You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react to it.

I started my Question and Answer journal yesterday, it was harder than I expected because I only had a few lines to write my answer and the questions (I have only answered two so far) are more tricky than they first appear. The question for yesterday was 'what is your mission?'. I had check that I correctly understood what the word mission meant before I attempted to answer the question. I have often been described as a woman on a mission (usually when I am trying to get Robbie to do as he is told!). I think that is because I am a bit of a Jack Russell Terrier, when I get my teeth into a problem, I don't let go. 

In the end I thought about the term mission as it is used by companies and organisations they have a mission statement to describe their core aims and values. Their mission statement sums up their reason for existing and when I think about it in that way it is much easier to answer the question. My family are my reason for being, they will always come first and I will always do my best to love and support them. Having said that I have never wanted to be a burden to my children so it is important that I have my own identity too. Sometimes it is nice just to be me and to enjoy some time doing whatever I like, I am never short of things to do. I am very happy with my own company but I love spending time with Robbie too, life is never boring, but it is exhausting at times!

The next question was deceptively simple 'Can people change?'. There was a time that I would have said "of course they can" now that I am older and wiser (or more cynical) I have to admit that people rarely change. I still believe that people are capable of change, but the motivation has to come from them, it is not possible to change someone else. Judge Judy has a saying "Never try to teach a pig to sing, it doesn't work and it annoys the pig". It means that people are what they are, what you see is what you get and however hard you try you can't make someone change their nature. I wish I had understood  that years ago, it would have saved a lot of heartache.

Autism is like an iceberg some signs are visible but more are hidden below the surface

A telephone call on Friday afternoon left me in tears, but that is the end of the story, I need to start from the beginning. At 6am on Friday morning Robbie had left for work and I was standing in the kitchen ironing shirts and feeling very apprehensive. Two members of my family had important meetings that day and there was not a thing I could do to help either of them except to iron shirts for my son in the hope that looking neat and tidy would help him to make a good impression.

I have spent my life worrying about him, trying to keep him safe and generally trying to do my best for him, he may be 17 and almost grown up but I still worry and I still do my best to support him. Life is often challenging for people with Asperger's Syndrome or Autism but it can also be mentally exhausting for those who love them. I don't usually write about my son's Asperger's Syndrome because he tries so hard to be just like everyone else. He doesn't want to be labelled, he just wants to be accepted as himself, but in order to achieve that he has had to work hard to understand other people and to understand himself. It has been an up hill struggle, but I am so proud of him because he never gives up, even when things go wrong he keeps on trying.


He had applied for an important role within his school and on Friday he had to attend interviews as pat of the the selection process. We all feel anxious about interviews, but for my son facing people he didn't know, managing to maintain eye contact, to answer questions and (most important of all) to know when to stop talking was a really big challenge for him. I felt apprehensive all morning, and it was a relief to get a text from him saying that the interviews had gone well. He told me that he would know the outcome by the end of the school day, so he still had an anxious wait. I wished him luck and reminded him that whatever the outcome, it is all good experience.


I can't believe the change in him since he moved to that school. They have helped him to believe in himself, to believe that he can do things and to dare to aim high. His old school had high academic standards and he did well there, but I never felt that they cared about him as an individual. His new school had a different outlook and he has thrived.


I watched the clock, 3.15pm came and went and I convinced myself that it must be bad news. Then at almost 4pm my son rang to say that he had been selected as a vice president of his school for the next academic year (boys are not allowed to stand for president because it is a girls school). I was just on my way out to the supermarket when I took the call, I was so please for him and so proud of him, that I sat in the car with tears running down my cheeks. It has done him the world of good going to that school.

Raindrops keep falling on my head ......

I am so fed up with all this rain, I am thinking of changing my name to Noah! Even when it is not raining heavily it seems to be constantly damp and miserable. We have floods in various places, two caravan parks at Billing and Cogenhoe and some other properties have been evacuated. Sheep and cattle have had to be evacuated from flooded fields and in the park the lake has flooded and paths and benches are hidden under water.The ducks and water birds seem to be enjoying their newly enlarged lake, but for the rest of us the conditions are depressing. So why when we have more water than we no what to do with, do we still have someone from the government saying that we will be getting our water from standpipes in the street if we have another dry winter? It is all very well for the water companies to say it is the wrong kind of rain and telling us that it just runs away. Rain is rain, too much of it causes floods and creates havoc. Of course water soaks away gradually, but it us up to the water companies to collect it and store it, heaven knows we pay them enough!

This photo was taken yesterday looking towards Weston Mill from near Bedford Rd in Northampton. On the left is the River Nene, on the right is the flood storage area (usually you can walk on this land). That is a lot of water! 

It is exactly 14 years since we had another very wet April, apparently we had 3.5 x the average rainfall for that month and according to news reports a whole months worth of rain fell in one day in April. On the night of 9th April there were terrible floods in the town and there was no advance warning. 2500 homes were flooded and 2 lives were lost. There had been no serious flooding in the town since 1939. The reasons for the 1998 flood were complex, but building on the flood plain certainly played a part. Since then a lot of work has been done to protect the vulnerable areas of the town. Without that additional protection Billing and possibly other parts of our town would have suffered serious flooding again this year. It does seem that 'the powers that be' have got their act together in respect of flood protection. Now we need the water companies to do the same in terms of water storage. It is a nonsense that we are up to are eyes in water yet we still have a hosepipe ban!

Stopping to Look Both Ways

We have had a lovely Christmas this year, nice food to eat, nice presents, but most important of all we were able to enjoy time with the people we love. We always have good intentions but life can be so busy that far too long can slip by without us spending quality time with family and friends. So the Christmas break has been especially important to us, we have enjoyed special moments with our wider family. It is rare that we are all together at the same time so that makes it extra special. After all the activity and chaos of Christmas, Robbie and I appreciated a few days of quiet with nothing much to do and all day to do it. Usually our days start very early, so not being ruled by the alarm clock has been fantastic and I think it has done us both good to have time to unwind. Despite all the pre Christmas stress, I have really enjoyed this Christmas break and I will be sorry to see Robbie return to work tomorrow.


I am not a fan of new year celebrations. It always seems rather sad to be closing the door on the old year and I look ahead to the new year with a certain amount of trepidation, wondering what new worries and challenges it has in store. It is odd really as I am not a pessimist and I tend to take most of the ups and downs of life in my stride, I think mostly it is just fear of the unknown. Every year the world changes a little bit, situations change, new people come into our lives and some become very important, and sadly other people are lost from our lives. As the year draws to a close we remember the familiar faces no longer with us who have brightened our lives in various ways. We may not know them personally but we are touched by their loss and we will miss them. Perhaps I am just getting old but it seems to me that we have said too many goodbyes in the last year. Among those that I will miss most are George Baker who brought Inspector Wexford to life, Jimmy Saville because there was no one quite like him, Peter Falk because I loved Colombo, David Croft who wrote Dads Army as well as other great comedy shows and brought so much pleasure, Billie Jo Spears because I loved her voice, and Edward Hardwicke who I will always think of as Dr Watson.

Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. ~ African Proverb

It has been a challenging weekend, Robbie has been reduced to a standstill by his misbehaving legs and other assorted problems. I hate to see him in so much pain especially when there is nothing I can do except let him moan at me, it makes me feel so useless. I really do try my best not to mind when he moans, I know it is just his frustration and discomfort speaking, but I have to confess that he gets his answer sometimes. It is at times like this that I wish we lived next to a busy railway line because then he could time the trains to the second and think up better ways to run the railway instead of interfering with the way I do things!  I try (and sometimes fail) to smile sweetly and remember the words of G K Chesterton 'Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel'. Perhaps being grumpy helps him to deal with the pain.

We didn't put the Christmas tree up as planned because there was now way that Robbie could get into the loft and while I may have been able to get in, I was very doubtful about my ability to get out again. I will ask 'the son who must not be named' to get the tree down - when Robbie is not there to supervise! Daughter number two finally produced her Christmas wish list so thanks to the internet I was able to get on with my Christmas shopping without leaving the house. I have almost finished my shopping for presents, but the food shopping is still looming large on the horizon. We didn't go out except to get a few essential groceries, and a non essential and terribly sinful bread and butter pudding - my favourite! Even when he is not well Robbie still manages to tempt me to wickedness! 

One nice thing about this weekend was that I had time to catch up with writing the blog and I was able to chat online to a friend that I don't get the chance to chat to very often. It is nice to chat sometimes, it helps me to understand people better, it helps to put my thoughts in order and it reminds me to value the things that are really important in life and not to stress to much about the things that don't really matter. Robbie may be challenging at times, he may have his own unique way of doing things and he may have all the sensitivity of a rhinoceros at full charge, but when it comes to the things that really matter he doesn't let me down and I wouldn't swap him for the world!

All I Want for Christmas Is ................

Now that shopping and all the preparations for Christmas are in full swing I find myself thinking longingly of the days when I the children were little and shopping was so much easier. Back then money was still tight but almost everything wanted could be bought in one visit to Toys r Us, and when they woke up on Christmas morning their stockings were bulging. Now if their wish lists involve more effort in terms of shopping, have a bigger price tag and when the presents are wrapped and tucked under the tree they don't look very impressive, they certainly wouldn't fill a stocking! 

I still have younger children to buy for, three nephews and a niece and I have to admit that shopping for them has been the most enjoyable part of Christmas for me. My niece is 10, very grown up and very interested in fashion, so the main part of her present had a fashion design theme. She also loves reading, so I decided to buy her two books that I loved when I was young. It was hard to choose just two books, but it was very enjoyable to remember so many of the books that I enjoyed as a child. In the end I chose Charlotte Sometimes and Tom's Midnight Garden, both books had a similar theme, the connection between the past and the present. I hope she will enjoy them as much as I did.


My three year old nephew will be getting books as part of his present too. I bought him a set of Richard Scarry books and when Robbie saw them I thought he was going to burst with excitement. Apparently 'Cars, Trucks and Things That Go' was Robbie's favourite book when he was little, so I am sure he will enjoy reading the books with Oliver. The other part of his present also caused Robbie to reminisce, I bought him a Tonka truck. According to Robbie they were much better in the old days, but when he thought I wasn't looking I caught him admiring the new truck which makes realistic engine noises and has a special tool to change the tyres. 


I also caught my son looking longingly at my 5 year old nephew's present. I had chosen Transformers for him because he is car mad and I remembered how much my son liked Transformers. My son commented that it made him feel like adding a transformer toy to his own Christmas list - I wish he would, it would be a lot cheaper and less complicated than some of the things he wants!


It seems to me that part of the pleasure of Christmas comes from remembering the things and the people that made past Christmases special. I wonder what we will remember when we look back on this Christmas?

The Differences Between Men and Women

I met a really nice man a couple of weeks ago. We had an interesting chat about all sorts of things including trains. He observed that men tend to obsess about things and women tend to obsess about people. That made a lot of sense to me because Robbie notices things such as minor changes if product packaging, bus numbers, car numbers, the design of post poxes and lamp posts, that sort of thing. I hardly ever notice those things, but I notice if someone is wearing odd socks, looks sad, or seems worried, things that Robbie  would probably not notice. 


Yesterday I received further confirmation that men and women have a different way of looking at things. My son announced to me that his English homework had been to consider gender stereotypes and to analyse the way that Robbie and I use language, then to present his observations to the class. Apparently is caused his teacher considerable amusement when he told the class that I'd told him that men almost always consider their cars (and trains) to be female, but I know for sure that my car is male because it is unreliable and expensive to maintain! He went on to tell the class that our use of language indicated that Robbie is submissive and I am dominant because I use imperatives and Robbie uses tactics such as hedging, fillers and hesitation in response. I have to admit that it feels a bit creepy to think that our use of language gives away so much about us (assuming his observations are accurate) we will have to be more cautious in future!

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

I have been asked that question a number of times in the last few weeks. My birthday was coming up and for some obscure reason people seem to think that it is cause to celebrate. It is a really difficult question to answer, because I really don't want anything. We have far too many 'things' already and there is nothing that I really need and I can't have the things I would really like.


More than anything I would like to be able to turn back time. Not to get rid of the wrinkles or because I am worried about my grey hairs, I don't care that much about either of those things. After all living with Robbie is bound to cause a few grey hairs - OK, I admit to more than a few grey hairs! I would like to turn back time because there are people who aren't here that should be and you can't help wishing that things could be different. Anyway things change, and I have to hang on to the fact that there are important people in my life now, such as my lovely nephews and niece who would be there if I turned back time. I guess the moral is that you have to live in the present and enjoy the people and things in your life now, then at least you carry special memories into the future with you.

I think my best ever birthday present was probably my first pony Geme. He had such a character and there was a very special bond between us for the rest of his life. The bond that develops between a young rider and her pony is very special. It is not the relationship with a dog or other pet because it involves a different level of trust and understanding. It is difficult to explain the closeness between horse and rider, it is not just an emotional bond, it is a physical communication.The rider understands and responds to every movement of the horse and the horse recognises and reacts to the movements and signals of the rider. The partnership depends on a large degree of trust and respect.


The joy of riding and the feeling of being at one with the pony brings a lot of pleasure, the thrill of cantering across a field and the gentler enjoyment of ambling along a lane in tune with the world around you. Horse riding gives you a lot of thinking time, it enables people to process thoughts and mull over problems, riding is good for your soul as well as for your mind and body.


I think my best birthday present as an adult was a video that I was given on my 41st birthday. My husband had borrowed some old cine film from my mum and had it transferred to video. I'd never seen the footage before and when I watched it I was confronted with my younger self laughing, playing and enjoying life. I was a spectator at my own first birthday party and I saw my grandmothers and my dad alive and well doing all the ordinary things that I only half remembered. Watching the video was a very emotional experience, but it was so precious, it was like being given back a little bit of my past. 

In Trouble Again

Robbie is in the dog house yet again. He has been forgetting to phone me because he is too busy, then when he did mange to remember to pick up the phone he managed to annoy me even more - he has been mixing with the wrong kind of people! I may not be there to keep an eye on him but he needs to remember that he has left me to do his packing for our holiday next week!!

Want Better Staff: Treat Your Employees Like Dogs

I came across this article today and I thought it was worth posting a link to it. I rather doubt the person who really need to read it will realise it is for him/her, but I live in hope, miracles do happen!

'You might think this notion is appalling, but from where I sit it occurs to me that many employees are often treated worse than their bosses dog, or at least they feel like they are............'

Read the full article here http://bizcovering.com/employment/want-better-staff-treat-your-employees-like-dogs/

Sweet Memories

Robbie often talks to me about people he has met on the train or people that he meets in the course of his work. From time to time he mentions a lady who sometimes catches the same train, I don't know her name because he usually describes the people he meets by the place that they get on or off the train, or by the job that they do. He must have told her about the blog at some point because she follows his exploits online. It always surprises me that anyone would find our lives interesting, but I guess it probably makes their own lives seem incredibly normal in comparison. Anyway Robbie met the lady again a few days ago and in the course of conversation they found that we live very close to each other. The blog was mentioned again and she said that she'd enjoyed reading about Robbie's favourite biscuit site and she asked if he liked any other unusual sites. I'm sure he has plenty of surprises up his sleeve, but today I am going to write about a site that I like.

A Quarter Of.... is one of my favourites sites, it sells all sorts of sweets that you may not have seen since your childhood. My particular favourites are clove balls, it is not so easy to find them these days. I love browsing through their products and remembering moments from my childhood. When I was about five I tasted bubble gum for the first time. I wasn't allowed to have bubble gum, but some came free with a comic and my dad taught me how to blow bubbles with it. When my mum and grandma got home they were not amused, but my dad just grinned at them. When I was a bit older my friend and I were allowed to cycle to the little shop several streets away to buy penny sweets. I always had to buy some for my little brother too, I liked the foam shrimps best, but he loved fruit salads and black jacks. Last Christmas I bought those storage boxes that have lots of little compartments and I made up a selection of sweets for each of my children, using sweets that had been favourites when they were young. Space Dust was always a great favourite with them and they liked milk bottles, Werthers originals and candy sticks. The boxes were a great success, they were a fraction of the price of the ones you can buy online and it is easy to refill them.

Watching the World Go By

You know when you see cartoon characters with steam coming out of their ears - I know exactly how they feel! Robbie and I were going to the garage to check the tyres and to do all those routine car jobs last night, so I arranged to drop Laura at work and then pick Robbie up from the station. Shortly before I was due to leave the house he rang to say that the line was blocked because a train had failed. He said not to worry because he would only be 35 minutes late. I had to leave as planned in order to get Laura to work on time, so I found myself sitting in the station car park watching the world go by. Whoever it was that coined the phrase 'the sights you see when you haven't got your gun' was probably sitting in the car park at Northampton when that thought struck them. There was enough raw material to keep Trinny and Susannah fully occupied for years! I began to wonder if there is a national shortage of mirrors? Why do men wear brown shoes with black suits? it looks horrible. I saw a so many people with pinstriped suits, striped shirts and patterned ties, have they never heard that 'less is more' or are they just taking revenge on the world? How difficult is it to buy a pair of trousers that actually fits? There seems to be an epidemic of 'ankle bashers' surely people must notice that their trousers are at half mast, it makes them look as if they have escaped from an institution. I know old men have a tendency to pull their trousers up to fasten under their chin, but ankle basher syndrome seems to affect a wide variety of people.

I watched groups of passengers spilling out onto the station, looking hopefully for Robbie among the crowd. He wasn't there. A series of texts detailed his very slow progress, each text ended with the word 'farce' in capital letters. I think it's a man thing, he does something similar when he is loosing an argument, he underlines every statement with the word 'fact'. By the time he finally arrived it was too late to mess around with the car, we had to get home in time to rescue the chicken casserole. Robbie wanted to talk about every detail of his journey and to explain the exact cause of the delay. I wanted to think about anything other than trains, surely I had endured enough for one night, he didn't take the hint and in the end he was faced with a stark choice - shut up about trains or walk home!

Robbie seems to have taken on some 'Hulk' like tendencies. On Monday he tore his shirt on the arm near the elbow, yesterday he tore a second shirt in exactly the same place. I suggested that he should wear that horrible multi coloured striped shirt today, I wouldn't be too bothered if he ripped that one. I suspect this may be a cunning plan to justify more new shirts, but I think he still has more than enough shirts to see him through the next few months!