Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you understand every individual word but the sentence still doesn't make sense? Those with experience of building self assembly furniture would probably answer with a resounding yes. Have you come close to tears of frustration when trying to communicate with someone apparently speaks the same language as you? If you have ever had to deal with an overseas call centre the answer is probably yes! For most of us those things may be irritating or even upsetting, but they only happen occasionally and then they are quickly forgotten.
For people with Asperger Syndrome or Autism communication difficulties are a constant challenge. To some extent it is a hidden disability; people with Asperger Syndrome can often be pedantic and obsessive about certain subjects which other people find exhausting or even irritating. They find social interactions difficult because they are not good at reading or predicting situations and they often struggle to interpret emotions or the subtle subtext of what is being said. However these difficulties can be masked to some extent by a wide vocabulary and good linguistic skills, so other people may not realise that the person has not understood. Instead of being understanding, other people can become hostile and angry.
On Saturday I met a 45 year old man who has been the victim of online bullying, because he didn't fit in. He hadn't done anything wrong, he was just a bit obsessive about his favourite subjects which other people found annoying. I felt terribly sad when this chap told me that he knows a lot of people, but he has no friends. We chatted for well over an hour and I realised that he is a very knowledgeable, interesting man who means no harm to anyone. I just want to make a plea from the heart, please don't be too quick to judge people who are a bit different because they may have a hidden disability. It takes all sorts to make a world, and just a little bit of understanding and tolerance makes the world of difference.
I rarely mention my work when I write the blog, but today I am going to break my own rules because this trivial incident made someone feel so good and all it took was a little effort. A lady came up to me to ask a question, I could see that she had difficulty in walking and when she asked her question her speech was hard to understand. I guessed that she may have cerebral palsy. I latched on to the couple of words that I understood and repeated them asking if that is what she was looking for. I was rewarded with a huge smile as she realised that I'd understood her without making her repeat the question. I told her that I would show her what she was looking for and I walked with her at her pace to the correct place. Her friend came up to us and the lady almost danced with excitement as she told her that I had understood the first time she spoke. It was such a small thing and it cost me nothing, but it made a big difference to her - and it made me feel pretty good too.
In my family there are several people with disabilities. I don't think it really gives me any special insight, but the one thing that they all have in common is that they want to be able to do the things that other people do and they want to focus on their ability rather than being defined by their disability. I don't really understand why other people seem to find that so difficult to understand that. My son has a disability (autistic spectrum disorder) which would not be obvious to someone who only met him briefly. Ordinary things like shopping have brought extra challenges for him - and me! There have been a few occasions when people who should have known better have treated him very badly and made things more difficult for him. Usually this could have been avoided completely if people were a little more accepting of difference and less critical of behaviour that they do not understand. My son is amazing and I am really proud of the way he copes with life, but it has taken him a long time to admit to his disability and to accept help when he needs it.
Robbie also has a largely hidden disability, he has spina bifida and it causes more or less constant pain and difficulty in walking. He wants to be seen as just a normal person like everyone else, but he has had to admit that sometimes he needs extra help with certain things. OK, I know that Robbie is a little more unique than most, and the word normal really doesn't suit him, but you know what I mean. Little adjustments like having additional leg room makes travelling much less painful for him. I don't need to list everything, but a lot of small adjustments add up to a big difference to someone's ability to cope with a disability. So when you see a young and apparently able bodied person sitting in a seat offering extra leg room, or using other facilities provided for people with disabilities don't be too quick to judge, their disability may not be obvious.
We awaken in others the same attitude of mind that we hold towards them.
We have had a problem for some time with things being moved, usually out of reach! That little problem has been more or less resolved because as they say, 'where there's a will there is a way'. I have plenty of determination and I have found a way to reach even the highest shelves Now it seems that things have started vanishing too and I am not amused. I don't think we are being plagued by a poltergeist, I suspect our 'phantom' is all too human!
This morning I went to have a bath and the bath plug had 'vanished'. I could have had a shower but I am not so keen on showers and Robbie doesn't like the shower head to be adjusted, so by the time the water gets to my head it feels too heavy - yes really! I decided to have a wash and postpone my bath until I had the plug. That was when things took a turn for the worse, I reached into the little basket by the window where I keep my toothpaste and several other essential bits and bobs. I pulled out the tube that was in the position of my tooth paste and it had mysteriously become a tube of Ralgex! That was a very lucky escape!
Later in the morning I went out to have a bit of 'me time' and to buy a bath plug, it was nice I should do it more often - not the bath plug, the 'me time'. When I got to the shop that sells bath plugs the conspiracy against short people continued, the bath plug was on the highest hook on the rack. There was no one around to help so I selected a metal shelf bracket from a lower hook and used it to reach the item I wanted. Then once I had paid the huge sum of 99p I went home with my personal bath plug and enjoyed a long hot soak.
Just one word of warning, the culprit should sleep with one eye open in future because I have the Ralgex and I may be tempted to use it ...................!!!
Robbie is still going on about his yellow T-shirt. He insists that I hid it because I was intending to demand a ransom for the safe return of his top. There are several flaws in his theory, but I can assure you that if I had hidden his T-shirt, he wouldn't have found it! I will admit to private fantasies about a mixed wash accident, but if I removed every item of Robbie's clothing that offends me he would spend his life naked! The truth is that he didn't look properly, I have kept a packet of chocolate fingers in plain view for over a week without him finding them and he still hasn't spotted the Polish Jaffa cakes that I bought two weeks ago!
There has been a battle of wills in our house this weekend, Robbie made an unscheduled trip to Marks and Spencers and came back with the most hideous shirt imaginable. He had it hidden in his rucksack but if he hoped to sneak it past me he failed miserably. Even a used car salesman would have been ashamed to wear it! It was a horribly loud check with blues and pinks and it reminded me of that nasty synthetic material that they make overalls out of (the kind that old ladies wear). He insisted that it was ideal for work I insisted that it wasn't - unless he is thinking of a career as a rat catcher, it would be useful then because they would die laughing! Anyway after a weekend of argument he backed down and he has agreed to take it back on Tuesday.
