A Bit Fishy

Robbie has been in the doghouse! I have been trying to think of something good to say about him, but I was too cross to be objective. The best I can come up with is that he is brave. He certainly likes to live dangerously, he told me that I had a face like a trout! I have never claimed to be a great beauty, but I was not impressed by his unkind words. I was very tempted to ask him if he had looked in a mirror lately, but as the saying goes 'least said soonest mended'. If he was in that sort of mood I wasn't going to bother talking to him so we had a very quiet evening on Monday.


By Tuesday evening he wanted to say sorry but he has never quite grasped the concept 'when in a hole stop digging'. He tried to be extra nice and extra chatty in the hope that I had forgotten what he said - I hadn't! I reminded him what he said and he told me that he was sorry. If he had stopped at that point he may have been okay but he went on to say that I didn't really look like a trout, it was just my mouth that was trout like! I was driving at the time so he survived unscathed - but still unforgiven!

As the evening wore on I thawed a bit, life is too short to argue and I rather doubt that he would recognise a trout if he met one! It was hard to stay cross with him as I watched him open and build the new Lego minifigures that I had bought him, the first of series 7. He got a hippy and a galaxy patrol person, he was so excited. I may look like a trout but I still know how to bring a smile to his face.

The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

Robbie found himself spending the night on the sofa bed last night. He pushed my tolerance to the limit during the evening. He phoned me to say that he had been delayed and he would not be on his planned train so could I please pick him up at 7.30pm, I wasn't overjoyed because it would mean that we could not eat our meal until well after 8pm. I wasn't too impressed with his attitude either but I got on with preparations for the meal and various other jobs and at 7.29pm I pulled into the station car park to meet Robbie. Almost as soon as I turned off the engine my phone bleeped to signal that a text had been received, I rummaged in my handbag for my phone and read the text (sent at 7.25pm) Robbie had missed his train and was still at the pub, he would text me again soon! To say that I wasn't amused doesn't really get close to my real emotions. I went home again, did Robbie's jobs, fed the rest of the family and waited , and waited ..........and waited. Finally a text arrived informing me that he was on the train and in need of a lift at 10.30pm. He always texts when he knows he is in trouble, he is two afraid to ring. I was very tempted to leave him marooned at the station, but I went to fetch him. He got into the car with a daft grin on his face and told me that he'd had a really good time. At least one of us had! As we drove off he informed me that several of his friends were drunk, and I informed him that he stank of alcohol. I was still waiting to hear anything that sounded remotely like sorry, but when I glanced across at him I saw that he was dozing with the idiot grin still spread across his face. He managed a couple of incoherent sentences before we got home, but when I reversed on to the drive he thanked me as if I was a taxi driver, grabbed his bags and trotted off into the house, leaving me outside! I didn't even get the usual cup of tea as a peace offering.

This morning he appeared at 11am bearing a cup of tea and an apology and promising breakfast. I am still waiting for breakfast an hour later!

The 'S' Word

I had an unusually silent day yesterday, because Robbie decided he wasn't talking to me and I decided to leave him to stew in his own juice. We have plenty of children in our family already, I really don't have the time or the energy to deal with a 37 year old kid. Wednesday is a very busy day for me so I wasn't really troubled by his silence, I hardly noticed it. He didn't arrive home at his usual time, in fact he didn't arrive home at all so his dinner went in the dog and the apple and blackberry crumble I had made remained uneaten. When I had done all my work I went to bed and I was woken at around half past eleven by Robbie, still in a strop commanding me to make sure I didn't leave the key in the door. I think that was a coded message for please can you pick me up from the station, but since he couldn't even be civil I wasn't going to offer. I went straight back to sleep, so I don't know when he got home or how he got there, but he didn't manage to get himself to bed until just before 4am - I suspect he fell asleep in the lounge.

This morning he was silent and his lip was sticking out so far that he was in danger of tripping over it. I didn't have anything to say but eventually Robbie broke the silence, he almost spat out the words “Look I'm sorry”. I was quiet for a moment, I told him I was glad he was sorry but to have any meaning an apology needs to sound sincere, he tried again and came a bit closer to a recognisable apology. He knew he had been completely out of order, but in true Robbie style when he found himself in a hole he kept on digging – if he wants to dig there is a whole garden outside in need of his attention!

He went to London last night to see a group called The Editors, I believe he had mentioned it to me last week, but he really should have reminded me yesterday. Never mind, he missed out on a nice meal and he made his own life unnecessarily difficult; maybe he has learnt a lesson but somehow I doubt it. He now acknowledges that the bookcase resembles the Leaning Tower of Pisa, he says he is going to repair it – I wonder why Heath Robinson springs to mind! I know that he is deeply attached to his railway books, but why do they all have to be in the lounge?

Secret Vices

Robbie managed to convince me that he is sorry, so despite my suspicion that he is more sorry about being found out than about what he did wrong in the first place, he is forgiven. It was a strange Saturday morning because Robbie was actually here for a change! Well to be more accurate he was mostly here. We didn't plan on getting up too early, but each time Robbie went downstairs there was a long delay before he returned. When he went down to make a cup of tea he was gone so long that I thought he'd gone to milk the cow! He found a couple more reasons to go downstairs and I was becoming suspicious, something or someone was monopolising his attention. I listened carefully and I could tell he was in the lounge, but I had no idea what he was up to. There was very little movement and I couldn't hear him talking, so I was suspicious, you never know what he will get up to if you don't keep an eye on him. He did his best to distract me, in fact he did a fairly good job of distracting me for a while. He even made me that bacon sandwich he owed me, but then he vanished and he didn't return. I left him to it, to lull him into a false sense of security, I was determined to find out. When he popped up to offer me more tea I asked casually what he was doing and he mentioned 'MTV and Stuff'. Later on I casually wandered into the lounge and there was the evidence - he has a new book and he can't put it down! I can't quite see the attraction, it is called On Track Plant . When I commented on it he got so excited that I thought he would burst. Oh well, I suppose it keeps him out of trouble!

Everyone Has Limits!

Robbie had a very bad day on Sunday. We had to get up early to go and get the dog from the kennels and I decided to take the other car, but I asked Robbie to bring both car keys with us. It was a reasonably long drive because the kennels is near Milton Keynes and Robbie talked non stop about trains, including a very odd statement about a Pendolino 'sitting down'. It was lovely to get Meg back, but the journey home was hot and uncomfortable. We arrived home to find ourselves locked out because Laura was out and the other key that I had asked Robbie to bring was locked inside the house! I had to drive all the way to my mum's to get the spare key. In the afternoon he kept me waiting outside Tesco for an hour and a half, he should have only bought a few essential food items, but he 'accidentaly' went shopping for clothes! I was not amused, in fact I was furious. He did say he was sorry, but he didn't seem very sorry and when he moved my cleaning stuff that evening and then mocked me for getting cross, he ended up wearing a cup of tea! I did regret it, it was a waste of good tea, but everyone has limits – even me!

Living Dangerously

The fact that Robbie has survived unharmed for 36 years is one of life's enduring mysteries. Sometimes he infuriates me so much that the urge to harm him is almost irresistible. The trouble is that he has no sense of danger, Robbie will 'boldly go' where angels fear to tread. When he got home from work on Monday he wandered into the kitchen to find out what was for dinner, within seconds he was telling me that I was doing things wrong! My warning stare didn't work and when he attempted to tell me how to do something else I couldn't contain my frustration, I stormed out of the kitchen and told him that if he knew so much he could finish cooking the meal himself. I went back a few minutes later because he can't make the gravy, but he was still trying to tell me that his way was the best way. He was standing there in his PJ's and I was armed with a scalding hot jug of gravy, only an act of supreme self mastery on my part prevented me from tipping the gravy straight down the front of his trousers!

Yesterday I played safe and made a chicken casserole so that by the time Robbie arrived home there would be very to argue about. Emily needed a lift so I planned to drive her to the station and then take Robbie home. I made the dumplings before leaving the house, but thankfully I left them on a plate ready to put in when I arrived home and I turned the oven down slightly. When Robbie got into the car his first sentence was to request that I would take him to Staples. I asked if we could do it another day because our meal was almost ready, but apparently it was an emergency - he needed to buy a new pencil! I took him to Staples and I'm please to report that he now has a pencil with lead in it! Thankfully our meal survived the delay.

I went to bed fairly late, I was tired and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep. Sometime later 'Thunder Foot' came to bed. How hard can it be to slip into bed quietly without waking me up? In Robbie's case it appears to be impossible! He thumped and bumped around, talked to me, prodded me, flapped the covers about let the cold air in and worse of all he put the light on just to annoy me. You will not be surprised to hear that it worked! I was furious. Once again I was wide awake and it would take ages to get back to sleep, but within minutes 'Sleeping Beauty' was 'Z'ing away, oblivious of my simmering anger.

This morning I expected a 'sorry' and may be a bit of affection. Instead I was awoken by a searchlight and an inquisition, he was accusing me of stealing his knickers! I was quite insistent that I hadn't touched them but he wouldn't believe me. I was furious about not being believed, we are not exactly talking about the crown jewels here, I don't think there is a booming market in second hand drawers. To add insult to injury he then blamed Sam for stealing them - how ridiculous. If I find them before he does he'd better watch out because every pair will have a liberal sprinkling of itching powder inside!

Just in case anyone is wondering, Robbie went to work fully clothed, including underwear. He had been looking for a specific pair, for some reason or other he had decided that he had to wear that pair today. He told me last night that he had to go on a site visit today and he needed to have a high visibility jacket and safety boots. Perhaps he thought he needed his lucky pants as well!

When in a Hole Stop Digging! 21.07.07

Robbie decided to live dangerously earlier in the week. I was annoyed, not because he was late home, but because he didn't notify me promptly about the delay. By the time he phoned I had already accepted several other commitments all based on the assumption that he would be home at the time he had planned. Somehow the irritation was perpetuated, I think it was partly due to Robbie's habit of digging furiously when he finds himself in a hole. It is silly to get annoyed about lateness that was obviously not deliberate, but a simple sorry and an acknowledgement of the difficulties his lateness caused would have worked wonders, the combative approach in the style of John Humphries was less successful - I must stop him listening to Radio 4 every morning!

Harmony seemed to elude us, I could feel that it was within reach but it just kept slipping through our fingers and the longer the situation persisted the more frustrating it became. It was at this point that Robbie very bravely (or stupidly) clung to the higher ground and told me it was about time I started to toe the line!! Maybe my expression gave it away, or maybe he genuinely had used the wrong words, whatever the cause a look of terror spread over his face and if he hadn't been in the car at the time I think he would have actually run for cover! I don't recall exactly what I said, but it involved him acquiring a much higher voice!

We never stay cross for long and harmony reigns once more. Robbie had a day off work yesterday and he came up over to me and gave me a big hug, he then asked if we could please buy the latest British Film Institute Railway DVD. When he got a favourable response he decided to make the most of the moment and he announced that he was going out to play trains next Saturday - apparently he absolutely has to go on an HST to Newquay and when he gets there he will turn round and come back again! Men! If you didn't laugh you would cry!