Scary Shoes

Robbie enjoyed his birthday very much, it would have been nice to have him home a bit earlier, but things don't always work out as planned (especially when London Midland are involved!). We had a happy evening together and he was able to tell me all about his day, it seemed to involve a lot food so perhaps it is a good thing that birthdays only happen once a year! He had two breakfasts, a lovely lunch and his favourite meal in the evening, no wonder he was too full to have any birthday cake! So we decided to save the cake until today.

Life with Robbie is never dull, I have learnt to expect the unexpected, but last night I was lost for words. Watching Robbie try on his new Dr Martens was a surreal experience. He was wearing a white T-shirt and his favourite very bright and very baggy M&M design PJ bottoms when he decided to try on his new Dr Martens. The shoes are white with brown trim and in my opinion they are absolutely horrible, but Robbie fell in love with them and because I love him very much I bought them for him as an early birthday present. He sat for a little while just stroking and admiring the shoes, then he decided to try them on.


He deliberated about the colour of the laces for a few minutes, he asked if I thought the white or the brown laces would look best. It really made no difference, the shoes would still look horrible, but I chose brown, so Robbie decided on white. The shoes looked so wrong, the look was not helped by the black socks that he was wearing. Not to mention the M&M PJ bottoms. He walked up and down the lounge, one hand on his hip and asked me what I thought. I am rarely lost for words, but on this occasion I was speechless. What I was actually thinking was that he looked like a cross between Larry Grayson and Phil Mitchell, but perhaps it wasn't the moment to say so!

My heart sank when he announced that he would be wearing his new shoes to work today, I am not sure the railways are ready for a shock like that, but I couldn't change his mind. He is wearing them with jeans and a casual shirt, personally I think they are hideous but I will leave you to decide....... 

I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience - Author Unknown

Today is the day! The big 40 has finally caught up with Mr B. It may be his birthday, but it is also a normal working day so we had to get up even earlier than usual to allow Robbie to have a few minutes to open his cards and presents. He had chosen to have money for his birthday, but he had lots of nice presents too. A couple of pairs of cufflinks, aftershave, a retro mug based on the old Ladybird books, Lego minifigures, Lego books, a reproduction of an Eagle Annual, as well as various other bits and bobs. He also had two pairs of Dr Marten Shoes, one pair chosen by him and so hideous that they defy description, the other pair chosen by me and much more sensible. They are red 1461's (made in England!) he seemed to be very pleased with them - and almost as pleased with the Dr Marten carrier bag that they came in!


All too soon it was time for him to get ready for work. It would have been nice to have a long lazy day together, but the 'real world' dictated otherwise. Before long Robbie was dressed in his dark suit with a smart white shirt and his new 'keep calm and carry on' cufflinks. He had stashed his Lego minifigures in his briefcase along with a set of farm themed novelty erasers. I had bought them to remind him of our trips to the Farm Shop and he seemed delighted with them, apparently he used to collect erasers - why does that not surprise me!


He was careful to reassure me that he isn't going to change just because he is 40, I don't think he is very keen on the idea of becoming old and sensible. He needn't worry, according to Jerry M. Wright "The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left." If that is true there is danger of Robbie becoming more mature that any time soon, he still likes his music loud and annoying. 

You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again. Bonnie Prudden

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely - Ogden Nash

When I was looking back through my recent blog posts, I realised that I had forgotten to mention an interesting little incident that happened while we were in Earls Barton on Saturday. While we were in Jeyes shop I was busy looking at recipe books and other bits and bobs when I noticed that Robbie was missing. I thought it was a bit odd because it is quite hard to lose him - I know because I've tried! I called his name and at first there was no reply, then a rather distant and reluctant voice announced that he was 'here'. Guided by his voice I headed in the direction of 'here' and found him in a quiet corner of the toy department. He was kneeling down at a little wooden table with a wooden railway track layout on it. He was guiding a wooden Thomas the Tank Engine around the track with his hand while making a selection of engine noises! I asked him if was about to be 4 or 40 and I was answered with a shrug, he told me that it was just too tempting.

Robbie continued to play trains while I loitered in the toy department grateful that this part of the store was relatively quiet. Then after what seemed like hours Robbie stood up, he had spotted some diecast versions of Thomas the Tank Engine and his friends. At first Robbie seemed preoccupied by changes in the design of the packaging, but then he spotted one called Spencer that he would quite like to buy. Thankfully it didn't come to that, we couldn't possibly accommodate another collection of engines, the house is bursting at the seams as it is. He left the shop with a big smile and big plans to build a new layout for his model trains - that should keep him out of trouble for a while!

The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers - Thomas Jefferson

There are many things that I love about Robbie, but his choice of newspaper is is not one of them. I detest the thing I resent the waste of paper and I resent the waste of money, I would rather he spent it on a railway magazine, even if he spent it on  Lego or any of his other many and varied obsessions it wouldn't seem so pointless. I have managed to change or modify many things about Robbie over the years, but he remains stubbornly attached to his limp lefty newspaper, so I do my best to ignore it.

Yesterday evening we settled down in the lounge, me with my laptop and Robbie across the room with his newspaper. I was lost in my own little world writing the blog when I glanced up to see Robbie holding his phone out to the cat, and more worrying still the cat was looking at it as if he was reading a text! I asked Robbie what he was doing and with a totally serious expression he said that he was showing the cat the time to prove that he had to wait another hour until feeding time. 

I shook my head in disbelief and settled back to writing the blog. A little later completely out of the blue Robbie asked "How much does mum pay for David's socks these days". It seemed such an odd question that I had to ask him to repeat it in case I hadn't heard him properly. I told Robbie that I have never given a passing thought to the price of my step father's socks - but thanks to Robbie I have now! Once he get's started on a subject there is no stopping him and I heard all about the advantages of loose top socks, a very good deal he had spotted; the price, the colour, it went on an on until I begged him to stop.

Finally he was quiet and I went back to what I was doing. Peace reigned for a little while, then Robbie's voice rang out asking "Have you noticed that you don't often see radishes in the supermarket these days?" I thought about it for a minute and decided to try my luck with a one word answer - no! It was worth a try, but it just encouraged him to provide more radish related information. I listened for a while but I really couldn't summon up much interest in radishes. I asked if he had ever eaten a radish and he informed me that he hadn't. I informed him that he hadn't missed much! I told him that if he was that interested I would buy him some radishes, but he quickly declined and told me that it just was something he had been reading about. 

So now yo know why I dislike that dratted newspaper, it puts ridiculous ideas in his head!

Be on the alert to recognize your prime at whatever time of your life it may occur - Muriel Spark

Robbie has a birthday coming up this week, much to his surprise he is going to be 40! So after another challenging week at work, his birthday celebrations began yesterday with a trip to the Doc Shop. My mum had given him money to buy himself a pair of boots. It was a lovely drive and it was nice to have a whole day together and to be able to please ourselves what we did.

When we got to the Doc Shop Robbie spotted some shoes that he liked, but they didn't have his size. Then he seized upon a pair of black and white boots covered in a sort of zebra hair material (not real zebra skin!). His eyes lit up as he stroked the boots, he really wanted them, but I'm afraid that my involuntary groan of horror put him off. He already has one pair of DM's that he can't wear in daylight, so another seemed a bit excessive, and then of course there was the question of how to keep them clean........ I cant help it, I am just more practical than Robbie, but when I stopped to think about it my mum would have wholeheartedly approved of black and white Zebra print boots, when it comes to shoes (and clothes) she and Robbie are on the same wavelength!


Robbie bounced around the shop like Tigger and he fell in love with a couple of other designs, but they did not have his size and he decided against the zebra print boots. He chose to save the money and to go back in a couple of weeks when they have had more stock delivered. He likes the thought of going back again and  in the meantime he can enjoy spending the money in his head many times over.

Earls Barton Church

I let him choose what else he would like to do that day, and he chose to have lunch at the Apothocoffee Shop in Earls Barton and of course to spend a little while in the book department at Jeyes! It was a very nice unhurried day and as always it was fun just enjoying happy moments together.

Tears at times have the weight of speech - Ovid

I will probably get into trouble for writing this, but sometimes you need to find words to express the way you really feel. In the last couple of weeks Robbie has said two things that have brought tears to my eyes. The first was so unusual and so out of character that I had to check with him that I had understood him properly. He said that he felt as if he should wear a label saying ‘I may look alright but I’m not’. Robbie has had to cope with spina bifida throughout his life and he has such a good attitude towards his disability that most people don't even notice it - he just gets on with life. So his comment came as a surprise.

He explained that it was very hard to cope with chronic pain. I am well aware of that, but I learnt long ago that he doesn’t want to be treated differently because of it. When I have tried to avoid situations or protect him in various ways I have had my head bitten off and been told loud and clear “I'm not a (insert expletive) cripple you know”. He is determined to be Robbie, a person who just happens to have a disability rather than being defined by it. He can do almost everything that everyone else can; he just needs to pace himself and to be creative about the way he does things. He doesn’t need a lot of fuss, all it takes is just a little bit of understanding and the freedom to do things his own way without constantly having to make reference to his disability. His comment reminded me that even if he is his usual bubbly self with a big smile on his face it is still hard, but in true Robbie style he is ‘just getting on with life.

The second thing that he did that brought tears to my eyes was something he wrote on Facebook

“....as they say, 'behind every great man, there's a great woman', I am far from great, but I would not have survived the last two and a half weeks, without the love and support of Mrs J! Thank you Mrs J, I love you very very much x ♥ x”

I am certainly not a great woman, just a very determined one. I am like a Jack Russell Terrier, I may lack height but I am as brave as a lion and I never give up. Robbie isn’t the only man in my life with a hidden disability; my son has autistic spectrum disorder. He manages reasonably well these days, but it hasn’t always been that way and there have been times when it has taken all of my strength and determination to ensure that he had the right support. Apparently I became a bit of a legend among his school friends because on a couple of occasions I had to deal with teachers who failed to take account of his specific needs. Thankfully most of his teachers were excellent.



Robbie’s words meant a lot to me. I am pleased that he values my support, I often feel useless because there is so little that I can do to make things easier for him. Perhaps just listening and trying to understand is more helpful than I realised - and heaven help anyone who makes things harder for him!

Robbie, I may be understanding but I don't miss much - don’t think I haven’t noticed that the quote you chose was suspiciously close to a Groucho Marx quotation!

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
                                                 Groucho Marx

First Catch Your Cat .......................

The saga of the cat continues, every time we put her out she sits outside meowing all day and all night, then just when you notice that it has all gone quiet you realise that she has broken in again! We can't go on like this so I decided that today I was going to take her to the vet to see if she has been chipped. There were just two small problems, catching her and getting her into the cat carrier. 


Yesterday evening my son and daughter caught her - eventually! She had hidden herself behind the fittings in the utility room again and it took forever to coax her out. Finally she was confined to the kitchen (where we hoped she wouldn't be able too hide, but she had other plans. She made her escape and this morning she had to be coaxed out from under a bed! 


Once again she was confined to kitchen and when the rest of the family had been despatched to work and school, I was left to get her into the cat carrier. There was just one problem the cat had decided that there was no way that it was getting into the cat carrier. She grew several extra legs (or at least it seemed like that), she did some amazing gymnastics, the only thing she didn't do was get into the cat carrier. Then after about ten failed attempts I managed to get her in and lock the door of the carrier behind her. I took a few minutes to calm her and let her get used to the carrier before heading off to the vet.


According to the vet she is a female and aged about three. She is not significantly under weight, but she is timid. She is not on any missing lists, I have checked with every group in the area, so the vet thinks that the best thing to do is to look for another home for her.                     

To the Farm Shop and Beyond

Robbie was really tired and in a lot of pain at the weekend, it had been a very long and challenging week. We didn't have the energy to go racing around finding exciting things to do, but it does you good to get out and do something different. So after dealing with all the routine household tasks we got in the car and took the scenic route through the Northamptonshire countryside to the farm shop. We are very lucky to live in such an attractive county, I always find the beautiful views and the happy memories associated with the little bit of the county that we visited on Saturday very uplifting. 


When we got to the Farm Shop Robbie went off in search of dripping and he was very excited when he found it because they didn't have any last time. We had a look round and chose some free range eggs (the main reason for our visit). Then as we approached the payment desk Robbie noticed some pork scratchings which he absolutely had to have. I thought he was teasing me at first, I didn't know that people actually eat them, I thought they were pet treats or something. Apparently I was wrong, according to Robbie they are a great delicacy but they don't look or smell like something I would want to taste! 


I tried to ignore the chomping noises coming from the passenger seat on the journey back to Northampton but it was challenging. Apparently it is not possible to eat pork scratchings quietly, and he was not amused when I suggested that maybe he should suck them instead! My disapproval didn't seem to spoil his enjoyment because the chomping was interrupted every so often by little expressions of delight and the word "Bostin". Not a word that we are familiar with in Northampton!


According to the Urban Dictionary Bostin means 'brilliant; fantastic; excellent; derived from the Anglo-Saxon 'bosten', meaning 'something to boast about' and now used almost exclusively in the Greater Birmingham area of the UK'


I can't complain too much about Robbie's treats, he bought me a can of Root Beer on Friday (as a thank you for supporting him through a very difficult week).
It was heaven, I love Root Beer, but I know it is not good for me. I also know that Robbie's treats are not good for him, which is why they are only very occasional purchases. 


I don't want to make it sound as if our whole day revolved around food, but later that afternoon we went out for a meal. Just something very ordinary, but it was special because we were together and for once we had a couple of hours without any other demands on our time.

Cat Wars

Since just before Christmas we have been targeted by a rather beautiful cat. It kept getting in through our cat flap and hiding in the utility room. Getting it to leave proved easier said than done, each time we thought it had gone we locked the cat flap and blocked it up but within a day the cat would reappear as if by magic. I began to think that either it was a time traveller or a ghost, but the muddy footprints and mess that betrayed it's presence suggested that it was all too real. The utility room houses an accumulation of clutter that needs to be kept but doesn't really have a home, everything from deckchairs to the cat carrier. Robbie was afraid that it would hide behind the fittings or the general clutter and die of starvation, but it is still very much alive.


It would meow at the kitchen door asking to be let in but when we opened the door to the utility room it would vanish behind the fittings again. It became a bit of a myth, we could hear it, we see it's footprints but we never saw more than the tip of it's tail vanishing behind the shelves. Then last Thursday it came back again, and it had a swearing match with Dave (the cat) through the door that connects the kitchen with the utility room. That was the last straw, my daughter decided that something had to be done, but being a busy young woman she set her brother the task of catching the cat. It took him all evening but eventually the cat was caught and found to be healthy and apparently well fed. Having made sure that it could not get back in we evicted it in the hope that it would go home, but it sat by the window all night and meowed loudly. 

The cat is a very unusual colour, from a distance it looks as if it should be a ginger tabby but it has created just in 'grey scale'. On closer inspection it has a faded ginger colour mixed with grey and black, with two white feet and white under it's chin and down it's chest. So I think that makes it a tortoiseshell of sorts. I have read that it is very unusual to get a male tortoiseshell so it is probably a girl (it is not keen to let me inspect it from that angle) but I think it looks like a male. It was too complicated to keep calling it 'the cat' because we have two cats of our own, so we have called it Bernard after Nursie in Blackadder, a woman with a man's name.


We congratulated ourselves because we could not hear the cat meowing outside on Friday night, but our celebrations proved premature. A trip to the freezer (in the utility room) on Saturday revealed the truth - the cat has got in again!! It is unbelievable, I have no idea why it has chosen us. Robbie's cousin said "This kind of thing is going to happen when Robbie and Dave start surfing the internet looking for ginger cats..."

You were born an original. Don't die a copy - John Mason

Over the years many people have asked me why I write the blog, Usually I tell them that it stops me from harming Robbie because writing things down helps to get it out of my system. That is only part of the truth, I have written a blog for many years now and before that I used to write a diary. Mostly it is for me, because writing helps me to process things and it is a nice way to preserve nice memories and to remember the little details of life that are so quickly forgotten. The other day Robbie told me that one of his friends who is a regular reader of the blog had told him that one thing comes through loud and clear - that I love Robbie very much. I'm pleased about that. Maybe we are a bit of an unconventional couple, but it works and that is all that matters. 


All the coverage about leap year made me wonder what I was doing on Feb 29th on previous leap years and how much things have changed. This was my blog post from Feb 29th 2004, our 'nameless' son was 9 then. 

"the 'son with no name' gave me the most extraordinary reason to avoid having a bath, apparently if children are clean witches can smell the children but if they are dirty the witches just smell the dirt and the children are safe. I was tempted to point out to him that with all his aftershave, body spray and deodorant a witch would have problems breathing, never mind smelling! He claims that he got this information from reading The Witches by Roald Dahl, he was a bit obsessed by the book a while ago. Last year he became convinced that a teacher at his school was a witch because she had a little mole or wart at the side of her nose. No one could convince him that he was wrong and for the whole year he lived in fear of her turning him into a mouse. The problem has been solved this year because that teacher does not teach him.

'the nameless one' had a very stern talk with me this morning. It seems he finds his nicknames embarrassing (he has several), he has insisted that I must not reveal his nicknames to anyone else and I must only ever call him by his own name or Flash! I will try my best, but old habits are hard to break".



How times change! We can't get him out of the bathroom now. As far as I know, he he doesn't give a passing thought to witches these days, and he has survived to the ripe old age of 17 without being turned into a mouse. Remembering not to use his embarrassing nickname is still a struggle for me, but these days he would kill me if I called him Flash! That was the name he adopted during his 'spy phase' something which he does not wish to be reminded of.


Most of all the old diary entry reminds me that times change and people change too, sometimes life is tough, but we are a strong family because there is a lot of love and we accept each other as we are, unconventional and unique. I am glad that our son is confident enough to be himself, it is hard growing up with Asperger syndrome and I am very proud of the way he copes.  


Robbie was certainly born an original and I wouldn't change him for the world (well not much anyway!!). He may have a very odd taste in footwear, come to that his dress sense is somewhat idiosyncratic too, but inside there is a surprisingly conventional man. He is honest, strong, determined, hard working and full of fun. It would be so easy for him to dwell on his problems and the things he can't do, but he never gives up, he just gets on with life. I am not sure that Robbie would think that he had much in common with an ancient Greek philosopher, but I am not so sure. Epicurus said “Not what we have but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance” and I think Robbie would agree with that.


According to tradition a woman can propose to a man on 29th February. Thankfully my mum always taught me that a woman can do anything that a man can do, so I didn't wait for leap year!!

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone. Coco Chanel