On and Off the Rails

Yesterday was such a fantastic day. Robbie had caught me at a weak moment and apparently I had agreed to go to Newquay on the train with him. I like Newquay and I like Voyagers and (most of the time) I like Robbie, but I don't like getting up before the birds on a Saturday morning and all that effort for 20 minutes in Newquay didn't seem like my idea of fun. I mentioned the National Railway Museum to Robbie and before I knew it he'd had the idea to go to York instead of Newquay - it works like magic!

The nice thing about York is that we didn't have to get up quite so early, but it was still a struggle to leave my nice warm bed for a chilly early morning at Northampton Station. The journey to York was nice despite the non existent catering on the CrossCountry service to York. I fell in love with the voice of our train manager, he was a really good train manager too, I could have listened to his voice all day. I enjoyed the journey and before long we arrived at York, the station proved disappointing, very poor customer service and grim toilets. Northampton station may be nothing to boast about but at least we get hot water, soap and working hand dryers in the ladies toilets!

I loved the NRM when I eventually got the chance to see it - it took a huge effort to drag Robbie out of the shop! I headed straight for the Royal trains and I could have stayed there all day because there was so much to see. Robbie enjoyed it too but he wanted to see as much as possible so reluctantly I followed him to one of the other exhibition halls. As we walked in I noticed that the person on duty at the information point was fast asleep, not a good sign! I found it a bit noisy but I really enjoyed looking at everything. It was ideal for me because you were allowed to touch all the exhibits and there was so much beautiful polished wood and lovely shiny metal that I couldn't resist stroking it.

All too soon we were back in the shop on our way out. Robbie was just like a big kid, I bought him a railway book that he simply couldn't live without, as well as a few postcards and a NRM canvas bag. He got so excited about it all and he went out proudly carrying his new bag - I didn't like to point out the likeness to Roy Cropper! We walked into the city to get a late lunch before heading home. I wasn't too keen on York as a place, I don't think I have ever come across a place with so many weird and peculiar people in my life, it was a bit disconcerting.

Our journey home was good in parts, the bit from York to Birmingham was tolerable, the train manager was OK (but not as nice as the one in the morning) but the trolley dolly was totally useless. She was certainly not any one's idea of 'dolly' and she wasn't much good at the trolley bit either. If CrossCountry are paying her to do that job they are being ripped off, maybe she is on some sort of work therapy for the bewildered! I was excited about going on a Virgin Voyager from Birmingham to Rugby, but it wasn't wonderful, I almost got frostbite from the air conditioning and the quiet coach sounded more like the Tower of Babel. For me the last train of the day was also the best, a London Midland green train, Robbie hates them, but it was warm, quiet and comfortable.

We have decided to go back to the NRM very soon!

Bruised and Battered

When Monday morning came it was like coming back to reality with a bump. When the alarm went off at stupid o'clock it was still dark and I just wanted to turn it off and cuddle up to Robbie, but we were back in the real world now. Robbie took a bit of persuading but after a few well aimed prods he managed to drag himself out of bed. Before long he was heading to Birmingham on the train and I was missing him so much. It seemed such a long day and by the time I got home from work I was too tired to enjoy what remained of the evening, in fact I sat on the sofa with a cup of tea, dozed off and tipped the tea all over me, thankfully we have a leather sofa so there wasn't too much harm done - except to my dignity! All too soon it was Tuesday morning and the whole process was starting again. We have had to

make a big effort this week to make time for each other and to make sure that we don't get 'lost' in the routine of daily life, but we seem to be doing OK so far.

We may be back to reality but I still have some lovely memories of our time in Norfolk. I love the picture of the sea defences on the beach at Walcott, I believe they are called groynes. Sometimes the sea seams calm and gentle but at other times the sea is so wild and angry that it becomes scary. Life can be a bit like that too, at least it has been for me, so it fascinates me to see that the wood of the groynes that would have been rough and functional when first put in place have been changed and smoothed by time and the constant battering

of the tide. Now they have a beauty of their own. Things can't always stay the same and sometimes life doesn't turn out as you expect, but accepting and adapting to change can make such a difference.

Mixed Feelings

Sunday

Despite having to head home, today was a lovely day. We had a lazy morning then my mum and step father took us to Mundesley for lunch. I had a roast dinner with my absolute favourite carrot and swede (as well as cabbage, peas and runner beans - I love runner beans too). Robbie is a man of many passions, but that does not extend to vegetables - he decided that good food could wait and he had an all day breakfast! After lunch we said a fond farewell to the sea and reluctantly set off for home.

I felt a strange mixture of feelings, I was very reluctant to leave Walcott and the bungalow and I really didn't want the holiday to end, but I had missed the children very much and I really wanted to see them again. We had a leisurely drive home, no radio, just chatting, it was really nice. When we got back there was the inevitable cleaning tidying and food shopping but we didn't let it get to us. The challenge now is to adapt to reality again while preserving something of the closeness we enjoyed on holiday.

Endings and Beginnings

Saturday

We were up reasonably early to get on with the cleaning and to get our stuff packed up ready to go home. We are not actually going home until tomorrow but in many ways this is the end of our holiday. My mum and step father arrived today to start their holiday, but they have asked us to stay until Sunday to help them with unpacking and such like. I love them very much and it is nice to spend time with them, but for me what made the last fortnight really special was that Robbie and I had time together on our own and I am really going to miss that closeness when we get back.

The things that stick in my mind about today are our three walks along the coast path to the shop. The first walk was in the morning when the bungalow was cleaned and our belongings were packed up. We went to get Robbie's newspaper and other bits and bobs. It was sunny and the happy sounds of children playing on the beach reminded me of the many holidays we spent here when the children were younger and the happy times they spent playing on the beach and splashing in the sea. It is lovely to have memories to treasure but it is important to live life to the full now as well.

Our second walk was in the afternoon, I can't remember why we went to the shop, I just remember walking back and sitting at the edge of the beach enjoying the sunshine and looking out at the sea. I will really miss that view and the walks by the sea. Our last walk was in the evening, we went out to buy fish and chips (you have to have fish and chips at least once when you are on holiday!). The view across the sea is totally different as it gets dark, it has a special sort of beauty. As we came back with our fish and chips the bats were flying over the gardens, we have really enjoyed watching them in the evenings, I hope we can make time to notice and enjoy the little things like this when we get back.

Just Looking

Friday

We had to get up earlier this morning because we wanted to go and have a look at the car boot sale and it started at 11am. It wasn't such a difficult target when you consider what time we get up on weekdays when we are at home, but still we had a last minute rush, in fact it looked as if Robbie would be attending the car boot sale in his lounge wear!

It was a sunny and very warm morning and we enjoyed walking around looking at all the stalls, it was fun. In the end we didn't buy anything, I think we both know that we have more than enough junk in our house and we need to be getting rid of things not buying more!

After the boot sale we went to Mundsley for the afternoon we enjoyed the beach and we had a lovely meal. I am so sorry that we are going home on Sunday, it has been such a wonderful holiday that I would like to pause time for a while and just enjoy being together - but I have missed the children and I am longing to see them again.

A Day in Cromer

Thursday.

We had decided to get up in good time and head into Cromer in time to find a parking space, but the reality proved a little different. Neither of us were in any hurry to get up, maybe it is the Norfolk air, or perhaps it is just the luxury of time, but getting out of bed didn't seem a very attractive prospect. When we finally got to Cromer it was early afternoon, but luck was on our side and we managed to park without too much difficulty.

Whenever we go to Cromer there are certain places that we have to visit, and as usual high on the 'must do' list was a visit to the book shop. You can tell how important it was because Robbie wanted to go there before we ate - very little comes between Robbie and food! This bookshop is special, it has a very good range of railway books at excellent prices, and we always enjoy browsing. To be honest we almost always come away with a few books, but until we get another bookcase we have to limit the purchases because the present bookcases are groaning under the weight of books! Robbie was reluctant to be dragged away, but the prospect of fish and chips at our favourite restaurant finally got him out of the shop. We enjoyed our meal and after a look at the beach and the pier we headed back. It doesn't sound like such an exciting time, but we had a lovely day, it was unhurried and we just enjoyed being together. I suggested that Robbie may like to stop off for a drink on the way back, but he was content to just go back to the bungalow, it really is a very special place, so relaxing.

The Best Time

Tuesday was a very good day, it was so nice to have Robbie back. We didn't do much except for a quick trip to Tesco, it was just nice to relax and enjoy being together again.

On Wednesday we were up very early because we had a train to catch! We had plenty of time to get ready but as so often happens Robbie pushed the boundaries and when we left the bungalow we needed a clear run to get to the station in time. About 5 minutes into the journey a huge farm vehicle

pulled out in front of us, it was moving very slowly and taking up most of the road so there was no way I could get past it, but thankfully after a nerve racking few minutes it pulled over to let us past. After that we had a clear run and we got to North Walsham in time to catch the train to Sheringham.

I had my doubts about going to the North Norfolk Railway with Robbie because I thought I may get bored, but I needn't have worried, we had a fantastic day. I enjoyed every bit of it, but my best bits were travelling in a mk1 corridor coach, the bookshop at Weybourne station and the toilets at Weybourne Station. I have always wanted to travel on one of those corridor coaches with separate compartments, I felt as if I was travelling back in time. I could have spent a whole week in the book shop, it was wonderful, we went back there three times! Needless to say we couldn't resist buying a few books - well more than a few actually! The toilets were really special, so old fashioned and very grand, much nicer than modern day ones.

It was such a nice day and we had so much fun together that I really want to do something like that again very soon and I have to go back to that bookshop!

Delayed

I missed Robbie so much while he was away and by the time Monday morning came I was longing to see him again. Before he went he told me that he expected to be back soon after lunch time on Monday, so I had a plan in my head of what we would do when he got back. I sent him a text when I woke up and I got a nice text back, then as I was getting on with my morning I was thinking about what he was doing and where he was on his journey. I rang him at about 9.15am and I was disappointed to find that he was still at home, but he said he would be leaving within half an hour so I didn't make a big issue of it.

It felt as if time stood still, I was keeping busy and doing things that I enjoyed, but I just wanted him to come back. Just after half past eleven I signed on to the internet and found that Robbie had left a comment only a couple of minutes before. I reassured myself that he must be using his netbook on the train, but when I rang to check he was still at home! I wasn't amused. I had willingly agreed to him going away for the weekend, in fact I had suggested it, but I felt that he was now taking liberties and I made my disappointment clear.

Robbie did his old trick of going silent because he knew I was cross, so I didn't have any more calls or texts from him until around 4pm, I expected that he would be well on his way, but he was only at Leicester! I had to wait until 8.15pm to pick him up at North Walsham, I was cross with him but i still really wanted to see him and I thought I would go mad having to wait so long. Finally it was time to go to the station, I drove off delighted that my long wait was almost over. I hadn't got very far when my phone rang (hands free), it was Robbie telling me to go back. I couldn't make sense of what he was saying so I had to find somewhere to pull over and ring him back. He had got on the wrong train, he discovered his mistake in time to avoid an unplanned trip to Lowestoft but by then he had missed his train! It was like a cruel joke, I had to turn back.

We were finally reunited an hour later. I was so glad to see him that my annoyance was quickly forgotten. We have the rest of our holiday to enjoy now.

Moomins in Norfolk!

Saturday wasn't really an enjoyable day, after a breakfast of bacon sandwiches we set off for the station at North Walsham. It was a lovely drive, but part of me wasn't keen to part with Robbie for two days and he seemed more reluctant than usual to spend time on the railway. It was probably more to do with replacement buses and disruptions to his journey than leaving me, but you never know. On another level I wanted him to go, there were things that he needed to do and I don't want to stand in the way of him enjoying himself.

I decided to go back and clean the bungalow from top to bottom so that I could then go out and enjoy myself. The cleaning didn't take very long, but I promised myself a nice cup of tea and sit down in the garden when I had done the washing. I had just hung the washing on the line and taken my chair outside when I became aware of a number of cars arriving in the lane. My heart sank because after last year I knew exactly what to expect. Within a few minutes six cars had arrived next door and I had already needed to get one of them to move because it was preventing me from getting in and out of the drive with my car. To be fair they moved without complaint, but I knew that parking was only the tip of the iceberg.

Within a few minutes a collection of tents had popped up in the back garden next door and the fumes from their barbecue were polluting the atmosphere (and my washing). I wouldn't be sitting in the garden after all! I wondered if I could stand two days (and two nights) of noise, loud music, constant barbecue fumes and general annoyance. Suddenly with almost no warning a dark cloud appeared and the heavens opened, it wasn't just rain it was Norfolk rain, impossible to ignore. My washing got soaked but that wasn't so important, the good thing was that the barbecue was well and truly washed out and they all retreated inside. Within five minutes the rain stopped as quickly as it had started and the sun came out, so it didn't take long for my washing to dry. I enjoyed my cup of tea inside the bungalow before going for a walk along the beach and then to the shop to buy a magazine.

Nothing prepared me for the sight I encountered on my return. The man next door (who is at least 50 and shaped like a Moomin) was cavorting around his back garden in speedos! It is not a sight that should be inflicted on anyone else! All the visitors were scantily clad too, but they did not offend the eye in quite the same way. I did my best to ignore them for the rest of the day, but even when I drew the curtains at about 9pm he was still prancing around in his speedos. He must be having a mid life crisis or

something!

Robbie's Rucksack

It rained this morning, it was a shame because it stopped Laura and her friend from enjoying the beach before they headed back home. The thing about being here is that rain really doesn't matter, there are still plenty of things to do. I love looking out across the sea when it is stormy, the colours in the sky are amazing and the huge Norfolk sky looks awesome whatever the weather. I have seen some incredible rainbows over the sea, I don't mind the rain because without a bit of rain you don't get rainbows.

When the girls had gone we went for a drive along the coast road to Horsey Mill, it a really nice drive and the windmill is very impressive. Robbie seems to be doing a survey on street furniture paying special attention to postbox design. I am used to his random enthusiasms, but the excitement he displays when he finds an unusual post box is rather disconcerting. It all started when we went to Waterstones the other day, I knew it would lead to trouble when I pointed out the I Spy books - he took a particular interest in I Spy In The Street!

Robbie is getting ready for his train journey tomorrow, as I write he is sitting on the bedroom floor sorting out the contents of his rucksack. I have never seen so much junk and I have no idea how he gets all that stuff into one rucksack, even Mary Poppins couldn't fit that much into her bag! I am really going to miss him, but I'm pleased that he will be enjoying himself and he will be back before I have a chance to miss him too much.

Tired

As you can see this was written yesterday, but the internet connection is so slow here that I have only just managed to upload it.

I can't believe it is Thursday already and I can't believe how tired we both feel, It must be the sea air or something. Neither of us were up very early this morning, but we were not in a hurry to go anywhere so it didn't matter.

I washed a few bits and bobs before we went out. When we are at home laundry is just a chore, but here washing (by hand) is a pleasure because it is so easy to get things dry. There is just a footpath between the back garden and the beach so there is always enough breeze to dry the washing.

We enjoyed an afternoon in North Walsham, it is not far from Walcott and we know it well, but we still enjoy having a look around whenever we are in Norfolk. It is just nice to relax and be able to spend unhurried time together. Later while we were pottering around Robbie came up with his quote of the week. He was choosing a bottle of salad cream, an I was marveling at how difficult he made it. First there was the debate abot glass bottle or plastic bottle, then it was a matter of the shape of the bottle, then he prefers the design of the lable of one brand over another. As far as I could see there was no consideration about price or taste, so I just picked up the light version of the brand he had chosen and headed off with the trolley. I didn't get far, he had a fit because the lable was the wrong colour and I had to swap it to the colour he was comfortable with. He said "the trouble is you don't understand me" but I think from his point of view the trouble is that I understand him far to well at times - it doesn't always make life comfortable for him! He may be hard work at times but he is worth the effort - usually!

Laura and her friend came this afternoon, they are only staying until tomorrow, but it is lovely to see them. They went into Cromer this evening.

Lost

I had a very early start on Wednesday morning, I couldn't sleep and dispite my very best efforts I couldn't wake Robbie up either, so I got up at 6am and watched the sun rise over the sea. I had a relaxing couple of hours enjoying the sunshine while playing with Robbie's netbook - I am so glad he confessed because I have really enjoyed playing with it! There was still no movement fom the bedroom by 8.30am so I crept back to bed, determined to wake Robbie up, but I failed dismally, I must have fallen asleep because it was Robbie who woke me with a nice cup of tea just before 9am.

We had a lovely unhurried morning. Robbie made a cooked breakfast and we took things so steadily that by the time we got around to our after breakfast walk along the beach it was lunchtime. It was so nice on the beach, I was busy taking photos and paddling in the sea while Robbie strolled along the tide line doing his best to keep his feet (and his red converse trainers) dry. We walked a long way and by the time we got back we were both ready for a nice cup of tea, but panic set in as I reached the back gate and realised that I had lost my phone on the beach. We rushed back and retrace our steeps but even after a careful search we couldn't find the phone. It wasn't really the value of the phone that bothered me, and it only contained my pay as you go 'holiday' sim card, but I was sorry to lose it because there were a few special texts on it.

Hours later the loss of the phone was still troubling me and I decided to go and have one last look for the phone. It was small and grey and it would blend perfectly with the pebbles on the beach especially if it was face down. The tide was further in by now so it was hard to be sure about where I had walked and I decided to hust wander along the beach. Amazingly I had only gone a short distance when I spotted the phone on the sand, it was still working perfectly. I am so pleased that I decided to go back because if I had left it much longer the tide would have covered that strech of sand and the phone would have been washed away.

Passions

Tuesday was already planned out for us by Robbie. He suffers withdrawal symptoms if he is away from trains for too long, so we had to indulge his passion with a trip to Norwich by train. He kept a running commentary about each different train that he saw, but I was really well behaved and smiled indulgently as he jotted down numbers. Usually when he does that I pretend that I am travelling alone but I just happen to be sitting next to a random weirdo! I even stood quietly and waited while he took endless photos of trains when we got to Norwich.

We had a lovely time in Norwich, except when we went to Boots. Robbie needed hair gel and I needed the items that I didn't get at Tesco the day before. There was more choice at Boots which caused Robbie to be more vocal about what I wanted, he knew I was embarrassed but he was determined to tease me. I chose quickly and hurried him away as another shopper gave him a very disapproving look. A couple of minutes later we were selecting a different product when the same customer passed us again. She gave Robbie a withering look that was completely wasted on him. He announced (too loudly for comfort) that she was jealous and she probably wished her husband was just like Robbie!

Robbie is a man of many passions, trains are perhaps the most obvious obsession, but there is much more to him than that, so we set about indulging some of his other desires. What could be better than Costa Coffee in Waterstones? It was wonderful sipping coffee (from a mug that was so big that I could hardly lift it) while surrounded by books, the anticipation of browsing was almost as good as the experience itself. We finally managed to drag ourselves away from Waterstones, but t seemed that he hadn't had enough pleasure for one day, so he steered me in the direction of PaperChase. As he looked at all the products he became so excited that I thought he would explode, he was like a kid in a sweetshop. I love stationary too, but I manage to be a little less vocal about it than Robbie!

It was a really enjoyable day out that was only spoiled by the rudeness and poor service of the station staff at Norwich. It used to be a really nice station to visit, but over the last couple of years it has really slipped.

Red Faced

Today was a lovely day in every sense, it was sunny and warm with just enough breeze to make it comfortable. Robbie and I were able to enjoy the luxury of having nothing to do and no reason to rush anywhere. It is so nice to just be on our own for a few days, we really should make time for ourselves more often.

We decided to take a drive to Mundesley and on the way Robbie announced that they were probably having a lovely quiet week at work without him. Perhaps they are, but I am sure he will make up for lost time when he gets back! This morning a casual glance out of the car window set him off on a long and detailed monologue about the history and evolution of water towers, so I am sure he will treat everyone at work to that little gem when he returns.

We had a very happy and chilled time in Mundesley, in fact I was so chilled that I agreed to Robbie having onion rings with his lunch - so we had to drive with the car window open on the way back. We took a slight diversion to Tesco to pick up a few essentials, all was going well until we got to the section with the toiletries and Robbie held up a product and very loudly discussed my requirements. There are some things that you just don't want to draw attention to - unless you are Robbie. I decided to do without the product for now and I made a dash for the checkouts to avoid further embarrassment.

I love spending quality time with Robbie, but a fortnight of undiluted Robbie may be a bit much even for me. So I am sending him off for some respite at the weekend - he will be playing trains among other things.

Confession Time

They say that confession is good for the soul, if that is true Robbie's soul should be in tip top form because he certainly gets himself into some scrapes and he has had to do a lot more confessing than most. His latest confession isn't such a big deal really, he bought himself a netbook without telling me then when he got it he couldn't pluck up the courage to tell me so for the last couple of months he has had to keep it hidden and he couldn't use it. I feel sad that he couldn't tell me, it is fairly trivial really compared to some of the things that I have had to get my head around, but I am so glad that in the end he told me rather than me having to drag the truth out of him. The bottom line is that I love him and nothing can change that, especially something as unimportant as a netbook. We are making up for lost time, since his 'confession' we've had loads of fun with the netbook.

Getting There

Robbie and I had both had a rather chaotic and distracted week in various ways. He had loads of work to get through before going on holiday and my week at work started badly and got worse so one way or other I seemed to be going round in ever decreasing circles. By Friday I was tired and unfocussed and packing seemed more of a chore than ususal. We were up bright and early on Saturday morning but buy the time we were finally packed and ready to go it was past 9am. It felt great to be leaving behind all the cares of everyday life to have a couple of weeks of freedom.

The sat nav behaved surprisingly well on the whole, there was just one non compliance when it told me to turn off the dual carrageway only to direct me straight back on to it! I love Saturday morning radio but we completed most of the journey without Radio 4 because we were chatting, it was really nice. This is the first time ever that Robbie and I have had time away on our own, it feels really odd, but very special. Laura and Sam have gone to Plymouth for a few days to visit family and Emily is busy with her new job - so that just leaves us to enjoy the peace and quiet of Norfolk.

We reached the bungalow by lunch time and once we were unpacked we were able to relax and enjoy the luxuary of time with nothing to do. There is nothing to compare with sitting looking out across the sea and listening to the regular pulse of waves lapping the shore, it is my idea of heaven. It really is special to have time as a couple with no distractions - well not many distractions anyway. Robbie is always interested in looking out at the ships and before long he had the laptop out and loged on to one of his favourite websites so that he could identify the ships and track their routes. It is a harmless passtime, but he was still at it on Sunday morning!!

We have has such a lovely time so far, it is doing us the world of good.

Secrets and Lies

Anyone who knows me reasonably well will know that one thing that I find very difficult to deal with is being lied to. According to my family I have a built in lie detector, and on many occasions one or other of the children has indignantly demanded to know how I could tell that they were not telling the truth. It is not an straightforward question to answer, some of it is picking up on clues, such as facial expression, tone of voice, body language and such like, but some of it is just instinct and experience. If things don't add up either it is not the truth at all or not the whole truth.

Sam is much like his dad, if he is caught in a lie his voice gets higher the more he protests. My brother is much the same, but he also becomes indignant and argumentative when challenged, until his voice is within the soprano range and he has to accept defeat. Of course I don't always know when someone is trying to pull the wool over my eyes. The family still laugh about the time when my late husband Eric 'accidentally' bought a full set of golf clubs, managed to keep them hidden for weeks and even packed them in the roof box and managed to take them on holiday with us without me finding out! I was so cross with him when I found out, but with the benefit of hindsight it wasn't such a terrible lie, it didn't harm anyone else and a set of golf clubs really isn't such a big deal. In fact I am glad that he had his golf clubs, you need to live life while you can because you can't always take tomorrow for granted.

I found myself pondering the whole issue of truth and lies rather deeply recently. It seems it is never too late to learn from experience. I have always thought of myself as a very open and understanding person, so I felt hurt and confused when I became aware that someone I trusted had not been honest with me. Sometimes it takes me days to process a situation in my head (the cogs turn extremely slowly at times!) but if I ponder a situation long enough I can usually make sense of it. Gradually I became aware that much of the blame rested with me, it is hard for people to be honest if there is insufficient trust. If you want complete honesty you have to be open to hear the truth and to deal with it responsibly when you get it. People are what matters most, everyone should have the freedom to be their own person and to do things in their own way. We often laugh at my stepfather because he is quite fixed in the way he does things and he always thinks his way is the only right way - even when he is wrong. When I stopped to think about it I realised that my attitude wasn't so very different.

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but I hope that is not the case. I am finding it much more comfortable to open my mind and to listen and learn than to be kept in the dark. It is usually Robbie who rambles on, but today it is my turn, my thoughts may not make much sense to anyone else, but for me it has been an important, maybe even life changing experience and it has made me feel so much better to reach this point.

A Difficult Time

I have had a lot on my mind recently, lots of things to deal with. I haven't really been much help to Robbie in coming to terms with the loss of his friend, even when you know what it is like to lose important people in your life it doesn't mean that you understand how other people feel when it happens to them. I try, but the truth is that nothing really makes the loss less raw and less painful, it is just that in time you get more used to dealing with it.

My step father's health as been a cause for serious concern recently. He seems much the same in himself, frail but OK if that makes sense, but an annual review at the doctors pick up on reduced kidney function ans subsequent tests and scans confirmed that there is a tumour on his kidney. Yesterday he saw the consultant again and it was confirmed that he has cancer on his kidney and it needs to be removed, leaving the possibility that the other kidney will not cope and he could need dialysis. The future doesn't look too rosy.

I wasn't happy about having a step father. I was a teenager and I felt that it was somehow a betrayal of my dad for my mum to marry again. I didn't really understand until years later when I also found myself widowed with a young family. Finding someone else that you want to spend your life with is a very confusing experience, but it isn't a betrayal, nothing can diminish the feelings you have for the partner who died. It is not easy for the new partner either, living with a ghost is not easy.

It is only with the benefit of hindsight that I can say I am glad that my mum remarried. Despite our early clashes, my stepfather has been amazing, I have had him in my life for much longer than my own dad, and he has always been there to rely on. As well as helping in so many practical ways and always being there when he was needed, he has been a fantastic grandad and my children think the world of him.

We are hoping for the best as far as the cancer is concerned. Like everyone else in such circumstances we need to deal with it one step at a time.

Not Good For The Ego

Everyone knows that Robbie is unique, that's what makes him special, but why does he have speak his thoughts? On Sunday morning was our only chance to get up late, Robbie and I were cuddled up in bed and I thought I had his full attention until he announced the time, then a series of destinations. The local bus had just gone past and Robbie had not only noticed it, but felt compelled to announce the full timetable! Obviously I didn't have his full attention after all!

Trains and Tantrums

About a week ago I announced to Robbie that I was planning a trip on the train at the weekend, needless to say his eyes lit up and he announced his intention of coming too. By Saturday the destination had changed and being Robbie he made sure that we travelled on an HST (but we came back on a voyager because I like them better).

We decided to go to Newquay, it was a choice between Newquay and York, I was rather tempted by a day at the National Railway Museum, but Robbie's love affair with the HST won and we went to Paignton. Getting up on time proved a bit of a challenge, but we made it; I think the idea of breakfast in Birmingham spurred Robbie on! To be fair HST's aren't that bad but I don't like them because I can't sit comfortably in the seats. The base of the seat is too long so I have to sit forward to get my feet to touch the floor, I can't sit back because if I did I wouldn't be able to bend my knees and put my legs down. This predicament seems to cause Robbie a lot of amusement, but it really isn't funny on a long journey. Robbie was infuriated when I said that the seats on the local train from Paignton to Newton Abbott suited me better, but I am racing ahead, I haven't written about going to Paignton yet.

The journey wasn't too bad, I sat there reading my computer magazine and Robbie sat there with his Bakers Rail Atlas, his huge Bradshaws timetable book (or whatever they call it these days) and his quail maps. Just for good measure he had also printed out the timetable and he was monitoring his Blackberry to see how the railway world was coping on his day off. Any minor failure was met with groans and sighs and in the case of the dispatch at Weston super Mare a string of expletives too. Apparently they were very slow and showed no sense of urgency, causing a delay of several minutes. I was watching out of the window and it did seem rather like a Chuckle Brothers sketch and the train manager seemed equally frustrated with the platform staff.

Robbie had ants in his pants and couldn't resist several tours of the train. At one point early in the journey he returned to his seat and announced that there were about 133 empty seats (so there was no reason why the very loud moaning old man who parked himself in First Class couldn't have found a seat). Apart from the annoying man (who eventually upgraded and continued to annoy us all the way to Weston super Mare) the most significant problem was the toilet. The bin was full and overflowing when we boarded at Birmingham, the flush didn't work properly and the water in the hand basin was burning hot. The floor was very wet and this became worse during the journey to the point that I got my feet wet when I went in there. I can almost forgive CrossCountry for their dreadful tea, boring uniforms and uncomfortable seats, but a clean toilet is a fairly basic expectation and one that they keep getting wrong. On the plus side, most of the staff are very helpful and friendly and they do their best to make the journey pleasant.

On our outward journey the train announcements were hilarious, I didn't understand a single word, it was as if the person had been switched on to fast forward, I wonder if they get any training to help them speak clearly and and at an appropriate speed. It was almost as if he thought that by speaking so fast he would make up the time lost on dispatch at a couple of stations. It was a nice journey and as always the view from the window was wonderful around Dawlish.

Paighnton was a bit disappointing, very loud and brash, but we had a nice meal and a walk by the sea before heading back. The station was grim and everything was closed at 3pm when we were ready to head back. There were lots of people there needing tickets and advice so it seemed a bit short sighted to close the ticket office so early on a summer Saturday afternoon. Robbie hated the little local train, but I rather liked it, it was like a bus inside, but there was plenty of room and good provision for luggage.

The return journey by voyager was nice and the train crew were very nice, but guess what the toilet was dodgy. The flush wasn't working and the water at the sink was stone cold, surely it can't be that hard to have functional toilets on trains. New Street station was as grim and unfriendly as ever, they hadn't displayed the platform our train, Robbie had to phone so it was a last minute rush to get to the train, he was very uptight because when they finally listed it they had the wrong departure time. He gave me very detailed account of the sort of problems that such an error could cause - and for some reason or other I felt an over whelming urge to go to sleep!