A Fright in the Night

Robbie spent Sunday doing his best to get back into my good books. For some reason he found it necessary to tell me in detail how to make a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel. This is particularly useless information because I don't like smoked salmon and I don't like bagels, but Robbie didn't let a trivial detail like that deter him. He explained the whole process step by step with recommendations on the best place to purchase the ingredients, a unit cost analysis and a comparison to the ready made option from Marks and Spencer. If he could confine his thoughts to things that actually matter he could take over the world!

Last night was yet another disturbed night. Robbie came to bed very late because he had been having a protracted battle with his ipod, apparently it was stubbornly refusing to synchronise. Anyway Robbie is a creature of habit and he woke me up when he came to bed, there was no prospect of of me going back to sleep without a trip to the bathroom so I reluctantly headed along the landing. While in the bathroom I became aware of a commotion at the back of the house. Oreo had obviously squeezed out of a tiny window and was meowing loudly and attempting to get back in through the closed kitchen window. I trudged down to let him in and then shut the tiny hall window to prevent a repeat performance. I met Robbie on his way out of the bedroom to confront a burglar. I ordered him to put some clothes on first! Then I explained what had happened, but Robbie was convinced that a burglar had been attempting to get in the window so (when decently attired) he went down to check. He returned satisfied that everything was safe and secure. He got into bed and fell asleep instantly (how does he do that?) but I lay there wide awake for ages.

This morning Robbie has gone for Fire Warden refresher training. I'm not sure why that conjures up images of Dad's Army in my mind, perhaps it is just the link in my mind with the ARP Warden, but it could be Corporal Jones getting into a flap and telling everyone not to panic, or perhaps it is Frazer's prediction that "we're doomed".

Problem Pets 01.11.07

Yesterday was an odd day. Shortly after Robbie left for work I glanced out of the kitchen window and saw Meg wandering around the garden wearing some sort of contraption around her neck with an additional piece dragging along behind her. I couldn't believe my eyes, it looked as if she was ploughing the garden - it could probably do with something radical like ploughing! On closer inspection I realised that she was wearing what remained of the dog flap! She is a lovely dog, but possibly not the brightest of the canine world. It shouldn't be too difficult to guess what 'Bob the Builder' will be doing this weekend.

When Sam and Laura had been safely despatched to school, I was ready to indulge in a few moments of luxury, a nice relaxing bath. Seconds after settling myself into the bath there was an almighty crash, so close that it could only be someone breaking into the house. I sat still, listening to Meg's frantic barking, eventually she stopped and the house was silent. Realising that my present situation put me at considerable disadvantage in tackling a 'mad bad axeman'. I got dried and dressed in record time and walked quietly downstairs (suitably armed) to investigate the clatter. It was immediately obvious what had happened, the hall curtains, rail and all were on the floor and Oreo was on the windowsill. That dratted cat had tried to climb up the curtains and had managed to bring the whole lot down. I am starting to see the attraction of a goldfish as a pet!

Things That Go Bump in the Night 25.09.2007

I awoke in the early hours of the morning to hear strange slightly hollow bumping noises. I listened intently and was sure we must have intruders, the noise seemed to be coming from the vicinity of the stairs. 'Sleeping Beauty' was comatose so I wasn't going to get much help from him. I crept to the bedroom door and listened, I thought I was mistaken but the noise seemed to be coming from the bathroom at the top of the stairs. I couldn't hear voices or footsteps, just a random bumping and clattering. I decided to investigate, after all there is nothing in our bathroom to attract 'Burglar Bill'. I crept towards the bathroom, the door was open and the noise was definitely coming from inside. We always leave the light on so I looked for signs of movement or shadows and I saw nothing. Finally I summoned up the courage to walk into the bathroom. I found the kitten bounding around in the bath chasing a moth! Having unmasked the 'intruder' I liberated the moth and chased the kitten back downstairs to his bed. I returned to bed where Robbie was still sleeping soundly completely oblivious of the 'drama'.

Close Encounters of the Scary Kind 20.01.07

Robbie finally arrived home exhausted but triumphant at about 11.40pm. You may wonder what he found to be triumphant about after such a frustrating day - it was the outstanding performance of the Voyager toilets during the 12 hours it took to make the journey from Glasgow to Birmingham. I know we have to count our blessings, but that is just weird!

Our plans for the weekend have changed due to the problems caused by the gales yesterday, so Robbie will be out in the garden bright and early to make an attempt on his record. With a bit of luck (and careful supervision) he may even be able to get the fence to stay up for a whole week! Practice makes perfect, or so they say.

Robbie woke up late this morning feeling somewhat bleary eyed after his adventure yesterday. He made it to the bathroom without incident, but as he made a quick dash back to the bedroom wearing little more than a smile, he encountered a man on the landing. There was a scream of surprise followed by a string of expletives before he returned to the bedroom looking as if the devil was after him. The man in question was superman, life size and incredibly life like as he leaned against the door to the airing cupboard looking across at Sam's bedroom. Sam had decided to put him outside his bedroom, and of course being Sam there is always an interesting reason for his actions. He didn't like having the life sized cut-out in his bedroom because he didn't like to think he was being looked at while he was asleep. He had therefore decided to put him outside his room, to guard the door and deter unwelcome visitors. It certainly made an impression on Robbie! Sam has Asperger Syndrome and although it is incredibly difficult for him to cope with the ordinary matters of daily life, this was one of those occasions when the result of his behaviour was extremely funny.