On a Serious Note

Even when I am feeling sad or angry I try to add a note of humour when I write the blog, I don't want it to just be a rant. Writing things down helps me to process the events of the day and often I can see something amusing in relatively ordinary situations, I hope that wry smile is evident in my writing.

Robbie's disability is a subject that I find especially difficult to write about because I know how strongly he feels about it. He wants to be recognised for his ability not his disability, he tries not to mention the intense pain he copes with most of the time and he doesn't like to draw attention to himself when he is finding it especially difficult to walk. He puts on a brave face and when the pain is so bad that he can't ignore it or when his legs don't do as they are told he relies on dark humour (and a few swear words) to help him cope.

I rarely mention his disability in any detail and when I do write about it I try to be fairly light hearted because he would hate it if I wrote a 'poor Robbie' type of blog entry, but that certainly doesn't mean I don't care. He can't hide his pain from me, I am the one who sees him first thing in the morning when can hardly move, I am the one who can tell at a glance that he is in more pain than usual, I know when he can't sleep because he can't get comfortable and I am the one on the receiving end of his frustration when the pain stops him doing the things he wants to do. Of course I care, I care very much, but I am also very proud of the way he copes and the way he always bounces back and just gets on with life.

So why am I writing about this now? Because there is a very fine line between smiling with someone to make light of a difficult situation, and laughing at someone. What may be appropriate banter in an informal family setting where there is absolute trust may be completely inappropriate and hurtful in a work setting. In fact it could even be seen as bullying! I think Robbie copes amazingly well, he is funny sometimes and there are times when he makes me laugh out loud, but I am not laughing at his disability, I am laughing because I love him and it is easier to get through life with smiles than tears.

Please be thoughtful about the problems that others face, don't be too quick to criticise, don't assume you know how they feel and be careful that what is intended as good natured banter does not cause hurt to the recipient. A few words of encouragement can work wonders if someone is having a bad day