Getting a word in edgeways

On Sunday evening Robbie, my son and I were sitting in the lounge, they were watching something boring on television and I was chatting to someone on the internet. The adverts came on and I commented on one which really annoys me. Rather than making me want to buy their products it makes me want to shop elsewhere to punish them for such irritating adverts. My son who was sitting on the other side of the room said "Mum, speak with your inside voice!"
Robbie was sitting in the corner trying to hide the fact that he was giggling like Mutley. He and my son are like two little kids, each takes great pleasure in seeing the other one get into trouble, but at other times they gang up and tease me. I overcame the urge to dash across the room and grab him by the throat, preferring instead to let him hear considerably more of my 'outside voice'. 

I pointed out that I had put up with a lifetime of drivel from my son. I had smiled sweetly during his 'dinosaur phase' while being subjected to more information than anyone could ever need to know about the life and times of the dinosaur. Then there had been his Denis the Menace phase, his spy phase, the Superman phase. Not to mention his obsessive interest in all things film related - and I do mean all things film related, he nearly drove me mad with the myth of the hanging Munchkin. Then we come to Robbie, I don't know where to start when it comes to his obsessions, he shares Lego, Dr Martens, Indie music, Hornby, railways in general, buses, books, magazines ......... and that really is the tip of the iceberg. I can assure you that he doesn't hold back when it comes to sharing his enthusiasm about all these subjects - even at the most inappropriate moments. Thanks to Robbie I know so much about the workings (and failings) of train toilets that I could choose it as a specialist subject on Mastermind! I have never once asked either of them to 'speak with their inside voice' and I have put up with both of them having the attention span of a gnat when it comes to anything I want to talk to them about. Well the worm has turned! Prepare to be bored rigid boys, you are going to hear a lot more of my voice, as they say, if you can't beat them join them!!

The Apothocoffee Shop

Last Monday when I told Robbie that it would be nice to drive to the nearby village of Earls Barton to visit the chemist he looked at me as if I was mad. After all there are plenty of chemists nearer to our home, but this chemist is rather like the costume shop in  Mr Benn, it contains secrets and transports you to different worlds. So on Monday we took a drive through the Northamptonshire countryside to Earls Barton, as I parked the car Robbie spotted Jeyes the Chemist and commented that it looked  very ordinary and very small from the outside. We walked in through a very ordinary chemist shop but after just a few steps it was clear that this was no ordinary chemist. To our right was the book department and Robbie was spellbound, there were so many interesting books to look at and the shelves and cabinets around the room were packed with keepsakes of every kind, it was like an Aladdin's cave. I thought we would be stuck there all day! Another doorway led on to a room containing china and kitchen items, Robbie was instantly drawn to a very attractive Hornby mug and a couple of mugs in beautiful boxes with designs from the Ladybird books of 1960s. 


A narrow corridor led us past a display of jigsaws and other items that caught Robbie's eye, he kept touching my arm and telling me to "look" as he pointed out his latest find. Some very steep stair led us up to a different world. The first room contained all the fun of the fair, a model funfair with working models, lights and fairground music. There was so much detail and so much to see, each time I looked I spotted something that I hadn't noticed before. Robbie loved it, he walked around the room looking closely at every detail. 


The next room was the Dolly Lodge selling everything a dolls house enthusiast could ever wish for. I didn't think Robbie would be very interested but he was fascinated, it was hard to drag him away. The next room gave a fascinating insight into village history and the lives of the people who lived and worked in the village in Victorian times. Next there was a display of chemist items from the past which I found very interesting. Every display cabinet told a different story and prompted so many memories. Then we came to a huge selection of Sylvanian Families products, my daughters used to love Sylvanian Families so lots of happy memories came flooding back. It was interesting to look at the displays and see the information they have about Sylvanians through the years.


By the time we went downstairs again Robbie was in a lot of pain and I was tired so it was time to follow our noses through the shop to the Apothocoffee Shop for a nice pot of tea (and coffee for Robbie) and hot buttered toasted teacakes. It may not take the pain away but it makes life seem a whole lot better! Robbie was very interested in the displays of preserves etc he looked longingly at a jar of real ale mustard. After a nice sit down and a snack we felt refreshed and ready to explore the rest of the shop. They had a lovely selection of cards, then there was the toy department to explore. Robbie's inner child was very much in evidence especially when he found a whole section devoted to Thomas the Tank Engine in the next room! After a last look at the books we made our purchases and left, it had been a really good experience and Robbie said that he hoped we could go there again very soon.

An Early Start.

The insistent bleeping of the alarm clock roused me from sleep, but 'Sleeping Beauty' slumbered on oblivious of the cacophony of sound that filled the room as all three alarm clocks demanded attention. I shook him and yelled at him to turn it off, he said "yes dear" and carried on snoring! Clearly it was going to be one of those days. Trying to get Robbie out of bed is like trying to raise the dead - even when (as today) it is something he wants to do.


It took a minor miracle but at 7.55am we pulled out of Northampton on the London Midland service to Birmingham. It was a double set 'blue' train so Robbie had nothing to moan about (for a while at least!). As soon as we arrived at Northampton it was clear that this was no ordinary Saturday morning. The 'socks and sandals brigade' had donned their winter uniform and turned out en masse for the annual gathering of the weird, the worrying and the downright certifiable - otherwise known as the Warley Model Railway Exhibition. 


We left the train at Birmingham International and when we entered the National Exhibition Centre we were herded towards the exhibition hall. We waited for the exhibition to open in a tightly packed and ever growing crowd. I felt very small and outnumbered lost in the crush of men with backpacks who all had the same thing on their minds - trains! The crowd surged forward and I was carried along with it, down the stairs round the corner and in to the exhibition. Robbie was like a kid in a toy shop, he didn't know what to do first, but in true Robbie style he insisted that we had to stick to the same route that we take every year! 

There was lots to look at and Robbie's wish list grew by the minute. I wanted to look at things too but there were some very rude and hostile men around. Several times I was deliberately shoved out of the way and on many occasions men pushed in front of me as I was looking at stalls. Even Robbie noticed the hostile looks I got, as if they thought I had no right to be there. I got sick of dodging rucksacks. Being short is always a bit of a hazard in a crowded situation, but today was worse than usual. They are not going to get rid of that easily, my money is just as good as theirs and when necessary I have sharp elbows (at just the right height) so watch out!


Before long Robbie was walking around with a 'Roy Cropper' shopping bag as well as his rucksack. We bought some lovely books, one for me and four for him, as well as a stash of magazines a couple of little shunt engines and two very nice Hornby circus trucks. As I looked around I noticed that most of the other men were now armed with shopping bags as well as their rucksacks. It was rather like a Roy Cropper convention, or perhaps Where's Wally in reverse - If you looked hard enough you might be able to spot someone 'normal'. People watching is always fun, but at Warley it takes on a whole new dimension!


I am not sure how long we stayed at the exhibition, probably not much more than an hour but we managed to see everything and by the time we left we were absolutely exhausted. I enjoyed it, but I don't think it was as big or quite as good as last year. My favourites were the book stalls and the Stall selling Ivor the Engine books and mugs - I love Ivor the Engine! There was one other highlight, the ladies toilets, they were clean, practical and there were no queues, in fact they were almost deserted. If only it was always like this! 


Robbie and I left the exhibition exhausted but content and keen to take a closer look at our purchases. It was still early so we caught a train to Birmingham with the intention of having a day on the railways - but that is a story for tomorrow, I'm tired now. 

Puzzled

Robbie came to bed very late last night or more accurately I should say this morning, so when I got up he was still in the land of nod - and he remained there for half the morning! He was late coming to bed because he had got carried away with doing his jigsaw of the Flying Scotsman. I am not a jigsaw person but there is something about an unfinished jigsaw that demands your attention and spent a peaceful couple of hours with Radio 4 and the jigsaw. When Mr Sleepy finally woke up he wasn't best pleased, but he hid it well. We went out for lunch at Mundesley which was a nice treat. After that we had a bit of a potter around before heading back to the bungalow. I went for a walk along the beach, but Robbie stayed behind with his jigsaw, he made it very clear that my help was no longer needed. I was very happy out on the beach, I found a wishing stone and I wandered along noticing all the little details that you only notice when you are on your own.

Robbie completed his jigsaw, it looked amazing, now he has the next one out and he is planning to start that later this evening. It has pictures of old Hornby models on it, it looks really difficult but apparently he doesn't need any help! I have really enjoyed today, it has been fun, it is so nice to have to relax without the day to day world crowding in on us.  

A Kid in a Toy Shop!

We went to Toy R Us on Friday evening. Robbie was a bit subdued because he was worried about his friend who is ill, but it didn't take long before he was like a kid in a toy shop, in his case a very big kid! They now have a Lego themed feature wall with giant sized Lego men looking down on the shoppers. Robbie loves Lego and I was sure he would spot the digital camera made to look as if it was built from Lego bricks and the light that is like a pile of Lego bricks. He had passed the feature wall before he brightened up so he missed them, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if they find their way on to his Christmas list.

The real purpose of the visit was to buy Christmas and birthday presents for my nephew and niece rather than to provide a distraction for Robbie. Emily had come with us to help us to choose suitable gifts, it is surprising how soon you forget what sort of things interest suit a particular age group when your own children are well past that stage. Jack is four and the sort of child who never sits still, he loves cars but he has so many that choosing something that he didn't already have was almost impossible. There was a fire engine set with lots of accessories, it made three different siren noises, Jack would have loved it but my sister in law would never have forgiven me! Emily Led me to the back wall with a huge display of Playmobil, she eagerly pointed out all the sets that she used to have and declared that Playmobil was the best toy ever. After long discussion we decided on two different Playmobil sets, one for his birthday and one for for Christmas.

We noticed that we had mislaid Robbie somewhere in the store. He wasn't hard to find because he was wearing one of his more vivid tops. He had strayed to the other end of the back wall where every kind of Lego filled the shelves. A Lego Technic set had caught his attention and he was very reluctant to be dragged away. We didn't manage to drag him very far, he dug his heels in as we passed the Hornby section and we left him there while we went off to choose a present for a very bright and sophisticated nine year old. It proved very hard to choose, but Emily reminded me of how much she and Laura loved the kits that enabled them to make lotions and potions, soap making was a special favourite. I will not say exactly what we chose, but it was something along those lines.

Robbie was reluctant to leave, he had to check out the multi media section, then when I thought I would grow old waiting for him he went to look at bikes. The thought of Robbie on a bike fills me with horror, some people are not designed to wear lycra!!

Porn?

Robbie hasn't exactly covered himself in glory this week and after yet another man stress he was sitting at the table talking to himself . I couldn't see exactly what he was doing because his laptop was blocking my view, but he seemed to be looking at a magazine. His lips move when he reads and being Robbie when his lips move noise comes out. Usually I ignore the constant muttering but my ears pricked up when I heard him mention "master and slave" then moments later I clearly heard the word "hump". I jumped up and demanded to know what sort of filth he was reading. With a huge grin he held up the Hornby magazine, he had been reading about hump shunting at Tinsley! He made me look at lots of pictures and he explained the whole process in meticulous detail - twice!

Too Much Excitement

When Robbie got home on Friday evening he told me that he had brought something exciting for us to look at over the weekend. After his 'exciting' conversation about his eraser collection last weekend I didn't have high expectations, but I didn't expect toe curling boredom. He had brought home the Hornby model railway catalogue - and he is still looking at it!

Robbie is travelling north today, so I am expecting bad weather (it always happens when he goes north!)

Abandoned Again!

Robbie went 'out to play' again this weekend, this time it was a model railway exhibition that demanded his attention. I wasn't overjoyed about being abandoned again but he promised me his undivided attention on Sunday to make up for it. When I woke up on Sunday morning Robbie complained that he was wide awake and then promptly fell asleep and refused to be woken for ages. I just lay there thinking about Kenny Everett, I know that is an odd thing to think about but it was Robbie's fault, his legs seem to have a life of their own and he waves them around to such an extent that he lets all the warmth escape from under the duvet – it makes me furious! Eventually he woke up and finally I got his attention, but he spoiled it by choosing exactly that moment to tell me that he met Pete Waterman yesterday. I have nothing against Pete Waterman, but having to think about him and Kenny Everett before I get up on a Sunday morning is a bit scary!

Mission Impossible (Shopping with Robbie)

Robbie and I went shopping at Toys R Us on Friday evening. Robbie came straight from work so he was still dressed in his suit, bit as soon as he walked through the door his 'inner child' took over and he was almost bursting with enthusiasm. I wanted to look for Christmas presents for my niece and nephews, Oliver is only 6 months old and Jack likes cars and diggers more than trains so despite Robbie pleading with me there was nobody to buy trains for. It didn't stop him trying, first we went to look at the brio and all the wooden Thomas series engines, he really wanted to buy one. Then we went to look at the die-cast Thomas models, I remember when Sam used to collect those, I think we still have them packed away somewhere. Robbie was rather taken with a carry case in the shape of Thomas that could store a selection of trains inside. I finally enticed him away from that section, but my problems had only just begun because he made a dash for the Hornby section. He described every single item in detail and I thought we would still be there at closing time. Thankfully Emily met us and we finally dragged him away to concentrate on the Christmas shopping. We bought Oliver's present, but we also bought a rather nice wooden train set for when he is old enough – guess whose idea that was!

I hate going to town especially on a Saturday, but Robbie pestered me until I gave in, so we spent this afternoon trailing around the shops in Northampton with Sam. When we finally sat down to have a drink and a snack Robbie told me that a parcel should be delivered on Monday. He had that guilty smile and it was clear he didn't want me to ask any questions. It is my birthday soon so I thought it may be something for me but clearly he had other things on his mind he finally revealed that he has bought a lump of deltic (to add to all his other junk) and I have to alter my whole routine on Monday to wait in for it to be delivered!

Not So Hidden Secrets 10.03.08

Some people are so careless about what they leave in their pockets and at the bottom of abandoned carrier bags. I always make a profit on the laundry, I put all the lost coins in a jar to boost our spending money when we go on holiday. I check carefully, but it is surprising how often a tissue sneaks into the wash, it's so frustrating because it takes ages to get all the bits off!

This morning I was sorting out the hall, to be honest it looked more like Steptoe's yard than a hall. Why do people abandon shoes, coats and bags all over the place, in fact why do they need so many bags and pairs of shoes in the first place? Having plodded up and down stairs delivering Sam and Laura's belongs to their rooms I was left with a selection of Robbie's bags, there was the casual rucksack, the laptop bag containing his old computer, his retired briefcase which he can't bear to part with, then there was a suit cover and a couple of carrier bags. On closer investigation I found that one carrier bag contained Robbie's (still dirty) travel mug and a magazine, the other proved more interesting it contained an opened package, lots of bubble wrap and a receipt - another accidental purchase perhaps? It turned out to be a very recent receipt for a very expensive (and unauthorised) item, two items in fact, two model railway carriages! £55 for two carriages!! Oh well, it looks as if he has bought his own birthday present, at least it has saved me a job!

Wrong Time, Wrong Place. 27.01.08

For once we had a Saturday when I didn't have to drag myself out of bed ridiculously early to take someone to work or to catch a train or whatever. I spend a large part of my life driving my family here there and everywhere. For once I enjoyed a lazy start to the day and it was nice to have Robbie at home on a Saturday for a change. As usual it wasn't long before I was treated to one of Robbie's 'wrong time, wrong place' comments. I thought I finally had his undivided attention, but suddenly he informed me that his Hornby Blue Pullman was DCC ready - he had spotted it on top of the wardrobe! The trouble is once he starts on the subject of trains you cant shut him up and he started to ramble on about the relative merits of the Hornby Virgin Pendolino as against the Dapol version. There was only one course of action open to me, I sent him off to make a cup of tea!

The cats don't seem to mind listening to random information about trains, as long as he feeds them, so he stayed downstairs talking to the cats while i enjoyed a few minutes of peace and quiet with Radio 4. A bit later on I was busy with some paperwork and I noticed that Robbie was missing - I always start to worry when he goes quiet! He was having a chat with one of my friends on instant messenger, she wants to borrow him again, that man will do anything for cake!! There was only a brief respite from railway related ramblings, he pestered me all afternoon until I gave in and took him too the model shop to buy the new Hornby catalogue. It cost £8 just for the catalogue, but at least it kept him quiet for a while!

Christmas Morning - by Robbie 26.12.07

Well, its Boxing day and we have had a brilliant Christmas. We all gathered in the lounge early on Christmas morning to watch the children open their presents. For weeks now Christine has been reminding me that we were not to buy each other anything for Christmas, not even anything small. The trouble is that Chris does SO much for me throughout the year it would be impossible for me to not buy her just a 'little' something. After everybody had opened their sacks Laura came down with a red Santa sack...for ME!!! OMG, she's done it again (I refer to Chris doing the same trick last year, think I'd learn by now...lol..) There was one big present sticking out of the sack and the shape of it set me thinking ....had she remembered my comments re the M&S Hornby limited edition Night Scot train set? Yes, you guessed it, she did! ....what a FANTASTIC surprise! But there were also another couple of surprises lurking.....two railway mugs! Chris knows I have a bit of a thing for railway mugs so she bought me TWO class 170 railways mugs, one for home and one for work (she thinks of everything..) they are GREAT mugs too!! I also got several railway videos, a book called Along Lost Lines which is packed with loads of information and photos about railway history. I opened two other packages and found 'lounge wear' (or PJ's according to Christine). I was initially dubious because I like to choose my own 'lounge wear' and these were not a brand I had bought before, but when I tried them on they were a perfect fit and really comfortable, for someone who hates shopping Christine had done an incredible job!

Too Much Detail? 04.10.07

I always try to be honest and to tell the truth in my dealings with other people, but there have been times when the effort has nearly killed me. I remember an older relative would occasionally ambush me with 'what do I look like in this?' and I had to go to great lengths to find something honest but not hurtful to say. I would comment on the colour or the length rather than the general appearance! I am usually fairly good at thinking on my feet, but Robbie caught me off guard a few days ago, he asked me if he was boring! He detected the moment of panic before I had time to compose my face and searched for a non committal answer. He pursued the issue saying 'you really think I'm boring don't you?' and I had to admit that there are times when that would be true. To be fair it is not so much that he is boring, just that he provides an excess of information about subjects of limited interest.

Robbie was stung and countered with claims that I was also boring, an accusation which I freely admit. I am not a going out sort of person and I have my own particular interests, but in an odd sort of way Robbie and I suit each other very well. I will leave it to others to decide if Robbie is boring, I will just present you with a review of the evidence Sherlock Holmes style. Recent conversations have included such gems as who created the theme tune for the comedy To The Manor Born - do I care! It was Ronnie Hazlehurst actually, but knowing that has not made a huge difference to my life. A recurring theme for the last week has been the pressing question of the M in the Morrisons logo, have they changed it or not? It doesn't matter to me one way or the other but for some reason it is vitally important to Robbie. The performance of the new tea towel has been 'in the news' for a couple of weeks now, I'm not sure why it bothers him so much. There is also the vexed question of the M&S Hornby train set, will they issue one for Christmas this year and if so what will it be? I am not holding my breath on this one, but I get daily bulletins anyway. Then there is the daily update on the Christmas catalogues coming out, it was Boots yesterday and Robbie kindly told me in excruciating detail about all of the 3 for 2 offers, yes I do mean ALL the offers! The little matter of his work trousers has been of 'burning' importance recently, but for Richard's sake I will not mention the details again, however it did cause him to wonder why everything 'goes south' as we get older! Gravity! I know exactly what trains he caught to and from Preston, I know what route they took, if they were on time, who worked on them, I even know who he sat next to on the train this morning and what they talked about - I could go on but you get the idea! He regularly wakes me up to ask me if I'm asleep, so he is not too good at picking up on visual clues and I he is always surprised when I suggest that he provides too much detail!

He's At It Again! 05.05.07

Robbie never learns, he has been up to his old tricks again. Saturday morning, still in bed, totally the wrong moment and Robbie chooses to inform me that there are a number of engineering possessions planned for the bank holiday weekend! My dangerous expression prevented him listing all the locations and diversion arrangements. I was unable to distract him from thoughts of the railway for very long. A short time later he told me that he had brought an old Bradshaws and it showed that at one time you could approach North Walsham station by rail from 4 directions. I can't imagine how I have managed to struggle through life without knowing that!! Oh well, they say if you cant beat 'em join 'em, so I curled up with the Hornby catalogue.

Stolen Time - Two Minutes! 18.03.07

I had a nice Mother's Day. The children gave me some lovely cards and they gave me the new Ben Mills CD and The Queen DVD. I haven't had time to enjoy either yet as we went out to spend the day with my mum.

Robbie has been surprisingly well behaved this weekend - maybe he is sickening for something!! This morning, we were cuddled up in bed enjoying the luxury of not having to get up at the crack of dawn when did his usual trick of spoiling an intimate moment - by worrying about a timetable change for his train in May. It is bad enough that he even thinks about trains when we are in bed, but he is only obsessing about two minutes, so it is hardly going to blight his life. Apparently they need an extra two minutes journey time because of work at Rugby, he would have provided even more detail but I explained to him that he may not survive until May if he keeps doing this. He was quiet and gave me his undivided attention for a few minutes before reverting to type and telling me all about the new Hornby magazine, he even showed me the pictures! Oh well if you can't beat them join them, or so they say. I got my own back this afternoon, I nicked his Rail magazine, and made him wait ages to read it!

It snowed a bit when we went to collect Emily from work and when I parked and turned off the engine the wipers were at either side of the screen rather than at the bottom. This didn't bother me as we would be driving off again as soon as she came out, but Robbie couldn't bear it. It sent him crazy and he begged me to turn the engine on to move the wipers to their correct position. Eventually I had to relent, just to shut him up. This caused me to suggest that it was yet more evidence that he is "on the spectrum" - he went mad! It doesn't bother me, I know he is a bit weird and I still love him, but there again maybe all train people are a bit strange