Well, it is almost New Year again and very soon I will be heading for refuge in the bedroom, because I can't face almost two hours of Jools Holland (two minutes would be too much for me!). Robbie loves Hootenanny, so I leave him in peace to enjoy it while I enjoy an early night.
At this time of year it is traditional to make New Year Resolutions about things that we intend to change in our lives but usually I don't bother with such things. This year is different, this year I finally reached the point of saying enough is enough and standing up to a bully. For 27 years I have tolerated her insults, lies, criticism, and abuse I have finally given up. I tried my best but it was never good enough, I even made excuses for her behaviour, I thought that if I turned the other cheek and did my best to please her she would change. I was wrong of course I should have stood up to her years ago because she saw my kindness and my willingness to forgive as weakness, I was rewarding her bad behaviour. It is bad enough that she thought it was okay to treat me badly in so many different ways, but a few weeks ago she crossed a line and this time I will not forgive her, I will not let her hurt me and cast a shadow over my family any more. I felt sorry for her because had lost so much already, but, now she has lost everything.
I hope she will live to regret her behaviour, but somehow I doubt it because she is just a bitter and twisted bully. I don't have room to hate her, I don't feel anything at all for her now except relief that I don't have to waste any more time on her. She has caused untold hurt to so many people but in the end she is the looser, she has alienated everyone and she faces a lonely and bitter future. As far as I am concerned she has been left firmly in the past and I look forward to the New Year thankful that I have the love and support of my family and friends
I'm not a great fan of new year celebrations, perhaps it is because I'm teetotal, or it could be because Robbie makes me endure New Years Eve with Jools Holland, but I think it is mostly because there is a certain sadness in leaving the past behind and looking forward to what the new year may hold. It is a time when we are reminded of those who will not be with us as we look ahead to 2013. Among them are actors and celebrities who brought us pleasure over the years, we may not know them personally but still we feel their loss and miss them.
I was sorry to hear that Jack Klugman one of my favourite actors died on Christmas Eve and his death reminded me that when trying to explain to a friend that I am a bit out of touch when it comes to films and actors my son said "everyone that my mum likes is dead" and I have to admit that it is starting to feel like that. This year we said farewell to Clive Dunn, Eric Sykes, Robin Gibb, Bob Holness, Whitney Houston, Davy Jones, Neil Armstrong, Larry Hagman and a number of others. It is sad to say goodbye, but I am grateful for the memories.
Well Christmas came and went and if I'd blinked I think I would have missed it. It seems as if it passed in a blur of activity, I was so busy at work prior to Christmas and Robbie was away a lot because he also had a very busy period work wise; it was busy at home too because I had lots to do to get ready for my son's 18th birthday on 20th December so it was a challenge to get ready for Christmas at the same time. It all worked out well in the end, somehow everything got done in time, my son had a lovely birthday and we enjoyed spending time with our family over Christmas. I would have been happier if I didn't have to work on Christmas Eve and on Boxing Day, but that's the way it works out sometimes.
Robbie had lots of nice presents including a couple of new additions to his weird and wacky collection of cufflinks, boxed sets of the first three series of Ice Road Truckers, an assortment of railway books (including a very nice book of then and now railway maps) and several items to add to his Lego collection including a Lego train set with a Lego station. Unfortunately he wasn't very well on Christmas Day so his inner child was more subdued than usual - but he made up for it in the next few days!
I had lots of lovely presents too. I had perfume, a David Attenborough dvd (he is one of my all time heroes) and a dvd set that I have wanted for years, The Victorian Kitchen, Victorian Kitchen Garden and Victorian Flower Garden (one of my all time television favourites). I also had a five year question and answer journal, it poses a question every day but the answer may differ from year to year. Robbie bought me a very thoughtful and generous present, and I was very pleased with it, but I had ethical objections to the brand. I really didn't want to tell him, but he worked it out and he was very understanding about it. After Christmas he took it back so that I could buy from a different (better) company. He wasn't brave enough to tell the Apple Store why he was returning it, but I guess if it is that important I can write and tell them why they lost the sale. I haven't quite decided what I am going to buy yet, I don't want to make my mind up too quickly because I am really enjoying 'window shopping'.
I have written before about Robbie's tendency to 'dance' with fury when I irritate him. When he is cross with me and he tries to express his opinion he does this strange thing where he puts his hands on his hips and keeps bending his knees. Then as he warms to his theme he starts flapping his arms and then thrusting one arm forward to emphasise his argument. I sometimes struggle not to laugh because if it was speeded up a bit it really would look like a Cossack dance. I wrote about it way back in 2007 after a particularly frustrating morning with Robbie.
"Now to explain this morning's upset. We got up in good time and Robbie had as long as he needed in the bathroom, so things were going well. Considering they only have fractionally more to wash than women, I can't understand why men need to take so long in the bathroom!
The trouble started when we got to the station, Robbie went to get the parking ticket. I realised that he had brought his rucksack, I attempted to lift it and found that it contained a hundredweight of work documents as well as, diary, ipod, magazines, snacks and all the 'essentials' to deal with any conceivable railway emergency! Samuel has an unhealthy attachment to his rucksack too, he hates to be parted from it, but he has Asperger's Syndrome, Robbie is allegedly normal!
I took his ipod, pager and sweets out of his rucksack and put them in my handbag. When he returned I refused to let him take his rucksack. He would look ridiculous with a suit and a rucksack, I didn't want him to look like a Sherpa! Robbie went mad and had a full scale tantrum in the car park. I won the first round and he thundered off with what I can only describe as a cross between a stomp and a shuffle - if it had been speeded up it would have looked like a Cossack dance! He was impossible and he continued the argument on the train, I was tempted to tip my hot chocolate over him, but it was too expensive to waste. It took him until almost lunchtime to recover his temper - so much for Valentine's Day!"
Last night I woke at about 3am when Robbie shouted out and then leapt out of bed. I am not at my best at 3am and it took me a while to become fully awake and make sense of what was happening in the bedroom. The first thing that I became aware of was torrent of swear words fired through the darkness like a volley of gunfire. As my eyes got used to the darkness I saw the silhouette of Robbie over by the bedroom door. As well as the copious swearing he appeared to be going through a series of jerky movements. I hadn't been too surprised by the swearing, after all this is a man who frequently talks to his socks and underwear in the middle of the night (he always has to put his clothes for the next day in the dark because he waits until I have gone to bed - and he always wakes me up!). I gradually interpreted the jerky movements, he was bending forwards and sticking one leg out as if he was pushing his heel into the floor, it looked like a robot doing a Cossack dance, but it was cramp and Robbie was in agony!
I felt so useless because nothing that I could say or do would help. He often gets cramp at night, but I think the pain was more severe last night. It is scary to see him in so much pain
Setting up Robbie's new company has involved a lot of hard work but at last all the essential things have been dealt with and we can focus on some of the tasks that we had been putting off until we had time. One of those jobs was to choose a suitable office chair for Robbie, so one day last week I rang Verve Workspace for advice about the best choice of chair. They offer a wide range of chairs (as well as a diverse range of other quality office furniture) and they suggested that we should pop into their office so that Robbie could try some of the chairs. It sounds simple enough, but with Robbie nothing is simple!
When we got to their office Robbie was very impressed by the quirky design features. He hardly had a chance to react to the life sized sheep in the reception area, before he spotted an old red phone box set into the wall. Steve Allen, the owner of the company showed Robbie around. The phone box opened to reveal a walk in cupboard, then Steve showed him the kitchen, it has a map of London printed on the floor covering and it looks amazing. Robbie loved the boardroom which has a very bright spacious feel, one wall is painted with a special paint so that you can write on it as if it is a white board. Everywhere he looked there was something else to admire, so it was very hard to get him to focus on chairs but eventually he tried out a selection of chairs and he chose one that would give him plenty of support for his back.
He was very happy with his choice and I thought that the hard part was over - but I was wrong, he still had to choose the colour and fabric for the chair. He was given a chart with colour and fabric samples, he had a whole rainbow of colours to choose from, but being Robbie he chose the loudest, brightest red. He had got that determined look in his eye, but this was one of those occasions rare occasions when I was even more determined that Robbie wasn't going to get his own way. I can't live with a red chair, it would be like a permanent party political broadcast! Tense negotiations followed and Robbie drove a hard bargain, when it was clear that my veto on the red chair would not we lifted he insisted having his chair in a bright 'leprechaun' green instead. Unfortunately they don't make covers for office chairs, but I think it will be covered in a dust sheet when not in use because I am not a fan of green.
So now we are awaiting delivery of the chair and a large 'industrial strength' bookcase to replace the one that has collapsed under the weight of the Burgess book collection. It will be lovely to have things looking more organised.
There is more information about the Verve Workspace Offices on their blog
I expect people will be wondering why there have been no blog posts for a couple of weeks. I have been ill and I just haven't had the stamina to do much more than deal with the daily essentials. The killer cough has continued with no sign of improvement and then about ten days ago the nagging pain under my right arm in the side and back of my chest got a lot worse and I decided that it was time to take myself back to the doctor, because I just couldn't cope. So on the Friday morning I found myself sitting in the waiting room trying my hardest not to cough and hoping that the doctor would understand just how bad I was feeling.
After about five minutes a woman (aged about 70) came into the waiting room and parked herself next to me, we exchanged smiles, I wasn't really in the mood for small talk but the woman had other ideas. She was the sort of person that my mum would describe as 'vaccinated with a gramophone needle' she lacked an 'off button' and she chatted happily without stopping for breath. Within minutes I she had told me about he career as a nurse, her (now ex) husband's insatiable sexual appetite, his misbehaviour with an implausibly large number of women and his even more implausible excuses. She paused for breath and I was just wondering how I could possibly respond without encouraging further conversation when she turned to me and asked if I was ready to meet my maker. I opened my mouth to respond but she didn't give me a chance, she went on to warn me about the evils of America and the signs that suggest to her that the end of the world and the second coming will happen sooner than people expect. She said that she goes to church every day to make sure that she will be ready when the time comes and she warned me to ensure that I didn't not spend eternity in a cold grave. This was my chance to get a word in, I said that I intend to be cremated when the times comes, so I don't anticipate any problems with feeling cold! I knew instantly that I should have stayed quiet, the woman took a huge breath and opened her mouth to respond, but at that moment the doctor opened her door and called my name so I was able to escape.
The doctor said that my chest was clear but because I'd been struggling with the cough for 9 weeks she put me on steroids and a course of antibiotics and sent me for a chest x-ray. So after queueing at the chemist I took myself to the hospital to have an x-ray. Thankfully the other people in the waiting room were not very talkative and after sitting quietly for five minutes I was called in for my x-ray. It was all over very quickly and I could head home and curl up in the chair for a little while.
The 7 day course of steroids and antibiotics helped a little bit, but the symptoms got worse again as soon as I stopped taking the tablets. The pain under my arm on the right side of my chest has been steadily getting worse too so I when I went back to the doctor I was desperate for some answers. My x-ray had revealed a rather confusing picture, there was a shadow or something hard to identify on my right lung and something is pushing or pulling my diaphragm up which in turn is restricting the capacity of my right lung. So I am now awaiting an appointment with a consultant to try to work out what is going on and it looks as if I am going to have to put up with this cough for a few more weeks at least.
Well, last week was quite a week! Robbie announced his new venture to the world and after spending a couple of days earlier in the week 'getting all his ducks in a row' concerning the admin side of his company he is now hard at work. It was nice having him at home for a week or two, but it is good to get back to something like a normal routine.
Unfortunately 'normal' involves some very early starts. Getting up at 4.30am on a dark and dismal October morning is a bit of an effort, but once I'm up I'm okay. Getting up is the easy bit, getting Robbie out and to the station on time is more of a challenge. He always plans well and has everything prepared the night before, but in the morning there is always a frantic few minutes with Robbie trotting around on 'fast forward' dressed only in socks in the style of Benny Hill. Then having tested my stress levels almost beyond endurance he is suited and booted and ready to go.
It is one of those unfathomable things about men is that they consistently over estimate length except when it comes to journey comes to journey times - then they think they can achieve the impossible! Robbie seems to forget that I drive a Ford Galaxy not a time machine. He is so precise when it comes to train planning, so why can't he cope with allowing enough time for a car journey. His habit of providing time checks during the journey does nothing to ease my stress levels, I don't know why he does it but it doesn't get him there any quicker!
Oh dear, the air turned blue this afternoon! A bird decided to wish Robbie good luck from a great height - and it scored a direct hit. Thankfully he wasn't wearing a suit but he was wearing a new top and to say that he wasn't amused would be an understatement. He was more than usually eloquent, well maybe not eloquent but certainly verbal. He lapsed into alliteration on a theme of 'B'; he has been practicing practicing on the cats so he is fairly good at it now and he produced a string of expressive but not exactly original 'B' words. I don't know what type of bird it was, but judging by the mess it created it certainly wasn't a sparrow!
Anyway, back to more important matters, Robbie made his announcement on facebook today, so I am now free to reveal his new ventue
Burgess Rail Solutions Ltd
Robbie bought me the most amazing present today, it didn't cost a fortune but it put a huge smile on my face. I could hardly believe my eyes when I picked him up this evening and he presented me with a 2 litre bottle of my favourite brand of Root Beer. In terms of calories there is probably a whole month of wickedness packed into this bottle but I don't care, I love Root Beer and I feel like celebrating (I don't drink alcohol so celebrating with Root Beer suits me very well). The other good thing about Root Beer is that no one else in the family likes it so I don't have to share! Robbie is happy too because I reminded him that he still has a few bottles of Uncle Stuart's real ale stashed away, we bought them from Wroxham Barns in August while we were on holiday when today was little more than a dream. Back then it felt like a very big step to contemplate walking away from a job that he had loved and a company that meant so much to him, but deep down I think we knew that the time was right to move on.
So much has happened since then; Robbie has said a fond farewell to his friends at Cross Country, closed the door on that chapter of his life and finally after lots of hard work and mountains of red tape the new chapter of his working life has finally begun. I think it will surprise a few people, in fact I think it will surprise a lot of people because there have been quite a few rumours about what Robbie will do next and none of them were right! I am very pleased about the way things have worked out, but it is not my news to share (and I never write in detail about work on the blog) so if you want the details you will have to ask Robbie.
Well this must be the longest gap in writing since I started writing the blog. Partly it is because I have been involved with an interesting little project which I should be able to write more about in a day or two. Mostly it is because I have been feeling absolutely dire for weeks. It sounds so pathetic to be moaning about having a cough, but this really is a hell of a cough. I have had it for at least four weeks this time and I only had a gap of about four weeks free of the previous cough which lasted for twelve weeks. The doctor says that my lungs are clear the problem seems to be higher up, but we are still investigating the exact cause. It always seems to happen when I get a cold and then I just can't get rid of it. Maybe I have to accept it as a very annoying symptom of my asthma, but to cough to the point of passing out or actually making yourself sick from coughing tends to limit your social life as well as scaring people who witness it. Anyway that is quite enough moaning for today, in fact I have probably used up a whole months ration of moans!
Robbie has been at home for three weeks or so and it has been frustrating that we haven't been able to enjoy doing more things together, but coping with the 'killer cough' and the fact that I still had to go to work got in the way of Robbie's plans. It is a bit of an exaggeration to say that he has been at home, Robbie gets withdrawal symptoms after one day without trains and I start to feel exhausted after a couple of days with Robbie, so when he asks for a lift to the station I am always ready to oblige! He has spent a lot of time on trains in the last few weeks and lots of numbers / routes have been ticked off in his little book!
This is his last week of freedom and he intends to make the most of it. On Sunday he had an HST day travelling to the South West and back. I love the sea wall, but I don't love HSTs so I decided that I would be happier at home. That turned out to be an inspired decision because when Robbie got on the train he discovered that one of the cats had vandalised his best Sennheiser headphones. When exasperated with the cats he always resorts to alliteration, when Oreo upsets him he is a 'furry, blank, fatherless, feline; but this time Bernard was under suspicion so we had a rant on the theme of 'B'.
He managed a whole day without trains yesterday but he will be heading off on a train later today and he will probably fit several in several more trips during the week. On Friday we are going to York then at the weekend Robbie is off to a special event at the Bodmin and Wenford Railway.
