How difficult can it be?

What is the problem with thirteen year old boys? For the last three days I have been asking Sam for his laundry and I have encountered every stalling tactic possible. 'In a minute' translates into 'later this week' so I have to ask for the same thing over and over again. He is very keen on his personal space and he hates me poking around in his room, but I always have to threaten to go and get the laundry myself before I get any action from Sam. Last night, three days after my first request, I gave him an ultimatum - produce your laundry within half an hour or I will take up residence in your bedroom. Finally he appeared with a collection of socks and a face like thunder. He dumped the socks next to the washing machine and stormed back upstairs demanding that I should leave him alone. Well, it is a start, but they are just random socks, not pairs. He has two feet, how hard is it to take two socks off in the same place and put them into the laundry basket at the same time? So today I will embark on round two and demand the rest of the laundry, not just the missing socks, but unless my eyes deceive me he also wears pants, PJ's, T shirts and trousers, so there must be plenty more laundry festering somewhere. All this stress just to get his laundry, anyone would think I was asking him to donate a kidney!

Grounds For Divorce!

Robbie scares me sometimes. On Tuesday evening he was watching How to Look Good Naked, he and Sam love watching it, I can perhaps understand why a 13 year old boy would be interested in women taking their clothes off, but judging by the giggles and the school boy banter, Robbie is still very much in touch with his 'inner child'. On the program the woman's photograph was put on one of those huge advertising posters on the side of a building. I was just thinking that I couldn't imagine anything more embarrassing, when Robbie announced that he would love to have a photo of him naked turned into a huge poster like that. As far as I am concerned that would be grounds for divorce! Can you imagine walking out of the station at New Street or Euston to encounter Robbie larger than life grinning down at you in his birthday suit. It would cause mass hysteria with people fleeing in all directions.

Talking of hysteria, there was a fair bit of that going on yesterday evening. Robbie went for his MRI scan, he was very anxious about it and he got himself in to quite a state before the appointment. Afterwards he was very pleased with himself, to hear him talk you would think he had survived torture. I listened for a while, then I reminded him that it didn't involve any pain, nothing was poked, prodded or pressed. I suggested that if he'd survived a mammogram or certain other intimate procedures I would be much more impressed. At least it is done now and he doesn't need to worry about it anymore. We will not get the results for a while as we have to wait for his consultant to contact him.

Living Dangerously

The fact that Robbie has survived unharmed for 36 years is one of life's enduring mysteries. Sometimes he infuriates me so much that the urge to harm him is almost irresistible. The trouble is that he has no sense of danger, Robbie will 'boldly go' where angels fear to tread. When he got home from work on Monday he wandered into the kitchen to find out what was for dinner, within seconds he was telling me that I was doing things wrong! My warning stare didn't work and when he attempted to tell me how to do something else I couldn't contain my frustration, I stormed out of the kitchen and told him that if he knew so much he could finish cooking the meal himself. I went back a few minutes later because he can't make the gravy, but he was still trying to tell me that his way was the best way. He was standing there in his PJ's and I was armed with a scalding hot jug of gravy, only an act of supreme self mastery on my part prevented me from tipping the gravy straight down the front of his trousers!

Yesterday I played safe and made a chicken casserole so that by the time Robbie arrived home there would be very to argue about. Emily needed a lift so I planned to drive her to the station and then take Robbie home. I made the dumplings before leaving the house, but thankfully I left them on a plate ready to put in when I arrived home and I turned the oven down slightly. When Robbie got into the car his first sentence was to request that I would take him to Staples. I asked if we could do it another day because our meal was almost ready, but apparently it was an emergency - he needed to buy a new pencil! I took him to Staples and I'm please to report that he now has a pencil with lead in it! Thankfully our meal survived the delay.

I went to bed fairly late, I was tired and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep. Sometime later 'Thunder Foot' came to bed. How hard can it be to slip into bed quietly without waking me up? In Robbie's case it appears to be impossible! He thumped and bumped around, talked to me, prodded me, flapped the covers about let the cold air in and worse of all he put the light on just to annoy me. You will not be surprised to hear that it worked! I was furious. Once again I was wide awake and it would take ages to get back to sleep, but within minutes 'Sleeping Beauty' was 'Z'ing away, oblivious of my simmering anger.

This morning I expected a 'sorry' and may be a bit of affection. Instead I was awoken by a searchlight and an inquisition, he was accusing me of stealing his knickers! I was quite insistent that I hadn't touched them but he wouldn't believe me. I was furious about not being believed, we are not exactly talking about the crown jewels here, I don't think there is a booming market in second hand drawers. To add insult to injury he then blamed Sam for stealing them - how ridiculous. If I find them before he does he'd better watch out because every pair will have a liberal sprinkling of itching powder inside!

Just in case anyone is wondering, Robbie went to work fully clothed, including underwear. He had been looking for a specific pair, for some reason or other he had decided that he had to wear that pair today. He told me last night that he had to go on a site visit today and he needed to have a high visibility jacket and safety boots. Perhaps he thought he needed his lucky pants as well!

The Way to a Man's Heart - Rice Pudding!

It will not surprise you that when not talking about trains one of Robbie's favourite topics if conversation is food. He often talks about his Grandma and the food she used to cook for him, and one day we got onto the subject of rice pudding and how much Robbie loved it. It wasn't one of my childhood favourites, I liked bread and butter pudding, but apple snow was my absolute favourite. They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so I decided to make him a rice pudding. I was really surprised that my children had never come across rice pudding and they had no idea what it was. Laura was unimpressed by the sight of it and decided not to try it, but Sam (who is very picky about his food) absolutely loved it. As expected Robbie enjoyed it too and asked me to make it more often. Emily was out, so she missed the 'experience' and she and Sam have been pestering me to make it again. I still find it hard to believe that the world has changed so much since my childhood that today's young people have never encountered something as ordinary as rice pudding!

He Cant Get the Lead in His Pencil

I have written about Robbie's obsession with pens and pencils many times, He is particularly attached to his propelling pencil and he always carries a little container with an ample supply of spare leads because he dreads being caught out with no lead for his pencil. I assume he uses it when doing his plans and timetables, I have never asked because I'm scared he would tell me - in detail!

Robbie stayed at home this afternoon because he was feeling unwell, but I had to pop out to see my mum for a couple of hours. When I returned he was in a state of confusion because he could not get his lead into his pencil. It seems a broken lead is stuck in it and it refuses to come out. When compared with the troubles of the world this a fairly minor matter, but Robbie has kept up a running commentary all evening on the state of the lead in his pencil. He has operated on it with a fine needle and other improvised tools, but still he has no lead in his pencil and I have no prospect of peace. I am faced with two choices, either I will have to harm him or I will have to go and buy him a new pencil!

Yet More Trouser Trouble!

Robbie's pledge to work on the garden caused a change in the weather - we woke up to find a covering of snow this morning! I can't complain, when he finally got into the garden yesterday he worked hard to tidy it up. He had to go to town on Saturday morning because he had to return his black suit trousers to Marks and Spencers. On Friday he had a 'close encounter' with his zip and now like Grand Old Duke of York the zip is neither up nor down, not the best way to get noticed! Robbie and Sam headed off to town and it seems they disappeared into a black hole because they vanished for hours. Robbie finally returned without exchanging his trousers, they didn't have his size in black so he has to look in Birmingham next week. He said they had a similar suit in beige that would make a nice change. It would be a change certainly, but he must have taken leave of his senses if he thinks it would be nice. He is not a beige person, to borrow a phrase from my mum, you can wear beige when you are dead. In fact he may as well go all the way and get a white suit, like in Randal and Hopkirk (deceased). At least that would add some comedy value!

While in town he accidentally bought another railway book. It is called Traction Recognition, and Robbie sat reading it and making appreciative comments for ages, anyone listing to the commentary would have assumed he was looking at a top shelf magazine rather than 'anorak's' reference book! Finally the procrastination had to stop and he headed out to the back garden to restore order.

High Speed Chase

When Robbie got home yesterday he was very keen to tell me about a link that his cousin Wendy in USA had sent him. It enabled Robbie to guide the cursor and view the road where Wendy lives. It isn't like google earth where you are looking down on the houses from above, it is as if you are driving along the street and you can look at all the houses. Robbie doesn't drive, and he wasn't very good at virtual 'driving' with the cursor either, one minute we were looking at Wendy's house then suddenly we went speeding off down the road into the next road, and the next - we were practically in the next state before he released the cursor! It is an amazing link and it was really interesting to experience, it was like being able to walk down a road in a country that you have never visited. Well, actually with Robbie in the driving seat it was more like playing The Simpsons Road Rage game, but you know what I mean. Robbie said he would look again later when he had more time, I think he wanted to practice his 'driving' skills in private.

I am rather glad there is not a similar site that allows people to have quite such a close look at our house, the front hedge needs cutting and the hedge cutter is still out of action after Robbie last escapade - he cut through the electric cable! We have a gardening weekend planned, Robbie plans to restore order to the back garden and I need to tidy up at the front. I think we will avoid the electrical gadgets for the garden as far as possible!

National Fig Roll Crisis!

Robbie and Laura went to a gig at last night. The group was Blood Red Shoes, they have seen them before so they knew they would enjoy the music. Laura loves going to gigs with Robbie, but she said his singing was a bit on the loud side last night, the observations about his singing led on to observations about his dancing which Emily described as like a child's impression of an aeroplane, I presume it involves a lot of arm flapping. Never mind, at least he enjoys himself! The gig was tinged with a certain amount of sadness because it was announced recently that the venue The Soundhaus is to close because of nearby redevelopment, the result of a potty planning decision. There is a very active campaign to save The Soundhaus and hopefully common sense will prevail in the end.
Save the Soundhaus

When they got home I'd hoped Robbie had a sudden rush of energy and set about extending my general knowledge. Did I know that that there is a national fig roll crisis? No, I didn't and more to the point I am not bothered in the slightest. When that failed to get the desired reaction he changed direction, did I know that the first teasmaid (also spelled teasmade) was gas powered. No strangely enough I have never wondered about that, but thanks to Robbie I now know that Samuel Rowbottom patented it in 1892. As if that wasn't excitement enough Robbie shared yet more tantalising details about teasmaids, the first electric teasmaid was patented by George Absolom in 1933. There is one thing to be grateful for - I will never need sleeping tablets!

Fig Roll crisis
Fig Rolls in detail

Teasmaid facts
teasmade.com

Bin Wars.

I thought it was about time you were treated to another photo of Robbie in his PJ's! Don't worry there is nothing frightening. I took the photo of him last night, he was sitting in his usual corner glued to his computer with his headphones stuck in his ears. I had been talking to him without response for several minutes before I realised that I was actually talking to myself, he was watching a DVD apparently. I am going to try plugging him in again the next time I can't get a word in, I had almost an hour of peace this evening while he watched his DVD. There is just one drawback, when he had finished watching his DVD he provided me with a detailed (and I do mean detailed!) account of the plot. Somehow he misses the point, if I was interested in the plot I would watch the film myself, but you know Robbie, when he has something to say there is no stopping him!!

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned Robbie's determination to buy a new bin for the kitchen. As you may have guessed it wasn't as high on my priority list. The old one was perfectly adequate but Robbie sneaked out and bought a new one anyway, a very expensive one in fact. Why does something as basic as a bin have to create so much controversy? The existing bin had a swing lid and Dave the cat (who had been a stray before we adopted him) found it very easy to get into the bin in order to scavenge for scraps. The difficulty was that he couldn't get out again and he either curled up and went to sleep in there or he tipped the bin over in his struggle to get out. Robbie insisted that the new bin would be cat proof because it is metal with a press top lid that flips up to give access to the bin. It certainly looks smart - it should do for that price! It took Dave two days to work out how to open the lid, he seems delighted with the arrangement because he can still get in, but the lid stays open so that he can get out again. Robbie hasn't admitted defeat, he now intends to have a 'high rise' kitchen bin to be certain that it is cat proof.

Peace and Quiet - or perhaps not!

I had loads of work to do yesterday, it involved checking information and dealing with unfamiliar subjects so I needed peace and quiet to get on with it. As you can imagine I find it impossible to get much work done when Robbie is around because he is very distracting. Even when he is trying to be good he can't last more than ten minutes without one of his famous 'did you know .......' monologues. Even when he is not talking to me he talks to himself and that is just as distracting. Yesterday Robbie was safely despatched to work and Sam and Laura had been delivered to school so I hoped for a nice quiet morning to get on with my work but thanks to Oreo (our cat) it turned into the most chaotic sort of day.

Oreo is less than a year old and still quite playful, but usually he doesn't cause too much disruption. I had just settled in front of my computer when there was a clatter in the hall and I discovered a rather sheepish Oreo wearing a new stile in feline bridal attire - my net curtain from the hall window! Liberated from his apparel he scampered up stairs while I replaced the curtain. I settled back to my work, but Oreo, who had been doing a spot of bird watching from the hall window had found a better vantage point at the window at the top of the stairs. It gave him a brilliant view of the flat roof of the utility room and the little puddle where the starlings like to take a bath. Unfortunately for Oreo it involved perching on top of a large plant pot containing an equally large christmas cactus, which I would imagine proved rather a ticklish problem. Before many minutes had passed we had a feline Humpty Dumpty, Oreo and the plant came tumbling down making a horrible mess and ruining a pile of clean laundry that was waiting to be put away.

Finally I settled back to work, and Oreo kept a low profile. He amused himself by stalking his favourite quarry - elastic hair bands! It is comical to watch him chasing and sliding on the laminate floor and such an insignificant little thing can hold his attention for ages. After that he and Dave (the other cat) played a very energetic game of chase and managed to sound like a whole heard of elephants racing up and down the stairs. Eventually peace reigned when they both found a patch of sunshine on the hall carpet, the ideal spot for a cat nap. Oreo was soon up and about again, he decided to investigate the hearth and chimney, but finding that he couldn't get up the chimney he examined the vase standing on the hearth instead. The inevitable happened, his head got stuck and a vase with a cat in it rushed around the lounge in a panic, amazingly both survived unscathed. Even more amazingly I managed to finish all my work.