I hear that a certain loud and opinionated 'mcp' of Robbie's acquaintance had recently revealed that he is not getting any female attention. He is obviously a slow learner if he has only just worked out that he is not impressing the opposite sex, but perhaps I can offer him a few pointers. Admittedly nature has not been kind to him, he will never be an adonis but at present he makes Homer Simpson seem refined, so despite his limited resources a few simple changes may help.
1. Be clean and smart, wear modest quantities of (quality) aftershave and avoid alarming hair styles/colours. Have a good look in the mirror, realise your wife has to look at that every day!
2. Search the house somewhere you will find an iron and an ironing board - learn to use it! It will win loads of brownie points!
3. Look around the kitchen, you should find a kettle, a cooker and a washing machine, learn to use those too, pamper your wife a bit.
4. Have another look around the house, you will find a hoover, a toilet brush, cleaning materials - none of these are labelled women only - USE THEM!
5. Put the TV remote control down - it is not a phallic symbol!
6. Be quiet, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it. You may be the only person who likes hearing your voice. Listen to what your wife wants to talk about and show an interest in what she is talking about.
7. Forget the sexist comments (unless you enjoy celibacy). Remember what you saw in the mirror, don't make matters worse!
8. Learn some manners - and use them. Complement your wife on her hair or outfit, but don't go over the top.
9. Be thoughtful, do things that she enjoys sometimes, remember she may not find football on TV much of a turn on!
10. Be careful what you eat/drink, beer and curry are a big turn off - so is flatulence.
Follow this advice and with a bit of luck and a darkened room you may (eventually) get lucky!!
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