Silently, like thoughts that come and go, the snowflakes fall, each one a gem. ~ William Hamilton Gibson

We woke to find that a dusting of snow had covered our world during the night. By the time I looked out and noticed the snow it was almost 7am and the morning traffic had already reclaimed the road which had a slushy grey appearance in contrast with the white pavements and gardens. The parked cars were still swathed in blankets of white, the snow gave the street a gentler magical appearance but it would not last. Soon the world would be awake and the unspoilt snow would be crushed underfoot and reality would chase away the magic. 

I thought about my daughter who was just leaving the house to drive to her teaching placement in Corby I hoped that she would have a safe journey. My other daughter did not have very far to drive so I was less worried about her and thankfully Robbie was working at home today so I could keep an eye on him and hopefully make sure that he stayed safe. He fell over in the snow just before Christmas when he was working in Darlington and he hurt himself quite badly so I can't help worrying about him.

At about 11am snow began falling again, at first it was not very much but before long it was snowing heavily and it looked as if it had come to stay. I had an earlier start at work than usual,so I had to get all my errands done despite the snow. The roads were a bit slippery but not too bad and I managed to get everything done. The snow seemed to give Robbie a wanderlust and he asked if I could drop him at the station on my way to work. He said he wanted to mix business with pleasure and spend a few hours 'out and about' on the railways. I couldn't say no, I just hoped that he would stay safe and not fall over. He returned safe and sound with some lovely photos.

The first fall of snow is not only an event, it is a magical event.  You go to bed in one kind of world and wake up in another quite different, and if this is not enchantment then where is it to be found?  
                                                        J.B. Priestley

A new version of the Cossack Dance

I have written before about Robbie's tendency to 'dance' with fury when I irritate him. When he is cross with me and he tries to express his opinion he does this strange thing where he puts his hands on his hips and keeps bending his knees. Then as he warms to his theme he starts flapping his arms and then thrusting one arm forward to emphasise his argument. I sometimes struggle not to laugh because if it was speeded up a bit it really would look like a Cossack dance. I wrote about it way back in 2007 after a particularly frustrating morning with Robbie.

"Now to explain this morning's upset. We got up in good time and Robbie had as long as he needed in the bathroom, so things were going well. Considering they only have fractionally more to wash than women, I can't understand why men need to take so long in the bathroom!

The trouble started when we got to the station, Robbie went to get the parking ticket. I realised that he had brought his rucksack, I attempted to lift it and found that it contained a hundredweight of work documents as well as, diary, ipod, magazines, snacks and all the 'essentials' to deal with any conceivable railway emergency! Samuel has an unhealthy attachment to his rucksack too, he hates to be parted from it, but he has Asperger's Syndrome, Robbie is allegedly normal!

I took his ipod, pager and sweets out of his rucksack and put them in my handbag. When he returned I refused to let him take his rucksack. He would look ridiculous with a suit and a rucksack, I didn't want him to look like a Sherpa! Robbie went mad and had a full scale tantrum in the car park. I won the first round and he thundered off with what I can only describe as a cross between a stomp and a shuffle - if it had been speeded up it would have looked like a Cossack dance!  He was impossible and he continued the argument on the train, I was tempted to tip my hot chocolate over him, but it was too expensive to waste. It took him until almost lunchtime to recover his temper - so much for Valentine's Day!"

Last night I woke at about 3am when Robbie shouted out and then leapt out of bed. I am not at my best at 3am and it took me a while to become fully awake and make sense of what was happening in the bedroom. The first thing that I became aware of was torrent of swear words fired through the darkness like a volley of gunfire. As my eyes got used to the darkness I saw the silhouette of Robbie over by the bedroom door. As well as the copious swearing he appeared to be going through a series of jerky movements. I hadn't been too surprised by the swearing, after all this is a man who frequently talks to his socks and underwear in the middle of the night (he always has to put his clothes for the next day in the dark because he waits until I have gone to bed - and he always wakes me up!). I gradually interpreted the jerky movements, he was bending forwards and sticking one leg out as if he was pushing his heel into the floor, it looked like a robot doing a Cossack dance, but it was cramp and Robbie was in agony!

I felt so useless because nothing that I could say or do would help. He often gets cramp at night, but I think the pain was more severe last night. It is scary to see him in so much pain                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Storms batter South West coast as 'monsoon' weather hits Britain - The Telegraph

My younger daughter had spent weeks planning a long weekend in Cornwall with her brother and a friend from university. She really isn't the camping type, but they had arranged to spend the first couple of nights 'under canvas' before moving to more civilised surroundings for the remainder of their stay. She is a confident driver and she has made the journey a couple of times before, but I'm her mum and I can't help worrying especially as she planned to make the journey during the night - and that was before I saw the weather forecast!

"Strong winds, possibly up to gale force, are expected from the afternoon onwards in south-west England particularly Devon and Cornwall," forecaster Mark Seltzer from the Met Office.

When I saw the warnings from the Met Office yesterday I was seriously worried, I wouldn't have enjoyed driving to Cornwall in those conditions and I really wanted her to postpone her journey until the morning.

"Winds will increase this afternoon in Devon and Cornwall and there could be gusts of 60 to 65mph, or even 70mph on exposed coasts and headlands......"

My daughter is as stubborn and determined as her mother and she wasn't going let a little matter of the weather spoil her plans. She is also half Cornish and the call of the sea is very strong - it took her dad years to adapt to living so far from the sea. So soon after midnight they set off on their journey - and I began to worry! I had made sure that they were as well prepared as possible, but I was still worried. It was a very long night but thankfully they got to Padstow in time for breakfast. My daughter said that the journey had been very wet and very windy, so it was a challenging driving experience.

I really wish that they could have had better weather, it sounds as if they had a nice day despite the rain and according to my daughter the sun came out later on. Padstow holds so many happy memories for our family and it is nice to be there whatever the weather. However camping is a different story, I doubt my daughter would have enjoyed it even in perfect summer weather. She wrote on facebook that "Camping is most certainly not for me" and she went on to inform the world that she will be sleeping in the car tonight! Perhaps she will appreciate the comforts of home after this. I hope they stay safe and have a lovely day tomorrow.

"Take time to smell the roses"

I had such a horrible day yesterday, I have been struggling with a bad cough for weeks and it caused me to have an asthma attack at work. It left me feeling dreadful, struggling to breathe and very shaky and scared. When I got home it was clear that Robbie was in so much pain that he was struggling to cope, it make me feel so useless because I can't make it better for him. I think we both had a bad night and I was less than enthusiastic this morning when the alarm clock insisted that it was time to face another day. When I walked out to the car, I noticed that our roses are out, there is a mass of yellow buds on the rose bush near the front door and there are deep pink flowers on the climbing rose at the side of the garage. They must have been in flower for several days but I hadn't noticed. I expect today will still be challenging but taking a few moments to enjoy the roses really brightened my morning.

Best Foot Forward

Robbie and I had a 'frank exchange of views' last night, I know it is silly to argue about trivial stuff but honestly how hard is is for a man to understand the difference between a dish cloth and a floor cloth!! We have the sense not to argue for long, there are so many more important things in life that it is foolish to argue about trivia.

We had a disrupted night which left me feeling useless or perhaps helpless is more accurate. I woke at 2.15am to find Robbie in agony, he was crying with pain and running through his extensive repertoire of expletives. He couldn't move and his leg was in spasm to such an extent that you could feel it 'jumping'. There was absolutely nothing I could do to help or to ease his pain. It seemed to go on forever, but in reality it was perhaps half an hour or so before the pain eased slightly. He was still moaning with pain at around 3am when exhaustion finally allowed him to fall  asleep. Sleep eluded me for at least another hour, I just lay there worrying and feeling useless.

This morning we had to get up a bit earlier than usual, to give him more time to get ready. I took him to the station so that he had extra time to walk to the platform. I knew he was worried about how he would walk from the station to the office, he mentioned it several times in the car. He said that he would just take his time and he would be OK. I wish I could do something to help, I feel so helpless. As he got out of the car he said "Best foot forward". I am so proud of him, even on a bad day like this he just keeps going. He doesn't give up and somehow he faces the day with a smile.

Last of the Summer Sun

When I went to the supermarket earlier this week, it felt as if I had taken a step back to early August. It was very hot with bright sunshine and and everyone was wearing short sleeved tops. To my surprise it has remained and sunny ever since. Of course looks can be deceiving, it may be hot in the middle of the day, but the early morning is dark and distinctly nippy and the long summer evenings have been chased away by the encroaching autumn darkness. I am always pleased to see the sun, but in a way the sunny days this week are a sad reminder of all that has gone. Was it really six weeks ago that we were on holiday in Norfolk? 

I love the summer, I don't need the weather to be too hot, just warm and comfortable, but mostly I love the long days and warm pleasant evenings. I think my favourite month is May when there are so many wild flowers and it warm with long lazy evenings and the summer stretches ahead of us. September is my least favourite month, it feels as if the darkness closes in around us with dark mornings and encroaching darkness in the evening with the promise of worse to come. We all have little triggers that remind us of past sadness and for me it is the sound of conkers falling to the ground from Horse Chestnut Trees. I remember the excitement of getting up early to go and collect conkers when I was little and I did the same when my children were little, so there are some good memories. However they are overshadowed by the memory of sitting in a hospital room, looking out at the beautiful grounds and hearing the conkers fall from the trees with a thud on to the grass below. In the quiet of the night the thud of the conkers falling seemed very loud. How odd that something so insignificant can sound so loud when a human life can slip away noiselessly.

A Pain in the Leg.

When I picked Robbie up from the station just after midnight, I could tell straight away that his legs must be hurting because he was walking very badly. He has been to loads of meetings recently, staying late at work then doing more work at home, I think sitting too long in the wrong sort of chairs is part of the problem. He insisted that he was OK and he chattered incessantly about trains and work so I couldn't get a word in about legs or anything else. He thinks that if he insists that everything is alright, it really will be alright, but deep down he knows he is lying to himself.

Needless to say I was tired by the time we got home and I went to bed leaving Robbie to potter around downstairs. He woke me when he came to bed because he was making a lot of groaning noises, but I didn't take too much notice and I went straight back to sleep. We had a dreadful night, it was like Kenny Everett meets Frankie Howerd, his legs were waving around as if they were possessed and there was a sound track of Ooohs, Ahhs and a crescendo of swear words. We were both exhausted this morning, I begged him to go to the doctors and to my surprise he agreed. They can't do much, but at least they can give him something stronger to deal with the pain.

In The Dark

Coming second in favour of a train in Robbie's affections wasn't such a big surprise, but last night I found that I came second to Network Rail - now that was a surprise! He'd promised to be home by 8pm but there was no sign of Robbie, just a text to say he wouldn't be too late; it's a good thing that the cat is good company or I would start to feel neglected! I lost track of time and when I looked at the clock it was well past 11pm, so I expect him to ring fairly soon asking for a lift from the station. Some time later the phone rang, it was Robbie, but he was totally incoherent, I couldn't make sense of anything he was saying. When I had calmed him down and reminded him of the need to take a breath it became clear that he was lost. He had set out to walk to Birmingham International Station, but the route he knew was locked and in the course of searching for another way into the station he had got lost. I gave him some practical things to do and when he rang me back he had got to the station but by then he had missed his last train. There was one last train to Coventry due soon after midnight, so we agreed that he would get that and then get a taxi from Coventry to Rugby.

While the intrepid traveller was tackling the next stage of his journey, I set out for Rugby in the car. It was a very strange journey, familiar routes seem so different in the dark. I got to Rugby just before 1am and I didn't have to wait too long for Robbie to turn up. He seemed very subdued, maybe he expected me to be angry, but it seemed pointless to be cross, after all he didn't do it on purpose. We saw two foxes on the way back as well as other assorted wildlife, but the only thing I was interested in seeing was my bed. It was almost 2am when we finally got home, Robbie made me a cup of tea, but I was so tired that I was asleep before the tea arrived.

When the alarm clock went off at 5am I was so sleepy that I really didn't want to get up, but Robbie was determined not to be late for his meeting - with Network Rail. After last night I think they must be extending their sphere of influence, I have become accustomed to their various strategies to delay trains and inconvenience passengers, but they managed to delay Robbie before he even got to the train!

A Disturbed Night

One thing that Robbie is very good at is sleeping, he has even been known to fall asleep mid sentence. Unfortunately he does not always make it easy for me to sleep, his legs seem to have a life of their own and kicks the duvet about and worse still he lets the heat out of the bed. Occasionally he manages to roll himself up in the duvet, leaving me shivering with no covers, but at the weekend he came up with a new way to keep me awake. I had changed the bedding and he'd helped me to put the duvet cover on, but as we were drifting off to sleep he suddenly announced that I had forgotten to put a bottom sheet on the bed. I assured him that there was a bottom sheet but he refused to believe me and he put his search light on to check. I threatened him with unspeakable consequences and he grudgingly turned the light off. I was just starting to doze when he accused me of putting a nylon sheet on the bed, I began to think he was mad, where would I find a nylon sheet? I told him it was cotton, just like all the others but he wouldn't believe me, the light went back on so that he could check and I was becoming increasingly angry. The light was eventually turned off, but Robbie began a long and rambling account of synthetic fabrics that I have not heard of since the 1970's. Suddenly there was silence and then gentle snoring, Robbie had fallen asleep, but by this time I was wide awake!