Well, Robbie threatened to do it yesterday and he actually did the deed today - he wore his shorts. In order to let me adjust gradually he wore his most sober pair, but it seemed a bit strange to see his very white legs on public display after all these months. Believe it or not he managed to tear his other pair of PJ's this morning, he was so cross with himself about it. He tore his other pair a while ago and he has only recently replaced them. When he told me how much they cost I could hardly believe it, they must be stitched with gold. He says they are not as good as the previous pair, so this time he want's to get the replacement pair from Gap. I always thought that stood for 'Gay and Proud' - but whatever floats his boat!
Megan has rolled and is polluting the atmosphere with the pervasive aroma of fox. Since she idolises Robbie, he can have the pleasure of showering her. This usually results in a clean dog, a devastated bathroom and a drenched and very dirty person.
Emily went away for the weekend to Gateshead with the County Youth Concert Band to take part in the National Concert Band Festival - and they got the gold award! Emily said Gateshead seemed a bit grim, but she liked what she saw of Durham.
Robbie has been playing with his latest toy - his usb turntable. He is delighted with it and has been busily adding to his i-tunes play list. He is woefully ignorant about certain types of music, I can't believe that he muddled Lonnie Donnigan up with Val Doonican! And before anyone criticises my taste in music, I must point out that a certain Mr B absolutely had to have The Funky Gibbon by the Goodies in his collection.
Saturday, 16 February 2008
Words of Advice 01.04.07
I hear that a certain loud and opinionated 'mcp' of Robbie's acquaintance had recently revealed that he is not getting any female attention. He is obviously a slow learner if he has only just worked out that he is not impressing the opposite sex, but perhaps I can offer him a few pointers. Admittedly nature has not been kind to him, he will never be an adonis but at present he makes Homer Simpson seem refined, so despite his limited resources a few simple changes may help.
1. Be clean and smart, wear modest quantities of (quality) aftershave and avoid alarming hair styles/colours. Have a good look in the mirror, realise your wife has to look at that every day!
2. Search the house somewhere you will find an iron and an ironing board - learn to use it! It will win loads of brownie points!
3. Look around the kitchen, you should find a kettle, a cooker and a washing machine, learn to use those too, pamper your wife a bit.
4. Have another look around the house, you will find a hoover, a toilet brush, cleaning materials - none of these are labelled women only - USE THEM!
5. Put the TV remote control down - it is not a phallic symbol!
6. Be quiet, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it. You may be the only person who likes hearing your voice. Listen to what your wife wants to talk about and show an interest in what she is talking about.
7. Forget the sexist comments (unless you enjoy celibacy). Remember what you saw in the mirror, don't make matters worse!
8. Learn some manners - and use them. Complement your wife on her hair or outfit, but don't go over the top.
9. Be thoughtful, do things that she enjoys sometimes, remember she may not find football on TV much of a turn on!
10. Be careful what you eat/drink, beer and curry are a big turn off - so is flatulence.
Follow this advice and with a bit of luck and a darkened room you may (eventually) get lucky!!
1. Be clean and smart, wear modest quantities of (quality) aftershave and avoid alarming hair styles/colours. Have a good look in the mirror, realise your wife has to look at that every day!
2. Search the house somewhere you will find an iron and an ironing board - learn to use it! It will win loads of brownie points!
3. Look around the kitchen, you should find a kettle, a cooker and a washing machine, learn to use those too, pamper your wife a bit.
4. Have another look around the house, you will find a hoover, a toilet brush, cleaning materials - none of these are labelled women only - USE THEM!
5. Put the TV remote control down - it is not a phallic symbol!
6. Be quiet, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it. You may be the only person who likes hearing your voice. Listen to what your wife wants to talk about and show an interest in what she is talking about.
7. Forget the sexist comments (unless you enjoy celibacy). Remember what you saw in the mirror, don't make matters worse!
8. Learn some manners - and use them. Complement your wife on her hair or outfit, but don't go over the top.
9. Be thoughtful, do things that she enjoys sometimes, remember she may not find football on TV much of a turn on!
10. Be careful what you eat/drink, beer and curry are a big turn off - so is flatulence.
Follow this advice and with a bit of luck and a darkened room you may (eventually) get lucky!!
Help 29.03.07
This morning while I was still half asleep I made a seemingly innocent remark, I said that I hated milk floats, because they drive slowly, park inconsiderately, obstruct traffic and they wake me up at a ridiculously hour when they deliver to my neighbour. I observed that country milk deliveries were done in a more suitable vehicle that could drive at a sensible speed and was capable of getting out of my way. Fool! I had unwittingly prompted a monologue on the power supply of the milk float. This lead seamlessly on to power issues with pendolinos, and on to dual power, this in turn lead to a quick detour to French railways and back to the Magic Roundabout. Yes, I did say the Magic Roundabout! You must be wondering how he managed to make that connection - me too! He made a rumbling growling sort of noise that sounded like the agonised moaning from a constipated cow. I said he sounded like Ermintrude, but apparently it was his impression of a class 92 starting up! By this time I was begging for silence, but I still had a lot more 'verbal' to 'enjoy' - it began with the third rail and ranged on and on over miles of track and every conceivable power problem ever encountered on the railways.
Baffled by Technology 28.03.07
Robbie seems to be in shock after tidying his desk on Monday. Apparently he has even admitted to being baffled by technology, usually it is the other way around - technology is baffled by him! He loves his gadgets and geeky stuff and I suppose I do too, but sometimes I have to beg him to shut up! I like to know how things work, but the intricate detail that Robbie treats me to leaves me begging for mercy. My mum brought me up to believe that a woman could do anything better than a man for two reasons, we think about it first and we read the instructions!! She was absolutely right of course, she was almost always right (that’s where I get it from!). Robbie knows a huge amount about computers etc, but he doesn’t always find the simplest way to achieve things. Being a train person his attitude seems to be ‘why go from A to B when you could go the scenic route via C,D,E and F’ Fair enough for train spotting and certain other activities, but when applied to computers, cooking or most other daily activities it can be infuriating!
Robbie has a dreadful sense of direction and his map reading in the car always causes a heated argument. He has the attention span of a goldfish and rather than following the map he tells me the route the train would take, or he gives detailed train time or he manages to remember when the line closed to passenger traffic and how long freight continued after that! All very interesting I suppose, but not when it causes me to miss my turn and travel miles out of my way. He has even caused me to make an emergency stop (not recommended on the motorway) when he yelled LOOK at the top of his voice. I thought he was warning me of a hazard, but he had only spotted a train in the distance!
I shouldn’t moan, listening to his stories about his work mates it is clear that some of their wives have far worse to put up with!
Robbie has a dreadful sense of direction and his map reading in the car always causes a heated argument. He has the attention span of a goldfish and rather than following the map he tells me the route the train would take, or he gives detailed train time or he manages to remember when the line closed to passenger traffic and how long freight continued after that! All very interesting I suppose, but not when it causes me to miss my turn and travel miles out of my way. He has even caused me to make an emergency stop (not recommended on the motorway) when he yelled LOOK at the top of his voice. I thought he was warning me of a hazard, but he had only spotted a train in the distance!
I shouldn’t moan, listening to his stories about his work mates it is clear that some of their wives have far worse to put up with!
Clear Desk - Or Not? 27.03.07
At the weekend I gave Robbie a bit of a hard time regarding the state of his desk at work. After some initial reluctance he succumbed to a little bribery and he agreed to sort it by Wednesday morning. When he arrived home yesterday he said the job was complete, I expect the poor desk will be a bit sensitive to daylight after this long! I threatened to send him with a duster and polish this morning so that he could put the final touches to it. When I was at school we used to have to take a duster and polish in on the last day of each term to clean our desks, of course they were the old fashioned sort of desks with lids and real inkwells. The highlight of each new term was being issued with a pristine piece of pink blotting paper, by the end of the first week it would be tatty and disreputable, but that didn’t seem to matter. New exercise books evoked just as much pleasure, but they were marred all to soon by the inevitable inkblot or spelling mistake. In those dim distant days we didn’t even imagine computers, spell checks and all the other wizardry that we now take for granted. Anyway that’s enough nostalgia for now. Can anyone confirm that Robbie really has tidied his desk?
Trolley Trouble! 25.03.07
Robbie has been very tired this weekend after his travels last week, hopefully this week will be a little calmer. He has gone to a concert this evening to see Emily in the County Youth Concert Band. He looked really smart and he was carrying the 'man bag' that my mum gave him for his birthday, he looked like 'Man at C&A'. I know that Emily really appreciates Robbie going to all her concerts and Robbie feels so proud to when he hears them play. The band is going on tour to Poland in the summer, but I think that is a bit too far for Robbie to go to hear them play.
Sam has been driving me mad. He has actually been quite civilised and helpful this weekend, but it is the way he dresses that does my head in. He favours the 'un-ironed' look and because he spends hours playing with his pets he is usually covered in dog or guinea pig hair. Overall it makes him look a real scruff, as if I don't look after him. Robbie says that I should let him do his own thing, but I can't stand it, he looks like an unmade bed! He has managed to loose his third memory stick since September, that boy costs me a fortune in lost items.
Robbie was a pain at the supermarket yesterday. Sam was being uncharacteristically helpful and Robbie just couldn't cope with his routine being changed and ended up having a mega sulk! He likes to push the trolley, pack the trolley and he absolutely has to be the one who has to pack the stuff at the checkout! By the time we got home I needed half an hour 'me time' to avoid harming him. Maybe we will have to give home delivery another try!
Sam has been driving me mad. He has actually been quite civilised and helpful this weekend, but it is the way he dresses that does my head in. He favours the 'un-ironed' look and because he spends hours playing with his pets he is usually covered in dog or guinea pig hair. Overall it makes him look a real scruff, as if I don't look after him. Robbie says that I should let him do his own thing, but I can't stand it, he looks like an unmade bed! He has managed to loose his third memory stick since September, that boy costs me a fortune in lost items.
Robbie was a pain at the supermarket yesterday. Sam was being uncharacteristically helpful and Robbie just couldn't cope with his routine being changed and ended up having a mega sulk! He likes to push the trolley, pack the trolley and he absolutely has to be the one who has to pack the stuff at the checkout! By the time we got home I needed half an hour 'me time' to avoid harming him. Maybe we will have to give home delivery another try!
The Wanderer Returns 24.03.07
The wanderer finally returned late on Thursday evening, still clinging to his story that phones don't work in Ireland. At first he alleged he was busy with exhausting but productive meetings, maybe but it wasn't the full story! Mr talkative soon fell into a heffalump trap. He had indeed sampled the local brew and enjoyed 'networking' with colleagues from other areas. Judging by the number of photos and he found ample time for cranking too, it was just phoning home that proved too taxing for him!
He was late home last night too, apparently he went to a leaving 'do' at Crewe, he seems to be catching up on his sleep today, so he has not had much to say about Crewe yet
He was late home last night too, apparently he went to a leaving 'do' at Crewe, he seems to be catching up on his sleep today, so he has not had much to say about Crewe yet
The 'Dying Fly' 22.03.07
I can't tell you how Robbie is getting on in Ireland as apparently they don't have telephones! Sam has been unwell all week with a very sore throat and a constant headache, he had a day off school on Tuesday and he was very reluctant to go back yesterday, even the snow this morning hasn't provoked any enthusiasm from him. I am sure he is ill, but the problem is that it is impossible to tell how ill. He is an expert at the 'dying fly' routine and we are treated to the same academy award winning performance for 'finger ache' as for something serious. So I have spent this week worried about making the wrong decision and being told that I am a terrible uncaring mum. Why is life never simple?
Heading for Ireland 21.03.07
Robbie has gone to Ireland and he has managed to leave me absolutely furious with him. Last night I went to bed shortly before midnight, it was cold an it took me a while to get to sleep. When I finally did fall asleep he woke me up twice, first to tell me he couldn't find his passport and then when he got into bed he kept flapping the covers around and I was freezing again! This morning he had to leave before 5am but believe it or not he woke me twice. Once when he sat so heavily on the bed to put his socks on that I was practically bounced out of the bed. Then just as I had drifted back to sleep, he woke me again because he had lost his memory stick! Amazingly he left the house unharmed - but a little wiser!!
Earth Alerts 19.03.07
Robbie helped with the meal this evening. He got so stressed when trying to dish up the spaghetti, he was hopeless.
He has discovered a web site that gives a daily update on 'earth alerts', things like volcanos, earthquakes etc! He almost drove me mad with it this evening, if he doesn't shut up I think he may be in danger of a volcano erupting much closer to home!!
He has discovered a web site that gives a daily update on 'earth alerts', things like volcanos, earthquakes etc! He almost drove me mad with it this evening, if he doesn't shut up I think he may be in danger of a volcano erupting much closer to home!!
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