Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.

The words of the Swedish proverb used in the title are very true, but sadly the worries that have been haunting us and prevent me from keeping up with the blog  in recent days cast a very big shadow indeed because the situation has potentially devastating consequences. Robbie has received a demand from CSA/CMEC for payment of almost £17,000 arrears! The alleged arrears date from a period from 1998 to 2001 when he was still living with his ex partner (they even had a joint bank account!) but despite having an open case with CSA (and paying diligently) since 2002 when he and his partner split up, he had never been made aware of these alleged arrears. It is proving almost impossible to prove where he lived in 1998 since even employment records and bank records do not go back that far. The trouble is that CSA do not need to prove the arrears, he has to prove that he doesn't owe it, in the meantime CSA can use all the considerable powers at their disposal to take the money. It is very very scary, we simply haven't got that sort of money so the future looks very bleak. Our MP is helping us, but it is a very worrying time.

The only way to see a rainbow is to look through the rain.

I had a busy day yesterday and as usual it involved dashing around acting as a taxi service for various family members. Then after all the rushing and urgency I was on my own and I had an hour to myself. I was enjoying the unhurried drive home with only myself to please. I like having time on my own, but it seems to be in those quiet moments that all my niggling thoughts fight for attention in my head, things such as wondering how I will ever afford to fix the roof, concern for the health of a relative, and sadness that our dog is reaching the end of her life. It started to rain, nothing much, but I kept having to turn my wipers on and off. Then when I turned a corner and in front of me was a beautiful rainbow, it was very clear and a compete arc and it remained visible for the remainder of my journey. I can't explain why, but there is something meaningful and uplifting about seeing a rainbow and I felt as if I really needed a rainbow in my life just then.


Earlier in the week one of my friends had said that sometimes she felt as if everyone else is busy with their while she is just fading into the background. In a way I could identify with that, I had to put my career on hold and prioritise care responsibilities for the last few years, and it seems as if my life has been 'on hold' for some time. If only I could put the ageing process on hold as well!! For such a long time my life has been focussed on doing everything I can to support my family that I have almost forgotten how to take a little time for myself. Now things have changed, I have a little more freedom and at last I am able to return to full time work so I need to apply myself to the daunting process of finding a suitable job. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. 


I love the quote that I used as the heading for this blog post, because it sums my life up very well. I believe that the original quote was by Dolly Parton


“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta 


put up with the rain."

Do As You Are Told!

Last weekend Dave (the cat) and I had a nice quiet Saturday while Robbie had a fantastic time on a rail tour to Penzance. By the time Robbie got home I had gone to bed so I didn't have a good look at him until the Sunday morning. Most blog readers will know that he likes nothing better than trotting around in his pants - only in the house, it scares the neighbours if he goes out like that! Anyway I noticed that he had cuts and grazes on his legs and when I questioned him he didn't have a clue how they had happened. Robbie's legs are a bit challenging (rather like their owner!) and what would be a fairly trivial cut for most people can be a real problem for him because things take so long to heal, in fact they often get worse rather than better. So it is hardly surprising that I was determined to bathe the cuts and put some antiseptic on them before they had a chance to go bad. Robbie, who still deludes himself that he is Superman, had other ideas and he was equally determined that his legs would be fine without any attention. I gave up on him because I knew that he would meet his match later in the day, and sure enough he had only been at my mums house for ten minutes before a large tube of Germolene was produced and his legs were duly anointed. The tube of Germolene was sent home with us and Robbie promised to take care of his cuts and grazes. Taking care of his legs has involved me chasing around the lounge armed with antiseptic several times this week and until yesterday he was adamant that he would be fine. Yesterday morning he was forced to admit that one of the cuts was now green and nasty and looking very angry and will need to be dressed to prevent it getting even worse. The problem is that he is going on another rail tour in a week or so and I am wondering how to protect his legs from whatever he managed to scrape them on last time - shin pads seem a bit extreme for a rail tour!

Death By Misadventure - Well Almost!

Dave had a near death experience last night and it was partly my fault. My favourite meal is liver and bacon, but I always pick the bits of onion out of the gravy, the onion needs to be there to flavour the gravy but there is no way that I want to eat that slimy stuff so I pick it out. I usually put the onion bits in a little plastic bag but yesterday there was an empty crisp packet at the top of the bin so I scooped the gravy covered onion into that folded it over a few times and put it in the bin. I thought no more about it and in due course I went To bed. The problem is that a when it comes to food Dave is a chap who just can't say no (a bit like Robbie really!) and old habits are hard to break, he was a stray for a long time and he still has a compulsion to rummage through the bins. It seems Dave went rummaging in the bin, found the crisp packet and in an attempt to get the bits of onion and gravy he got the crisp packet stuck on his head. Robbie came home very late from a rail tour and he found Dave sprawled on the floor in the hall almost unconscious with the crisp packet on his head. At first Robbie thought he was dead but when he removed the crisp packet and stroked him for a little while Dave revived and by the time I went down to feed him in the he was his old self again. I would have been devastated if anything had happened to him, I love that cat so much.

Indulging a Passion

Robbie sends me lots of texts. Some are rants, usually these start with the word 'farce' and go on to detail the difficulties he has experienced during his journey. Some are more enthusiastic, they usually start with 'helfire' and go on to provide extremenly detailed extremely detailed information about something (usually railway related) that has pleased him. Then there are the random information texts, they always begin with 'did you know?' Other categories of text include excuses, apologies, loving texts and my absolute favourite, the sort that make you laugh out loud. 


I got one of those 'laugh out loud' texts a couple of days ago, "Just off to Marsh Barton on the bus to get my briefcase serviced :D x x" When you live with Robbie, the ability to filter out his constant chatter is an essential skill. I had probably filtered out whole conversations I vaguely remember him mentioning the word briefcase once or twice, but that is all. I laughed at the text because the way he phrased it made me think of stud farms and such like. I wondered how exactly briefcases are serviced, but I didn't remain ignorant for very long, he spent all evening telling me about it!    


Robbie likes bags of all kinds, he loves his rucksack, but briefcases are his passion and he is the proud owner of a Henry Tomkins handmade leather briefcase. He wants to keep it in tip top condition so he took it in to be serviced. He couldn't stop talking about the fantastic customer service - in fact leather bags and briefcases were his only topic of conversation all evening! 


http://www.htleather.co.uk/catalogue/briefcase/briefcase.html#lite

Another Woman?

The fact that Robbie and I do not have the same surname seems to throw people into a state of confusion especially when it comes to letters. It makes it a little more difficult to address the envelope, so most people either use only my name or they miss me out and just address the letter to Robbie. The other day the postman handed me a rather beautiful looking envelope as well as the usual run of the mill post. I put Robbie's post, including the attractive envelope on the table for him, but I couldn't help picking up the mystery envelope and examining it more closely. It was neatly addressed and the envelope seemed to be hand made from quality paper with just the right amount of decoration on it. It spoke of subtle good taste and attention to detail, the more I thought about it the more suspicious it seemed. Robbie does appreciate quality, but his tastes are quirky to say the least and he is a stranger to subtlety. I wondered if he could he possibly have another woman and if so how did he managed to fit her in to his hectic life?


I made up my mind to be close by when he opened his post and I contented myself with making a mental not of all the jobs that need to be done. It seemed only fair that if he had surplus time and energy that I should benefit from it - by the time he got home I had a very long list of chores. I watched him closely (while trying to feign disinterest) as he opened the envelope, A big grin spread across his face and then he did an excited little dance, it wasn't what I expected, surely he would have been more furtive if he was up to no good? He saw my bemused expression and explained that the card was for both of us, it contained some exciting news from one of our friends - but that is a story for another day!

Who Are You Calling A Nerd??"

I have written before about my elderly mobile phone, it is nine year old and still going strong  - well to be totally honest it isn't exactly going strong, but it does still work. I am waiting to inherit my daughter's backberry she has just got an iphone and has kindly offered mum her old phone. Anyway my present phone works well enough to cope with a few texts every day, mostly texts from Robbie. I still get teased my texts, my son looks at me shakes his head and says "Mother, you are the only person in the world who writes a text in whole sentences with punctuation!". It seems that I can't win because Robbie moans at me for using templates and tells me to make my texts more personal, but this post is not really about my writing style, it is about Robbie's texts.


Robbie can be very persuasive especially when he wants to convince me that I want to get up before the birds on as Saturday morning and spend the whole day travelling on trains. I got one of those kind of persuasive texts from him one day last week, a subtle blend of flattery, temptation and pleading because he wanted me to play trains with him on Saturday. Te odd thing was that the final word of the text "nerd" was rather insulting and not in the 'Uriah Heep' style of the rest of the text. I responded with "Did you call me a nerd" and there was rather a long silence before I go a rather embarrassed response. Apparently he thought he was sending an emoticon, but because my phone is like me (a bit behind the times) it just named the emoticon rather than creating a winking face or whatever it was. I have warned Robbie to be careful who he sends these things to, otherwise his texts could contain unexpected insults!

Shopping for the Cat

Robbie has his funny little ways. I have written before about him talking to the animals and even attempting to teach the cats to tell the time, but it is becoming silly now. He has taken the Dr Doolittle thing one step further, he now claims to speak for the cats! He really doesn't need to, both cats are quite capable of making their feelings very clear. When Robbie is cross with Oreo he hides under the bath (the cat not Robbie, Robbie wouldn't fit under the bath!) but Dave stands his ground and swears back and if Robbie points at him Dave raises his paw to remind Robbie that what he lacks in teeth he makes up for in claws! Dave is my cat and as far as he is concerned Robbie should know his place. He hates Robbie to sit next to me or to hug me and if Robbie is brave enough to try Dave pushes his way between us and sits there defiantly until Robbie moves away. I accept that Dave can communicate eloquently with Robbie and I understand they both have more than a passing interest in food, but this is going too far. According to Robbie, Dave prefers me to buy his cat food from Tesco (not my usual supermarket), he would prefer it to be in a foil tray rather than in a pouch and he would like more of the fish flavours and less of the meat flavours. Apparently his lack of teeth makes our usual brand of cat food a bit of an effort for him. Really? I find that hard to believe, this is the cat who can steal and eat a whole sausage, he likes nothing better than climbing into the bin to forage for treats and when we bring the shopping home he will rip open anything that takes his fancy if we take our eyes off him for a second. I suspect Dave's sudden interest in supermarket shopping has more to do with Robbie's preferences than the cat's! 

The Glass Magnet

After having a week off together last week I had very mixed feelings about Monday because Robbie was going back to work (I had an extra day because of the bank holiday). Having Robbie around 24/7 can be challenging at times and occasionally I long for a bit of peace, but I am always sad when our holidays come to an end. I wasn't best pleased about the early start either! 


Robbie is a bit annoyed with me at the moment. He knows that it is unreasonable to get cross about it but, he doesn't like his routine to be changed even in smallest changes upset him. I have bought 6 new drinking glasses without seeking his approval. I really didn't think I needed to consult him about spending the grand sum of £2, but I had forgotten how particular he is about deciding on the exact size and shape of everything in the kitchen. By his standards he did well at hiding his annoyance, but we had an hour or so of sulking and stomping before he resigned himself to accepting the new glasses.  


We wouldn't have needed new glasses at all if Robbie hadn't had such a smashing time recently. I wouldn't exactly say that he is clumsy, it is more a case of things not getting out of his way quickly enough! He has wiped out two glasses and a railway mug in just over a week. That isn't such a big deal but he is like a magnet to glass and every time something gets broken he manages to cut himself. He doesn't have as much feeling in his feet as other people so that is probably why he treads on the glass in the first place. Sometimes the first hint of injury is a trail of blood leading to Robbie, at other times he does something resembling a native American war dance with corresponding sound effects as he hops into the lounge to sit down. Either way the result is the same, me on my knees picking glass out of his foot, then on my hands and knees in the kitchen with the dustpan and brush trying to pick up every speck of glass. I wish someone would design glass proof socks, preferably multicoloured ones that would appeal to Robbie.   

How to Transport a Banana?

Yesterday Robbie and I went shopping to buy birthday presents for my daughter who will be 20 very soon. It gets harder to choose presents as they get older, I have fond memories of the days when the whole thing could be sorted in one trip to Toys R Us. We went to Home Sense to look for a couple of items that I can't name here for obvious reasons. I thought I was fairly safe taking Robbie to a shop that sells household goods but as so often when it comes to Robbie I was wrong!


The first thing that he spotted was a large and truly hideous clock that he thought would look perfect in our lounge - believe me it wouldn't! He was just on the cusp of a strop, the bottom lip started to jut out and he gave me the look so I thought it would be best to distract him by heading up to the cookware department. As we got to the top of the stairs I realised that I had to keep him away from the bed linen section because they had Kath Kidston designs and he would want to buy a new duvet set if he saw it, he loves Kath Kidston designs. Amazingly I managed to avoid that section, but that didn't keep him out of trouble.


I was looking at the baking section when in his usual loud voice he called to me to say that he needed a banana carrier. I tried to ignore it but that just made him louder, he informed anyone listening that he has been having a lot of trouble with his bananas getting bruised! It was a pointless conversation because they didn't sell banana cases, but once he got going he wouldn't shut up. Thankfully his attention was taken up with a two book set about the history of Lego and Lego Mini Figures. He was so excited that it was embarrassing, I agreed to buy him the book in the hope that it would keep him quiet.


When we got home he started researching banana carriers. He informed me that you can buy blow up ones that look really good. I informed him that there was no way that he was having a blow up banana carrier because he would probably get himself arrested. Just in case he was in any doubt I made it absolutely clear that if he bought a banana carrier I had no intention of taking a tape measure to Morrisons with me to find bananas of the correct shape and size!!