room and watched her video of the Survivor TV series and that is where he had seen them used as firelighters. I was afraid I would burst out laughing so I sent him off with a biscuit and postponed the discussion until later!