When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on - Franklin D Roosevelt

Yesterday was 'one of those days'. If I am honest those difficult days seem to crop up with surprising regularity and just occasionally I find myself wondering if things will ever get easier. I am not usually an Eeyore type, I try to have a positive outlook, but everyone has their moments. 

We all have our own ways of dealing with a bad day, some people distract themselves with a shopping trip, but I prefer to log on to the computer to spend an hour or two working on my family history. I enjoy finding out about the lives of my ancestors and it helps to put things into perspective. However difficult things seem to be for me, I know that I have it easy in comparison to many of my ancestors. 


I have been working on a very faded photograph of my grandma and a group of other people. With the help of a couple of other people I have managed to restore the photo and I have been trying hard to identify the other people in the picture. It is strange looking at a photo of my grandmother as a young woman, no older than my children are now. I remember her as a strong and rather formidable old lady, but looking at the younger photo I saw a gentler face full of youthful hope. It must have been about 1911 and I realised that dreadful worry and sorrows lay ahead of her. There must have been times when just putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with life was almost impossible, but she did it. Her life experiences gave her the inner strength and determination that I remember so clearly.


She had many little sayings, one of her favourites was 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. I didn't realise it at the time, but she was living proof of that. Thinking about my grandma reminded me of a framed verse that she kept on the mantelpiece,"Four things come not back, the spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life and the neglected opportunity". I didn't understand the truth of it at the time, but I do now. I will not allow the worries and aggravations that come my way to cast a shadow over the many good things in my life. People may have cause to regret underestimating me, I come from a long line of strong women and I don't give up!

Magna est veritas et praevalet     

Be Sure Your Sins Will Find You Out!

I have written several times about the dark cloud of worry that has been hanging over us since July when completely out of the blue Robbie received a £17,000 bill for child  support for a period almost 15 years ago when he was living with his ex partner and their children! To say that the last few months have been a living hell would be an understatement. Trying to get CSA to listen or respond was an impossibility and even with the help of our MP it has been an uphill struggle dealing with CSA. They seem to take the word of the woman without question while choosing to ignore all our evidence to show that he was living with his ex at that time.


Finally about a week ago we got a letter conceding that he did not owe £17,000 but insisting that he owed around £2000 because they still insist that he was not living with his ex for one of the years in question. This is based only on her word, the have chosen to ignore evidence from the bank that they had a joint bank account, evidence of his address from his employers at the time, tax documents, monthly bills etc. It seemed as if there was very little that we could do to provide further proof but we were determined not to give up. Robbie has always loved and supported his children and the suggestion that he had failed to support his family was as painful as the prospect of having to pay a large sum of money to the government that he didn't owe and could not afford.


Thankfully there was another piece of evidence and we hope very much that it will be accepted as conclusive evidence that he was with his ex for the whole period in question. Thanks to a very conscientious employee at Virgin Trains who kept meticulous records and also thanks to colleagues at Cross Country who went the extra mile and searched back through the files we feel a little more confident. We now have copies of a statutory declaration that was sworn in front of a solicitor and signed by the ex stating that she and Robbie had lived at the same address as a meaningful couple and that Robbie had supported his children for the whole period now in dispute. Surely that will be enough! 


Please keep your fingers crossed for us. I am not usually a vindictive person but I really hope that justice prevails and that she doesn't get away with abusing and defrauding the system! 

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.

The words of the Swedish proverb used in the title are very true, but sadly the worries that have been haunting us and prevent me from keeping up with the blog  in recent days cast a very big shadow indeed because the situation has potentially devastating consequences. Robbie has received a demand from CSA/CMEC for payment of almost £17,000 arrears! The alleged arrears date from a period from 1998 to 2001 when he was still living with his ex partner (they even had a joint bank account!) but despite having an open case with CSA (and paying diligently) since 2002 when he and his partner split up, he had never been made aware of these alleged arrears. It is proving almost impossible to prove where he lived in 1998 since even employment records and bank records do not go back that far. The trouble is that CSA do not need to prove the arrears, he has to prove that he doesn't owe it, in the meantime CSA can use all the considerable powers at their disposal to take the money. It is very very scary, we simply haven't got that sort of money so the future looks very bleak. Our MP is helping us, but it is a very worrying time.